Jinaari kept his eyes open, scanning the forest around them. At the same time, he analyzed Thia’s every word, each shift in her posture as they rode. Helix said it’d worked. She told me she felt like part of her was numb, and it was keeping her guest at bay. That doesn’t mean it won’t change before we stop. Before I give her the choice.
Adam’s hand went up, and he pulled his horse to a stop. “It’s getting dark,” the warlock said. “Should we make camp or do you want me to make some light?”
Glancing at Thia, he saw her rub her hand against her arm. She’s getting cool, even with the fever. “Find a good place. A traveling light is going to draw more attention than a fire will.”
“There’s a clearing up ahead. It should work.” Adam urged his horse forward.
“Come on,” he said to Thia. “Let’s get the tents up, eat.”
“Then I get to learn your secrets?”
He heard the irritation in her voice. “Yes. I have my reasons. You know that.”
She sighed. “I do. It’s just . . .” her voice trailed off.
“Just what?”
“I’m tired, that’s all.”
“Tired of what?”
“If I told you I was tired of chasing hope, would it make sense?”
Jinaari nodded. “It does. Don’t give up, Thia. This is going to work. I know it will.” It has to!
“It’s hard to have hope when I don’t know the whole story, Jinaari.”
“You trust me, right?”
“You know I do,” she said with a sigh. “It’s just . . . I thought we all agreed to no more secrets? Yet here we are. You have one. Adam has one. And I’m following blindly, unsure of anything besides you being convinced my life’s in danger. From what? My guest? There’s no way to know if we’ll find the grotto, or even that the Gods will help.”
Reaching out, he put a hand on her arm. “I know it seems like we’re keeping secrets, but we also told you when we’d tell you. Adam’s waiting until we’re back in Almair. It’s possible that Helix put a geas on him. He may face a higher price than he already paid if he tells you earlier. As soon as the tents are up and a fire’s going, I’ll tell all of you mine. The others don’t know this, not completely. I know you’re frustrated, Thia. I’ve never risked your life needlessly. I’m not going to start now.”
“Setting me up to release Corse wasn’t risking my life needlessly?” Her tone was sharp, but not without reason.
“I can’t defy Garret any more than you can Keroys.”
She slumped in her saddle. “I know,” she said. “And I wouldn’t expect you to. Like I said, I’m tired.” Her focus shifted and he saw her look ahead of them. “Let’s get those tents set up. I’ll grab my coat, warm up around the fire. That should help.”
“You should eat something, too.” Jinaari urged his horse forward, staying alongside Thia.
“I’m not hungry.” The words barely reached his ears. “She’s still sleeping, but I can tell she’s trying to fight back. You’ll probably need to restrain me somehow while I sleep.” She spurred her horse to a trot, moving far enough ahead of him that he wouldn’t be able to talk to her.
Watching her back as they headed toward the clearing, his heart sank. The choice is still hers. It has to be. This is different than the cage. I wasn’t forbidden from telling her, giving her the choice. But which one will you choose, Thia? Gods, I hope it’s not the wrong one.
Riding out of the trees, he could see Adam at work on one of the tents. His blonde head looked up as Thia rode closer. Taking her reins, he held the horse as she dismounted. “I’ve almost got one tent up,” the warlock said as Jinaari got closer.
“Thia, find your coat before you give him a hand. Caelynn’s got the other one on her horse. I’ll get the fire going, make sure we’re not sitting on the ground.”
“We know the drill, Jinaari,” Caelynn said from behind him as he dismounted. “After all these years, you still forget we know what we’re doing.”
“Because he’s an arrogant prick,” Thia said as she threaded her arms through her coat. The sparks danced at the edges of her fingers; small dots of light in the encroaching night. “He needs to remind us he’s in charge.”
Jinaari bit back his response. She’s not herself. Arguing with her won’t matter. Without breaking stride, he walked over to a small circle in the grass. “Looks like someone’s camped here before,” he said as he began to clear away the stone circle. “I’ll have a fire going soon.”
The others got to work, and he did the same. Once the fire was going, he hung an iron pot from a tripod. There was enough dried beef and vegetables in his pack to make a warm dinner for all of them. If he’d learned anything over the years, it was not to overcook.
“Get your bedroll set up,” Adam said as he came up behind him. “I’ll finish this up.”
“Thanks,” Jinaari muttered. Straightening up, he watched Thia come out of one. He walked over to his horse and began to untie his pack and bedroll. Without hesitation, he took it into the one she’d exited.
