Chapter Sixteen

AS NOAH WATCHED AJ’S new game of picking wildflowers and tossing them into the wagon, a sense of certainty washed through him. If he wasn’t extra careful here, he would make a huge mistake. He never should have invited Willow and her crew into his Hideaway.

He scooped up a handful of stones and threw them down toward the creek, one by one. AJ wasn’t even her kid, and he’d stolen a little piece of Noah’s heart. Drew had owned a chunk of it since February. And Emma? All it took was one soulful gaze from those big green eyes of hers, and Noah had been a goner. He hadn’t realized it, of course, because said heart had been encased in ice at the time.

The ice was a necessity in the aftermath of the fire that had crushed him. Crushed his leg, his heart, his soul. But then, he’d met the Eldridges, and they’d cracked the ice.

It would be so incredibly easy to surrender to his need to love Willow and make a family with her and her children. He could stay here in Lake in the Clouds, work for Gage in the morning, and come home to Willow in the afternoon.

He could tell her he was all in.

But that would be a lie. He’d never fixed what was broken inside him, and until he did that there was no all in. Not for Willow, and not for himself.

He couldn’t ignore the truth any longer—he’d been living only half a life. And Willow and her children deserved a whole life.

Hell, he deserved it, too.

Noah needed to climb back on the damned horse. Physically, his body was ready. Mentally? The time had come to face his demons and conquer them.

He needed to go back on the job. He needed to do the job. He needed to face his fears and fight a fire. If he didn’t do this, he’d always doubt himself. If Noah didn’t defeat his demons, he’d never be able to promise those precious children with confidence and authority that he could—he would—protect them.

He had to leave Willow to be worthy of Willow. Wasn’t that a kick in the junk?

If—and it was a big if—Willow was even willing to go along with the plan. She may want nothing to do with a man who fought fires for a living. He couldn’t blame her. After all, her precious children had already lost one father. Why risk putting them through that tragedy a second time? Sure, life wasn’t guaranteed. A man could get run over by a car or an aggressive elk in his own mountain meadow, but firefighting was inherently a risky occupation.

When he told Willow he intended to return to Denver and his job until he felt whole again, she might tell him to take a permanent hike. Who knows how long the process might take? And it sure as hell wouldn’t be fair to ask her to pick up and move her family to Denver after she’d put so much effort into making a life for herself and her children here.

But if she was willing to wait for him, maybe someday he could return to Lake in the Clouds, marry Willow, and be a father to her children. Maybe have another kid or two. They could start a new life together. Maybe change the name of the cabin from the Hideaway to something forward-looking. Something bold and bright and full of life.

“Getting ahead of yourself, Tannehill,” he muttered. Way the hell ahead.

First, he needed to talk to her. She’d said she was a big believer in communication. She wanted him to be truthful about his thoughts. He needed to tell her exactly what was in his heart.

He should begin with those three particular words. I love you.

It was a risk. Willow could hand his heart right back to him. But hell, if he was ready to face a wall of flames, shouldn’t he be prepared for this?

Noah sighed and scooped up one of the puppies who’d come within reach. Thor. Cute little guy. He’d miss Thor and Anna when he left, but at least he’d have Marigold. The apartment he’d never gotten around to moving out of in Denver allowed one dog per renter.

So, was he doing this? Was he going to leave his sanctuary? His hideaway? Was he ready? Which was riskier to his psyche—staying here or going home?

Was Denver still home?

He heard the sound of a car engine and turned in surprise. “Genevieve?” he murmured. Why would she be dropping by this early on a Saturday morning? Especially since she’d had a late night herself.

“Oh hell.” This couldn’t be good news. Not Drew or Emma. Please, God, he prayed. He scooped AJ up into his arms and began to run. He arrived at the house after the SUV stopped in his circular drive but before Genevieve and her sister emerged from the vehicle.

Willow stood on his front porch, holding a cup of coffee and smiling at him.

Smiling. Not an emergency. Noah relaxed.

“Thanks for breakfast,” Willow said. “Thanks times ten for the extra sleep.”

She held out her arms for AJ, and Noah handed the toddler over, saying, “You’re welcome. Is everything okay? The kids are okay?”

