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Making out with Holy has the ghosts of my past making an unwelcome appearance. The moment I touch the grooves scarring in his back my thoughts turn to Benicio. My Beni. He had scars on his back. I try not to think about my childhood or him. Especially not him. My first and if I’m honest only love. Remembering him hurts too deeply. He broke every promise he ever made me.
I don’t know if he’s alive or dead. What I want is to forget he hurt me. I grab the cross hanging around this guy’s neck, pulling him back in for another kiss. I didn’t come here to fuck him. That’s not the game I play with the men we roll. We get them liquored and drugged. They pass out before things go too far. Then we take their money and leave. When they wake up, they don’t remember the night before. It’s all a drunken and hazy blur.
This biker. Holy. I’m attracted to him in ways I can’t explain, but whenever he barely looks my way my body hums in awareness of him. I’ve not felt this way since my Beni. He reminds me of how I imagine him as a grown man.
My thoughts go back to the scars on this man’s back. Could he be? Be my Benicio?
Thrusting his hips, the tip of his cock kisses my pussy over my underwear. He feels good. Too damn good. Good in a way that has me wanting to do stupid things like grab his cock and guide him right on in to fuck my brains out right here on the stairs of this pool.
“Hey,” Crystal hollers. "Is this a private party or can anyone join?”
Holy drops his forehead to mine and smiles against my lips before shoving off the steps and back into the depths of the water.
Crystal strips down to her red bikini. The other biker grabs her around the waist and slings her into the pool. Sputtering as she comes to the surface, she scowls at him. “Dickhead. You can rethink that blowjob,” she threatens.
The big dude’s response is a deep belly chuckle. Holy’s made it to the deeper end of the pool and Crystal swims toward me. “Looks like you hit it off with the friend.”
“I guess.” I play it off. The part of this ugly gig I hate the most is guilt. Sometimes I wonder if these men have kids and if I’m taking food out of their mouth. Then I reason with myself that they are assholes who probably cheat on their wives, and they deserve it.
Holy though...there’s something different about him. Maybe it’s simply lust. Maybe there’s a part of me that wishes for once I’d allow myself to feel more. To get close to a man. He was right when he said I’d be hard pressed to find a man who’d sweep a stripper off her feet. I know it happens. It’s rare but there was one girl at the club who married her sugar daddy when she got pregnant.
Lefty went ape shit. Lennox was one of his biggest seat fillers. She was a blonde bombshell. Reminded me of Anna Nicole Smith with her thick curves, large tits, and big hair.
I watch Holy and wish that my life was different. That I was off somewhere living the dream with Beni like we always planned.
This isn’t who I was meant to be. What I would have chosen for myself. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop. The thrill is addictive. So is the money.
“I’ll distract them while you put the goods in his beer. Little three-way action. Know what I’m saying? I already drugged the big guy.”
I curl my fingers inward wanting to punch her in the face. I don’t want her anywhere near Holy. It’s stupid I know. After tonight I’ll likely never see him again. He’s the same as any other john. A means to an end. The rocker on the back of his leather vest says he’s out of West Virginia. Probably passing through. He’ll wake up tomorrow and chalk it up to a drunken night but a good time.
No harm no foul.
“I need a drink,” I announce on my exit.
The other biker strips and dives into the water. I ignore him mostly but he’s a big dude with tribal tattoos that are hella sexy if that’s your type.
I smile at Holy as the shame of what I’m about to do festers inside me like a toxin.
Crystal instigates a splashing war. I need to work quick. With my back to the group, I slip the baggie out of Crystal’s jacket pocket and sprinkle some of the white powder in a beer. An arm snakes around my midsection from behind. Holy’s cock pulses against my ass as he towers over me in height.
A rush of adrenaline spikes through my blood. Did he see what I did?
Holy’s lips move along the shell of my ear. “Why don’t we take this back to the room, just you and me, yeah?”
Nervousness overcomes me and I freeze. Maybe it’d be easier to fuck him and wait till he’s asleep to roll him or not at all. For the first time, I don’t want to go through with the plan. Is it so wrong to want something real? Something for me?
