Chapter 15
Saturday I spent the entire day in my closet. Even though I had 1,958 combinations to wear, I still couldn’t find anything that was perfect for tonight. I called Bridge and she came over immediately so she could help me get ready for Venus’s party.
On a positive note, my hair looked great and finally had stopped growing. The final length I kept was midway down my back. Bridge’s nails also had stopped growing and she kept them just a little longer than she normally does, which isn’t that big of a woo since she normally chews them down to the quick.
Bridge had actually gone shopping earlier today (without me—wahhh) and purchased some new things that were perfect J+L material. She’d matched up a dark denim mini with a cute little red bolero top and a pair of fantastic beige suede boots. She looked really pulled together and I was starting to feel a bit inadequate.
Bridge flipped her hair back and stood strong with her French-manicured hands on her hips. “So, what do you think?”
“You’re really getting the hang of this. I’m surprised you haven’t gone into withdrawal not wearing any of your Polo shirts,” I said, sitting on the floor next to my pile of clothes.
“I know, right? But at least Adam can’t try to play mini-me in this outfit.”
“You underestimate Adam.”
“No, not really. I’ve got my backups,” Bridge said, with a twinkle in her eye, as she pulled out a little flirty tunic dress in pale blue.
“Dang, Bridge, this experiment is really turning you into a fashionista fiend,” I teased.
“I think you need to sort through this”—she picked up a silver scarf and a black leather mini from my pile—“and classify yourself before you make that conclusion.”
“Shut up and help me pick something.”
I put on a purple metallic skirt with my black boots and a white Swen shirt, and I looked in my dresser mirror. From behind me Bridge gave me a hard stare with very wide eyes that were frozen à la Bambi. Okay, she hated it.
“Luz, I think you’re trying way too hard with that white shirt.”
“Really?”
“Yes, plus I know how stain happy you get with food or condiments. And aren’t you supposed to be going as Adam’s date?”
“Yes, that’s the game plan so far,” I said.
“Then why don’t you let me help you tone it down a bit, my friend,” Bridge said condescendingly sweet as she moved me away from my mirror.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t mean anything by that,” Bridge said, switching on her old defensive mode.
“Don’t be such a coward, Bridge; just say it,” I called her out.
Bridge crossed her arms in front of her new ample chest (thanks to the Gap Body), took a deep breath, and then exhaled quickly.
“Okay, are you ready? Then fasten your safety straps. You dress like a total cartoon, Luz. Can I just say it’s hard enough that we are science geeks but you really make us stand out in a bad way.”
Without my permission, my mouth just dropped.
“And one thing I have learned being in the city of J+L is that it isn’t so bad to be in with the ‘in’ group. But you wouldn’t know this because you’re not in.”
Pow and ow. I wasn’t ready for that explosion. And boy, did it burn. I got mad at first, and I wanted to fight back but then there was a part of me that knew she was right. I mean, not about the cartoon thing, because I did love how I dressed. But I was out of the “in” group.
I had fashioned this perfect creation to fit into this new group based on my scientific observations. However, Bridge was now more schooled in this group than I was. And now that I was about to visit the inner sanctum of the J+L universe, I knew I needed to listen to whatever advice she had to give me.
So, I surrendered. “Alright, Bridge. Unfortunately, there is one thing you’ve always been consistent with and that is the truth. So, what do you suggest I wear?”
“For starters, nothing sci-fi or punk,” she said without hesitation.
“Okay,” I said, hoping to recapture some dignity as I gazed at the floor.
“Next, you have to let Venus be the shiny one. I know she’s spreading rumors about you being the fish killer and God knows what else. But it’s still her party and you gotta remember, you weren’t invited. I know that’s really harsh, but if you’re going to crash it, you really need to blend.” Bridge was really pouring salt into the old wound there.
“Got it, Bridge. I’ll keep my mouth shut. What do you want me to wear?”
“Nothing here, that’s for sure. Let me pick up something from my house and bring it back.” Bridge was now my official commander in chief for fashion.
In a flash, Bridge ran home and returned with new threads. We didn’t have time to play dress up, so I just put on her chosen outfit without a discussion.
My outfit for the evening was anything but spectacular. I had a pink Polo pullover shirt with no mods (geekspeak for modifications) at all. It was a bit tight because I’m bigger in the boob department. And Bridge’s khaki mini was a bit roomy in the trunk, since Bridge trumps me in the bootie department. We are totally each other’s yin and yang when it comes to our curvaceous (read: not fat) figures.
