Eating rice and beans out of a bag next to Sophie is much better than eating alone. Not only because it’s nice to have company, but because that company is her. She’s wearing my rain paints (Emily was right about my needing them!) and a sweatshirt I hadn’t worn yet. She looks adorable.
She takes a spoonful of food while I quiz her on our favorite books. Luckily, she passed a few of the must-haves without hesitation. All of the Harry Potters, C. S. Lewis’s books, Eragon, and she’s added a few of her own favorites to the mix.
She stops eating to ask, “Edgar Allen Poe?”
“Yes.”
“And you loved his stories?”
“Yes.”
She feigns wiping sweat from her brow. “That would be a deal-breaker.”
“Well, I haven’t read all of his poems and stories. I hope that’s not too upsetting.”
“Not if you’re willing to rectify that as soon as possible.”
I hold my spoon in the air. “I swear I will.”
“Shakespeare?”
“He’s okay.”
“Okay? Just okay?”
“Douglas Adams?”
“Have never read him.”
“I’ll trade one Shakespeare for one Douglas Adams.”
“Deal.”
Sophie yawns. “I should probably…”
“Yeah.”
Sophie looks better, but her lips are still a little beige. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look so good.”
Sophie looks down at my clothes, which are too big on her, and says, “Hey, my designer says this outfit is the shit. Also, that’s a hell of a thing to say to a girl.”
“I meant you look like you’re not feeling so well.”
“Hiking all night without eating and my foot hurting was probably not the best idea.”
“Well, you did have to chase the jerk who annoyed you, so…”
“Yeah. So?”
“I think I should stay with you tonight. Keep you warm.”
She cocks her head. “That sounds like a line.”
“A line?”
“A pickup line, a play. To get me to… you know…”
I blush again, and it’s such a weird feeling. Of course I want to stay with her, but I’m not going to admit to that, because that would not be cool. “Oh no! Not at all!”
She makes a face like she’s annoyed, then smiles, so I’m so confused. “You don’t have to act like that would be the worst thing in the world…”
“So you want me to act like an oversexed, hormonally driven asshole who only cares about, you know…”
She raises her eyebrows.
“Look I’m not exactly good at this stuff.”
“I noticed. It’s kind of sweet.”
I stand up. I can’t take being made fun of, not by this girl. “I better go clean the dishes.”
“Don’t make me chase you,” she says. “I wasn’t trying to insult you.”
I look back at her. “I told you I’m not good at this stuff. I never cared about that before, but you make me care about it, and now I feel like an idiot because…”
“Shh. You’re not an idiot. You’re very cute and I care about you too.”
Those words. I care about you. They dive into my heart, making it pump harder and faster and stronger. I almost reach to hold it in place, but that would make me look like a total dork, which I already do since my mouth can’t seem to shut up.
“One day, it might be nice to be together in that way, tonight I think you need the extra warmth. I’m worried about you.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“But I don’t spray bug spray under my sleeping bag. It’s not good for you, with all of those chemicals. So if you’re going to stay with me, you will have to deal with that.”
“Okay.”
“I have some eucalyptus oil that you can put on instead.”
“I’m not worried about the bugs tonight. I only want you to be okay.”
She smiles. “It’s been a long time since someone’s said that to me. Why don’t you leave the dishes. Pack them up and I’ll help you clean them in the morning.”
I don’t know much about girls or dating, but I figure when a girl tells you to hurry up and come to bed, you do what she says.
• • •
It’s such a bizarre chain of events that led to my body being pressed up against a girl’s, especially this girl in particular, who I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time trying not to alarm or disgust. As a result, sleep doesn’t exactly come easily. Pressing a woody into a girl’s body could go badly, or so I’ve heard from Sam and Taylor, so I’m careful to keep myself far enough away that my body’s reaction to my thought of What the fuck? There’s a girl next to me! won’t be an issue. But somehow, when I wake up, I find myself nuzzled against her. My arm is actually draped over her and her hand is on top of mine, which must mean she doesn’t hate me holding her. Weird. For the hundredth time, I wish I could talk to Emily. Hell, I wish I could talk to Brad or Christian. Not that they would believe me without a picture (if I hadn’t already smashed my sim card). They would flip out, for sure.
Instead, I lay here, wondering if my basic early-morning hard-on will go down enough so I can take a piss, or if I’m destined to walk the earth with this part of my body pledging allegiance to Sophie.
The light outside the tent is still weak, but there’s enough to let me know it’s actually morning. I don’t want to wake Sophie, so I carefully pull myself away from her, bit by bit, so I can go take care of business.
After that, I grab the dishes and take them to the creek to clean. I filter and fill two water bottles and bring everything back to camp. I get down the bear bag and dive into it, checking to see what’s left. Which is pretty frightening because, among other things, we are getting super low on coffee.
Gah. I finally get a girl to pay attention to me, and now I’m going to totally zone out when she talks and she’s going to ditch my ass the first chance she gets. I cannot focus without coffee. I can’t hike without coffee. I can’t think without coffee. Without coffee, I am all muscle and bones and no brain.