“Yes. I called the Wheelers first thing. The boys are still asleep, and the girls are playing dress-up. They’re all going to story time at the library at two, and I’m picking them up at three.”

“Okay.” Noah and Willow both called hellos to their visitors. Noah studied Willow’s mother and aunt as they climbed the front steps. Genevieve looked stressed when she returned the greeting, he realized. Carrying a tote bag, Helen appeared defiant. That’s interesting.

They all went inside, the dogs darting in first, headed for the mudroom and their food and water bowls. Willow set AJ down, and the toddler headed for the toy box in the corner of the great room. He struggled to pull a bucket of giant building blocks from the box. Willow helped him, then once he was occupied, Genevieve asked her daughter to come sit down next to her.

“I know you wanted to talk to me, honey, but I beg your patience. I need to share some news and, frankly, I have a feeling that whatever you wanted to speak to me about is liable to be impacted by this.”

“Okay,” Willow began and if Noah wasn’t mistaken, her cheeks began to flush. “That sounds ominous.”

“Don’t be concerned,” Helen said. “Just lead me to the bar. I brought necessary supplies.”

Noah stood beside the front door, uncertain whether he should stay or make himself scarce. “Can I help you with anything, Helen? If not, I’ll head out to the workshop to give you folks some privacy.”

“No. Please stay. We could use some ice and glasses. A shot glass if you have one. I’m making Bloody Marys.”

Noah darted a glance toward Willow and saw that her wary gaze shifted between her mother and aunt. Okay, then. He sauntered to the wet bar at the far end of the great room, where he removed three tall glasses from a cabinet and filled them with ice from the ice maker. Next, he set out a shot glass, a cocktail shaker, and a spoon. Then, he sat on the floor beside AJ and began building the boy a tower with the blocks.

“Don’t you want a drink, Noah?” Helen called.

“No thanks. I’m good.”

Genevieve met her daughter’s gaze and began. “I have some information you need to know. About AJ.”

“Oh, Mom,” Willow said with a groan. “What did you do?”

“Well, as you recall, when you first told me about AJ and Maggie’s request, I wasn’t thrilled.”

“How does one forget that little trip to the ER?” Willow replied dryly.

“You know better than anyone how strong maternal instincts are. How we are moved toward protectiveness.”

Helen said, “Oh, Genevieve, don’t drag this out. Cut to the chase, why don’t you?”

“Oh, all right. Maggie lost her son. She has a vested interest in keeping her grandson in her life. But we only had her word that AJ’s mother had no other family, so we thought it imperative to establish that as truth. So, we investigated AJ’s mother.”

Having made drinks for the three women, Helen plopped a celery stick into each glass. “We did a DNA test, too. That’s why this has taken so long.”

Some of the color drained from Willow’s face. She slumped down onto one of the bar stools. “Why? He looks just like Emma. He’s Andy’s.”

“Yes.” Helen placed a drink in front of Willow. “He and your children are half siblings.”

Willow stared at her aunt for a long moment. “Wait a minute. You sampled my children’s DNA without my permission?”

“It’s a cheek swab. The test was done anonymously, so there’s no record.”

Genevieve said, “We needed to be sure before we took the next step.”

“What next step?” Willow asked.

Genevieve and Helen met each other’s gazes. Genevieve said, “Helen’s research uncovered that Jenna Randall had an older brother. Damon Randall is in the service, stationed overseas at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. He and Jenna have been out of touch for some time.”

“Semi-estranged is the term his wife used,” Helen said. “I called and spoke to her last night after the party. I was going to call this morning, but with the time difference…” She shrugged. “I didn’t see the sense in waiting. We had a lovely call, considering the news I shared.”

“You told her about AJ?”

“Let me finish, Willow,” Helen said. “Damon’s wife’s name is Lisa, and she and Damon have been married for six years. They’re due to rotate home to Edwards Air Force Base in California in August. They don’t have any children, and I sensed that was a disappointment. Anyway, Damon had not been notified of his sister’s death.”

“Oh.” Willow covered her mouth with her hand and grimaced at the thought. “So, you told her?”

“I did.”

“Oh, Auntie. That’s a horrible thing to have to do.”

Ice clinked in Genevieve’s drink as she gave the celery stick a twirl. She met Willow’s gaze and said, “Auntie did not inform Lisa Randall that Jenna had a child.”