Removing the bag Helix had given him, he tossed it on her bed before setting up his own. Once he was done, he grabbed it by the strap. Opening the flap, he saw the vials nestled in protective pockets. Eight doses of the poison that would keep Valtikka at bay while slowly killing Thia.
“There’s not enough in here, Helix. You said it could take up to ten days to get to the grotto.”
The mage nodded, “This is all I had time to create. You’ll have to move fast, push her harder than you ever have. You know what’s at stake, Shield. Will you honestly risk every person in Avoch for her? Would she even want you to?”
“Food’s ready,” Adam’s voice pierced through the memory.
“I’m coming,” Jinaari replied. He closed the bag and ducked out of the tent.
The rest were huddled around the fire. Above them, the cloudless sky had darkened enough to allow thousands of stars to shine. The moon, full and bright, was half hidden by Mathaireil. The mountain dominated the landscape. Maybe they were closer than he thought.
“It’s impressive,” Caelynn said. Her voice jerking him back to the fire. As he settled on an old log they’d found, she continued. “This is holy ground, you know. All the old stories and songs say so. We can hunt for food, but that’s it. Nothing here should come for us, either. You probably won’t need your armor.”
“You should wear it anyway,” Thia said as she pushed a spoon around in the bowl she held. “Just in case the other one gets violent. I don’t want to hurt any of you.”
“You asked me earlier what was in this bag,” Jinaari said, as he set it down on the ground between them. Caelynn handed him a bowl, and he waved it off. “Later. Right now, Thia needs to make a choice.”
“Let’s take a walk, Caelynn,” Adam said as he started to rise.
“Stay,” Jinaari said. “You two should hear this, too.” He waited until they were settled again. “Thia’s right about something. I’ve often told her to trust me but kept parts of the puzzle from her at the same time. When I was Samil’s prisoner, I realized it was wrong. Thia,” he turned toward her, “you’ve spent your life letting other people tell you what should happen. Allowing them to make decisions for you instead of raising your voice, making your own choices. I’m not talking only while you were in the cloister, either. Up until I was captured, until you were forced to take the lead, you’ve let us do the thinking. Yet you’ve proven to me, multiple times, that you have not only the intelligence but the right to make decisions about what you really want.”
“You’re better at tactics than I am,” she began to say.
He held up one hand, silencing her. “You’re right. I am. That doesn’t mean you have no say in anything.” He paused. “I can’t make this decision for you. Not this time. I’m having trouble reconciling how much of what I saw, who I talked to, was real during my captivity. I’ve sworn oaths, more than one, to keep you safe. For me, that always meant alive.” Pointing to the bag, he continued, “Helix gave you something last night. I don’t know when or how, but he did. It's why your guest has been sleeping. There’s eight vials of it in there. You’ll need to take it every night if you want to keep her from preventing us from getting to the grotto. And we’ll have to push hard. There’s a chance we’ll run out of the potion before we arrive if we don’t.”
Thia looked at the bag. Reaching down, she opened the flap and pulled one out. “What else?” she asked as she looked at him.
“It’s a poison, Thia. Taking it will keep your guest asleep, but it will kill you. The more you take, the faster it acts. Your magic will channel toward keeping you alive, and nothing else.” He locked his gaze on her lilac eyes. “There were only two options to get you free of this. One was off the table, because we killed Lolc Aon. She can’t reverse the spell she did to trap your guest. The other is the grotto. If we can’t get the Gods to agree to help, we’re out of options.”
Trust filled her eyes, but a shadow of sadness passed over her face. “What happens if they won’t? Or if I die from the poison before we get there?”
“The other one will take you over, have access to your stores and every sigil you’ve ever thought of. And she’s spent a long time in the scepter, working on her revenge. Helix believes she’d burn Avoch down, turn it into a barren wasteland. There’s only one way to stop her, but that would mean your death as well.” He pulled his sword out, resting the blade across his lap. “Helix tried to get me to kill you as you slept, but I refused. I won’t do that, not until there’s no hope left.”
Thia lowered her head, looking at the vial in her hands. “So, my choice is to take poison daily, and hope that we find the grotto and can convince the Gods to get rid of her. If I don’t, then I could be taken over by her at any time. And you’ll have to kill me to keep me from slaughtering everyone in Avoch. What happens if the Gods refuse or the poison kills me first?” She looked at him.
“Then I have to stop her from taking you over. And the only way to do that is drive my sword into your heart.” He stared at her. “I don’t want to do that, Thia. Please don’t ask me to, not unless there’s no hope left.”
