When Penny got home there was a bouquet in her hallway. ‘For no other reason than you make me want to be the kind of man who sends flowers,’ the note said, and it was signed ‘F’ with a kiss after.
Penny knew that life was too short not to think about a baby when that was a burning desire for her, but also that the baby really could wait if love – or something like it – was on the table. Maybe Francesco could stomach a conversation about it. Maybe this is what she had been looking for every time she’d stalled: the ‘us’. And as for the sex – they’d figure it out. Maybe they could go to a class, or a therapist. Maybe they just needed to watch some porn together.
Penny texted him: They’re gorgeous, and you’re wonderful. Thank you x. She felt genuinely fond of him. He was just so nice. Why did that feel so radical? A man! Being nice! To her!!!
Francesco replied: I can’t get you out of my head.
Penny smelled the roses. She couldn’t get him out of her head either. It made her want to tell Uncle David about him.
‘Davvy?’ Penny said over FaceTime, seeing her uncle’s ear and shouting to the screen. ‘Davvy! It’s video! Show me your face!’
She heard muffling and then his face came into view. ‘Oh! I see!’ he tittered. ‘I thought it was a phone call!’
‘How are you?’ said Penny. ‘I miss you!’
‘I miss you too, sunshine. I’m okay. Bit of heartburn today though.’
‘Have you had a glass of milk?’ Penny said.
‘Good idea,’ he replied. ‘See, this is why I need you. You know which way is up.’
Penny smiled at him.
‘I’ve met somebody,’ she said.
Uncle David raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh?’
‘Another chef. Francesco. It’s been a few weeks.’
Penny could see her uncle’s face light up at the mention of another chef. It was written all over his expression.
‘Stop it,’ said Penny, in playful warning. ‘He’s very much a London-based chef, Davvy.’
‘I didn’t say anything!’ he said. ‘What!’
Penny rolled her eyes. She was bored of this subtle pressure he frequently put on her. Before the cancer, her career trajectory naturally pointed to her one day becoming the next chef de patron of The Red Panda. But then, when her ambition changed and she set up a smaller, much more manageable place, Uncle David’s retirement plan suddenly looked different. He was still sure he could change her mind, though – even last time she’d visited Uncle David and Eric, he’d said over dessert: ‘But people should know who you are, Penny! That small café, twenty-five covers – you’re so much better than that! You could really be somebody with your own restaurant – you could be somebody here. Bigger really is better!’
Penny had reminded him that her small café with twenty-five covers turned over almost a quarter of a million and employed six different people. ‘I wish you could keep your eyes on your own mat,’ she’d said. Uncle David had shaken his head, not understanding. ‘It’s a yoga thing. You can’t do crow, or tree – or anything really – if you’re too busy looking at what everyone else can do. Yoga only works if you focus on your breathing, and your own mat.’
‘How did I raise such a hippie?’
‘You know, the most common misconception about Frankenstein is that it’s the name of the monster. The monster actually belongs to Frankenstein – it’s actually “Frankenstein’s Monster”.’
‘I’m Doctor Frankenstein in this analogy, I presume?’
Penny had smirked.
Across FaceTime, Uncle David sighed.
‘I love you so, so much, you know,’ he said. ‘I’d take a bullet for you. I just want you to be happy. I know I tease about you coming up here, but it’s only because I think you really would thrive …’
‘I am happy here!’ Penny yelled. Why did it always have to descend into a campaign to have her run his pub? It was exhausting.
‘How’s Eric?’ she said, changing tack.
‘He misses you too,’ David said. ‘He’s out in the garden just now but has found the perfect place for his birthday next week. Come hungry! Offft – sorry Pen. This heartburn is chronic.’
‘Maybe you should go and lie down,’ Penny said. ‘I can call later this week if you don’t feel well now.’
‘Okay. Yes. Sorry poppet.’
‘It’s okay. I just wanted you to know that everything down here is good. I’m good.’
‘And his name is Francesco?’
‘Yup,’ Penny said, smiling. ‘And I think I might actually quite like him.’
