Not coincidentally, I scheduled Sean’s visit for 11:30, on Sunday. Mom’s open houses are usually at noon, but she goes early to make sure the homeowners cleaned up and didn’t leave anything tacky lying around, like black velvet Elvis paintings. (She says she throws the extra junk in the garbage can.) Coast should be clear by eleven-ish.
But at 11:15 she’s still home. At 11:25 I go to investigate. She’s in her room wearing a pink thong bikini and full makeup.
I say, “Have open houses gotten a lot more casual lately?”
Inside, I’m panicking. Panicking, I tell you.
“Oh, darn client decided not to sell—after I told another client I couldn’t take her around. Can you believe that? So I have a free Sunday for once. I’m catching some rays.”
“At the beach?” I ask, hopefully.
“Nah, just outside. I have a client at three. Want to join me?” She looks at my legs. “You’ve gotten pasty since you started that arts school.”
“Um, no.” If she goes out right now, I can sneak Sean past her. I pick up the suntan lotion. “Here you go.”
“I’ll put it on in here, let it sink in. UV rays can destroy the skin, Caitlin.”
“I know, I know.” Get her outside. “Here, I’ll do your back.”
Three skin preparations later, she’s out the door. I didn’t have to worry, though. Sean’s late. At 12:15 the phone rings. I pounce on it.
“Hey, my mom let me borrow the car. Want to hit the beach?”
It’s Gigi. I glance at the clock. If Sean’s coming, I should wait. But what if he forgot and I’m stuck here, with Valerie, the Hawaiian Tropic babe?
“Caitlin, if you don’t want to go, just say so. I’m a big girl.”
“It’s just … Sean’s supposed to come over.”
“He blew you off?”
“Not necessarily.”
“Don’t move. I’m coming over.” She hangs up and doesn’t answer when I call back … repeatedly.
It’s almost 12:45 when she shows up, giving a confused glance at Harold the flamingo, who’s dressed like a pilgrim now. Still no Sean. “Well, screw him,” she says.
“Right. I’ll get my suit on.” I go to put on my bathing suit, a tank. I own bikinis, but I sort of hate having people look at my body. Nick used to tell me to wear a T-shirt over my suit because I looked fat. Now I realize he just didn’t want other guys looking at me—another level of his BS. I was skinny. Today I look in the mirror. I weigh one hundred and sixteen now, eleven pounds more than I weighed when I left fat camp last summer. I haven’t binged since that night with the baking chocolate, and I’m keeping away from the cookies … mostly. Now I survey my body. One-sixteen isn’t as heavy as I thought. It’s fat in Ashley-land, or if you’re Mom. I don’t wear a size zero, but I bet if I ate normal meals, I could maintain this, no problem. And I look good. Normal good.
I put on a bikini, but I put a long T-shirt over it for some added coverage.
“What?” Gigi says when I come out. “Not a thong like Momzilla?” She gestures toward Mom, who’s in the yard giving a full moon to the world.
“Please die,” I tell her. I head to the kitchen to get some Diet Cokes.
Of course that’s when the doorbell rings.
I try to run in before Gigi opens it, but I’m too late. Next thing I know, Gigi’s saying, “Caitlin gave up on you an hour ago.” I look out and see Sean and Rudy. Gigi checks Rudy out. “Who are you?”
“He’s a friend of Sean’s.” I’m trying to usher them … somewhere, but it doesn’t work because Gigi’s going to the beach while Sean and Rudy are heading to my room to practice dance steps. So the next thing I know, Mom’s sweeping in from the yard.
Worlds … colliding … Duck! Take cover!
“Caitlin,” she says. “Did you throw a party and not invite me?”
Of course she comes in when any guys show up. And of course she didn’t put on a cover-up. And of course she’s wearing high-heeled sandals, the better to flex her butt muscles. In fact, the living room is quite full with me, Gigi, the guys, and Mom’s butt.
“Um, no. We were just leaving … for the beach.”
I say this even though it’s fairly obvious we’re not all going to the beach. Rudy and Sean are dressed for church. But I have to get them out of the house before Mom—
“You haven’t introduced me to your friends.”
Too late! Mom’s advancing on Rudy. “You’re the nice young man who drove Caitlin home a few weeks back.”
Gigi raises an eyebrow, Rudy backs away, and Sean attempts, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. McCourt.”