Swiftly, she uncorked the vial and raised it to her lips. Her face scrunched up at the taste. Adam handed her a waterskin. Taking it, she drank some before giving it back. Turning to Jinaari, she said, “Now there’s seven vials. If I run out and we haven’t found the grotto, I need you to promise me you’ll end this before she can take control. I will not be responsible for the carnage she’d inflict. Make it swift, for both of our sakes.”
His mind reeled from her words. The same ones he’d said to her outside of Cirrain. “If that is your decision, I will abide by it.”
“No, we can’t do that!” Caelynn interjected. “Thia, you can’t give up. You’re my sister. I’ve waited centuries for you to fill that void. Please, don’t give up this easily.”
“I’m not,” she replied. “I’ll take a dose every night, where each of you can see me do it. Jinaari can carry the bag. We push hard, ride as long as we can. When we get to the cave, we’ll go inside. We’ll talk to the Gods. But I can’t let her take control of me, either. It’d be worse than anything Drogon would’ve done. It would make any new version of Lolc Aon I would’ve given birth to seem tame. This guest of mine has nursed a hatred against the other Gods for so long, Caelynn. Her vengeance would be . . . I can’t describe it. It’s that horrific. I know this. I’ve spent months now trying to convince the world that the Thahion aren’t all evil. That there’s more to them than what Lolc Aon forced them to act like. More than the surface world understands. How can I turn my back on that? How can I choose to let everyone die, knowing I could’ve saved them by Jinaari giving me a clean death?”
Adam cleared his throat. “What happens next, Jinaari?” His voice was subdued.
“We rest. I’ll take third watch. Once the sun begins to rise, I’ll wake the rest of you. We’re going to push as hard as the horses can go. Thia,” he looked at her, “let me know if you start feeling worse. The way Helix was talking, it’ll take a few doses before things get bad. Once they do, though . . .” he began to say.
She nodded. “They’re going to get worse fast. I understand.” Rising, she looked at the three of them. “I’m going to bed.” Without another word, she walked over to the tent and disappeared.
Reaching down, Jinaari picked up the bag and slung it across his chest. Adam grabbed the empty vial off the ground and handed it to him. “Might want to keep that,” the warlock said. “I’d hate for there to be a residue in there that someone finds by accident.”
Jinaari nodded and placed it in with the others. “You two can decide who gets what watch. No more than two hours each. The last thing we need right now is a lazy day.”
“Agreed. Which means you’d best get some sleep too, old man.”
He rose and walked to the tent. Ducking inside, he secured the flap. Thia was curled up on her bedroll. Her body shook as muffled sobs reached his ears.
Laying down next to her, he pulled a blanket off his pallet and threw it over the both of them. One arm circled her waist, and he held her close. “I don’t understand,” she muttered through her tears. “Why can’t I be happy? Why is there always something or someone who demands more?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I wish I did. You’ve met every challenge head on, though. Rose above them. You’ll do the same with this one. You’re too stubborn not to.”
Her body shifted as she laughed slightly. “I’m tired of rising up, Jinaari. I really am. I thought I finally had a handle on everything. I could actually live a life, be with you and the others, and not worry about what will happen tomorrow. Except now tomorrow is coming fast. I don’t want to die.”
Her final words came out as a whisper, and his heart broke at the pain in her voice. “It’s not happening. Not as long as I can prevent it. I’m not giving up hope yet, Thia. We take this one day at a time, same as we always have. We’ll get up tomorrow, pack down camp, and ride as long as we dare. We keep doing this until we find the entrance.”
“And then what do we do?”
“We go in. We find the grotto, and we convince the Gods to take care of you. Separate your guest from you for good.”
“But what if they say no?”
“They won’t.” He kissed the back of her head. “Keroys Marked you. He won’t let you die that easily. The others won’t, either. They put forth the effort to tell us they didn’t blame us for Lolc Aon’s death, remember? And Volk said they all were on the verge to go looking for you if I hadn’t found you, coaxed you out of the nightmare. The world is a better place with you in it, Thia. The Gods know this. I can’t believe they’ll allow your guest to take you over.”
She rolled over and faced him. “You really believe that?”
“I do.” He pushed aside a strand of hair. “I’m not giving up on you, not without a fight. I know how stubborn you can be. Tonight, yes. It feels like everything’s closing in around us. Like every single bad thing in Avoch is determined to make us fail. But it’s not in you to surrender to the pressure any more than it is in me.”
She lowered her head, resting it on his chest. Holding her even tighter, he whispered, “Trust me. I’m not going to let you go without a fight.”