“Technically, yes. But, no, I didn’t eat anything,” Courtney admitted. Ever since she’d gotten food poisoning her rookie year at her department’s potluck, she’d skipped the line. She always brought her own food. She’d been so sick that she didn’t even risk eating raw vegetables. That’s how freaked out she was by them.
The best way to avoid eating the food without raising any eyebrows was to get a plate, excuse herself from line by saying she needed to take a call and then put her own food on the plate before returning to her table.
Later, she’d go along with saying Tony’s meatballs were perfection and Angela’s pasta melted in her mouth. She couldn’t think about work without thinking about her old crew. The memory of her dead coworkers crashed down hard on her, squeezing air out of her lungs. The scene. The mob. The blood.
She looked up at Jordan, who’d gone sheet white. “Let’s get this over with.”
He nodded. His sunglasses hooded his eyes, and his expression was impossible for her to read. He’d been clear about never wanting kids even when they were young. She hoped that she wasn’t about to cause his hopes and dreams to crash down around him.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m totally freaked out by the remote possibility of having a baby,” she said, pushing the door open. She didn’t bother to check his reaction. He seemed pretty freaked out by how much his life might change. She’d just started a new job. Jacobstown was supposed to be a fresh start for her. A baby was nowhere in the plans. Besides, she wasn’t in the right emotional place to bring a life into this world.
But if that’s what she was dealing with, she needed to know now.
“Make yourself comfortable,” she said to Jordan. He’d removed his hat and sunglasses, and he was pretty damn devastating-looking standing in her living room.
His white-knuckle grip on his hat belied his calm exterior.
He shot her a look that said her comment didn’t make him feel any better. “What do you need to do?”
“I take this into the bathroom with me, do what I have to and then we wait.” She held up the plastic bag in her hand.
“May as well put all this behind us,” he said.
Courtney couldn’t agree more. She peeled off her jacket and then disappeared down the hall. She returned a minute later holding the white stick that had the power to change both of their lives forever. She placed it on her coffee table on top of a magazine and stared at the little window. “Two lines will show up in there if I’m pregnant.”
If Courtney hadn’t already thrown up the contents of her stomach, she would be now.
Three minutes had never taken so long. Neither spoke. Then the stick test yielded a positive reading.
Jordan took a few steps toward the front window and stared out it. If he was waiting for her to speak, he’d be waiting one hell of a long time, because there were no words for what she was currently feeling.
She feared that he might be concocting a plan to ask her to marry him. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”
“What?” He finally found his voice after a few beats of silence.
“Propose.” Her heart squeezed, which made it a total traitor. Courtney had no plans to get married. Especially not because she’d gotten pregnant. That hadn’t worked out so well for her parents. Being in a loveless marriage had to be the worst sentence, and she understood why her mother had taken off when Courtney was barely ten years old. What she could never understand was why the woman took Courtney’s baby brother but not her.
And she’d never know, because her mother and brother had died in a car crash on a Texas highway a month later. She’d never had the chance to ask why her own mother didn’t love her enough to take her away from the father who’d abused all of them.
“I wasn’t going to.” Jordan raked his fingers through his hair. He turned around to face her, and his expression was granite. The sharp angles and hard planes made for one seriously gorgeous man. But he gave away nothing of what he was thinking.
He was a Kent, and that name meant something. Her family might’ve been a hot mess, but there was honor in being a Kent.
“This is a lot to take in all at once,” she said, unable to read his thoughts.
“It’s simple to me. I have every intention of stepping up to be a father, Courtney. You should know that off the bat,” he started.
She tried to interrupt him, but he brought his hand up to shush her.
“Looks like both of us are thrown off by the news, but that doesn’t change the fact that a baby is coming, and it deserves the best from both of us.” She couldn’t agree more about that part, and when she regained her bearings she figured that she would be saying the same thing. It was foreign to her to hear that from the opposite sex, but then, she’d never been in this situation with her boyfriend and fellow officer Bradley Decks. He’d had a nine-year-old son from a marriage that had ended badly, a boy he never saw. Decks had no plans to marry or have more children. That had most likely been the cause of her initial attraction to him when she really thought about it. He’d been safe.