“Call me Valerie. Mrs. McCourt sounds like a teacher.”
I find my voice. “Mom, you know Gigi.” I wait for her to make eye contact. “And this is Sean and Rudy. We were just leaving.” I hand Sean the cooler.
He gets the hint and leaves. Gigi and Rudy follow, then Mom says, “You’re welcome to stay here. I could make sandwiches.”
“No, that’s fine, Mom.”
So we go to the beach. It turns out that Sean, who practically lives out of his car, has swim trunks with him, and Rudy rolls up his pants. We stop at Mr. Pizza and order one to go. Then we head to Bill Baggs Park and choose a spot near the lighthouse. I used to come here all the time with my friends from Key, but it’s been a while.
“You should come to Choral Camp this summer,” Rudy tells Gigi and me. “It’s at the University of Miami, and they’re already planning for it. I’m going to lead a small ensemble group. So of course I’m trying to recruit good people so my group will be the best. Sean’s already coming. I assume you’re brilliant too.”
“Good assumption.” Gigi smiles.
“Rudy knows everything about opera,” I tell Gigi.
“I guess someone has to,” she says.
I kick some sand at her, then freeze. Walking about five feet away from me are all—and I mean all—my old friends from Key, including Nick. Three football players, two cheerleaders, and a partridge in a pear tree.
Omigod. I’m in ex-boyfriend hell. I wish I’d left the T-shirt on. I suck in my stomach.
Saint, the guy I dated after Nick, is carrying a cooler that I know is filled with beer (hidden under the Coke cans). “Hey, Caitlin,” he says.
Can’t talk. Dying. “Hey.”
They reach our blanket where they salaam like extras in a production of Turandot and I introduce them to my friends.
“I remember you from Wendy’s,” Ashley says to Sean. “Nice bathing suit.”
Sean doesn’t put down his pizza, but salutes. Finally, the only one left is Nick. I’m holding my pizza and my breath, wondering what he’s going to say. But he just nods and trudges along after them. I watch, frozen, until he’s about ten feet away.
“Who’s that?” Sean says.
“Who?” I say.
“Mr. Intensity with the green eyes.”
“Oh.” I pull my own gaze away from Nick. “My ex.”
Sean glances in Nick’s direction, and at that moment, Nick looks back. When he sees Sean watching him, he looks away.
“Why’d you break up?” Sean asks.
I use my pizza crust as a pencil, writing my name in the sand, trying to think of the right answer, the good lie, like We drifted apart or We wanted to see other people. Yeah. That one’s good. I draw a heart around my name. Nick’s about fifteen feet away and the sound of the surf is hard in my ears.
“He beat me up,” I say.
Way to kill a party, Cait. Sean’s mouth makes a surprised O. Everyone’s does. Gigi looks like she wants to say something, but for once she’s speechless. In fact, the world goes eerily silent, except the rock and roll of the ocean, and I remember sitting on this beach with Nick, less than a year ago, by the shadow of the lighthouse. The beach hasn’t changed, just me. Why, why did I tell them, especially Sean? I want this guy to like me, so I let him see me as a victim? The wind hits my eyes, and I look at Nick. He doesn’t look back. I feel my eyes start to tear up. “Now you all think I’m really stupid.”
That’s when Sean reaches for me, first one arm, then the other. He pulls me to him. He feels warm and safe, and no one says a thing for a minute.
I break the silence. “It’s not that big a deal.”
“It sure is. No one should treat you like that.” Sean looks after Nick. “What a jerk. Why do guys do stuff like that?”
I shrug. “He had a rough childhood, I guess.”
Gigi makes a noise, and Sean says, “I had a rough childhood. That’s no excuse. That’s just dumb.” He looks at me. “Sorry. It’s not you I’m mad at.”
“I know,” I say, though I don’t. Not really. “I guess I used to make excuses for him.”
Sean frowns. “Well, I’m glad you stopped. You don’t need that guy. You don’t need anyone.”
“Hey,” Rudy says. “Anyone want my pepperoni?” He holds a handful out.
“Eww, no thanks,” Gigi says.
“I’ll take it.” Sean releases me to take it.
“I knew you would,” Rudy says. “A human garbage disposal.”
We stay there the rest of the afternoon until, finally, Sean says he has to go home to help Desi make the solar system out of fruit for school. The whole time I can feel Sean’s arms around me, and it’s like he’s holding me together.