When the speeches were finished, Lucie tapped Dale’s arm.
“I need to go.”
Dale flashed a glance at Jamie, who was talking to the man at his side.
“Because of him?”
“No. Yes. No. Well sort of. I didn’t know he’d be here. I can’t sit opposite him and eat. I’ll say I’ve got a migraine or something if anyone asks. You stay and have your dinner if you want.”
“Absolutely not! I’m coming with you.” Dale stood and took Lucie’s hand then they crossed the floor towards the exit. The guests were talking and drinking as starters were served and everyone seemed immersed in their enjoyment of the pre-wedding gathering.
As they left the room, Lucie released the breath she’d been holding.
“Lucie!” She turned to find Petra hurrying towards them. “Where are you going? Oh goodness! You look awful!” She covered her mouth. “I mean… you don’t look well, you’ve gone green.”
“She’s got a migraine. She needs to lie down.” Dale slid his strong arm around Lucie’s shoulders. “I’ll take her back to the hotel.”
“Oh, Lucie, no. Do you need a doctor? I can get one to come to you. Will you be all right for tomorrow?” Her eyes were wide and her mouth trembled as if she too was overcome with conflicting emotions.
“No need for a doctor. I just need a lie down.”
“And that’s all that’s wrong?”
“Petra…” Lucie considered whether to say anything.
“What is it? Have I done something wrong? Has someone else done something?” Petra looked as if she might burst into tears.
“Look… I didn’t know that Jamie would be here. Stupid really, as he’s Harry’s friend, but you hadn’t mentioned him and I guess I hoped he just wouldn’t appear.”
“I’m so sorry, Lucie. I thought that with you and Dale being together now that you wouldn’t mind. And with poor Jamie being as he is now, I guess I hoped you wouldn’t mind so much. We didn’t know if he’d actually make it out here in all honesty, but his brother brought him. Jamie’s one of Harry’s old university friends and Harry wanted him here. I did say that it might be awkward after you two used to date, especially when you were seated at the same table, but it was some time ago now and then I got distracted by something else and…” She wrung her hands together. “All I can say is sorry.”
His brother brought him? Poor Jamie? What was poor about him?
“Can I persuade you to stay?” Petra cut into her thoughts. “We could quickly rearrange a few seats and put you, or him, at another table.”
Lucie shook her head. “No. No. Thank you. Then he would think he’d upset me, and I don’t want that. I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise.”
She kissed Petra’s cheeks gently then allowed Dale to take her back to their hotel.
Once they’d closed the door to their suite, Lucie felt as if she could breathe again. Her pulse slowed and her hands stopped trembling. But the butterflies in her stomach remained, stirred into wild fluttering every time she remembered that Jamie was in New York and that he’d be at the wedding.
Dale removed his jacket and shoes and took them into the bedroom. “You want me to order something from room service?”
Lucie’s stomach growled in response.
“I guess that’s a yes, then? What do you fancy?”
“Anything. Surprise me. I’m going to change.” She padded into the bedroom and pushed the door shut then sank onto the bed. She didn’t want Dale to see exactly how bad she felt but she suspected that this was how she’d feel if she’d been hit by a bus. She’d once loved Jamie so much, thought he was everything she could ever want in a man. She’d trusted him, believed in him. But she hadn’t really known him at all and her shame at that still had the power to sicken her. How could she have been so stupid? So wrong. So naïve.
She unzipped her dress, took it off, then hung it in the wardrobe. She was safe here with Dale. They would eat then sleep and everything would seem better in the morning.
It always did.
***
“That was amazing! I’m honestly glad we came back and ordered food here. Plus, I got to eat in my pyjamas.” Lucie tucked her feet underneath her and snuggled into the corner of the sofa. She cradled a large mug of tea.
Dale came to sit next to her. “It was delicious.” He eyed her over the steam rising from his mug. “Are you sure you’re okay now?” Lucie’s reaction to seeing Jamie had been dramatic. He’d known that Jamie had hurt her a few years back and that it had taken her a while to get over it, but when she saw him earlier, it looked as if she’d seen a ghost. He was worried enough anyway with tomorrow being the anniversary of her mother’s death. The whole point of this trip had been to help Lucie enjoy Christmas and he’d been making progress, but now that scumbag had shown up, and Dale didn’t know if it would cause a massive setback.
“I am, Dale. I was just surprised. Now I know he’s here, I can deal with it and get on with being a good bridesmaid for Petra.”
“He was never good enough for you, Luce.” He drained his tea then placed his mug on the table. As he leaned forwards, he grimaced.
“What’s wrong?”
“My neck. Must be tension. It’s really stiff.”
“Well, we can’t have that!” Lucie placed her mug on the table then pushed Dale forwards. “Let me get behind you so I can massage your shoulders. I bet it’s tension coming up from there.”
Dale paused. This probably wasn’t a good idea, taking into account how he’d been feeling recently. Having Lucie’s hands on him, feeling them wandering over his flesh and kneading his muscles could be a recipe for disaster.
“Come on! We can’t have you looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame at the wedding, can we? They’ll think I don’t look after my fiancé.”
Dale shrugged. He couldn’t argue with that.
He shifted forwards on the sofa and Lucie slipped in behind him.
“Take your T-shirt off. It’ll make it easier to massage you properly.” She helped him pull it over his head.
Her thighs brushed against him as she began working her thumbs into his back. She squeezed and rubbed, and soon his skin was warm and he could feel the tension draining away. But something else was happening too, and in just his baggy lounge pants it was going to be difficult to hide.
