I‘d come to realize flashbacks were both a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because I was finally getting answers—answers I could trust because they were coming from my own memories. They were a curse because I couldn’t control what I was seeing, and the answers weren’t helping me get the information I needed to make any decisions.

Long after I’d finished my flashback journal entry last night, I’d tried to sleep. It didn’t work. Instead, at five in the morning, I’d wrapped up in my dark purple hand-pieced quilt from my mom and climbed out the window onto my balcony. The stars in Gunnison are beautiful. The air is clear and the town is so high in the mountains that when you look up at the night sky, you feel like you can pluck a star from the universe, a small token to keep for yourself. Sometimes I think the world is sitting on my shoulders and the decisions I make could screw up eternity. I like the peace that looking at the stars brings. It reminds me how big the universe is, and how insignificant I really am.

With that in mind, I was able to think through the flashback again. So, the necklace and earrings had been a wedding gift from Emil. No wonder Alex hated them.

I wasn’t sure whether I should tell Alex and Emil about the flashback, or how much to reveal…especially about that particular memory. I knew Emil wouldn’t be pleased to find out I’d kissed his rival on our wedding day. That was a pretty questionable action for a bride. I wrinkled my nose, unhappy with the Cassandra incarnation of myself.

I’d been hoping these flashbacks would help me understand what had happened in my previous life with Alex and Emil, and help me choose. I mean, obviously, I’d chosen once before. But the more I saw, the more it seemed my Cassandra incarnation was just as confused as my Evie version. So was Cassandra confused because she made the wrong choice? Or because she truly loved them both? Or was it because they were both her soul mates and she didn’t know it at the time?

The flashbacks really weren’t helping my situation.

As the sky began to lighten, I shivered and climbed back inside the house. I flipped on the light switch, bathing the calm, light brown walls in a soft glow. The carpet was a dark brown Berber—a design choice I was sure the owner had made when they decided to rent to college students. My bed, a simple full-size mattress with no headboard, sat between two windows. I threw my purple quilt back over it and made my bed, before going downstairs.

I found Alex making breakfast in the kitchen. An empty plate sat in the sink. “Did you already eat?” I asked.

“Yeah, and so did Jasmine.”

I widened my eyes as much as I could for eight in the morning. “She was here? And talked to you?” I was dumbfounded. Jas wasn’t a big Alex fan. She’d helped pick up the pieces after he’d broken up with me and disappeared last summer.

Alex handed me a plate of cheesy scrambled eggs and toast. “She does live here, you know.”

“I know, but she rarely shows up anymore. She’s avoiding me now as much as I’m avoiding her. She spent most of her time at Zach’s before anyway, but now I feel guilty even letting her pay half the rent. You and Emil should be paying it instead.”

Alex nodded in concession.

“Did she wonder what you were doing here?”

Alex picked up the egg pan, scraping it clean over the trash. He moved to the sink, turning on the water to wash it. “Like you said, I’m always here. I’m sure she’s used to it by now.”

“Not likely,” I scoffed. “She thinks you and Emil are both stalkers.”

Alex inclined his head. “That would explain the lack of conversation and narrowed eyes.”

“I’m sure that was part of it. The other part was probably that she’s angry I’m spending so much time with you two instead of her.”

Alex finished with the pan, putting it on the drying rack. He turned, facing me, and leaned against the counter, his palms on the edge. “I think you need to start hanging out with her again. And you should talk to your parents more, too.”

I stared. I didn’t realize he’d noticed my lack of parental communication lately. I’d pulled back from talking to my parents because I didn’t know what to say—just like I’d done with Jasmine. I texted, emailed, and talked to them on the phone occasionally, but not like I had when I’d first moved to Gunnison. Our communication now was a lot more surface and less detailed. The distance was to be expected. I was in college and trying to be an adult. But it was still hard when I’d been so close to them before. I shook my head. “I told you why I can’t.”

“Your life is going to get more complicated, Evie. You need your friends, whatever that means.”

I dropped my fork and stared at him. “Seriously? You’re giving me permission to tell Jasmine about the Amaranthine, Daevos, and all the crazy crap that’s happened since I met you?”

He held my eyes. “I’m giving you permission to be happy. Whatever that takes.”

I stared at him as he pushed off from the counter. “I have something I need to do, but I’ll see you later.” He stopped in the doorway. “I meant what I said. We can protect her. Zach too. If that’s what you want, we can try to keep them safe. Do what you need to so you feel normal again.”

