‘On second thoughts, I don’t have time for this.’ Sue stared into dark and musty wardrobe, and capacious Victorian monolith that could easily have provided a handy portal to Narnia. ‘I’ve still got to run the children’s choir through their paces, and check that Jed knows what he’s doing.’
‘First of all,’ Tamsyn said, ‘Cordelia is taking on the children’s choir, as agreed, she’ll be rehearsing them through the Slade–Metallica mash-up that she’s got planned even as we speak. And second of all, my husband is very good at doing Christmas blessings, it’s sort of at the top of his job description, right under the heading where it says “Vicar”.’
‘Yes, yes, of course, but you know how I—’
‘Like to control everything,’ Tamsyn finished for her. ‘But you can’t control everything. For example, when you woke up this morning, and put on a pair of jeans that are made mostly of dog hair and poodle drool, you had no idea that you were going to be spending the evening going out to dinner with a movie star.’
‘I don’t think I want to go, actually,’ Sue said, sitting down on her bed. ‘No, I think I’ll ring and cancel. I’m coming down with something … Piles maybe. Or the plague.’
‘Can I go then?’ Alex offered. ‘I’ll go. I don’t mind going.’
‘Alex, and you a newly married woman.’ Tamsyn looked scandalised. ‘I’ll go.’
‘I can’t go,’ Sue said. ‘Look at me, I’ve got the hair of an Airedale, the skin of an eighty-two-year-old, the clothes of a mad bag lady. How can I possibly go?’
‘Wait,’ Alex said, soothingly, ‘let’s get some perspective on this. He’s taking you out as a thank you. Or a sorry, or something. Of course you want to go, and of course you want to look your best, but this isn’t a date. You just need to feel comfortable and relaxed. Maybe … I don’t know, do you have anything baggy?’
‘Oh Alex, that is so you.’ Tamsyn rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Sue, you have amazing clothes in here … Somewhere, I’m sure. I’m going to style you. While I explore the, um, options, such as they are, Alex you get Sue in the shower. You need to put a shedload of conditioner on that hair, and leave it in. OK? Trust me, I know curls and how to tame them. Also, maybe shave your legs, I’m just saying. Sometimes it’s good to be less hairy than your pets.’
‘Oooh, this is fun,’ Alex said. ‘Normally it’s me that everyone wants to dress up like a girl, and now I understand why!’
‘I can’t go,’ Sue said again, unhappily, this time burying her face in her hands.
‘Why?’ Tamsyn asked, sitting down next to her on the bed. ‘See this red tartan skirt, it’s actually quite sexy? Or it will be once I’ve taken it up four inches.’
‘Because Rory has left me for another woman,’ Sue said. ‘There’s the pageant to organise, and the grotto to set up. The choir is one thing, but I can’t leave Cordelia in charge of the grotto, can you imagine? It will turn into a bat cave, or something. And I really wanted to have some time with the children tonight; they’ve barely seen either of their parents for an age. What sort of a selfish, stupid, silly woman would I be to go out to dinner with a movie star who is only doing it out of some weirdly chivalrous attempt to apologise for being too famous? It’s preposterous! It’s not my life. I’m not going. And that’s final.’
Alex and Tamsyn exchanged a look.
‘Well,’ Tamsyn said, ‘we could talk about Rory, and the pageant, the mysterious motives for your dinner invitation, but we won’t. We’ll save that for when you get back from you dinner date. And don’t worry about the bat cave, I mean the grotto. I can be here tonight to supervise … in fact I wondered if—’
‘I’m not going,’ Sue said.
‘Just get in the shower,’ Alex said. ‘We’ll start with a shower. And see how you feel afterwards.’
‘OK, but I’m not going,’ Sue repeated.
‘And don’t forget the razor,’ Tamsyn called after them. ‘Less hair is more!’
‘You look great,’ Tamsyn said, as she tucked one of Sue’s newly glossed curls behind her ear. ‘Stunning.’
‘I’m too short to be stunning,’ Sue said. ‘And I’ve got a pointy nose. They used to call me Beaky when I was a Brown Owl. Actually, Tamsyn, I think you started it.’
Tamsyn ignored her. ‘That skirt is a triumph now that I’ve raised it a couple of inches. Good job my sewing machine is still here, useful, really, don’t you think …’
‘And this shirt is too tight, you can see my chest area,’ Sue said.
‘Yes, cleavage is the technical term, I believe,’ Alex said. ‘It looks good. To be honest until now, I’ve always thought of you as having more of a shelf than breasts—’
‘Mummy!’ Petal appeared in the doorway, with her usual predilection for a grand entrance, her wild red hair cascading over her shoulders, a smudge of paint streaks like a warrior’s badge across her nose. ‘Choir practice was the best fun. Cordy knows all the best songs. And none of them are carols!’ Her eyes narrowed as she noticed something different about her mum. ‘You look like a lady!’
‘Well, Mummy is a lady,’ Tamsyn told her. ‘It’s one of the main defining features of most mummies, their lady-ness.’
‘You look nice.’ Meadow poked a finger into Sue’s cleavage. ‘Are you going to meet Daddy, is he coming home tonight?’
‘I …’ Sue turned to Alex for help.
‘Mummy is going to meet a movie star for dinner,’ Alex said. ‘And Tamsyn is going to need your help to get the grotto ready for Santa.’
‘Cordelia’s already found the Halloween spiders,’ Meadow assured her.
‘I probably won’t go,’ Sue said, pulling her squirming daughter into a hug. ‘Shall I not go? It would be better if I stayed, wouldn’t it?’
‘No, you have to go,’ Meadow said. ‘If you stay you won’t let us have the zombie elves!’
‘Besides,’ Alex said, ‘it’s almost eight, you can’t cancel now, that’s just rude and weird and … Sue, you run this town. Every day, all day. Give yourself a night off from …’ She glanced at Meadow. ‘From everything. Just enjoy it.’
A car horn sounded from outside, and Meadow ran to the window.
‘Mummy, a sports car!’ she cried. ‘A yellow sports car!’
‘Well, how ridiculous. How on earth did he get that up and down the streets of Poldore, foolish man,’ Sue said, as she peered out of the window and saw a canary yellow Ferrari parked on the only road it could have driven along to pull up outside the castle.
‘Well, off you go then,’ Alex said. ‘I feel so proud of you.’
‘I have no idea how I’m going to get in and out of that stupid car in these shoes,’ Sue grumbled at the suede high heels that Tamsyn had teamed with black opaque tights and a considerably shortened kilt, which showed that Sue’s legs might be short, but they were shapely. With some deep red lipstick to set off her fair skin, and a little mascara, she looked lovely, and she had to admit, although never out loud, that she did feel good. If Rory could her see her now … Sue reflected for a moment on what she’d want him to feel if he could see her now, and then realised with a shock that she really didn’t care what he thought.