The first rays of light shone through the small opening of the tent. Thia sighed, giving up on sleep. Any minute now, Jinaari would come in and chastise her because she hadn’t slept that night.
Or any since she started taking Helix’s elixir.
Taking a deep breath, she cringed as her lungs spasmed in pain. “That’s new,” she muttered.
“What’s new?” Jinaari asked.
Sitting up, she looked at him as he entered. “It hurts to breathe,” she said as he knelt in front of her.
“You look horrible,” he said, gently brushing aside some hair. “You haven’t slept in days.” His face changed. “I hate seeing you like this, Thia. Maybe you should skip a dose of the potion.”
“No. I can’t. If I do, she’ll come back. I’m not risking your life, or theirs, to get a few hours of sleep.” Wincing, she glanced at her chain shirt. It was in a ball on the ground, where she’d let it fall the night before. “I can’t wear that anymore,” she said in a whisper. “It’s too heavy.”
“I saw the bruises on your shoulder last night.” His eyes held her, and her heart broke at the pain she saw in them. “You’ve lost so much weight that your tunic’s too big. I don’t like this, Thia.”
“I don’t, either. But I’m not ready to give up and have you put your sword in me.” She looked down, grasping his hands in hers. Meeting his eyes again, she said, “You know why I asked you to do it, right? I can’t live with what she’d do if she controlled me. She’d make sure I saw everything, experienced the terror she’d inflict.” Her voice broke. Ignoring the pain, she took a deep breath and continued, “I’d become something worse than I would’ve been if I’d given into Lolc Aon’s demands. I can’t live that way, be responsible for that much death.”
“I understand.” His deep voice was barely above a whisper. “I don’t like it, but I understand it. More now than when Keroys asked me to do the same thing, because this is your choice.”
“I’ve got to talk to Adam and Caelynn. I’m not sure they see it that way. I can’t,” she paused, “I can’t die—”
“You’re not going to die. Don’t say that. We’re finding the grotto, convincing the Gods.”
Her spirit soared at his insistence. “I can’t accept the potential outcome if things aren’t right between the two of them and me. Not and be at peace with it.”
He nodded. “When we get started, ride up with Adam for a while. Talk to him first. Of the two, Caelynn’s the one likely to try and get you to change your mind.” Smiling, he said, “I know better. You’re too damn stubborn.”
“I’m not the one who tried to do magic without the necessary stores for, what did you tell me, six months,” she teased him.
“That was out of my arrogance, my drive to be the best.” His face shifted, becoming serious. “I will do as you’ve asked me, Thia. I gave my word. But I will also do everything I can to prevent it from being necessary. I won’t lose you without a fight. Trust me.”
“Always,” she said. “I’m not surrendering to her. I’ll fight until my last breath. That’s why I’ll take a dose again tonight, even if it means I can barely walk tomorrow. That’s my vow to you.”
“Horses are saddled,” Adam said from the doorway. “All that’s left is what’s in here, and the tent.”
“Hold on,” Jinaari said. Looking at her, he continued, “Go. We’ll pack everything up.”
Thia thought about arguing, but the pain made her rethink her words. Rising, she picked up her belt and began to wind it around her waist. Pulling it snug, she realized the loose end was significantly longer. Jinaari’s right. I have lost weight. She adjusted how the pouch and scepter rested against her hips, trying to alleviate the pressure. There were bruises forming on more than just her shoulders.
“Thia?”
She looked up, meeting his gaze, “Yeah?”
“How are things with you?”
“Not good, but I’ve handled worse.”
Jinaari pointed to the scepter. “Is it too heavy?”
“Not yet.” She walked out of the tent, choosing her steps carefully. He’s worried enough, she thought. He doesn’t need to know I’m dizzy. Him knowing won’t change it.
