Chapter Sixteen

Over the next two weeks, Annie stayed true to her word. My training did get much more intense, and it left me so exhausted that I just fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow. There was no time for nightmares that left me screaming in the middle of the night, and with the better sleep came better attention. My lessons progressed steadily, until I was capable of raising just a single creature, and not the entire morgue.

After lessons, Tanya would show me more of the compound. It was nestled in the woods and was backed up against a shallow cliff. There was a balcony on the first floor that overlooked the cliffs, and I leaned against the beautiful stone railing and just looked out into the distance. When Tanya found me after my latest lesson, I barely even registered her presence, because the view from the balcony was just so breathtaking and beautiful.

“This is my favorite spot in the compound,” she said softly. “It’s a little strange to think that a place so drab and boring could have something so beautiful, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Look at that sunset, all orange and yellow and red.”

Tanya smiled. “Are there any other views around here that you like?” She waggled her eyebrows. “I mean, you’ve been here for three weeks, and I haven’t seen you flirt with anyone yet. What’s your type? I mean, you do like boys, right? It’s cool if you don’t! I was just curious is all.”

I felt my cheeks begin to slowly burn and I ducked my head. “Sadly, I’ve always kind of had a thing for the jerk.” She laughed and I continued. “I think it might be because they’re so different from me, and I don’t consider myself date worthy, so my opposite has to be. That’s not exactly healthy though, is it?”

Tanya shook her head. “No, it’s really not. Jerks aren’t date worthy,” she said, looking at me. “They’re rude, they’re abrasive, and they’re just plain mean sometimes. Plus, I think they’re more likely to play a girl than other guys. Wait a minute.” She turned her gaze on me and skewered me with her turquoise-colored eyes. “If you go for the jerks, then…oh, my god. You have a think for Finn!” she nearly squealed.

I wasn’t sure how to answer that. Finn was definitely attractive, more attractive than a lot of guys I’d ever seen, but he was so temperamental and judgmental. Ever since the day in the graveyard, he’d subtly changed his attitude towards me, and I couldn’t help but crushing on him just a little.

“Please tell me that’s not true.” I whirled around, nearly losing my balance, as Finn stepped onto the balcony from the shadows. “You don’t actually have a thing for me, do you?”

Flustered, I started to stutter like an idiot. “W-well, n-no. I m-mean, I don’t–”

“Have you seen the women I’ve been with?” he asked with a tight smile. Unfortunately, I had seen many of them, and they were about as far from me as possible. “I like them tall, beautiful, with great tits and low self-esteems. Only that last part describes you,” he said, looking me up and down with a sneer on his handsome face.

“Finn!” Tanya gasped. She quickly looked at me. “Ronnie, don’t listen to him. He’s wrong.”

“No, he’s not,” I said, looking away from both of them. I’d never really been called beautiful before, but I’d certainly never been called ugly, and that was pretty much what he just did. As his words sunk in, I couldn’t believe how badly it hurt. Each second that passed felt like there was a knife twisting in my gut, and a quiet sob escaped my locked lips.

Without a word, I turned and fled back into the compound, ignoring Tanya’s calls. Blindly, I made my way back to my small room and slammed the door shut behind me, locking it, before hurling myself down on the small bed. When I buried my face in my pillow, I just burst into tears, which just confused me even more.

I don’t even really like Finn. Sure, he’s handsome and he can be kind of nice when he tries, but we barely know each other. I’ve only been here for like three weeks! It’s not like I was in love with the guy, I thought angrily to myself. Why do I even like him?

It was his eyes. Back in the cemetery, when he stopped to make sure I was alright, he looked almost like he might actually care about what happened to me enough to take his job seriously. Aside from Alan and my mother, nobody had ever really cared about me before, but for just one second, I thought that he might. Of course, it was a stupid thing to think, since the two of barely knew each other–even now we didn’t know much about one another–but there was something there.

It was a longing in the pit of my stomach that I’d never felt before. Whenever he entered the room, there was a slow warmth that spread throughout my entire body, along with a feeling of acceptance and hope. I’d only had one boyfriend before, and we hadn’t done much more than light kissing, but this had felt so different, and so much more powerful than it was before.

He’s a jerk, but I’ve always had a thing for that kind of guy. I can’t help it; it’s just a feeling there inside of me that I can’t fight, and it just waits for the perfect opportunity to rear up and destroy my feelings. Maybe I’m just a glutton for depression and pain.

There was a knock on the door, and I heard Tanya’s worried voice. “Ronnie? Ronnie, please open the door. You can’t listen to anything that Finn says. He’s an asshole, and he always says the meanest thing he can possibly think of. That’s how he distances himself from others. He doesn’t want to get close to others, and that’s why he always pushes them away. Ronnie? Please open the door!”

“Go away!”

“Ronnie–”

“I said go away!” I nearly screamed. “I don’t wanna talk to you or to anybody. Just leave me alone!”

After a minute, her footsteps faded away until I was left alone with my own depressing, morbid thoughts and my confusion.

*****

It took me two days before I could leave my room without bursting into tears. When I finally found my way back to the cafeteria for breakfast, the look of relief on Tanya’s face made me feel horrible for how I’d treated her. When she pulled out the chair closest to her, I sat down beside her and she pushed a tray of food at me. “I hoped you’d be joining us today. How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” I said quietly. “I don’t think I’ve done anything but cry since Finn said what he did.” I looked at her and sighed. “I’m sorry for yelling at you the way I did. I was upset.”

