Runa shuffled irritably along the blue carpet. She shouldn’t have woken up. The brutality of the fight had left her shaky. Her head ached and she didn’t want to look at the people she passed, couldn’t walk too close to another person. She was afraid that somehow the violence had infected her and someone might hit her, or that she would lash out and thump some stranger. She was angry with the two men for hurting each other but she was also worried and couldn’t help but pity them. She saw them rolling over and over on the deck, blood shining on their hands and faces. She could still hear their cries above the wind and sea and she wanted to cry.
Runa had only once hit a person and she could remember exactly how it felt, though it was years ago when she was a teenager. She and Ping had been doing some compensated dating, of a kind. They would arrange to have sex with a man in return for jewelry or whatever they felt like that day (Ping had a taste for designer purses), but they would avoid the sex by taking the goods first and running away. If the man chased them, they would scream until he disappeared. But one man didn’t give Ping what he’d promised. He understood that she wasn’t planning to hang around so he walked out of the love hotel lobby. Ping felt cheated so she ran after him and Runa went too, to protect her. They followed him to his house and Ping threatened to tell his wife unless he gave her money. He told them that he wasn’t married and shoved Ping out of the way, cracking her head against the wall. Ping went crazy. She started screaming and hitting him all over his face and chest. He pushed her again. Runa came behind him with a brick and hit him over the top of his head, not very hard.
It was his own fault but Runa had felt so sorry for him, standing with his hand on his head looking utterly lost and confused. She wanted to hit him again and put her arms around him at the same time. She wasn’t keen on older men after that. It was all too violent and confusing. Apart from Kawasaki, who was a couple of years older, she dated only younger men.
She lay back on her futon and felt warmth creep into her limbs. The room was large and there was space for ten or more people on the tatami. Runa was glad she had not paid for a proper bed in a cabin. She wanted more people around her tonight. Being Nanao wasn’t easy. She had thought it would be; she thought it would mean being sensible, being quiet, not doing much, but now she had to pretend she didn’t speak English. Until she saw the English man, she hadn’t thought about language. Perhaps it wouldn’t matter—most people on the ferry would speak Japanese, Chinese, or both—but she shouldn’t identify herself as someone who might be an English teacher. Her head pounded as if it were being kicked. She pressed her fingers into her temples. For now the school and its teachers didn’t exist. They didn’t exist because she couldn’t see them.
Soon only her fingertips and toes were cold. She should eat or drink. Then she would have to find something to do, other-wise she would lose her mind. Perhaps with a little company she could stop dreaming and fill her head with something new.
She found herself thinking again of the man who was being beaten up on the deck. His face was the more aggressive of the two. She’d like to put one finger over his lips to quiet and calm him. In fact, she’d like to see him tonight but she would not do what Runa always did. She was Nanao. Nanao didn’t go around picking men up when she needed them. Somehow she already had them. Before she met Hiroshi, she had boyfriends, but each lasted for a long time and they seemed to slide so easily into her life, as if presented on trolleys. Runa didn’t have boyfriends as such; she had encounters. She didn’t know how Nanao used to do it, how she got them without having to catch them in the first place.
Runa could only behave the way she felt Nanao would and that meant being responsible and practical. She must first have something to eat. After that she would find a place to sit and check out the other passengers. Then she must sleep. She could sleep for the whole journey. She must forget about the man.
She climbed a flight of stairs and felt a burst of excitement. I’m on a boat, Nanao. I wish you were here with me. Have you heard yet, that I’ve run away?