After I first spoke with Autumn, my mind filled with dozens of questions, like: When is she going to be born? How long has she been waiting for me? and more important, If I am her father, who is her mother?
I saw her a few more times in my dreamland, but more and more I would sense her presence when I briefly returned to consciousness for food, water, and bathroom breaks. It was as if she was preparing to be born and wanted to begin exploring what the physical plane was all about.
One evening when I uncharacteristically spent the entire night on Earth, I sat outside on my back porch and watched the moon rise and cast some of the most beautiful shadows I had ever seen onto the trees of my backyard. After it had fully revealed itself, I could sense the familiar feeling of Autumn nearby. When I looked around, I saw that the moonlight and shadows had coalesced into the shape of a giant bunny within the twisted branches of the large plum tree.
“Autumn?” I asked aloud. “Is that you?”
The ears of the rabbit began moving as if they were waving to me, and just when I was about to write it off as my imagination playing tricks on me, I noticed that the air was as still as could be. There wasn’t even a light breeze in the warm summer air, and all the surrounding branches were completely motionless as the bunny ears continued to wave.
My stomach filled with the giddiness of a thousand butterflies, and I watched the dancing bunny in the branches of the plum tree for nearly half an hour. When my attention began to wane, Autumn sensed my distraction and instantly morphed into a graceful swan that appeared to float on the reflection of the silver moonlight. She then choreographed an intricate production of various animals dancing in the tree one after another for the next several hours. Swans transformed into giraffes. Giraffes turned into polar bears. Polar bears into chickens. Chickens into cats. I was impressed by her creativity and ingenuity, but it was her playfulness and genuine innocence that captured my heart.
By then, the more time I spent in the spirit world, the less food I seemed to need. But even with my limited meals, I had finally run out of brown rice and red tea. For the first time since I’d begun spending time in the spirit world, I needed to reenter the physical one to replenish my supplies. Although I was definitely nervous about coming into contact with other people again, I was excited to share my news with Robert and was hoping to get his perspective on Autumn. After I prepared mentally, I instinctively put on a long-sleeved shirt, a hat, and sunglasses to protect myself from the outside world and ventured back to the Co-op. This time I knew for sure that Robert would be there and wondered if his sign would give me any answers.
Without saying hello, I walked right up to him and read his new sign aloud.
There are no straight lines in nature.
“Be honest,” I joked. “You make those signs for me, don’t you?”
“Of course not.” Out the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Robert wink at Puppy Don. “You’ll know when a sign is meant for you.”
“How do you come up with all those sayings?”
“They are given to me by those who need to be heard. And I record them for those who need to hear. And sometimes they’re the same person.”
“I see.” I wondered silently if he ever wrote anything I had said. Then I recounted my recent adventures in the hopes that he had some insight.
“So you finally met Autumn?” Robert asked after I finished. “What did you think about her?”
“She’s quite playful!”
“Yes, she is that.” He laughed.
“You know her?”
“I met her during your soul retrieval.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t think you could have handled me telling you about your unborn daughter then. You already had a pretty full day.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“It looks like you’ve spent a lot of time on the other side, haven’t you?”
“True. How did you know that?”
“Because you’re entirely out of your body right now. At least two feet above and one foot to the left. You need to try to stay grounded while you’re on Earth or you won’t have a choice.”
“A choice of what?”
“Of where you live. Do you want to live on this planet or the spirit plane?”
“Why do I have to choose? Can’t I just continue to visit?”
“I think you’ve been more than visiting, haven’t you?”
“I just feel so powerful when I’m there. And I’m definitely helping many souls heal. My life seems so much more meaningful in the spirit world. It’s as if I was made to heal others.”
“Yes, you do have a gift. But it will always be with you. Living on this planet is also a gift, and you have a lot to do here as well. It’s your choice, and you’re lucky enough to have another chance to decide.”
“You mean it’s not the first time I’ve had to choose?”
“Everyone is faced with the same choice immediately after they’re born. Souls enter their human bodies in the womb, and most of the time they stay there until birth. And when they’re born, they have to decide if they’re ready to deal with the limitations of living here. The few who don’t want to be here decide to leave, and that’s what is commonly referred to as SIDS.”
“Sudden infant death syndrome?”
“Yes. It’s an ironic name since it’s nowhere near sudden. The transition itself is instantaneous, but the decision takes many weeks to make. That’s the main thing we all go through as soon as we’re born into this world: deciding if we’re ready to be limited by these bodies in order to experience life here.”
“But why would anyone want to live here? There are so many things wrong with this place. And these bodies are so limited compared to the spiritual plane.”
“Because there are many experiences and lessons that can only be had here.”
“Like what?”
“Like having children, for one.”
My thoughts returned to Autumn, and I began to wonder what it would be like to be a father. There was something deep inside me that wanted to care for her and teach her about life on this planet. Almost more than anything I’d ever wanted to do.
“Why can’t I live in both places like I have been?”
“Because your body can’t handle it. The more time you spend there, the more you’ll disregard your body, and it will eventually die. How long do you think it’s been since you left your apartment?”
“I don’t know . . . maybe a week.”
“More like three. Look at yourself. You must have lost fifteen to twenty pounds. Your spirit is hovering above your body like a helium balloon, and your pants are nearly falling to your ankles.”
“Yeah, I should probably eat more, but I don’t think it’s been three weeks.”
“Look at this,” he said as he showed me a newspaper.
The date said September 10. I was shocked. It had been nearly five weeks since I’d gone to Martika’s party. That explained the stacks of late notices and threats from utility companies that my mailbox could barely contain.
“You have to choose,” he repeated, and this time his words went right to my core.
“But what about Autumn? What would she do if I don’t stay?”
“She’ll be fine. Autumn is a powerful soul, and she’ll be okay with whatever choice you make. She has many options, so you don’t have to worry about her. This isn’t her first time here, and she knows what she’s doing. But you’ll miss out on one of the most incredible joys of the universe if you decide to leave now. Your work on the other side will remain forever, but the joy of children is a very special opportunity that doesn’t happen every day.”
“When will I meet her mother?”
“After your soul decides to stay. Now, go into the store and get yourself some food. You look like you’re about to pass out.”
I stocked up on extra brown rice and rooibos, and after waving goodbye to Robert and Puppy Don, I made the familiar journey back up the hill. When I was nearly halfway home, I noticed three dragonflies that seemed to be following me. There was something very familiar about them, especially the two that were closest to me. By then I was used to Autumn’s games, and naturally assumed she was one of them.
“So Autumn, who are your two friends?” I was used to speaking to her out loud, no matter what form she took. I stopped in the middle of the street, and the three dragonflies began circling above me. The path they followed moved closer and closer to the top of my head until it felt as if I was wearing a dragonfly crown and I was their dragonfly king. And in my heart, there was a knowing. An unspoken answer to my question that was louder than any words that could be spoken: Daddy and Mommy.