And lastly, my pair of Cinderella shoes came in the form of some thin, black, nondescript flip-flops. At least I got to equip with my reliable Pic Purse and my Licky Sticky.
Bridge pulled my extralong hair into a low ponytail with a severe part on the side. She gave me a pair of stud earrings to wear. You know, the kind they give you when you first get your ears pierced at the mall. Yeah, I know. Preteen.
But I did it. I had to trust her. She had been there for me when she put herself on the line for this experiment. And now it was my turn to give her props. I still was a little mad about la verdad—the truth—but didn’t have much time at this point to dwell on it. So, I just put on my big-girl panties (so to speak) and just dealt.
Twenty minutes later, Bridge’s mom dropped us in front of Venus’s house and we were kinda grossly early. Mrs. Joiner said to call her especially if we found out there weren’t any adult chaperones. Bridge and I just looked at each other blankly. As if.
As we walked toward the door, Bridge pulled me by the side of the house behind some bushes and said, “We should make separate entrances, since Venus hates you.”
“Okay.” I was feeling like a whipped puppy.
“Adam should be here any minute. Wait for him here,” ordered Bridge again, my new J+L commander.
I didn’t like being taken out of charge of my own experiment, but I did what I was told by my fellow scientist and waited by the side of the house where no one could see me. Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed and it felt like hours.
The usual suspects of the J+L crowd showed up looking glossed up and magazine ready. They all smelled really sweet and clean with their various colognes and perfumes wafting past in the breeze. Some J+L girls had gone and fake baked today and were wearing shimmering lotion on their newly tanned skin.
Then a group of hotties walked in. I didn’t recognize them and I suspected that they were upperclassmen since they didn’t show any outward signs of weakness. I continued to wait behind the bushes for the next parade of pretty party people.
Then something unexpected happened. I heard a thunder of skateboards. I looked up and it was Mase with a group of about six guys rolling to the party. I couldn’t believe it. Was he invited? How did that happen? After a few more minutes, more Dramatica kids popped in. I didn’t know what to think. I was in complete shock. I wanted to run up to Mase, but something told me to stay behind the bushes.
But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. Two large “soccer mom” vans pulled up and stopped. Then the next thing I knew the entire Gamma band squad piled out. Surely, there had to be some mistake. The musical herd moseyed up to Venus’s door and didn’t even knock. They just strolled into the party like it was an everyday occurrence or something.
How can the band be invited to Venus’s party and not me? This was heinous. I immediately called Adam on his cell.
“Where are you?!!”
Adam replied, “I’m coming. I had to take care of some family matters.”
“Quit lying! You don’t have any family. The only family you care about is yourself.”
“Control yourself, Attitude. I’m on my way,” Adam snapped.
“Sorry. I’ll see you in a minute,” I said, realizing I was losing my cool.
Obviously, this wardrobe makeover and the witnessing of my entire freshman class showing up to this party (to which I wasn’t invited) was getting the better of me.
Finally, relief had arrived—I saw Adam’s little shiny Altima. He could drive at age fifteen because of a so-called hardship. Yeah, right! What kind of hardship could Adam have? Wearing the wrong mega-expensive name brand to the party? I think not.
Adam parked way down the street and then started jogging toward me. I was so glad to see him. What I wasn’t glad to see was that he was wearing the same exact color combo as me!
In unison, we both yelled, “Why are you wearing that?!”
“Bridge made me tone down my outfit so I would blend,” I said. “Now, why are you wearing this outfit?” I demanded.
And then the Bellowsstalkerazzi said, “I thought Bridge was going to wear that outfit. I saw her leave her house with it.”
“Yeah, but obviously you didn’t stalk her long enough to see that she came to my house and gave it to me,” I quipped.
“That’s just the topper to my day,” Adam said, like he was looking for pity. I wasn’t feeling so charitable at the moment.
So, totally feeling slighted, I barked, “Well, why did you want to dress as her dude at this party anyway? You’re supposed to be my dream lover, remember?”
“I thought if I dressed like Bridge then the guys would stay away from her. And if Venus noticed that Bridge and I dressed alike and then I had you on my arm, I would look like I have it going on,” Adam revealed shamelessly.
“Boy, Adam, that’s pretty convoluted and calculated even for you,” I said, not believing what was happening to me.
“Yeah? And what about you and your little faux preppy threads you’re shamelessly working, punk?”
“Okay, let’s not go there now. We have a mission here, right?” I was trying to keep our slowly crumbling plan going forward no matter what.