Adam stood near the entrance as she emerged, the same concern on his face as Jinaari wore. “I’ll get you on your horse,” he said, gently taking her arm. Caelynn held the reins, one hand caressing the mare’s nose. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I won’t lie,” she said, “I’ve felt better.”
The warlock linked his hands, ready to boost her into her saddle. “You’ve looked better. I know Jinaari wants to push hard, but it’s taking a toll on you.”
Settling onto the seat, Thia moved the scepter so the weight was distributed evenly. “I agree with him, Adam. We don’t have time to wait for me to feel better. It’s not going to happen until we get to the grotto.”
“I’ll go help Jinaari,” Caelynn said, her voice thick.
Thia watched her walk away. The bard hadn’t looked at her directly when she’d gotten to her horse. In fact, she didn’t look her way at all.
“She’s scared,” Adam said, his voice full of concern. “She’s trying to hide it; not let you know. You’ve got enough to worry about and she doesn’t want to add to it.”
“I need to talk to her, Adam. When we’re camped tonight. Can you make sure we have the time for that?”
“There’s a cabin on the way, within walking distance of the entrance we’re looking for. We’ll be there before dark. It’ll be a good place to rest. You’ll have plenty of time to speak with her there.”
“And you didn’t tell us about this last night because?” Jinaari asked as he walked toward the horses. In his arms was the canvas for the tent. Caelynn followed behind with the poles. Thia’s pack was slung across her back.
“Would you accept that I wasn’t permitted to?”
Jinaari looked at him. “Helix?”
Adam nodded, “Helix. I couldn’t say anything until we were within a day’s ride. It’s well stocked, secure, and comfortable. We’ll be able to eat our fill, rest without needing a watch. There’s a barn where we can leave the horses. You three can start to relax. I’ll ride out, find the grotto’s entrance. Once I know where it is, I’ll come back. Tomorrow morning, we take our packs but leave the horses and I’ll transport us to the spot.” He glanced up at Thia, “The effects are likely to be worse for you, but it’s the fastest way to get you there.”
“I’ll be fine,” she replied. Smiling, she continued, “Just be ready to catch me in case I pass out.”
“I thought you weren’t some pampered noblewoman who would faint if she stubbed her toe,” Jinaari said, a grin on his face, as he walked closer. “Don’t worry,” he put a hand on her knee. “I won’t let you fall.” Turning toward Adam, he continued, “She’ll ride up with you for a while. I want to go over what to do when we find this cabin of yours with Caelynn.”
“Can’t I hear that?” Thia asked.
His dark eyes met hers. “Not as long as I’m in charge of your safety, no. You’ve said it yourself, more than once. I’m better at tactics than you are.”
“Adam said we won’t have problems tonight, though. That no watch is needed.”
“It’s not safe until I know it is, Thia. Besides,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “this gives you time to talk to Adam.”
“I’ve got everything secured,” Caelynn said from her horse.
Thia watched Jinaari mount his horse. He nodded at her, and she urged her horse forward.
They rode in silence through the valley. The tall grass was covered in dew. The tiny droplets shimmered like small gems, evaporating into mist as the rays warmed the water. There’s so much beauty around us, Thia thought, that will go missing if she wins. We may be the only ones who ever see this, but it matters. Everything and everyone in Avoch, including those who think like Bryant do, matter. I don’t want to die, Keroys. But I can’t let her destroy the world either.
She raised her head. Not far ahead of her, she saw Adam look back at her. Spurring her horse to move faster, she drew up alongside him. “How far will we be riding today?”
“The distance is going to be tricky,” he said. “We’re going to see the cabin hours before we reach it. The terrain’s rocky, so we’ll have to keep the horses to a walk.”
“I understand,” she said. “I trust you, Adam.”
“Even after learning about my mission?”
Thia laughed. “I admit, it made me mad.” She paused, then looked at him. “I said some things I shouldn’t have said, that I regret. I hope you can forgive me for them.”
