Dear Journal, This is Kara
The year is 759, never mind the day and month.
I hate it when the King orders us to go forth and destroy a village. It breaks my heart, especially when I must kill children. Each day I wake up from my slumber hoping we are free and no longer under the King’s control, but then reality bites. Every single time I have to put on my armor, I want to scream. Every time I kill anyone, something inside me dies. I have no heart remaining. I’ve killed too many. I try to pray and ask my god for his forgiveness. I ask him to use me for good, but I’m tired of praying; I’ve been doing it for over 220 years and nothing. I have this constant and unrelenting hatred for the fourteen High Elder Athanys who cursed us all.
I have asked my god to make me human. I want to be human, to escape the curse bounding me to kill. I have lived for 241 years and each time I wake, it is torture. I refuse to have any children. Our numbers are dwindling and our High Elders are dying. We only have thirteen Elders from the original twenty-seven, and only seven are awake and leading us, but our leaders are letting us down.
Yet here and now, on my knees, I’m going to try and pray one more time. I will take a vow denied to the Judges. The Helathy are no more. We are the only ones left in the service to the God of Truth and Life. I, Kara Ter Kushtaneo, take the Vow of Renewal, and if I die, I die on my own terms. I will never kill another child, for as long as I continue to live.
ONE WEEK LATER
Dear Journal,
This time we went to fight against some foes in the East Kingdom. I was clearing one of the most modest houses at the far end of the town when I saw an odd-looking large chest. I thought nothing of it, but from the chest came a sound. It was more like a whimper. I decided to ignore it, but then it happened again. This time it was a soft moan. From the corner of my eye, I saw something move; the chest moved. And I knew I needed to find out what was in the chest. The chest was locked, but I used my blade and opened it.
What I found inside was not clothing, the trinkets a peasant may treasure or even books. Inside the chest, I found humanity. The most modest of peasants hid his heart inside a chest. Inside of the chest I found a pool of blood. There in the box laid a very young woman and a baby in her arms. Someone placed her in the chest, probably when the raid started. She must have given birth inside the chest because with the child there was the after birth between the woman’s legs.
The woman’s clothing, legs, arms and her child were all covered in blood. It smelled like a butcher’s store. The child’s cord of life looked black. It appeared like a mad occurrence from the darkest pit; a demon made of tar had touched the afterbirth, making it turn black. Woman and child almost dead, shallow breath, the sound of death. There were holes in the side of the bloody coffin, but air must not have been able to flow adequately.
My orders were explicit. I was to kill all men, women and children. The General said, “If they are walking, talking or breathing, you kill them.” This lady and child were neither walking, talking or breathing. The baby looked dead. The house had nothing of value. The box of blood had a bounty, but I didn’t want those spoils of war. Then something in my head said:
« Help her. »
I thought it must have been my mind playing tricks on me. I was tired and the woman looked pitiful. She was technically ready for burial. She didn’t count. They didn’t count they were already in a coffin.
I said, “Screw the orders.” I helped them. I took the pair out of the chest and placed them on a bed in the corner of the room. The young mother, not much more than a girl herself, was as light as a cat. I lay her down as gently as I could, but she woke up scared. As a reflex, she held her baby tight. I have never seen fear like it before. I have never allowed myself to look at the people I was made to kill. The child, a boy, needed air.
I don’t know why, but with a soft voice, I told the woman I was going to cut the cord and I rubbed the baby’s back. She didn’t want to let the baby go, but as I went near her, she bowed her head, asked for mercy with silent tears streaming softly down her dirty face and she let him go. I cut his life cord, rubbed his back, and used a piece of clean linen to wipe his face, mouth and body, and the little nugget started to cry. He made such a ruckus it made me nervous because I knew others could come and discover Sir Cry-a-Lot and his dear young momma. I didn’t know what to do so I just gave the baby to the mother.
I could see this was her first child. She didn’t know what to do with the squirmy thing. I asked her the baby’s name, but instead, she asked my name. I told her my name was Kara. She then named her baby Karlos, after me. After a few minutes, the baby quieted down when he found his mother’s milk, but my partner, Jon, called me from Heaven back to Hell. I signaled the little girl mother to be silent. I had to leave, but from under the bed, a small dog came out. I took the dog and again signaled her to stay quiet. I placed my hands in the trunk full of blood, rubbed some on my boots, and left the house, dog in hand.