It’s just a side effect of the relaxation. That’s all. Relax and forget about it and it will go away.
But as Lucie continued, she ran her hands over the front of his neck, then brushed her palms over his chest and down his arms. As she leant forwards and her breasts squashed against his head and shoulders, her scent overwhelmed him – coconuts mingling with honey. He should stop this. He should get up and move away, but he was in a trance.
He cared about this woman.
He loved this woman.
And he wanted this woman more than he had ever wanted anyone.
He turned slowly, then took her in his arms and she wrapped her hands around his neck.
“Lucie,” he murmured. “Are you sure we should be doing this?”
“I’m not, but I want to.”
He lifted her and carried her into the bedroom then laid her down on the bed. He moved over her, holding her eyes with his, caressing her face and neck, running his hands down her curves, over her hips, drawing invisible circles on her thighs. He wanted her so badly, yet he was afraid of breaking the spell.
Suddenly, she sat up and pulled her vest top over her head. Dale’s mouth went dry. She was so beautiful, more perfect than he could ever have imagined.
More perfect than he’d allowed himself to remember.
She took his hands and placed them on her, then he lowered his head and kissed her neck, her shoulders and her collar bones. He breathed her in.
This is happening.
Something he’d thought about many times, yet pushed away because Lucie was too precious to lose. Because she’d hurt him all those years ago with her rejection, and because he sensed that she needed him there. Always. As a friend.
Too much to risk in case it all went wrong.
She’d been through so much and he couldn’t risk hurting her. But he wouldn’t hurt her. He loved her.
He cupped her face then kissed her mouth. Delving into her with his tongue. Needing her. Taking her.
Mine.
Then he paused.
Met her eyes.
Took a deep breath.
“I love you, Luce. So, so much. I should have told you before. I wanted to tell you in the carriage, and so many other times.”
He waited.
But something in her eyes changed and she sat up.
She reached for her top and covered herself, hanging her head and avoiding looking at him.
“Luce?” He reached for her but she stood up and moved away. “Lucie, please don’t do this. I didn’t mean to upset you. What is it? Tell me!”
But she shook her head. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
He ran his hands over his face and pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes.
Not that line! Anything but that cheap bullshit line.
“You owe me more than that, Luce. If you don’t want me, fine, but why the hell did you take things so far? I mean… Was it because of him? Seeing him tonight made you think… what, that you needed to make love to me?” His voice cracked. “To escape how you feel for him?” He stood up. White-hot rage burned through him. How could this be happening?
“I need some air.” He had to leave before he said something mean, hurtful, devastating. Something he could never take back.
He grabbed his jeans and shirt, then stomped into the bathroom and dressed hurriedly. He felt drunk but he’d hardly had any alcohol that evening. His stomach churned and he cringed as he washed his face in cold water, trying to break the heady fog of desire that had enveloped him.
He should never have succumbed to his emotions. Never have let things change between them. Lucie was his friend. She needed his protection, not his advances. But he was human, and she’d come onto him and made him lower the barriers he’d erected around his desire for so long. He’d never have got half-naked if it wasn’t for her kissing him like that and taking off her top, and now look what had happened. All because he’d been so damned weak. He opened the bathroom door and sat on the edge of the bed to lace up his trainers.
“Will you be okay here alone?”
Lucie lifted her eyes to meet his. She was pale, and had wrapped her arms around her knees. There were traces of tears on her cheeks and it made him long to wipe them away.
But she didn’t want that.
She clearly didn’t want him, and had just got confused about their relationship.
As had he.
He’d give her some space now and leave her in peace, though he doubted he’d find any peace himself for quite some time.
***
As the door closed behind Dale, Lucie fell onto the bed and let the tears fall. Her chest heaved as she sobbed and curled up in a ball, wishing she could block out the sadness yet knowing such thoughts were in vain. How on earth had she allowed things to go so badly with Dale? She’d wanted him tonight. She had wanted to lose herself in making love to him, to join with him and be filled by him, completed by him; made whole again. Because Dale did that for her; he kept the blackness away, banished the chasm of loneliness that she teetered on daily and he gave her hope that future happiness was possible.
She’d been carried away with how good she felt in his arms, how sweet and tender his kisses were and how her skin had tingled as he caressed her. But then… he’d told her he loved her and she’d realized what she was doing. And it was wrong.
Lucie loved Dale, but didn’t want to make love to him for the wrong reasons. She loved him too much to allow that to happen. When… if… she made love to him it would be for the right reasons. She wasn’t certain that her need for him tonight didn’t stem from seeing Jamie, from a need to make love to someone who cared about her, someone she knew would never hurt her as Jamie had.
Dale deserved to be loved for himself, for who he was. He deserved to be treasured by the woman he took into his arms and into his life.
But now she’d screwed things up between them. He’d even mentioned Jamie, suspecting that Lucie had stopped things going further between them because she had feelings for her ex. But nothing could be further from the truth. Lucie had no sentimental residue in her heart for Jamie. He was part of her past. A part she’d forget in an instant if she could.
Dale was her life now. And, if she could find a way to make him understand, a way to explain things to him, then perhaps he would be part of her future as well.
She got up and went into the bathroom then turned on the large tap over the bath. She could head out into the night and try to track Dale down, but she was so weary and Manhattan was so big. She would be as likely to find him as she would a needle in a haystack. Besides, he’d come back eventually.
So she would wait.
Then she would explain.
Because she couldn’t bear to know that Dale was hurting, especially not because of her.