“It wasn’t all you, Thia. Samil’s embedded spell amplified what you were feeling. And we didn’t have Jinaari with us. You were off-balance before I said a word. I know you were mad,” he flashed a grin at her, “but there’s nothing you said that warrants an apology. I’ve had people,” he pointed behind him where Jinaari and Caelynn rode, “say far worse to me.”
“We’re good, then? You and I?”
Adam looked at her, puzzled. “We always have been, Thia. Why would you ask that?”
“It’s just,” she paused, searching for the right words, “things have the potential of going bad for me. More than Jinaari wants to admit they could. I can’t . . . go into what could lie ahead of me and not know things are right between me and my family.”
“That’s why you asked me to make sure you could talk to Caelynn tonight, isn’t it?”
Thia nodded.
“I’ll make sure it happens. I think it’ll put her mind at ease, too. As to you and me, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Jinaari when he learned about my mission. By the time I knew whose Mark you bore, you were family. I was ready to die before I let anyone hurt you. I still am. But,” he said with a sigh, “I understand why you asked Jinaari to do it if it needs to happen. Same as I understood why you would if our gamble to free him didn’t work. Does that help you?”
“It does.”
“Good. Because that’s not going to be easy to cross.”
Thia looked ahead to where he pointed. The wide chasm was dotted by dead trees and jagged rocks. A narrow band of water snaked through the bleak landscape. At the end, a lone building stood.
“How do we even get down there?”
“Good question,” Jinaari said as he rode up next to her. “Adam?”
“Over there.” The warlock pointed to her right. A narrow trail had been cut into the rocky ground. Steep switchbacks wound down to the canyon’s floor. Adam’s warning earlier about it taking hours to get to the cabin made sense.
“Adam, you have the lead,” Jinaari said. Looking at Thia, he continued, “How are things with you?”
“I can ride. There’s no way we’re taking that faster than a walk. I won’t fall off.”
He nodded. “Let me know if you need help. I’ll be behind you, as close as the terrain lets me be. Adam?”
The blonde man turned his horse toward the path, and Thia followed.
The sun was high in the sky by the time they reached the bottom. Sweat ran down Thia’s back. Raising the waterskin to her lips, she drank deeply while waiting for Caelynn to join them. “Can we refill our supply from the stream?” she asked Adam.
He looked at her, his blue eyes concerned. “There will be plenty waiting in the cabin. What’s wrong? You’re flushed.”
“It’s so hot down here,” she muttered. She unbuttoned her coat and started to pull it off. The fabric of her tunic clung to her damp skin.
“Only it’s not,” Adam said. “Jinaari!”
Thia closed her eyes, trying to push away the wave of nausea that swept over her. “I can still ride,” she said.
“The fever?”
She opened her eyes and met Jinaari’s. “Yeah. It’s worse.”
“I can see that. You’re sure you can ride?”
Nodding, she grasped the reins tighter. “Stay close, though.”
“I will,” he promised. “How much farther, Adam?”
“Another hour, two at the most. The terrain’s too rocky to move the horses any faster, but we’re through the hardest part.”
“Go as fast as you dare,” Jinaari ordered.
Thia looked at him as he moved his horse closer. “How many vials are left in the bag?” she asked.
“Two.”
“How many days will we spend walking once we find the entrance?”
He locked his gaze on her. “I don’t know.”
He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to. She understood what he meant. One dose tonight, one the next night if they don’t find the grotto before they have to rest. After that, her time would be measured in hours and minutes. Blinking away tears, she focused on Adam’s back as he led them through the canyon. I don’t want to die, Keroys. Not yet.
Neither do I, Thia.
“Jinaari.”
He grabbed at the bridle of her horse. “What’s wrong?”
“She talked to me.” Thia said. “She doesn’t want to die, either.” She drew a deep breath, cringing in pain. “She’s gone now. She’s scared, though. I know Adam said this place is safe. I don’t think whoever built it considered the danger being within someone taking refuge.”