As Adam and I walked—okay, stomped—up to the door, someone threw open the door and, to our surprise, it was Susan. I don’t know if Adam and I were more shocked that she might actually be invited to the party or that she actually came.
But the straw that broke this camel’s back (no, let’s make that this alpaca’s back) was that Susan was wearing the same pink shirt and beige bottom combo as both Adam and myself. We all looked like we were in a choir or trying to be the world’s freakiest geeks.
So, in my most surprised voice, I said, “Susan! What are you doing here?”
“I was invited.”
“Really?” I looked at Adam speechless.
“Yeah, I even brought the invitation to prove it.” She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket.
She wasn’t kidding. Susan had an e-vite that had been mass-mailed on Friday right after school.
“That’s impressive, Seamus,” Adam said, with a smirk.
“Yeah, that’s cool. Did you just get here?” I asked, now trying to be cool, too, as I tried to draw more valuable information out of her.
“Yeah,” Susan said.
It was just such an awkward and horrible situation, so I did what any other “normal” and boring person would do. I suggested we find the food.
We walked through Venus’s house, and it was gorgeous, as expected. It was all, like, midcentury modern, you know, all that furniture that looked like it came from the cartoon The Jetsons. The house was all white and stark and totally bank. And it was such a crazy backdrop for all the variety of kids from Gamma.
The party definitely segregated itself just like at school, with the band kids congregating together on one side and the Dramaticas on the other. The J+L crowd, like always, took over the middle of the room and made its presence known. Adam said he was going to hang back with the J+L crowd and catch up with us in a minute. I knew he needed a moment apart from our matching fashion spread.
Susan and I wandered on to the backyard, where the food was being served. The pool was lit up with tons of little Christmas-type lights and I felt like I was at one of those parties you only see in the movies.
On one table, there was the typical party food, chips and salsa and such. However, across the way, the Hunters had hired a person whose job it was to grill burgers or fajitas to order for their guests. Now, that was impressive, I hated to admit. I decided to start off slow with the chip-and-dip table. Susan decided to be my Klingon.
From here, I was able to take in a wider view of la fiesta, which grew to be filled with all the guest stars of my daily life. From my sci-fi tribe, there was Jimbo, content to munch on the wide variety of snacks at the end of the table.
“Hey, Jimbo, how’s it going?” I asked.
Still chewing a mouthful of chips, he spit out a “Pretty good.”
“Have you been here long?”
“For a while. The boys and I got here early. We’d calculated that since Venus had invited the entire freshman class to her house, the food supply would either be gone or highly contaminated with parasites after about forty-five minutes to an hour,” Jimbo said in his brainiac, all-knowing voice.
“Right. That’s really true,” I agreed, hoping to scuttle away before I was kidnapped and tied up for a whole night of geekspeak.
So, I made my break. “Well, I’m going to find some more ‘parasites’ to munch on. Susan, why don’t you hang out with Jimbo. I’m going to tell Adam where we are,” I said, praying that she wouldn’t want to come with. Fortunately, she didn’t seem to be paying much attention to me. She was too busy taste testing all the dips on the table.
From across the other side of the pool, I spotted Bridge, and she sent a text for me to come quick. Pushing through the sea of Dramaticas, I accidentally stepped on this Dramatica Goth-looking girl’s extremely long skirt. My flip-flop made a dusty imprint. I hoped she wouldn’t notice. This was no time to get into a culture clash especially since I was flying J+L colors. Finally, I reached Bridge.
I tried to catch my breath. “What’s up?”
“I don’t know. I thought you’d know or at least Adam.”
“You mean what’s with all these odd people here?” I asked.
“Exactly,” Bridge said, reapplying her lip gloss.
“I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. Is this why you called me?” I asked.
“No. I wanted to let you know that Swen is in the building,” Bridge whispered, looking around making sure no one was listening to us.
“Really? Where is he?” I asked, scanning the backyard.
“I don’t know but I do know that V’s looking for him as we speak.”
Then from out of nowhere, Bart Marquez grabbed me from behind. “Hey, chica mas fina, want to take a dip?” He swung me near the pool.
Totally taken off guard, I let loose. “Bart. Don’t. I swear I’ll kill you,” I said in the meanest voice I could muster.
He said sarcastically, “Relajaté, Luz, I was just kidding. I thought you liked the water. Especially after you dove into that aquarium after that frog fell in.”
“You mean after you tossed it in there. Es verdad, Bart?” I dared him to tell the truth.
