Max’s interruption left me irritated, so we decided to take a break and go get something to eat. The two of us meandered through the crowds on the Lido Deck, not talking. Part of me was still frustrated that, no matter how much time we spent together, Frank didn’t get what it was like to be me. I couldn’t throw my career away in favor of my principles.
All of a sudden, Frank’s eyes widened. He grabbed my arm and yanked, dragging me behind a stack of unused deck chairs. Into the shadows.
Shaking my arm out of his grasp, I gaped at him. “What are you doing?”
At that moment, a voice reached my ears. High-pitched, snooty. I had no trouble visualizing the speaker. “Jake, are you sure you saw Frank? Why would he be in here when he said he planned to spend the day at the casino?”
The casino. Yet another difference between us. I couldn’t imagine putting my hard-earned money into a machine and hoping more came out, but that’s because I couldn’t afford to lose.
A male voice responded, deep and gravelly. It was the first time I’d heard Frank’s friend speak, which suddenly seemed odd. “I swear, I saw him walking next to someone.”
Frank’s arm tightened on mine, holding me in place.
“Who would he be with? We’re all here, and Nellie’s meeting Max for lunch.” Another female voice, this one unknown to me. Probably Jake’s wife, whose name I couldn’t remember. “Come on, it’s too loud up here, and my feet hurt. I’m going up to the adults-only hot tub to relax.”
“Fine, I’ll look for him myself. I don’t know why I have to do everything.” Lisa again.
The other woman huffed, her voice already further away. “Jake?”
“Coming. Lisa, we’ll see you there.” His voice faded as he spoke, so I assumed they were walking away from us. Of course, they didn’t know that, because for some reason, Frank and I were hiding.
I pushed him away. “What are you doing?”
“Shh!”
This was stupid. We had things to do, and we were allowed to walk around on the same deck. Instead of answering him, I turned to leave. Before I could move, Lisa appeared before us, her mouth opened in such a perfect “O” of surprise, it had to be an affectation. “Francis?”
Instantly, Frank dropped my arm and stepped away from me. “Hey, Lisa. What’s going on?” His voice was three octaves higher than usual.
“Hi,” I said, not liking the vibe this scene gave me.
“We’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Lisa glanced toward me for half a second before her lip curled. “Why are you talking to this stripper? I hope you’ve got hand sanitizer.”
Frank stammered. He looked back and forth between me and his sister, clearly at a loss for words. It would have been so easy to say the truth, or that we’d become friends, or even that he’d been taking dance lessons from me. But he said nothing.
I thought we’d formed a bond, especially after last night. As the silence stretched between us, the enormity of my mistake hit me. This was all wrong. I couldn’t stand here and let Lisa disparage me while Frank stood in silence.
“We’re not doing anything.” I moved past Lisa, toward the railing and the open air. Suddenly, standing so close to Frank was stifling. “Nothing at all. After all, I’m just ‘the help’, right?”
“Janey, wait,” he said. “It’s not what you think.”
But it was what I thought. The answer was as clear as the nose on his face. No further explanation needed.
“Is this what you were talking about?” I asked him. “Not letting people talk down to me? Standing up for myself to improve my situation. Why aren’t you standing up for us?”
His face turned white. There was no point waiting for a reply. Without another word, I turned and ran. He’d never follow, not when the people who mattered might see.
Although I didn’t specifically decide to go there, my feet carried me across the planks to my studio where I could expend my energy the best way I knew how: On the pole. Queueing up my special “angry chick rock” play list, I climbed to the ceiling, spread my arms, and screamed. It felt good, so I screamed again. The soundproofed walls shouldn’t allow my rage to penetrate the walls of the spa next door, but I didn’t care. I simply let myself go.
My legs swung open, and I plummeted toward the ground, snapping my thighs shut at the last second to avoid slamming into the ground. One of my favorite moves, and always a crowd pleaser. Then I dismounted, turning and placing my shoulder against the pole before rolling my body upwards. I went through the most difficult moves I knew, wearing myself out too much to think.
An hour later, my rage spent, Frank found me slumped against the wall in the shoe closet, sorting pairs for lack of anything better to do. “Hey.”
I glared at him, then continued chucking shoes into one of two bins. He flinched as the first shoe whizzed by his hip. Each pair landed with a satisfying thud. I didn’t ask what took him so long to come find me. Probably talking to his friends about how many cars to buy with their buckets of cash.
“I know you’re mad at me. I deserve it.”
Since that was the truth, I still didn’t answer. Staring up at him from this position was putting a crick in my neck, so my stony gaze moved to the floor.
“Don’t I get a chance to explain?”
“There’s no need. I get it. You were looking for a good time, figured the former stripper would be perfect for a roll in the hay. If you’ll excuse me, I need to practice.”
He moved, allowing me to push past him. But when my shoulder brushed his chest, he gently touched my arm. “Please. It’s not like that.”
“Then how is it?”
“You scare me.” His voice trembled. “I’ve dated a lot, but I’ve never met anyone like you. I think about you all the time. I know we come from different worlds, but I don’t care.”
“If that were true, you would’ve defended me to your sister.”
“I’m sorry. I panicked, and my brain froze.”
“When your first instinct is to make sure no one knows we know each other, that’s a problem. One I don’t have time for. I’m sorry. This was a big mistake.”
“What about the performance?” He asked as I walked past him, toward the poles. “You still need to blow everyone away, and there’s no time to teach the routine to anyone else.”
