“I won’t believe it. I can’t believe it.” I’m stunned by what I’ve heard. Alex holds my hand gently on the walk back to my apartment. I pull a tissue out of my pocket and wipe my nose.
“I love you, Alex, and I won’t accept that someone ‘up there’ won’t allow us to be together. It’s crazy. Ethan’s theory is just that—his personal interpretation. I can find another book, ten books, all of which will say something slightly different. You can’t walk away from me if you really do love me.”
Alex squeezes my hand.
“A part of me wants to believe that Ceri, but you need to understand something. As much as the things you’ve witnessed and been involved in are real, the memories I have after I dream or travel, or whatever, are real to me too. Have you any idea how scared I’ve been? Similar to a premonition, and I know you understand what that’s like. If I stay with you, then you will fail because I will be your distraction. Think about it. Ignore the angel bit, just concentrate on what you know to be true. I’m convinced some of your actions have saved people’s lives. If you knowingly try to change the course of your path who knows what might happen? What if one of the people you are meant to save in the future is Seb, or Sheena? How would you feel knowing that you chose your own happiness over the chance to give them a future?”
“I’m not a saint Alex. I want to love someone and I want to be loved in return. I can’t help the fact that I fell in love with you. It just happened, so who’s to say it’s wrong?”
Alex stops and pulls me close, nestling his face into my hair.
“I don’t know, Ceri, I don’t know. Ethan seemed to be able to explain everything and it fitted. In some ways it was a comfort to know what the dreams meant, because for a while there I thought I might be losing it. I don’t want it to be true.”
“What if he’s totally wrong? What if we were meant to find each other and work as a team? Maybe together we will be stronger. If we live our lives in a way that’s positive and help other people whenever it’s clear we have something to give, then surely that’s good karma? The universe sends back to you what you give out. We’ll only send out positive thoughts and actions. Please Alex, if this wasn’t a good idea, I’d feel that wouldn’t I? My sensitivity would be screaming at me loud and clear. I’m right and Ethan’s wrong. He’s the one reading from the wrong page.”
“Okay, I’m so out of my depth on this there is nothing more I can say. If it weren’t for my dreams, I would tell you that it feels very right to me. The moment I met you I knew, but something told me not to rush things. At least that part turned out okay. What happened, happened when the time was right for both of us, so perhaps what you say has some truth to it. Maybe we can make this work.” He rubs his hands nervously on his jeans. His mind is trying to make sense of our situation.
“I’m not saying I don’t believe what Ethan was saying, but what if we can take control of our own destiny? Maybe we have a real chance to move forward together. The saying goes ‘Life is what you make it,’ and I always believed that.”
“Ethan made me stop and think, Ceri. I don’t want to put you in any danger; I love you too much for that. Even if I have to walk away in order not to hurt you any more than I have already.”
His kiss is gentle and warm on my lips. He wipes away a stray tear that runs down my cheek. “Don’t cry Ceri, we’ll get through this. The more I think about it, the more I’m beginning to see that perhaps all of this has happened for a reason. Working for Mason wasn’t doing either of us a favour and suddenly I have another job. You’ll find something soon too. Things are meant to go wrong because sometimes we reach the point of needing to move on.”
“I feel the same way. I’ve found someone who will mentor me and he feels strongly that I have what it takes to become a medium. After what we’ve been through I’ll understand if you don’t think that’s a good idea, but I have to feel that what I do matters. If I can help people and pass on messages from loved ones then that seems a positive move to me. I’ll keep the two halves of my life separate and we’ll make a normal life together, I promise. If that’s what you want too.”
He holds me close, I melt into him. Letting go has never been easy for me; I’ve never really trusted anyone. Why does it feel so right when I’m with Alex? This can’t be wrong and his response is telling me that he wants this too, for both of us.
***
Something disturbs me and I stretch lazily, then immediately snuggle back down under the duvet, not wanting to wake up yet. Another five minutes I tell myself. After all, the alarm hasn’t gone off yet and it’s cosily dark behind my eyeshades. An arm suddenly wraps itself around my shoulder and a little thrill passes through me. Knowing Alex is lying next to me makes everything in my little world feel so perfect.
It’s a lazy feeling listening to the sounds of the world waking up. A car passes by, some birds start chirping, squabbling over a perch perhaps and fly off noisily. A light breeze blows in through the open window and goose bumps run up and down my arm. I pull it back beneath the cover and Alex moves closer. He’s still sleepy and content to enjoy a sense of knowing that we are together and nothing can pull us apart.
One moment I’m languid and the next I’m sitting bolt upright in bed.
“Ceri, what is it?” The concern in Alex’s voice is clear. He immediately struggles to throw off the listlessness of sleep.
“Something is wrong, very wrong, but I don’t know what.”
“Calm down,” he says, his hand brushes again my hair. He tries to shush me, as you might calm a child.
“You don’t understand Alex, this is different. I think we were wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“Alex, when I opened my eyes I wasn’t here, I was somewhere else.”
“That’s crazy. You’ve been next to me all night long. You probably drifted back into sleep for a few seconds and it disorientated you. No big deal.” He smoothes my arm and then holds my hand, squeezing it to reassure me.
“Alex, I’m scared. I think it might be possible to be in two different places at the same time. A part of me is somewhere else, even while we’re talking. I don’t understand what’s happening…”