“Yeah. So, who cares?” Bart said flippantly.
“The dead fish, that’s who,” I said matter-of-factly.
Puffing out his chest and flashing me his grill, he said, “So?” waiting for me to take his bait.
Bridge quickly jumped in and grabbed Bart by the arm and said, “Hey, Mr. Marquez, why don’t we get out of here and quit hanging with nerd alerts. I’m dying of thirst. How do you say Gatorade en es-pañol?”
For a moment I was shell-shocked. I thought I was just dumped by my BFF. As she walked away, I overheard her tell Bart she needed to grab her lip gloss. Quickly, she ran back to me and said, “Hurry and get outta here and find Swen!”
Yeah! My BFF had my back! I grabbed my Licky Sticky as I ran to find Adam.
“Bellows, what’s your twenty?!” I yelled breathlessly.
“I’m in the garden!” Adam said.
“Where?” I asked, having trouble hearing him with all the music and the crowd noise.
“Just look for the fire pit!” he hollered back.
I could see at the far end of the backyard a large outdoor fireplace. People were sitting on the lounge chairs with a few others dancing and grooving to the blaring music by the fire.
I instantly spotted Adam, who wasn’t hard to miss since tonight we were a pair of Twinkies (triplets if we counted our third-wheel wonder, Susan). And then that’s when I saw her. Venus.
She was wearing all white with a still-steaming fake bake and a salon-fresh do. Her hair was pretty much platinum at this point. Add in her silver flip-flop heels and she was totally popping out now that it was getting dark. She was “shiny.” I suddenly felt like a dork in my outfit, but we still had a mission to do.
I ran to Adam and I gave him a big smack on the cheek. This time he wasn’t surprised.
“Hey, Luz,” Venus said, visibly surprised that I had actually dared to show up at her house.
“Hey, Venus, some party,” I remarked, giving her props. Flipping her hair back with both hands Venus said, “Well, it’s not as impressive as your postcard campaign for Homecoming Court. That was pretty ‘precious.’”
“Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, right, sweetie?” I said as I put my arms around Adam’s neck.
Adam nodded with a stupid, nervous grin.
“You know you’re so right, Luz. I decided to open my party to all the kids at Gamma because I thought it was important that they get to know their freshman Homecoming Queen,” Venus hissed with more than a hint of venom. I knew she was dead serious.
And then right in the middle of our little convo, Tammy Shellhorn brought Swen over to Venus while I was still clinging to Adam like a monkey to a giant tree.
“Hey, V, here’s your special friend,” Tammy purred as she released Swen to Venus.
Then she turned to us. “Hey, guys. Did y’all plan your outfits? It’s sort of cultish but cute.” Then she ran off to do more of Venus’s secret evil bidding.
“How’s it going, Bellows?” said Swen politely.
“Good,” replied Adam, who could tell that I was at a loss for words at this particular moment.
Swen stared at us as if he was trying to figure out just what the heck was going on. I started to feel dizzy and nauseous.
Venus didn’t waste any time and was right on her schedule when she grabbed Swen by the arm and said, “Hey, Mr. Swenson, I need to talk with you in private. Let’s let these matching mates mate. Did you like my use of alliteration?” Venus gushed. Swen gave a courtesy smile. Then he looked straight at me and said, “It was good to see you, Luz,” and walked off with Venus. Just like that.
I looked at Adam with dread. I wanted to start crying, but I couldn’t remember if Bridge had put waterproof mascara on me after I’d taken off my purple liner. So I decided to postpone the boo-hoos.
“Adam, you gotta tell me what just happened. That was totally not part of the plan,” I stammered out, stunned.
“I don’t know. But you did lay it on kinda thick, chica.”
“Me? I’m not the one who showed up with a matching outfit,” I said, hearing my voice start to crack.
“Look, if your gonna start, let me get Jabba, so you can yell at her too,” Adam said sarcastically.
“This is going to mess up my whole experiment!”
“Luz, what are you talking about? The only people you were trying to elevate into the higher gene pool were Bridge, Mase, and Susan. You weren’t part of your own science experiment. Or were you?” Adam said, injecting me with a dose of reality.
“No. I wasn’t. I just didn’t want Venus to get to Swen. She’s totally evil. She doesn’t care about any of these guys at the party. She just wants their votes,” I whined, dwelling on the unfairness of it all.
“Oh, but you weren’t doing that with your ‘Snacktastics,’ were you?” Adam said, not holding back any punches tonight.