She nodded. “I understand. But listen, Finn was right about one thing,” she said firmly. You aren’t his type. His usual type is any whore that’ll spread her legs for him. He’s not usually picky. As long as she says yes to his advances, she’s his type. Being Finn’s type is not something to be proud of; you should be happy that you’re too different to get his attention. That means you’re intelligent, and nice, with a great sense of modesty and self-respect.”

I looked at her. “You think so?”

She nodded again. “I know so. You’re too good for him. There are dozens of other women here that fit his type and they’ll all sleep with him gladly, even knowing that all of their friends have been with him too. And they’ll do it because they don’t respect themselves. That’s why his type sleeps around.”

So you think every girl that sleeps with him is the exact same?”

“I know they are. I’ve met most of them. They’re nymphs, mostly, or stupid fairies. He likes them beautiful, big-breasted, and as stupid as possible. Don’t for one second wish to be like them. You’re better than that, and Finn knows it.”

I smiled gratefully at her. “Thanks, Tanya.”

“Now that you’re done consoling her, can we please get back to breakfast,” Holly said blandly. She sounded so bored with everything, even life, that I almost felt sorry for her. “My blood is getting cold.” She lifted her water bottle to her lips and sucked down a large gulp of the red liquid, and I closed my eyes and shivered, but it didn’t bother me as much as it had the first time.

I hadn’t eaten in a while, and I fell on the food like a ravenous animal, devouring it all. Tanya watched me with a smile on her open, caring face. “Feeling better?”

I nodded and swallowed a bite of vegetable beef soup. “Yeah, this food was just what I needed. Plus, a little pep talk never hurts. Listen, I really am sorry for snapping at you before. That’s not usually who I am.”

Tanya shrugged, and her beautiful, shimmering wings fluttered behind her. “It’s alright. I’ve been hurt like that before, trust me. I know how it feels to be put down and to feel like shit about myself. It’s not fun.”

Someone cleared their throat, and I looked p to see an ashamed looking Finn. Tanya narrowed her eyes at him and he began to fidget nervously. “Can I talk to you? In private?” Finn asked, looking at me. “It’ll just take a moment. Please?” he asked when I didn’t move.

I looked to Tanya for advice, and she shrugged. “You might as well.” She looked at Finn and her eyes narrowed again. “If you upset her like you did the other day, I’ll hex you all the way to next week. Don’t doubt that for a second,” she threatened.

He put his hands up, but I thought I saw the hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“Good,” she said. “I like Ronnie, and she deserves better than t feel like shit about herself just because you’re uncomfortable with the idea that someone somewhere might actually like you for something other than what’s in your pants.”

Ezra snorted while eating and choked on his food in the process. Holly raised her bottle of blood and cheered, and I ducked my head to hide a smile. Now that I’d seen Finn and how uncomfortable he looked, I felt embarrassed for reacting the way I did. Yes, what he said was hurtful, but my reaction what he said was over the top and overly dramatic. I wasn’t that kind of person and I didn’t want everyone think I was.

I got up from the table and followed Finn to the far side of the cafeteria, where nobody would be able to hear our conversation. For a minute, the two of us just stood there, neither of us talking. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, and I thought he was planning his speech in his mind before he started.

Finally, he took a deep breath and began. “Ronnie, I’m sorry for what I said to you on the balcony. It was nasty and hurtful, and I didn’t really mean it.” He sighed, and I could tell that this pained him to admit. “Tanya was right. I do have a type. And she was even more right about them being as stupid as possible. When I heard her say that, I realized something. I don’t like stupid girls. They’re annoying. Really, really annoying.”

“Then why do you sleep with them?”

“You can’t understand, because you’re not a guy, and you’re not a werewolf. Ronnie, sometime in the near future, I’m going to have a mate. One mate. For the rest of my life. After I find that one girl, I won’t be with anyone else ever again.”

“I thought a werewolf’s mate was all about choice,” I said quietly. “Tanya said that they decide who their mates are.”

“I know, but I’m not ready to find my mate. I don’t wanna be tied down at nineteen, and the best way to do that is to make sure I have nothing in common with the girls I sleep with. They’re stupid, shallow, and mean to each other. I don’t want to settle down yet, so I pick girls that I have absolutely no chance of falling in love with. It makes it easier to stay single.”

“I’m not in love with you, Finn!” I snapped, angry that this was the reason he said such hurtful, cruel things to me the other day. “I think you’re brave, loyal, and attractive, and I thought that maybe there could have been something between us a long way down the road from now. I wasn’t thinking about marrying you or asking to be your mate you ass!”

He flinched and ran a hand nervously through his long dark hair. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. I just heard the two of you talking, and I was worried that you were some crazy obsessed chick. I didn’t stop to think; I just wanted you as far away from me as possible. I’m sorry, Ronnie.”

He looked sincere, and now that I’d thought about it, I felt really bad for overreacting. And now that I knew he felt just as bad, I felt like I could forgive him for what he’d said. So I took a deep breath. “It’s alright, Finn. I forgive you. Just don’t ever say anything that horrible to me, or to any other girl, ever again. Got it?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“Alright, now I’m going back to that table, and I’m gonna finish my lunch. Would you care to join us?”

He nodded again. “Sure.”