“I wanted to,” Helen said, “but your mother insisted that the decision is up to you.”

“Oh wow. Wow.”

Helen carried her drink around the bar and stood behind her sister. Willow couldn’t see it from where she sat, but Noah had the angle. He watched Helen give Genevieve’s arm a squeeze of encouragement before she turned a smile on him. “Would you be a dear, Noah, and join me outside? I’d like you to check my tire pressure. I swear my left rear tire feels to be running a little low on air.”

“Sure, Helen.” He fitted a blue block on top of a yellow, then handed the stack to AJ. “Why don’t you build a house for Emma now, hot rod? She’ll be home soon.”

“Emmie!”

Noah rose and followed Helen outside. As always, the dogs came with him, and as he shut the door behind them, he said, “Am I correct that your tire doesn’t need tending?”

“Smart man. Yes, my tires are fine. Those two need a little privacy.”

“Should I grab the kid and bring him and the dogs outside?”

“No, let him stay. He’s part of this, isn’t he? Part of it, but not all of it. Why don’t you show me this workshop of yours? Drew talks about it all the time. He tells me he’s helping you build dollhouses to burn.”

“We’re building. We’re not going to do the burning part. He’s having trouble getting that part of it through his head.”

Noah led Willow’s aunt into his workshop, and he switched on the lights. Immediately, Helen’s gaze went to the yellow-and-white dollhouse on his workbench. “It’s like Emma’s.”

“I’ve made a few changes in the design, but yes, it’ll be a lot like Emma’s.”

Helen studied the dollhouse before turning an admiring look his way. “And what lucky little girl will receive this when it’s finished?”

Noah hesitated. “I may use it as a sample. Willow is encouraging me to take orders for them at the Christmasin-July festival.”

“That’s a fabulous idea!”

“I’m not so sure.”

“Why not?”

He picked up a paintbrush and tapped it against the table. “I’m healthy enough to return to work. I’m a firefighter, Helen. I think it’s time I go home to Denver.”

She remained silent for a long moment before saying, “I see. Well, I know that will disappoint many people around here, but you have to do what you think best. Have you told Willow you’re leaving yet?”

“No. I’m still not sure of my schedule. I have a long way to go before I’m sturdy enough on my feet to be confident to carry anyone else along with me. I need to try to do this, Helen. Nothing says I’ll be successful.”

She snorted. “You’ll do just fine. That said, if you will allow this old woman to give you a piece of advice? Whatever you do, communicate and be honest with Willow. She needs that. She deserves that.”

“Yes, ma’am. I hear you. You have my word.”

“Do you hate me?” Genevieve asked.

“I don’t hate you,” Willow responded. “I wish you’d said something to me before doing the DNA test, but I can understand why you did it the way you did.”

“Will you tell him?”

“That’s an easy one. I will, and I’ll do it without hesitation or a smidgen of guilt. It won’t be due to any ill will I may harbor toward AJ. It will be because two years ago, my brothers were estranged. If not for you and me and Brooke and Auntie, Lucas and Jake wouldn’t have known a thing about the circumstances of the other’s life.”

Genevieve grimaced. “I have PTSD remembering that.”

“I know, Mom. I also know without a doubt that in similar circumstances, both Jake and Lucas would each want to know that he was an uncle.”

“Oh, Willow.” Genevieve sat back in her chair. “You are so right. I never even considered that point. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it.”

“It’s the PTSD,” Willow said, waving her point away. “How did Auntie leave it? Are the Randalls expecting another call from her?”

“Yes. Helen told Lisa Randall that after she verified the information she was given, someone would contact her with more information about Jenna Randall’s estate. We figured if you didn’t want to say anything about AJ, we’d send a generic box of something.”

“You two are sneaky.”

“You know your aunt.”

“Oh, you hold your own with her, Mama.”

“Thank you, dear. So, we’re good? You’re okay with my buttinskiness?”

“I want honesty. Truth. Zero secrets. I’m done with secrets, Mom. I know I’ve been the villain in this regard, so I have no room to complain. As far as I’m concerned, we’re good.”

“Excellent. So, since that’s out of the way, why did you send up the bat signal this morning?”