For a second, my mind conjures images of coffee grounds, chocolate-covered espresso beans, real coffee made in an actual coffeepot. Oh my God. The first package Emily sent, before we had our fight, is waiting for me at Hiawassee, which, by my calculations is about twenty-one miles ahead of us, but I’m also not sure if she can track when I pick it up, so there’s no way I’m going to chance that.
I check my supplies. Four bags of oatmeal, three bags of rice and beans, two bags of beef jerky, three bags of pasta sides. It’s not enough food for two people for three days of hiking. I’m going to have to make a supply run. Soon. Money is pretty dismal. If we don’t use the charge card, I’ve got $18.50, and I’m not sure what cash Sophie has. The only supply I have enough of is ibuprofen, which won’t last long either.
Sophie starts making noise in the tent, so I peek in. She must be having a nightmare. “Shh, Sophie. It’s okay.” I pat her leg. She’s mumbling and thrashing and doesn’t wake up. I climb inside the tent and start to shake her gently when I hear rustling outside the tent. Then some banging. I pop my head out in time to catch a bear eating my oatmeal.
All I can think of is that we need that food and that we don’t have enough, so I charge at the bear. Desperation must make me seem intimidating, because he takes off. The beef jerky and most of the bagged food is already eaten or in his mouth as he leaves the scene of the crime. I fall onto the ground, trying to pick up what’s left of our food. Some rice, a few beans mixed with a little dirt. Awesome.
That’s when I see the rest of the damage. The coffee is scattered on the ground. Panic starts to pump my heart. Tears spring to my eyes. I realize it’s ridiculous to cry over spilled coffee, especially when I can’t always cry over normal reasons, but these are anger tears. I need caffeine, or I’m going to lose my shit on so many levels. I bend down, face close to the ground and wet my fingers to pick up coffee grounds, and yes, I eat them. I don’t realize I’m mumbling to myself until Sophie asks, “What will be okay? And what will be enough?”
I turn to see her poking her head out of the tent, looking rather puzzled.
Awesome. Just how I wanted her to see me. Life. Is. Good.
• • •
I don’t have to explain that a bear stole almost all of our food, because that’s painfully obvious. My cheeks are heated and I’m sure I’m blushing again. Sophie must know I left the food unattended.
Her eyes drift to the tree where the bear canister was. Then to the ground.
“You were having a nightmare. I… I… I know I shouldn’t have…”
“No, I get why you… But… Wow.”
“Do you have any food in your stuff?”
She shakes her head. “But I have the money you gave me…except there’s really no place to resupply for, like, twenty miles.”
Damn. I look at the remains of the food. Slim pickings for sure. One bag of noodles, one bag of oatmeal, a bag of pasta that has spilled open. I scoop up some of that and pour it into the torn bag. “I guess this will be our last supper.”
“People can live for twenty-one days without food,” Sophie notes.
“Yeah, but do they want to?” I shoot her a smirk.
“Good point.”
“We better clean up the rest of this and get going.”
I feel the rage fill me. How could I have been so stupid? I start drumming my hands on my legs, then open my palm. The need to smack my thighs or my head is building, building.
Sophie’s busy picking more noodles out of the dirt. Some coffee gets more scattered and I have to bite the inside of my cheek so I don’t say anything mean that I’ll regret. Sophie collects a pile of food, but I know it won’t be enough. This is all because of me. Bear Bait Taggart. Dipshit Dylan. Stupid Space Cadet.
She must pick up on my mood. “Don’t beat yourself up.”
Funny she should say that.
She continues. “It could’ve happened to anyone. Besides, you were trying to help me.”
Some of the pressure within me releases, like a balloon being deflated.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” she says. “What were you doing on the ground?”
“Oh.” My face heats. I’ve become a blushing fiend. “I’m sort of addicted to coffee, but not the way most people are. If I don’t have coffee, my brain gets foggy and I zone out and stop caring about everything around me.”
“Okay…”
“I mean, if I don’t have coffee, I could sit in the woods and not hike or eat or… It’s extreme.”
“Then we better get you coffee. Stat.”
“Yes. Stat.” I rub my hands together, like Lady Macbeth wiping off that damned spot.
Sophie points to her tent. “I’m going to change, then we can go.” She holds the flap back, but then swivels her head to face me. “Oh, and you don’t have to confess any more of your dark secrets. Your coffee addiction was enough.” She’s laughing now.
I should be annoyed because she’s laughing at me, but it feels good to share a joke with someone. Like when Sam and Taylor used to kid around with me. Or when Emily did, and suddenly it feels kind of good, like even though we are going to go through tough times, at least we’ll have each other. And that makes me think about when I get home. Sam. Taylor. Emily. Maybe there’s a way to fix all that? I don’t know, but it’s something to think about. And thinking about that might make the next twenty miles go by faster.