I thought about Alex’s offer and opinion for the next few days. Feeling normal again wasn’t in the realm of possible outcomes, but having Jasmine to confide in would at least make me feel less alone. Maybe with another person to talk to, I’d be able to get a different perspective on the situation with Alex and Emil. Jasmine had always been great at giving me relationship advice, and she’d never been shy about it. I thought her observations might help me make a decision.

I wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear about my soul mates and all the paranormal stuff yet…but it would come in time. I knew Jasmine would think I’d completely lost my mind, but it’s not like I was lacking in proof. I had real live Amaranthine and Daevos members I could reintroduce her to, plus Alex’s ring could convince any skeptic. It had convinced me. After a lot of thought, I decided I’d talk to her. It wouldn’t be easy to explain, but I needed it. I needed my best friend back.

My text to Jasmine, asking her to meet me after class, was met with angry cynicism I could feel through the phone. Her response had simply said: fine. My bubble gum blowing friend was never so succinct, or angry. Usually the response would have included capital letters, emoticons, and several exclamation points. The fact that she simply said ‘fine’ was the equivalent of telling me to go to hell. And stay there.

Since the Denver incident, Alex and Emil had been spending more time with me as a precaution. However, Alex had kindly agreed to watch me from his ring instead of hanging out in the coffee shop. Since Jasmine attributed part of our issues to Alex and Emil, I didn’t think we’d get far at repairing our friendship if either one of them was with me.

Given her text message and frosty responses every time I’d seen her since the cafeteria argument, I wasn’t sure if she’d actually show up. So I was mildly surprised when she opened the coffee shop door. She was wearing jeans, boots, and a bulky white winter coat. The white seemed even brighter because of her smooth mocha skin. A fuchsia pink scarf was wrapped snuggly around her neck and her cheeks were bright red. She kind of looked like Ski Barbie, only without the blonde hair and gravity-defying boobs. Her eyes seemed a little red, like she’d been crying…or was tired. The fact that I didn’t know the reason was like a punch to my stomach. I shouldn’t have ever tried to keep her out of my life, even if I’d had good intentions.

Given her outfit, I wondered if she’d decided to celebrate the temperature reaching ten degrees by walking to the coffee shop. It was only a few blocks from campus.

I’d been sitting on the edge of a comfortable black leather armchair. I stood. She scanned the coffee shop, her eyes falling on me. Her already cool expression turned to complete ice. She crossed her arms over her chest, turning her body away from me. She couldn’t have been more clear about her feelings if she’d yelled it with a megaphone. I slowly blew out a breath. This was not going to be pleasant. I just hoped she’d listen.

I walked up to her. She acknowledged me with an emotionless, “Hey.”

I put my hands in my pockets. “Hi, Jas.”

We spent the next several awkward seconds looking at anything but each other. I became acutely aware of how many black specks were on the sage green floor tile in front of me. If we couldn’t even make small talk, how were we really going to talk?

I shook my head slightly. Standing here saying nothing was only wasting time. Instigating conversation was the hardest part, so I’d do what I could. “Want to get a drink?” I asked. So it wasn’t: I’m-part-of-a-paranormal-war-involving-some-sketchy-immortals-two-of-whom-I’m-dating. But it was a start. I felt like serious progress had been made when she nodded and said, “Sure.”

The coffee shop had a long bar for ordering, and offered a variety of organic food and beverages. I got a caramel latte, with extra caramel of course. Jasmine ordered a coffee with a mix of dark and white chocolate. I tried to pay for both our drinks, but Jasmine soundly refused. As if me paying for her drink would mean she owed me something. When the drinks came up, we went back to the coveted private alcove with overstuffed chairs that I’d claimed with my backpack when I arrived.

We settled into the chairs. I took a sip of my drink to steel myself for the oncoming conversation. Jasmine did the same, though it looked like she had no intention of talking. I decided admitting my mistake first might help disarm her a bit. “I’m sorry, Jas.” I looked at her. She didn’t look back. “I haven’t been spending as much time with you as I want to.” She continued to study the coffee cup. “Things have been…unpredictable lately.”

That finally made her look up, surprise flitting across her face. “One: that’s the first honest thing I think you’ve said to me in months. Two: explain what the hell “unpredictable” means, and why you haven’t wanted me to be part of it.”

I tightened my hold on my coffee cup, hoping it would give me the strength to get through this conversation. If only magic coffee was as real as magic bracelets and magic boyfriends. “It’s…complicated.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, I’m sure it is. Things in your life have been complicated ever since Alex and Emil became part of it.” I stared at her. “What? Did you think I didn’t notice how you act around them? They changed you, Evie. And I still don’t understand what they’re doing in your life anymore. I thought you broke up with them?”