“I never thought about becoming a mother,” she admitted in a moment of weakness. “I mean, I never thought it was a job I’d ever want.”
The expression Jordan wore told her that he felt the same way about fatherhood. “But here we are.”
“Are you saying that you’re not upset that having this baby is the only option for me?” she asked.
“Did I mention anything about that?” he asked, and she saw the first crack in his calm facade. Good—that meant he wouldn’t try to pressure her into doing something she couldn’t. For a brief second, she thought about adoption. But she’d always worry if her child was being treated the way she’d been.
“No.” She’d just put a down payment on a new car. The house was a rental, and she didn’t exactly have stores of money in the bank after using her personal savings to set up a college fund for her former boyfriend’s kid before her move to Jacobstown. It only seemed the right thing to do considering Becks had lost his life on the job. Babies cost money. This unexpected turn of events definitely threw a wrench in her future plans.
“Good. Because we got into this situation together, and I’ll see it through with you.” The out-of-the-blue news had clearly caught them both off guard. She had no idea what that meant, but the determination in his eyes had her reaching for her purse.
“I have to get back to work,” she said.
“No, you don’t. Not after dropping that bomb. You don’t get to run away so fast this time.”
JORDAN PACED IN Courtney’s living room. The place was cozy and had just enough feminine touches to make it feel homey. The warm-toned twin sofas faced each other in the main living area. The fabric looked like the kind he could sink into. A glass coffee table with a stack of novels, a magazine that was now in the trash and a vase with fresh flowers anchored the seating area.
There was a table for two in the dining area. He couldn’t see the kitchen from where he stood. His world had tipped on its axis, and he was noticing her furniture? Damn, Jordan was losing it.
Courtney excused herself and came back with a glass of water. “I’d ask if you want something to drink, but you won’t be staying long enough.”
“You should eat.” He stared at the glass in her hand.
“I don’t need someone looking over my shoulder, Jordan. Say what you need to get off your chest and then go.”
“Are you really this hardheaded or just mean-spirited?” He regretted those words as soon as he heard them come out of his mouth. Chalk that up to his impulsive nature.
“You remember where the door is, don’t you?” Fire shot from her gaze, and he could almost see her temper rising.
Maybe this wasn’t the best time to try to sort this out, heat of the moment being what it was. The news was too fresh. The shock too great.
“I spoke before I thought,” he offered by way of an apology. Jordan was no good at those. He was even worse at talking to someone who’d made it clear she had no use for him in her life, but that didn’t stop him from digging his heels in anyway.
“Yeah?” was all she said.
“You made it clear a few weeks ago that you didn’t want or need anyone in your life,” he started.
“Well, it’s too late for me to continue thinking that now.” She touched her belly, and he wondered if she realized she did it.
“Like it or not, I’m going to be in your life, too.” That point needed to be made. He needed to be very clear. Surprise pregnancy or not, Jordan Kent didn’t walk away from his flesh and blood.
She drew in a deep breath, making it very clear that she was tolerating him at this point. If they were going to be successful with a child, they needed to learn to work together.
“It’s important that we establish some ground rules—”
“Is that right, Jordan? Do tell what you have in mind.” Her nostrils flared.
“Settle down. I’m not trying to make this more difficult than it already is. If you haven’t noticed, I’m attempting to do just the opposite.” He used the same tone when he came across a spooked mare in the stable.
“You’re right,” she conceded. “It’s a little difficult to start negotiating with you when I don’t have the first idea of how I’m going to handle any of this.” She still fumed, but he appreciated her honesty.
Normally, he’d push his point until he won. This was different. He didn’t want to make Courtney more upset, especially in her condition. He was concerned about the nightmares she’d been having, too.