As I came out the house and showed the puppy to Jon, I lied to my friend. I told him the dog was making all sorts of ruckus. Jon asked if there was anything in the house worth saving. I told Jon to forget it. It was a peasant’s house. I placed the dog down and the mongrel went right back to the house. I left and Jon followed.
Today, I killed many people under orders from the King. But today I also chose to let one woman and her child live. The boy’s name was Karlos from the village of Vesta. My Vow of Renewal stands I will never again kill children. I sure hope the boy grows up to be a blessing to his mother. I must rest, for tomorrow we start marching again.
Dear Journal,
The year is 798, and I feel like a horse ran over me!
We have been away from the castle for over a year and four months. We raided many villages and made camp on the land nearby, to bring fear to the people. Why? Because a greedy landlord wanted the farmers to pay more taxes and the villagers refused to pay, or at least it was what Klastos wanted us to believe. The crazy emperor could have other plans in mind. It sure looked like we were moving north to Marpakan. What a waste of life! Until when will we be doing this? Why do I bother to pray when all I get is silence? Are you even listening? I sometimes wonder if any of this makes sense. We should not have any more children. We should ensure the Athany disappear into the mists of time. Then let’s see who will do the dirty work for this wretched Emperor.
Even so, I have a glint of satisfaction in that I saved the lives of an entire family today. It is not much, but this is my way to be a rebel. I must go and see Lady Oliver once I get back to the castle. My hair has this pink tone to it, and for the last year, I’ve been having these dreams of a young woman who is patching up a dog with a broken leg and a young man who holds the hands of two others. I’m not sure what they mean. I’m surprised I’m still alive. I have not killed a child now in over forty years. I will keep my promise. I’m tired. I must rest. Tomorrow we are going to march through the town of Springer only because the spoiled brat Healer Youh wants us to kidnap the town’s healer. The Athany Healer thinks the old Springer Healer can create a potion that can break the link between Emperor Klastos and ourselves. Youh is out of his mind. I need rest.
The next day. Late in the middle of the afternoon. Not in Kara’s diary.
“We detoured on our trip back home and marched through the town to get one pint-sized, broken woman,” said Jon.
“Yeah, and now she’s about to fall on her face. Why is Dana dragging the little woman? Doesn’t Dana realize she has a limp? She is going to break her good leg if she keeps going like that.” Kara had little patience left. She wanted to be home. Kara missed her bed. She wanted to help.
“Whoa, hold it one moment! It is not your business, Kara. You know Dana has it in for you. She is going to beat you up in practice if you get in her way,” said Jon.
“So, I am supposed to do what? This is not right. I hate who we are!”
“Yup, we may have the title of Judges, but in reality, we are simply professional killers.”
“Jon, you are a massive joy killer. One day, if we are ever free from this stupid curse, I will be the one reminding you of who we are. You hear me?”
“And then what?”
Kara couldn’t give a reply because that was when big old Youh exited his tent screaming.
“WHY I AM SO CURSED? I AM SURROUNDED BY IMBECILES—THAT IS WHY!”
Kara couldn’t understand why that big man acted as if he were four years old and no one put a stop to it.
“WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHO POSTED YOU AT MY DOOR? NEVER MIND, MOVE ALONG! MOVE OUT OF MY WAY! KARA! KARA!
“Kara, I did say bring me the Springer Healer! You were there. I did say it! I’m not going crazy. I said, ‘Bring. Me. The. Springer. Healer.’ What was so difficult about that? I made my instructions clear. The old woman is the best Gift Healer-Magi in the land. Call my brother! Never mind, I’ll go to him. Kara. Stay in there with the kid and don’t let her touch anything.”
Once Youh left, the tension in the air disappeared immediately. Kara thought he needed a few weeks in the training arena with some of the imbeciles he looked down on as partners. Kara was tired from the day’s events. Marching through a town just to collect a feeble young woman was not her idea of fun. Kara took a mental inventory of the things she needed to do with the rest of her day, and babysitting a little woman was going to delay all her chores. She needed to sharpen her blade and clean her clothing.
She had placed some flowers in her pockets when they had been marching back from the Northern Kingdom and she drew them out now. They were starting to dry, but the smell was so lovely. The rose petals in her pocket reminded her of her mother. It was an instant, soothing reminder of home, of someone who loved her. Soon after Youh left, Kara entered the tent. The little woman who Kara had to guard was standing right in the middle of the tent.