‘Hey, you,’ Penny said, picking up the phone to Francesco as she prepared the vegetables for that day’s service. ‘Hold on, let me find my ears.’
‘Find my ears’ was their shorthand for ‘find my earbuds’ – it had become a habit of theirs to call one another during morning prep, both talking to the other from their respective kitchens via hands-free Bluetooth headphones.
‘How are you today?’
‘I’ve just been online shopping,’ Francesco said down the phone.
‘Uh-huh,’ Penny replied.
‘For some fun things …’
‘Fun like party poppers fun? Or fun like a new ACNE handbag fun? I’m devastated I still don’t own one of their bags. It’s just so much money! And I never even use a handbag, which I cannot discount totally from the argument …’
Francesco dropped his voice. ‘More fun than both of those things …’ he said.
‘More fun than both of those things. Okay, well then I am all out of ideas. You’ll just have to tell me.’
‘Well,’ he replied, and Penny couldn’t place his tone. ‘I’d rather show you.’
Penny stopped what she was doing. ‘Are you … using a sexy-time voice?’ she suddenly realized.
‘Well picked-up on,’ Francesco replied. ‘I am.’
‘You got me a sexy-time surprise …’ Penny ruminated, aware that pot-wash Bobby had slowed down his movements, probably because he was trying not to make too much noise as he eavesdropped.
‘Uh-huh,’ Francesco said.
‘I can’t talk about that right now then,’ Penny said, immediately a bit more prim and proper. ‘Perhaps we can address the … matter at hand … um, tomorrow?’
Francesco laughed. ‘I certainly hope so,’ he replied. ‘Because I am very, very excited for it.’
Penny was under instruction to meet Francesco at the bar of The Standard in Kings Cross.
‘This place is phenomenal,’ she said, approaching him where he was perched on a stool towards the right-hand side. It was a hotel primarily, with signs in the lobby pointing to various bars and restaurants. It was incredibly plush, and Penny was relieved she’d worn the same red dress she’d worn the night of Dofi’s restaurant opening. It made her feel confident and sexy. ‘Also: hi,’ she added, leaning in for a kiss.
‘Hi,’ he said into her mouth, and then, ‘You smell amazing. Mmmm.’
‘Thank you,’ she replied. She hopped up beside him and took in the atmosphere of the bar. She hadn’t been to The Standard since it opened, and she liked it. ‘What are you drinking?’ she asked, nodding towards his glass. ‘I’m gagging for something cold.’
‘Old Fashioned, because I am a millennial male cliché,’ he replied. ‘It’s good. This guy knows what he is doing.’
‘I’ll do that too,’ decided Penny.
Francesco ordered two more drinks with the barperson and turned his chair so that he could rest his feet on the bottom bar of hers, so he was closer to her.
‘You’re quite the man of mystery,’ Penny said. ‘Do I get to find out what the evening entails yet? You’ve been very secretive.’
Francesco grinned. ‘Convince me,’ he challenged.
‘Okay …’ Penny reached out an arm and rested a hand on the back of Francesco’s neck, where she idly stroked the space just below his hairline. ‘You’re looking very handsome tonight.’ She flicked her hair from her shoulder as she said it, letting the neck of her dress fall slightly to bare her shoulder. ‘And, um …’
Francesco started to smile.
‘Ah!’ he said. ‘You were doing so well!’
‘Seduction isn’t my forte!’ Penny laughed. ‘It’s too much pressure!’
‘Okay, okay, that’s fair,’ he replied. ‘But you do have me laughing, which is the same result but just with a different technique.’
‘Phew!’
‘You’re adorable,’ he said, though Penny scrunched up her face at the word. ‘And I will tell you why we are here.’
Francesco picked up his phone from where it lay on the bar, revealing a white keycard underneath that said, in small emboldened font: SUITE TERRACE.
‘No …’ marvelled Penny.
‘Yup!’ said Francesco. ‘I know a guy. Eighth floor. All night. And this,’ he said, reaching down for a sleek golden shopping bag, ‘is full of play toys. If I may be so bold.’
The barperson set down their drinks, and Francesco said, ‘Are we good to take these up to our room?’
‘Sure thing, man. Have a great night.’