“Bitch, where’s my beer?” Crystal hollers before—I glance at the other leather vest to read his name, Viking dunks her.
I grab the bottle I intended for Holy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why being near this man has me choosing him above all else. Over my only friend. Crystal is going to kill me. I start toward the pool with the roofied beer, only Holy grabs it and takes a hard swig.
“She can fetch her own.” He winks.
I nod as he chugs.
Shit. I gather my clothes. “I need the bathroom,” I announce. What’s wrong with me? Why do I give a shit about some random biker? Is it because he reminds me of my Beni?
“Right,” he mutters and follows me back to the room.
He dumps his stuff in a chair and comes right for me.
“Easy tiger.” I press my palms to his chest.
“What’s wrong? You were eager for my cock in the pool, no?” Holy cocks his head to the side, studying me as his finger grazes along my hip.
One touch is all it takes for me to forget about my real reason for being here. I ignite once more, and he knows it coming in for the kill.
Yeah, the hunter has become the prey.
I’m at his mercy as he shoves me down on the bed. His naked body blankets mine. The two of us soaked from the pool but neither of us caring. I know I’m being stupid and reckless. The head of his dick kisses my pussy lips.
“Condom,” I blurt out.
Holy drops his head to mine, his heavy beer scented breaths whisking over my face. “Yeah. I’ll get on that. Don’t go anywhere.” Pressing a quick kiss to my forehead he rolls off the bed and stumbles going to his feet.
He kissed my forehead. He’s got a bit of sweet beneath the rough exterior.
I watch impatient while he digs around in his pockets, throwing his cigarettes and lighter. Confusion crosses his hard features.
He blinks then moves to scrub a palm over his face but misses. “The fuck was in that beer,” he slurs his words while butting a palm to his temple.
“What?” I play dumb as guilt eats away at me. Oh no. What if I put too much in the beer? What if I kill him? Then his biker buddies will all be after me. Crystal usually handles the drugging part.
Shit. Fuck. Shit.
“Did you drug me?” His accusation comes out in a feral growl.
“No.” I shake my head. “Just come back to bed.” I lick my lips. “Forget the condom. I’ll blow you.” Jesus. I’ll blow him? I’ve really lost what little sense I had.
“Fucking hell. Never thought I’d see the day you’d lower yourself to this,” he mutters.
My pulse races. What’s he talking about? I swallow. “What?” The threat of tears burns in the back of my eyelids.
His step falters as he stalks toward me. “Hazel,” my name leaves his lips in a strained whisper. Holy drops to the bed face down landing next to me.
“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself. How does he know my name?
I jump out the bed and go to his wallet. The moment I open it a paper falls out. I pick it up and unfold the worn photo. A photo of me.
I stare in horror at the scars on his back. Pink and white grooves that stain his tan skin with evidence of what should be impossible.
Fingers trembling, erratic breathing, tears clouding my vision I reach out and touch him. Terrified and excited. But mostly I’m angry.
My Benicio. My Beni. It can’t be. Anxiety grips me and the desire to faint overcomes me.
I run my fingers over his scars remembering him earning each and every one.
“Beni.” A fat tear rolls down my cheek and plops against his lifeless body. Every single lashing, he took for me.
How’s he here? Why is he here and why didn’t he tell me who he was?
I roll him over on the mattress and relax at the rise and fall of his chest. He’s breathing. I press my lips to his. “You found me.” I stroke his cheeks and stare at the man he’s become. Hard. Tattooed. Ruggedly handsome. I’d hoped he had found a good life but figured he might be dead.
He swore he’d come for me.
He never did.
How long has he known where I was?
I pound a fist against his chest. “Wake up damn you.” I have so many questions, but my first instinct is to run. It’s what I do when life gets complicated.
“Please, wake up?” I sniffle.
The motel room door flies open.
“Girl, we gotta go. Bruno is blowing up my phone. I gotta get home. Did you get any money? His friend had a little but not as much as I was hoping.”
“No. Sorry,” I lie.
Crystal studies me. “Shit. You good?”
I nod though I am anything but okay.
“Let’s get out of here then.”
I look back once at the man on the bed.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, grabbing my clothes as I rush to get dressed and flee the scene of my crime.