I came out of the flashback thinking about kisses. It was hard not to, considering what I’d just experienced in both the present, and the past.

I’d kissed Emil recently—it had been unforgettable. But the last time I’d kissed Alex had been right after he gave me the orchid bracelet he’d had specially made by an Amaranthine Tracker with a spell that disguised our bond. This ensured we could kiss—among other things—without the Daevos finding us. I’d taken a good long look at myself that night and decided if I couldn’t choose between Alex and Emil, I couldn’t go around swapping spit with them. Now I’d kissed them both again in the course of a couple of weeks, and who knew what would happen next.

I winced, thinking about my complete lack of self-control. It wasn’t totally my fault, though. Alex and Emil were the ones who told me I needed to date them both again so I could figure out who I wanted to be with. I was only doing what they asked. I’m excellent at rationalization.

A vision of my leg wrapped around Alex and my hands venturing past his waistband to butt territory flashed through my head. Hmm. That level of intimacy probably wasn’t what they’d had in mind—or, at least, not that level of intimacy with both of them. But aggressive-Alex had caught me by surprise. I wasn’t sure his behavior counted as “bad,” but it was definitely out of character, and probably did break some Amaranthine rules. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more dangerous I realized it was. He’d had a make-out session with me that would have required a confession from most religions. The fact that he did it in full view of the picture window of his house, where another Amaranthine Protector sat waiting for him and probably wondering why a running car was parked in the driveway, took it straight out of “bad” and pushed it into dangerous territory.

I smiled. I couldn’t help myself. Regardless of who I ended up choosing, I was pretty sure there were certain memories from my lives that I’d have for the rest of eternity. This would be one of them.

Around that time, I remembered the car was still running. I wanted to meet the Protector Alex was talking to and find out what he had to say. I could reflect more on sexy, first-time bad-boy Alex later.

I re-buttoned my jeans, and pulled around Alex’s circular driveway, stopping behind a dark green Ford Bronco. It was a classic. Not as classic as mine, but I appreciated its boxy, rugged lines. I could tell it had a removable top, and guessed its year at around 1978. I got out of the car, taking a minute to appreciate the truck. Judging by his choice of vehicles, the owner of the Bronco and I were going to get along fine.

I walked up the front steps and opened Alex’s giant oak door. It was a testament to the impeccable craftsmanship that, despite the sheer volume and weight of the massive door, it opened silently and snicked closed behind me with barely a sound. I followed the voices coming from the den area.

The Bronco owner was the only person in the room aside from Alex…and now, me.

“We won’t put up with it anymore, Alex,” Bronco guy said.

Alex paused, his lips tight. All traces of what happened in the car ten minutes ago were gone. Alex nodded in my direction. “Simon, this is Evie. Evie, Simon.”

Simon looked at me, his face tight. “Hey,” he said, preoccupied.

“Hey,” I greeted back. “Nice Bronco. Is it a ‘78?”

That caught him off-guard. “Yeah,” he said, paying me a bit more interest than before. “Thanks.”

With introductions made, Alex turned back to Simon. “Your plan won’t fix the problem.”

Simon laughed in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right? They’ll be dead! How doesn’t that fix the problem? If they’re dead, they can’t keep taking our Trackers.”

“We don’t know who’s doing this,” Alex rationalized.

“Don’t be an idiot. You know it’s the Daevos as much as I do.” Simon starting pacing between the couch and grand piano, his forehead wrinkled in consternation. On his third pass by, somewhere around the coffee table, the lines on his face smoothed as a realization seemed to settle in. He stopped short a few feet in front of Alex and tilted his head slightly. “Why are you defending them?”

Alex pulled his brows together. “I’m not. I’m saying we shouldn’t make this decision based on assumptions. And regardless, you can’t kill every Daevos member. You have to think this through. We need to find out who’s actually causing the problem, not go off half-cocked, taking innocent souls.”

Simon pulled his lips in, his face tight with fury. “They’re Daevos members. None of them are innocent.” He paused again, holding Alex’s stare. “I think you’ve been spending too much time trying to make peace with our enemies. You’ve lost sight of what our real goal is.”