‘Oh, we will,’ said Francesco. ‘We will,’ he whispered again, for emphasis, into Penny’s ear.
The pair stood in the lift grinning, in cahoots together.
‘I’m excited,’ Penny said, bashfully.
‘Me too,’ said Francesco, equally as shy. ‘I hope you like it.’
‘Francesco,’ Penny replied, looking earnestly into his eyes. ‘I already do.’
Upstairs, they both gasped as they entered the room. They could see out over the whole city, all the twinkly lights of a million other lives, St Pancras station in all its glory opposite.
‘This is beautiful,’ Penny said, the awe in her voice clear. ‘Thank you.’
‘You are very welcome,’ Francesco murmured. ‘I figured this might be just what we needed: neutral territory, a nice cocktail, high thread-count sheets …’
‘And fluffy bathrobes?’
‘Shall we take a bath?’
Penny grinned. ‘Let’s.’
In the bath they soaked in bubbles that left their skin silky soft, the lights turned down low, sipping on their drinks as they talked about what they liked in bed, and what they didn’t. The bath was big enough for Penny to sit between Francesco’s legs, with her back to him, so that they could touch without looking at each other. It felt easier that way, rather than having to hold eye contact. Less pressurized. The talk came easier.
‘I like it when you kiss me slowly,’ Penny told him, her hand gently floating on the surface of the water.
‘I like it when you move your hips,’ Francesco said, his hand running up and down the top of her arm.
‘I like when you’re deep inside me,’ Penny said. ‘When you forget to be gentle and get …’ she started to laugh. ‘When you’re a bit animalistic.’
Francesco laughed too. ‘I don’t think I would have worded it that way, but that’s what I like too. When I can be that way, and so you can be that way. It makes me feel like …’ He didn’t finish his sentence.
‘You can tell me,’ Penny urged. ‘There isn’t a wrong thing you can say. That’s why we’re doing this, isn’t it? To be …’ Now it was her turn to not finish a sentence.
‘Yeah,’ said Francesco. ‘You’re right.’
‘So …?’
‘I think what I mean is, you know. I respect you, obviously.’
‘Obviously,’ Penny said.
‘And I’m not saying I want to, I don’t know, give you a golden shower or anything.’
‘No judgement,’ said Penny, straight-faced.
‘But I like it when it’s like … losing control. Really going hard. I don’t know. I don’t want it to sound like I’ve been watching crap porn and I want you with a gag in your mouth and tied up to a bondage table. I just mean …’
‘That you want to fuck me like a dirty little side piece?’
‘If I say yes, is that bad?’
Penny turned around so that water sloshed over the side of the bath and she could face him.
‘Francesco, that’s exactly what I want too. Go for it like you don’t care about being polite.’
She felt him press against her stomach.
‘Oh,’ she said, searching for him under the bubbles. ‘Is that a hint?’
They started slowly, the room lit by candles, music softly playing. Francesco talked her through the bag of toys he’d had delivered, and the practicality of it – explaining speed settings and the mechanics and the angles of each thing – was so at odds with them sitting across from each other, naked, that it was the foreplay before the foreplay. By the time they finally touched Penny was practically quivering with desire, and within minutes was panting Francesco’s name, climaxing and whimpering, ‘Oh. My. God.’
Francesco came to her and kissed her deeply.
‘That was so hot to watch,’ he said.
‘Give me a second to recover,’ Penny replied, catching her breath. ‘And I will return the favour.’
‘To be honest,’ Francesco said, ‘watching you writhe around like that felt like the favour.’
Penny chuckled and jokingly smacked his arm. ‘Save it for your wank bank,’ she giggled, before letting out another satisfied sigh.
As the spring sun started to peek through the curtains, the pair lay entwined in each other, the music having stopped, the candles burnt down, just the two of them and the dawn silence.
‘Five times. I can’t believe …’
‘I know,’ said Francesco. ‘I was really starting to freak out about it. Everything else was so great but I thought, what if we don’t get the hang of it? Would we have had to break up?’
‘Well, five times certainly makes up for a few false starts.’