“Stop it. That was the mama bear signal.” Willow gave her mother a quick summary of the thought process that had led to her cry for help. “I don’t know how this news about AJ changes anything. I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you know. I think you’re ready. The fact that you sent up the bat signal for me tells me you are.”

“What if I scare him off ?”

“Then he’s not the man I think he is. Better to know that now than before you invest any more of your heart.”

“Mama! Mama! Look!” AJ held up a tower of blocks.

Out of the blue, tears stung Willow’s eyes. “That’s good, AJ.”

Seeing Willow’s reaction, Genevieve reached over and wrapped her daughter in a hug. “It’s okay, honey.”

“No, it’s not. I’m not AJ’s mama.”

“I know, baby.”

“He’s a sweet little boy, but half of the time when he calls me Mama, the image of that woman in bed with my husband flashes through my mind. I think of how Andy lied to me, cheated on me, and betrayed Drew and Emma. How he betrayed our family. I cringe to say this, but I resent AJ, Mom. He’s just a little boy, and I resent him. It makes me feel like pond scum.”

Genevieve chastised her with a look. “Let’s see. Pond scum who has taken that little boy into her home and cared for him and shown him affection.”

“But—”

“No buts. I’ve seen you, Willow. Maybe it hasn’t always been easy, but you’ve been sweet with that boy. I’ve admired you for it. You are not pond scum. You’re human.”

“But—”

“No buts! Tell me there are not moments you don’t resent Drew and Emma.”

“What? I never!”

“Oh, Willow.” Genevieve’s expression turned scornful. “Be honest. You’re a single mom. Minor feelings of resentment are a normal emotion of parenting. They happen to everyone.”

They do? Willow took a sip of her Bloody Mary.

“I certainly had my share. Still do. Why do you think I sold my house and gave away my dishes and ran away to Colorado?”

Willow giggled a little. Genevieve grinned. “Honey, remember what I always told you and your siblings growing up? Life is hard…”

They spoke simultaneously. “Wear a helmet.”

Genevieve continued. “When you’re single parenting, the hard part is amplified. One parent is hard, two is harder, and three—no matter who donated the DNA—is… well… I won’t use hardest, because what do I use for number four? But you get my drift. When you have those minor feelings of resentment, don’t ignore them or they might grow into major ones. That’s when you can develop a legitimate problem. Instead, recognize that it’s time for a little self-care. It’s time to get a babysitter or take a bubble bath or sit down and read a good book. A novel. Something just for fun, not because you need to learn something.”

Willow set down her drink and, impulsively, gave her mother a hug. “I love you, Mom. Thank you. You don’t know how badly I needed to hear this.”

“It’ll be okay if his uncle wants to take him,” Genevieve said.

“I’ll be relieved. Does that make me a horrible person? Maggie will be devastated.”

“Willow Anne! For once and for all, you are not responsible for Maggie Eldridge’s feelings! Maybe if she hadn’t been so selfish, she’d have raised a son who wasn’t a cheating asshole.”

“Asshole!” AJ repeated, having wandered unnoticed over to Willow’s side sometime in the past few moments.

Genevieve clapped her hands over her mouth and said, “Oops. Sorry.”

“Watch it, Mom.” Willow gave her mother a mock scowl as she lifted AJ into her lap. “You don’t want me to have to wash your mouth out with soap. Drew will tell you that is not a pleasant experience.”

“Yes, he will, won’t he? Speaking of Drew, why don’t you let me pick him and Emma up at the library? I’ll take AJ home with me now, too. It’ll give you and Noah a little more private time since Helen and I interrupted your morning. Time for a little more”—she waggled her brows—“self-care.”

Willow clapped her hand against her chest. “Whoa. Did you just offer to babysit AJ? Did the poles just reverse? Did the sun rise in the west and set in the east?”

“I did. You see, I’ve recently been reminded of a great big fat life truth. Living a purposeful life isn’t just about finding balance or being passionate. The things you do in life don’t make life rewarding; it’s the people you do life with that make it your best life. I need to do life with AJ, who is Drew and Emma’s little brother. Face it—I am a world champion nana. So why in the world wouldn’t I spread that love around?”

“Why in the world?” Willow repeated. This time, the tears that spilled from her eyes were happy ones.