He was absolutely right, but in that moment, I didn’t care. “I’ll manage.”
“Big words from someone who was desperate for my help a few days ago.” He increased the pitch of his voice to sound more feminine. “‘Help me, Baby Cakes, you’re my only hope.’”
“I made a mistake.” My voice shook, betraying my bravado for what it was. “I can do it on my own. Just like everything else in life. Relying on you was stupid.”
He crossed the room in three strides, stopping and spinning around in front of me. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You don’t have to do anything alone. Not anymore. I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”
“What are you going to do? Tell her that we’re friends and maybe more? Or maybe even suggest that she shouldn’t treat people badly because they happen to work in entertainment?”
“Absolutely.” He paused, and my heart stopped. “Right after the finale.”
“You mean once the cruise is over and you never have to see me again.”
There it was. My words hung in the air like a slap in the face. The thing neither of us wanted to acknowledge. Once the ship docked back in Miami, we were done.
Frank sighed, running one hand through his hair. “I meant, after the performance. Lisa’s been spending a lot of time with Robbie and Max and Nellie. I tell her about us, she’ll tell them.”
Nellie. There she was again. He’d said they weren’t a couple, and yet she seemed to turn up a lot. “Why does it matter if Nellie knows about us?”
“I’m worried about Max.”
“You didn’t answer my question.” To avoid his eyes, I climbed up the pole. Having something to focus on made it easier to contain the emotions roiling around inside me. “You said earlier that you and Nellie aren’t a couple. Does it matter if she knows about us?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Enlighten me. I’ve got nothing but time.”
“It doesn’t matter if Nellie knows about us. Like I said, we’re not a couple,” he said. “But her parents think we are.”
“What? Why?”
“Nellie’s mom’s family owns the cruise ship. Her father is a doctor,” he said. “Growing up, Dr. Kellerman wanted Nellie to follow in his footsteps. In a way, she did: playing softball, going to Princeton like he did. But whereas he went on to medical school, Nellie is terrified at the sight of blood. She couldn’t do it, got her MBA instead.”
“What does that have to do with you?”
“Since Dr. Kellerman can’t leave his medical practice to his daughter, he wants the next best thing: a son-in-law. He loves me, always has. He’s part of the influences that sent me to medical school after my accident. He wants to make me his partner. He also wants me and Nellie to get married.”
“So what, you’re using her?” Just when I thought nothing in this situation could horrify me more, he told me that he was pretending to date an old friend to get her father’s medical practice.
“No.” Behind me, I heard him pacing in frustration. “Would you please look at me?”
Without a word, I released the pole and fell backward, bringing my eyes near his level.
“Thanks,” he said. “I told the truth earlier. Nellie and I aren’t getting married. We’re not even dating. She has reasons for wanting her parents to think we’re a couple. Our charade makes an old man happy. Until today, it never hurt anyone.”
“Whatever,” I said. “It’s none of my business. It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not fine.” He approached the pole, earnestness written all over his face. “Because I met you. No one has ever made me feel this way. I don’t want to let Nellie down, she’s a good friend. But I can’t imagine stepping off this ship on Saturday morning and walking away, never again meeting anyone who makes me feel like you do.”
A tiny voice in my head whispered not to get my hopes up. “You’re not just saying this?”
“Please trust me.” He stepped forward, bringing his face inches from mine. “No one has ever consumed my thoughts the way you do. No one makes my body tingle at the thought of touching them. And no one has ever filled me with despair at the thought of never seeing them again.”
With all my heart, I wanted to believe him. Life without risks might mean safety, but it was also boring. I didn’t get into pole to be boring. I did it to fly. Frank made my heart soar.
We shouldn’t be doing this. I’d thrown caution to the wind the past couple of days, even though I could get into a lot of trouble. The way he was looking at me made it difficult to care.
Reaching out, I gripped his hand. “I don’t want us to end on Saturday morning, either.”
We’d been in this position before. Frank the Mary Jane to my upside-down Spiderman. Unlike our first lesson, this time, no one was here to interrupt us. I couldn’t bring myself to move away. My lips parted, and my breath came in pants that had nothing to do with the energy required to hold myself aloft.
All of the air left the room as we gazed at each other for an eternity. Refusing to break eye contact, I waited patiently. Finally, Frank cupped my face in his hands. Even though it was a simple touch, after the anticipation, I moaned with pleasure.
He moved his hands up and down my cheeks, and I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation. A moment later, his lips touched mine softly, as if seeking permission. I kissed him back, then opened my mouth with a soft sigh. My arms came around to bury themselves in his hair, no easy feat while hanging upside-down. We stayed that way, exploring each other, until my legs began to shake.
Frank pulled back, ending the kiss. “You okay?”
“Never better.” I slid down the pole in a basic dismount, not trusting my muscles to get back upright. When I neared the floor, my arms went up and my head tucked, allowing me to roll down slowly. Then I pulled myself to my feet before turning to face him as if Frank were a beacon calling me to the shore. I needed to turn and walk away, end things now before my weakness for Frank swept me away in an undertow.
I shouldn’t be doing this. Each time would make it harder to say good-bye at the end of the week. We were too different. I’d get fired. And yet, it didn’t matter. I was floating in a sea of Frank, and I’d rather drown than swim for the shore. Only that moment mattered, the feel of his lips on mine. The touch of his skin on mine, the whisper of zippers opening and clothes hitting the floor.