“I did. For a while. But now…” I knew Jasmine wouldn’t judge me, but I couldn’t figure out how to say I was dating them both without seeming like I’d lost my morals. I decided to just say it. “I’m kind of dating them both.”

Jasmine’s eyes got wide, her mouth falling open. I’d expected to shock her in this discussion, but not with news about my love life. “How in hell did you manage that?”

I shrugged in reply, unsure how to explain it.

“Those two could barely stand each other a few months ago, now you’re all hanging out together and they’re fine with you dating both of them?” she asked, still wearing the shock like it had been drawn on her face.

I winced. “I wouldn’t say they’re “fine” with it, but they want me to choose between them. They don’t think I can make a decision without dating them both.”

Jasmine blew out a long breath, slumping into the back of her chair. “So that’s why you’ve been spending so much time with them.”

I nodded yes, and in my head continued with, among other reasons.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why have you shut me out?”

I lifted my shoulder slightly. “I guess I didn’t think you’d understand,” I said, answering for more than why I hadn’t told her about the dating situation.

She was incensed. “I’m your best friend! Of course I would have understood! You can tell me anything!”

I held her gaze, thinking that was about to be put to the test.

“Jas, I’m so sorry. A lot has happened and I—”

She crossed her legs underneath her as she waved me off. “I forgave you five minutes ago the first time you said you were sorry. You don’t need to keep apologizing. We’re good. I just want to know what I’ve missed!” Her eyes brightened and she seemed less morose than when she’d first walked in the coffee shop. Her questions started coming rapid-fire, “How are they handling this? How are you handling it? How have your classes been going this semester? Did you get Dr. Desmond for statistics? He’s awesome! Oh, and I have to tell you about Zach and this stupid new Xbox game he got. I swear, he’d date the dumb machine if he could. Sometimes I don’t think he even knows I’m there.”

Just like that, Jasmine’s switch was flipped from furious to friendly again. I needed to go into more detail and tell her about the Amaranthine and Daevos. She needed to know what being around me would mean. The danger it put her in. But as I listened to her talk, and laughed along with her at Zach’s inability to stay alive in his new game, and heard her rant about his roommates, classes, and work, I realized I wasn’t the only one who needed this relationship.

We were each other’s sounding boards, and we always had been. By cutting her out of my life, I’d also cut off one of her main ways to cope. That wasn’t fair. To either of us. Yes, I needed to tell her everything…but I’d wait until our friendship was on more solid ground again before I started stirring up more potential problems.

I had a work study job in the campus communications office. It was only ten hours a week, so I worked three days a week between classes. Alex and Emil left me alone during work and in class, but Alex kept tabs on me with his ring. I also had the emergency orchid bracelet on my wrist—you know, in case all the cell towers went down.

My phone buzzed as I was walking to my car. “Hey, Mom!” I was genuinely happy to hear her voice, thanks in part to my recent conversation with Alex reminding me I didn’t have to go through everything alone.

“Hi, sweetie. How are things going?”

I stopped to sit on a campus bench and search for my car keys. I always lose them in my bag. They needed a Tracker. “Good. I just finished work.”

“Your dad wanted me to remind you to check your washer fluid. He gets worried about you driving in the snow.”

I smiled. “I know. He sent me a text the other day. Tell him thanks. How are you guys?”

She sighed, her voice sounding fatigued. “We’re okay. Your dad’s been busy at work.” My parents owned a gas station and mechanic shop in my hometown, White Sulpher Springs, Montana.

“That’s good!” I found my keys and did a little finger wiggle in celebration. I stood and started walking to the parking lot again.

“It would be, but we’ve had a hard time keeping up.”

My brow creased. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. We’re both just tired. Your dad was out of town for a while at a conference. That seemed to rejuvenate him, and you know how it is when he’s gone. I always have more energy and get more done. We’re hiring more help at the station though, so that should give us time to rest and recuperate.”

I frowned. “I’m worried about you.”

“No reason to worry. We’ll be fine.”

Still. I hated when I couldn’t take care of the people I loved. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“I will, honey. I just called to check in, but I better get back to work.”

I got to my Mustang, unlocked the door, and started the car. “Thanks, Mom. Love you!”

“We love you, too! Be safe.”

We both disconnected.

I stared out the window, concern lining my face. When I’d been living at home, I worked with them at the station. I felt guilty that I was so far away and couldn’t help. I wished there was more I could do, but at this point, the best I could offer was a get-well card.

My thoughts gave me time for the car to warm up. I slid it into gear and drove home to change for karate.