“No. I haven’t,” Alex said, fighting hard to keep calm. “I’m trying to save souls and get all the information before we act. If that means working with some Daevos members, so be it.”

Simon scowled. “You can’t trust them. Any of them. The information you’re getting is probably lies. If it were your Tracker, you wouldn’t sit by hoping for things to work themselves out.” He slid a glance to me. Alex’s eyes followed. Having all eyes on me made me suddenly self-conscious. “If it were your Tracker, you’d tear apart the universe to get her back.”

Alex couldn’t deny it. Ripping apart anything in his path to get me back was exactly what he’d done…at least until Caleb had incapacitated him. That was probably the biggest reason he was hesitant to fight the Daevos now. If Caleb had those powers, there was a good chance another Daevos Clan could figure out how to get them too—and might have already done it. That could be very dangerous for the Amaranthine.

“We’re doing this, Night,” he said. “With or without the Amaranthine’s support, it doesn’t matter.”

“The Amaranthine leaders don’t think it’s a good idea yet. We need to have another meeting.”

“So we can be told the same thing we’re always told? To wait and see what happens.” Simon breathed out a quick, disgusted breath. “These meetings and mediations don’t work. We’re losing at least one Tracker a month. We won’t lose another.”

“If you don’t have the support of the Amaranthine leadership, you could lose everything,” Alex said. “They could take your powers.”

Simon went as still as stone, his jaw tight. Through his teeth he said, “They wouldn’t dare.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t they? To avert a war? The Goddesses believe in choice and redemption. They won’t look kindly on you trying to take that away from Daevos members. Even Daevos members have the chance to leave and make amends for what they’ve done in another life. It’s not your right to be their judge and jury. If you take their souls without consent from the Amaranthine leadership, you risk everything. And you’ll be no better than the Daevos are.”

Simon stared at Alex, his expression hard. “You compare me. To them.” It was part statement, part dare.

“You’re acting like them, so the comparison stands.”

Simon compressed his lips, his face pulled tight. “This isn’t over. It hasn’t even started. We’re going to solve this problem, with or without the Amaranthine Society’s help. You need to decide if you’re with us, or not.”

Alex held his expression impressively blank. “For now, I’m neutral.”

Simon nodded like that wasn’t a surprise. “You can’t be the go-between forever,” he said. “Eventually you’ll have to pick a side.”

Alex dipped his head once in acknowledgment. Simon turned to me, “It was nice to see you again, Cassandra.” He walked out, his long, black wool coat trailing behind him like a cape.

“That didn’t go well,” I pointed out when Alex came back, holding two glasses of ice water. I’d been standing at the back of the room for most of the discussion. Though I was sure Alex still knew my every movement, I’d felt somewhat forgotten during their chat. Well, until the guy brought up Alex’s Tracker and what Alex would do if I was in danger.

Alex handed me a glass, and sat down in a high back brown leather chair. I sat in the matching chair next to him, an end table separating us. “I told you when you got back from Denver with Emil that the Protectors were getting agitated about Trackers still being taken. The situation is getting worse, and many of the Protectors have decided to band together as a force against the Daevos.”

“But they don’t even know who’s taking the Trackers yet.” It seemed like a logical thing to point out.

“They think they do though. They’re trying to take matters into their own hands.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are only two “legal” ways a Protector can take a soul. First, and most common, is the Goddesses have to approve it. The Protector submits a petition about the danger of a particular soul. The Amaranthine give the request to the Goddesses. The Goddesses review the request to decide whether the soul should be taken. They look at the soul’s lives and its chance of being redeemed in the future. The second way happens in the heat of battle. If a Protector’s Tracker is in immediate danger from a Daevos member threatening them, they can take the soul to save the Tracker. Afterward, the incident is reviewed by the Amaranthine to make sure protocol was followed.”

“The first seems like a lot of red tape. I imagine the second is more useful, but the Amaranthine would have to explicitly trust their Protectors not to go rogue.”

