CAT’S ARTICLES OF WAR

Reader,

If you are about to sail with me, you should first read the regulations that rule in my navy.

1. All those in command of the English language are welcome aboard.

2. All persons on my vessel of war being guilty of profane oaths, cursings or other scandalous actions are in good company with the author.

3. Every person in my fleet who does not duly observe the standing orders of the admiral (me) to enjoy my tale is hereby ordered to go dunk their head in a bucket of seawater.

4. If any person in the fleet shall find cause to complain of the unwholesomeness of the fare provided, he or she shall quietly make the same known to his commander in chief who shall, as far as she is able, strive to take the criticism without losing her temper.

5. Care shall be taken in conducting and steering this vessel so that it be not stranded, or run upon rocks or sands, but keep an eye on the lifeboats just in case.

Your Commanding Officer,

Cat Royal