“Do you want to sit down and talk?” He never could get her to talk about herself, her past. Courtney’s quick wit and their history made for long conversations. But he’d taken note of how she wormed her way out of any conversation that got too personal. It was just as well, considering neither one had wanted to be tethered by a serious relationship. Besides, they’d been together a week after not knowing each other for a decade. She’d changed. He’d changed. Life was much bigger than what happened in high school.
“Not really. I mean, I don’t know what to say right now, and I have an ongoing murder investigation that needs my full—”
“Can you ask to be removed from the case?” Zach wouldn’t keep her on it if he knew she was pregnant anyway. Speaking of family, he had a feeling that Amber was going to flip out when she heard the news.
“No.” That sounded final. She offered no follow-up explanation.
“When do you plan to tell your boss about the baby?” Jordan asked. The minute Zach learned she was pregnant, he would put her on a desk for precaution. There was no way Zach would want her chasing down the Jacobstown Hacker with nausea threatening every few seconds. When she’d mentioned a murder investigation earlier, he’d known exactly which one.
“I haven’t given it any thought, Jordan. Please don’t tell anyone until we figure this out,” she pleaded.
It wasn’t a smart idea.
“Can you take a few days off? Call in sick?” he asked.
“I just started last month. How will that look?” She folded her arms, and he could see the wall coming up between them. He’d seen it before. They’d have a round of the best sex of his life—and, his ego hoped, hers—and then while still tangled in the sheets, they’d talk into the early morning hours. She’d settle into the crook of his arm, and he’d hold her. They’d laugh about the past, about how two years of age difference at fifteen and seventeen had seemed like so much but how little it mattered now in their late twenties and early thirties. Conversation would inevitably move to her past or family, and she’d put up that same wall. The one she’d erected now. The one that shut down any meaningful progress.
Since this conversation had taken a wrong turn down a bad path, he needed to step away.
“You know what?” His frustration made that question come out harsher than he’d intended.
She didn’t answer, probably couldn’t see over the wall. If she didn’t want to try, why should he make her?
“I’m not doing this. You seem determined to figure this out on your own, so I’m done.” Walking out that door made him feel like the biggest jerk in the world. All momentum stopped the minute he sat inside his vehicle and he was suddenly unable to drive away.
Courtney was struggling. He could see it on the concern lines of her forehead. She was standing in quicksand. Amber had mentioned recently while making small talk while waiting for the others to join them on a conference call what had happened to Courtney in Dallas. Jordan had looked up the massacre. The attack on officers had been brutal. The organizers of the peaceful protest had no connection, no idea what was about to happen. The bloodshed. The officers. The scene out of a horror show.
It explained the nightmares.
He’d heard gossip about an abusive father in town years ago. There’d been so much disdain in the voices as they recounted his acts of violence. The beatings became so bad the summer before Courtney’s senior year that a neighbor had heard about them and finally stepped in. Amber and Amy had been distraught because they’d been friends with Courtney. She’d never let on about what was happening at home.
Courtney’s father had been arrested. She’d been taken into the foster care system until she turned eighteen, which had been ten months later. And then, as far as Jordan knew, Mr. Foster had died a couple of years after that.
At the same time, Jordan had been in his own world, a sophomore at the University of Texas. He’d dropped out that summer and moved to Idaho, where he’d stayed all these years.
Coming home to Jacobstown when his mother had died and then not too long after his father followed in her footsteps had been foreign. But then, he’d always been the kind of person who needed to make his own way in life.
Jordan Kent relied on no one. And preferred it that way. So, why hadn’t he started his engine and pulled away yet?
Jordan bit out a string of curses before pushing open the driver’s side door and getting out of the cab of his pickup.
He stood there in the cold for a long time, staring at the bungalow.
And then the front door opened. Courtney stood there with her balled fist on her right hip.
“You stand out there on my lawn any longer and you’ll freeze to death.”