“That was science,” I said, knowing full well that I was still lying to myself.
“Yeah, whatever, Luz. Fess up. Just admit it—you’re just jealous of Venus. She hasn’t done anything to you except be hot, popular, and smart,” Adam punched again.
“Not that smart. She bites in English. I’ll prove that she’ll eat anyone for lunch so that she can get her way.” I knew I was grasping at straws.
“Maybe so, but I think you give her way too much credit.”
He started to look above my head to see who else was around. I could tell he was done with this conversation.
“I can’t believe it! Since when are you suddenly Venus’s shiniest fan?” I asked, still seething and hoping to drag Adam back to argue with me some more.
“Shut up, Luz! V’s coming back!”
Venus had a strange look on her face. I wasn’t sure what it was all about.
And without skipping a beat, Venus got between us and taking Adam’s arm said to him, “Hey, sweetie, you’ll take me to Homecoming, won’t you? It’s all right with you, Luz, right? I know you’re going to be at Regionals during Homecoming and stuff, right?”
I wondered how she knew that.
“That’s only if I win the school’s competition,” I reminded her.
And then Venus dropped her bomb. “Oh, right. Well, you will win and be qualified for Regionals because there isn’t going to be any freshman competition at the school level. I told Dr. Hamrock that the rest of the freshman science cluster and I thought you would make the ideal candidate for Regionals.”
“What?”
“I knew you wouldn’t resist, Luz, because you’re kinda soft and funny that way. I thought this would be great for your self-esteem after that tragedy with the fish tank and all.”
I was at a loss for words, but obviously, Venus was not. And what had she done to convince the rest of my fellow geeks to resist their natural competitive urges to show off their smarts? Did popularity carry that much power? She was more calculating than I was, and that was saying a lot.
“Thanks for being such a sport, Luz. I couldn’t go to Homecoming and be forever immortalized on TV without a date, you know. Adam, hurry and come to my room. I want to show you what I might wear since I know you are such a stickler with your wardrobe,” Venus said pointedly, glancing to our hideously matching outfits. A confused Adam looked to me for guidance.
“That’s okay, Adam. Go ahead and go. I need to get home anyway. It’s getting late.”
“Are you sure?” he said, still not sure what had taken place.
“Yeah,” I said, with a strained smile. “Go!” I ordered.
“Okay, well, I’ll talk with you later.” His eyes motioned to his closed fist, which held his Licky Sticky.
My head was still spinning. Did she ask Swen? Did he say yes? If he said yes, then why did she just steal my fake boyfriend? I was so confused with all the possible awfulness. The music was still blaring and my feet felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each.
As I walked back toward the house, I found Bridge and told her I needed to leave. I didn’t want to give her details because I would have totally lost it at the party. Bridge informed me that she didn’t want to leave just yet because V had a special surprise for her that had to do with B-Dawg.
I told her I couldn’t wait. So, I started to walk away when I saw Mase. I would have tried to talk with him but he and his new group were having so much fun catching air over various pieces of pool furniture that I didn’t want to spoil it.
I walked past the snack table again, and there were Susan and Jimbo standing there as if time had stood still for the last thirty minutes. Maybe Susan would leave with me, I hoped. I just felt weird leaving a party by myself. I walked over to Susan, who was licking guacamole off her fingers.
“Susan, are you leaving anytime soon?” I inquired.
“No,” grunted Susan.
I walked closer to Jimbo and flipped my ponytail and batted my eyes sweetly. “What about you, Jimbo?” I asked in my higher girly voice.
“Only if I’m kicked out,” laughed Jimbo, now admitting that he loved the “in” crowd, or at least the “in” parties.
Okay, so my cute girly powers were off circuit tonight. “Well, y’all have fun. I’ll talk with you guys later,” I said in my regular lower and plain voice.
It took forever but I finally made my way to the front door. Once outside I looked down the street and estimated that my house was approximately two miles away. I could have called home, but I didn’t want to wait on the porch outside this party for my mom to pick me up.
It was a pretty humiliating night already. And I figured if I walked at least I could clear my head. As I started to make my way down the darkened street, I felt a car pull up behind me and I didn’t want to turn around.
But I did reach into my purse for my phone and pepper spray (thanks to my mom and all those safety episodes on Oprah). And I was also prepared to run back to the party if the car didn’t stop trailing me. It didn’t. Suddenly from the car in the darkness I heard, “Luz, it’s late. You shouldn’t be walking home. Do you want a ride?”