“It is a lot of red tape, but it keeps the system in check. It ensures that souls aren’t taken before they’ve been given a sufficient chance at redemption. The Goddesses have a wealth of knowledge at their fingertips about every soul ever created. It’s information Protectors don’t have access to. Protectors don’t see the eternal picture, so we’re less informed about whether a soul should get another chance. You’re right about the second version, and it ensures the safety of our Trackers. Keeping our Trackers alive, and their souls intact to live another life is the goal above all else. However, the rogue aspect is exactly what we’re worried about now.”

“Are they really going to attack the Daevos without the consent of the Amaranthine or Goddesses? Especially since they aren’t sure who’s taking Trackers. It seems like they’re using their power in a nefarious way, just like when the Daevos first broke off from the Amaranthine.”

The way Alex looked at me was a confirmation they were doing exactly that, and he didn’t agree with their choices.

“Protectors are trained to do whatever it takes to keep their Tracker alive. They’re highly motivated to make sure nothing happens to Trackers, and most Protectors will go to extreme measures to guarantee a Tracker’s safety. The rationalization by Simon’s Rebel group is that even if they take the wrong souls, rumors about the soul deaths will spread until the threat reaches the actual Daevos members responsible for taking Trackers. They’re trying to use it as a deterrent.”

“Because that works so well in our legal system.” I didn’t try to hide my sarcasm. “Where do you stand on all of this?”

Alex stared at the gold-hued Venetian plaster ceiling in thought. “Like I told Simon, I’m neutral right now. I’m the person facilitating talks between the Amaranthine leaders and Rebel Protectors, so I really can’t take a side. But the news that more Trackers have been taken concerns me. It’s not a few here and there; it’s consistent. I’d like to see the Amaranthine work with the Rebels to make some sort of stand against the Daevos. But until we know who’s causing the problem, I don’t see how it can be fixed. I don’t think the deterrent theory will work in this case. It will just make Daevos Clans more upset, and more likely to wage an attack of their own.”

“Why do the Rebels think they can do this on their own?”

Alex scrubbed a hand over his face. “Because we did.”

“What?” My voice was louder than intended.

“Despite our attempts to keep the situation with Caleb under wraps, word has started to spread within the Amaranthine about Caleb’s Clan being destroyed. Entire Clans are rarely taken out at once, especially without Goddess approval. It’s difficult to keep news that big a secret. Like most rumors, the story has been embellished. There were two things about the story I was able to keep secret: first, Emil’s involvement; second, your powers—well, most of them. That information puts both you and Emil in a lot of danger. So, in the story, we defeated Caleb’s Clan with a Tracker whose powers haven’t been activated—you—and me alone.”

I snorted, remembering Alex lying on the ground. A sack of flour would have been more deadly—it could at least be thrown. Then I got a little annoyed I didn’t get credit for my part in the whole thing. I was the reason everyone was still alive, but no one even knew! Yeah, it was petty of me to want people to know, but still! Granted, I hadn’t done it alone either, the voice had been helping me, but dangerous and irrational as it might be, I kind of wanted to be included as part of the reason we won the fight.

“We don’t want people to find out that your powers are the reason we all survived, Evie.” I frowned, knowing my thoughts had been written across my face. I was working so hard on trying to stop that! “You have a big enough target on your back as it is. You used your powers in Denver to stop the shadows. Anyone who witnessed that could put two-and-two together about your abilities.” He grimaced at the thought.

I slouched down in Alex’s supple leather chair, unhappy that he was probably right. “So, because you took on an entire Daevos Clan to save your Tracker, everyone thinks they can do it?”

“That seems to be the case.”

“They’ve battled the Daevos before. Don’t they know it won’t be easy?”

“Most have only battled one or two Daevos members at a time, not a whole Clan. Fighting a couple of Daevos members isn’t hard. The Amaranthine are simply more powerful. But no other Protector has ever taken on a Clan that might have some of the same special powers Caleb’s Clan had.”