“When we get there, Caelynn and you will stay outside. Adam will do what he needs to do while I check inside. That gives you time to talk to her. Get you settled inside, then we’ll start taking care of the horses once Adam’s back. One of us will stay with you at all times. If you need us to, we’ll restrain you.”
“I’ll let you know. I promise.” She looked around. “I wonder what killed off the trees.”
“I’m sure you could ask a historian in Cirrain or Almair,” Jinaari’s tone was calm, “when we get back. Several would want to interview us. Few know of the grotto any more, let alone get there and come back.”
“Are we all coming back, though?”
“Yes, Thia. We’re all coming back.”
The quiet assurance in his voice washed the fear within her aside. Touching her heels to her horse, she urged it to keep pace with Adam. The cabin was a benchmark; a place of rest, but the last one before things got even worse.
An hour later, they rode up to the front steps. Jinaari dismounted, then reached up to help her. “There’s a bench on the porch,” he said. “Once you’re sitting down, I’ll go inside. Caelynn?”
“I’ll stay with her.”
Adam turned his horse around. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. The entrance isn’t far.” He set off at a trot.
Thia sank onto the bench. Caelynn leaned against the rail across from her while Jinaari disappeared inside. Looking up at the bard, she said, “There’s room if you want to sit down.”
Caelynn crossed her arms across her chest, her pink curls dancing as she shook her head. “I’ve been sitting for too long. Standing, and not moving, feels good.”
“We need to talk,” Thia said, keeping her voice soft.
“I know what you want to say,” Caelynn replied, her voice thick. “I don’t disagree with your decision, Thia. You’re the only person I’ve ever met that was a match for Jinaari in doing the right thing, no matter the personal cost. Just because I understand it doesn’t mean I like it. I hate it. And it’s not that I hate you. It’s that I hate that you’re in this position, that the Gods finally gave me back the family they promised me centuries ago only to tear it apart. Again.” She swiped at the tears that fell down her face.
“I don’t want to die, Caelynn. I haven’t waited as long as you have, but you three are my family. The only one I’ve had since Papa died. I spent the last seventeen years feeling like I couldn’t breathe without asking permission first. Hiding who I was more than what I was, burying myself so deep that I didn’t believe I could ever let my true self out without being hurt. As much as I complain about the Mark, the role of Scepter, I know they’re part of who I am. Who I’ve always been. I wouldn’t be who I am without you. The only reason I’m not curled up in a ball, crying my eyes out from fear, is because you’ve shown me I’m stronger than that. I need that more than ever now. So does Jinaari. If he has to do what I asked him to do, I’ll feel better knowing you and Adam are there to help him after it’s over. Same as you would’ve been there for me if things hadn’t gone right outside of Cirrain.”
Caelynn nodded. “I love both of you, Thia. Adam and I were apart for so long, but at least I knew he was still in Avoch, somewhere, and alive. Please don’t give up. I can’t bear . . .” her voice trailed off as her eyes grew wide.
“What’s wrong?” Thia asked. Her body shuddered and heaved, making her fall off the bench.
Give me control! I won’t let you kill us! Valtikka’s voice screamed in Thia’s head.
This threw her head back, screaming in pain, as she fought the other one for control of her body. “Never!”
Through the blinding agony, she heard Caelynn screaming for Jinaari.
I will win! And you’ll watch as I tear your family apart, as the Gods did mine! You haven’t known pain until your connection to your stores is severed!
“Drink, Thia,” Jinaari’s voice broke through the fog and she felt something press against her lips. As the bitter elixir entered her system, Valtikka screamed and retreated from her mind.
Thia opened her eyes. Jinaari knelt next to her, one arm supporting her back. “I’m good.”
“Let’s get you inside,” he said as he slid his arms under her. “It’s more comfortable than this is.”
“We only have one vial left now, don’t we?”
“That’s all we’ll need. Trust me.”
“Always.”