As Kara walked in, she let in bright light and a cool breeze. The little woman smelled like lavender and spices. Her clothing was simple but serviceable. Besides her smell, she was a beautiful little woman. She had one thick black braid and lots of loose hair around her head. Her eyes were a very soft green, almost as green as Kara’s own.
As Kara walked inside the tent and the breeze came with her, the little woman closed her eyes. A vibration came from the air, the trees rustled and made a sound of soft melodic music, then she started singing a song coming from her heart. The little woman sang the song of the Helathy, The Song of Peace from the people who cared for the God of Truth and Life. Kara’s surprise was evident. How could a human, this young, know this song? The song was one of the Holy Priests of the Helathy’s!
As Kuroi sang, her face relaxed and all the stress of the day vanished, just like the morning dew disappears with the soft morning rays. Her hair became alive with an energy derived from the earth itself. She glowed a beautiful soft red-orange shine which resembled the soft light of an autumn sunset. Slowly and ever so gently, Kuroi floated with her song.
Kara looked at her hands and noticed she had a red light emanating from the inside of her skin. Kara’s hands started glowing a beautiful soft red. The song continued and Kara’s pain and her worry and all her sorrows receded. She then remembered the times she had killed under orders. One by one Kara’s sins came to her mind. One by one she cried for them and she gave them to her God. The Athany were cursed by their own hand. They had chosen their path many centuries ago, but now Kara was choosing her own path.
She opened her arms, bowed her head and took a Vow of Fealty and Protection to the God of Truth and Life. Kara promised to protect Kuroi with her life, for she knew the little woman was one of the eight Gift-Vessels. Kara cried and Kuroi continued singing the Song of Peace. The sound of the song was flowing around her, over her, under and through her. Kara could feel the vibration coming from the ground up and it was when she, too, started to float. She rose higher and her head touched the top of the tent. The song made the hair on her arms stand to attention, and the very skin on her neck and back felt hot and cold depending on the temperature of the air.
The atmosphere was perfect and yet Kara’s nerve endings could detect the movement of every living being surrounding the tent. Kara and Kuroi floated and they both faced each other. Kuroi, with her eyes closed, absorbed the song and the feeling. Kara’s eyes were wide open and full of tears. She was watching her own transformation, the renewal of her body and spirit. Kara understood the fragile nature of the little woman with her broken leg. The small woman has a mind of steel and faith as pure as the spring rain. Kuroi’s hope became evident and clear as a mirror, as silver freshly melted and minted by fire.
As the little woman, Kuroi, sang her song, all of the people in camp could hear the beauty of her voice. The trees augmented the sound. She sang with all her heart for her god and the god of her family. She sang for her life up to that day and for the hope of many days to come. She sang and kept singing to cast fears away and break curses and hexes by the sheer beauty of her faith, in the words of her god and by the power coming from the mercy of her Creator.
As Kuroi sang the final verses of the song, both women had their feet firmly planted on the ground. Kara, with her eyes wide open, understood the enormity of her actions. She knew her change would endure forever. Kara, still shining bright red, felt her body alive, electrified. Her hair and her hands felt the fire of life.
Kuroi’s brightness was a very pale orange, but Kara’s glow was a dazzling red that resembled fire and life. Kara radiated a soft, warm, happy energy, her hair turned red, and she smelled like the roses she’d held in her hands. Kara noticed she had shields of fire on her arms. Several other Judges entered the tent.
They witnessed the beauty of Kara’s transformation. Kara felt light as a feather. Kuroi opened her eyes and walked a step or two toward Kara. The world spun round, the room blazed pure light and Kuroi landed in Kara’s arms. As Kuroi fell into Kara’s arms, she couldn’t understand what her voice had just caused to transpire.
“Kara, you are red. You are glowing red. You have shields of light coming from your forearms!” said Jon. Kara looked up with a smile as big as the summer sunshine after a rainy day. Kara knew. She was made new.
“I feel life coming from the ground. Life flows from the soil to me, from the air to me and back to the air. I feel life from my feet up all the way to my head. This is my charge. She found me! I’m now the Red Companion Judge. I serve the King no more.”
Kara became the Red Companion Judge, found by the ‘broken’.