I shook my head as I gave a humorless laugh. “What a mess. Lying always gets you in trouble.”

“Indeed,” Alex agreed.

“So what now?”

He took a sip of his water. “I keep acting as the intermediary until the Amaranthine and Rebels reach an agreement.”

“Do you think they will?”

“I think they have no other choice. The Rebels won’t risk their Trackers, but they don’t want to risk their jobs or end up being disciplined by the Goddesses. They really want the Amaranthine’s support. The Amaranthine aren’t convinced they should make a pre-emptive attack against the Daevos, but they’re worried about the Trackers too. Truly, the Rebels have enough support on their side now that the Amaranthine won’t have a choice but to join them. The Amaranthine are just trying to hold off as long as possible so they can try to figure out who’s actually taking the Trackers and target the assault on them instead of random Daevos Clans.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not you.”

Alex nodded in agreement. “This new development with Simon and the Rebels is a problem though. I’ve been a little lax lately and have watched you through my ring instead of being with you. I can’t do that anymore.”

I stared at him. “Good hell. I’ll be glad when this is over. I’d like to have some privacy again.”

Alex grimaced.

“What was that look for?”

Alex chose his words carefully. “I need you to understand: we don’t know when this will be fixed. Even once we solve the missing Tracker riddle, people will still eventually know about you, and your powers. They’ll want to use you. We have to step up your security from here on out.”

I gave him a wary look. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m saying this might not be temporary.”

I gaped at him. “Are you kidding me?” I yelled. “Of course it is! I’m not going through the rest of my life with you two always hanging around me, never getting a minute of my own. The system we’ve used for centuries has worked just fine. We don’t need to change it.”

“That system is the difference between being a politician, and being the President of the United States, Evie. One doesn’t really need much security, the other needs constant supervision from a team of people and the security lasts the rest of their life.” He paused, locking eyes with me. “Before, you were a politician. Now, you’re the President.”

“No! I’m not!”

“Yes. You are.”

I put my hands on my hips as I ground my teeth together. “What about when I want time alone? Like time with the guy I end up with? How does that work?”

“Well, hopefully it will be me, then it won’t matter.”

I held his gaze. “What if it’s not.”

He held mine back, unwavering. “We cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“I don’t want you watching me on dates with Emil.”

“I’m sure he has similar sentiments.”

“How do we handle that?”

“Easy. You make your choice.”

“Choosing between you won’t solve the problem.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Once you make your choice, a lot of things will be easier.”

“How? I’ll still have you both in my life in one way or another.”

“No.” He held my gaze for a long time before continuing, “There are options you can’t explore until you make your choice. Once you’ve made the decision, only one of us will still be around.”

I froze, stunned. I truly thought I’d have to deal with them both for the rest of this life, and who knew how many more. I hadn’t thought one of them might not be there when all was said and done. I let it sit for a minute. The sour feeling that hit my stomach made me realize I didn’t like the thought. That made me more concerned than anything. Clearly, I wasn’t ready to choose between them because I didn’t like the idea of not having one of them in my life. I wasn’t ready to deal with losing either of them. Who could I live without?

“I didn’t think—” I paused, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my choice wasn’t only about who I’d spend eternity with, who my real soul mate was. My choice also decided the fate of three lives and guaranteed one of them would no longer be part of mine.

“Did you think we’d both be here forever?” Alex asked, bitterness lacing his tone. “I’ve waited a long time, Evie, and I’ll keep waiting for your answer. But this time when you give it to me, if I’m not your choice, I won’t stick around to watch you spend eternity with him.”

I stared at him. One of the things I liked most about Alex was his loyalty. He’d been with me through everything for two hundred and fifty years. Risked his life to make sure I was safe. Gave up all semblance of a life of his own to make sure no one could hurt me. He was the most loyal person I’d ever met. Not to mention that despite his ability to push my buttons, his devotion was very romantic. So the fact he’d just said he would resign from being my Protector if I picked Emil kind of took my breath away…in a bad way. I gulped in some air and held his eyes. “You’d leave me?”

“This is your choice, Evie. You won’t be wrong about it. Your soul has had centuries to figure it out. You just need to listen to what your heart says. If your heart says you need to be with Emil, then that’s your final decision, and I need to start living a life of my own.”

I inhaled a rattled breath. As if the decision wasn’t already difficult enough, Alex had managed to make it harder.

“We can barely go a day without fighting about something. We’re too alike, Alex.”

A vein in his neck pulsed. “As opposed to your other boyfriend, the pushover.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend. And Emil’s not a pushover.”

“He’s not strong enough for you, Evie. He won’t challenge you, and he refuses to engage. You argue for the sake of arguing just because you like the fight.”

Psshh. “No I don’t.” Yes, I do. And it unnerved me Alex knew me that well.

“You’d get bored. Maybe not right away, but it would happen.”

“And with you I’d get angry. Bored seems like it would be better for my blood pressure.”

Alex shook his head. “I’ve seen you with Emil. Seen you married to him.” He paused, the vein in his neck throbbing even harder now. “He’s not the right person for you.”

I’d seen the flashbacks and knew Emil and I had been in love. But Alex didn’t know about the flashbacks yet, and I didn’t need to add that information to an already heated discussion. “I’ve talked to Emil about it. He says we were happy.”

I saw the flash of anger in Alex’s eyes. “It’s easy to be happy in the beginning of a relationship when everything is shiny and new. Before you have to deal with real challenges. The idea that relationships should be effortless is a fallacy. You get what you give. Love can be an insurmountable force, but making a relationship successful requires work…and eternal passion. You were with Emil for a year. Before that, you only knew him socially. I wouldn’t base your likelihood of relationship success off the shiny and new part. Come back to me in a hundred years and tell me if he’s still the one.”

I gaped at him. “You just told me I won’t be wrong about my choice, and then you give me that speech? Are you trying to make me more confused?”

Alex smiled slightly but it didn’t reach his eyes. “No. I just want to make sure you consider everything.” He shifted in his chair. “You’ve been intimate on some level with us both. So, which one of us was more memorable?”

I wrinkled my nose, completely uncomfortable with the conversation. “You were both pretty darn thought-provoking.”

He smiled slightly. “After what happened an hour ago in the car, I think you’d be hard-pressed to say we wouldn’t be good together.”

I rolled my eyes. “Love and lust are two different things.”

He shook his head slowly, his tongue running over the inside of his cheek. “No. They’re entwined. I’ve watched a lot of relationships during my lifetime. Some have succeeded, most have failed. The successful ones all have a common thread. Passion. And passion doesn’t exist without love and lust. They weave together over time, binding you, building your relationship into something unbreakable. To the point you’d die for someone, kill for them even, not out of the goodness of your heart, but because the thought of an eternity without them rips you to shreds.” He paused, a far-away look on his face. “Passion is the key. Passion is what gets you forever.”

The phone started ringing in the other room. Alex moved forward to answer it, but stopped with his hand on the door. He turned slightly, not meeting my eyes. Over his shoulder he said, “It was me you should have been with two hundred and fifty years ago. It’s always been me.” I heard him pad down the hall. Seconds later, I listened to the comforting, muffled low tones of his voice coming from the kitchen.

I stared at the wall, completely lost in thought. I’d never thought of love and lust that way. I knew a lot of couples who said they were in love, but didn’t act like they were in lust. I also knew a lot more couples who were in lust and mistaking it for love. The few truly in love people I knew—like Jasmine and Zach—did have love and lust. Passion, like Alex had said. They were also the people I’d put bets on making it.

Maybe Alex was right. The problem was, I felt like I had love and lust with both Alex and Emil. So, it didn’t help me make any decisions, and certainly didn’t make me feel better about Alex saying I was going to lose one of them when I made my choice. I’m not the type of person who’d want to know if I was going to die; I’d rather live life, and let things unfold naturally.

As I sat in the overstuffed chair, ghostly pale, I felt like Alex had just told me a death was coming, and it was up to me to choose which one of them would die.