‘I’ll say,’ said Francesco, slipping his hand further down her body and forcing Penny to pull away.
‘Mister, you’re going to have to feed me before I have the energy to go again. I think we’ve proved our point.’
Francesco retreated. ‘Fair play,’ he said. ‘I’ll poke about for a breakfast menu in a minute. I’m sure they’ll do room service.’
‘Oh, for sure,’ said Penny. ‘But don’t get up. Don’t move yet. I like you right here.’
Penny closed her eyes, her face nuzzled into Francesco’s neck from behind, the big spoon to his little spoon. She was her normal hot-water-bottle self, but it made her feel womanly and powerful, pushed up against him this way.
‘Are you real?’ she said, quietly.
‘If you’re real, I’m real,’ Francesco whispered.
‘Falling in friendship,’ Penny said, and Francesco moved so that they were nose-to-nose.
‘Falling in friendship,’ he repeated.
Penny traced the outline of his face with her fingertip.
‘I like to be the one who makes you laugh,’ she said. ‘That’s my favourite thing. The first morning you came to the café somebody on the phone made you laugh, and I saw through the window, and I thought – I wonder what it would take to make a man that handsome laugh so much.’
‘Somebody probably told me a fart joke,’ Francesco said. Then he added, ‘I knew you were watching me you know. I could feel it. You barely said hello to me after you let me in. You just carried on talking to Stu. And I thought, who is this woman who doesn’t even care who is delivering her bread? But then I felt you staring.’
‘Mr Ego.’
‘No, not Mr Ego. I just … I wanted you to notice me.’
‘Job done.’
‘Making me wait weeks before you texted me, though … Totally outrageous.’
‘No! Don’t!’ Penny said. ‘I still don’t know what I was thinking. I was intimidated.’
‘Intimidated.’ He arched his eyebrow, disbelievingly.
‘Nobody ever fancies me. I didn’t actually think you did. I dunno. This is cringey, but sometimes I feel … unloveable. Like everyone is going to have their turn except me.’
‘You’re very loveable, Penny Bridge. I promise you that.’
Penny pulled a face.
‘Hey,’ Francesco said urgently. ‘Listen to me. I know what came before me, but I’m here now, okay? And I’m not going anywhere.’
Penny shook her head as if trying to shake off her thoughts. ‘Urgh,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I get it.’
‘I don’t think you do,’ she said. ‘I think you’ve never had to be alone.’
Francesco didn’t say anything.
‘My ex,’ she said. ‘Mo. I honestly thought … you know. I’m still so, so mad at him for leaving. He left me when I had nobody and nothing. Right after I got diagnosed. Why would somebody do that to a person they say they love, Francesco?’
‘I honestly don’t know,’ he said. Then he changed his tone. ‘If I ever met him …’ he said, in a silly voice.
Penny chuckled sadly.
‘I think I’m mad at myself for dating a coward,’ she continued. ‘We’d been together five years and the second my life didn’t revolve around him, he bailed. He couldn’t even wait until I’d had my radiotherapy. And it makes me so mad that I wasn’t even surprised. It was so common on the ward. There was one woman I met in treatment who’d hired a private investigator to prove that her husband was cheating on her. Isn’t that horrible? All these women with breast cancer married to men who can’t cope when somebody they say they love gets sick.’
‘Have you seen him since?’
‘Clemmie has. She bumped into him getting off a bus on Oxford Street and slapped him, and apparently he burst into tears.’
‘Ouch.’
‘That’s so not Clemmie, slapping somebody. I mean, it’s basically assault. But apparently he just cried and cried, and she called him pathetic, and not long after his mum called me to apologize. She said she was disgusted by him.’
It didn’t hurt her anymore – not really. It was weird how somebody she’d known for half a decade would disappear, not even in a cloud of smoke, simply … there one day, gone the next. Just like her dad.
Francesco stroked her arm. Eventually he said: ‘You know, if you were married to some bloke called Mo right now I wouldn’t have a hard-on pressed up against your leg in the fanciest hotel I’ve ever stayed in. And not to minimize your pain or anything but bloody hell I feel like the luckiest bastard in London.’
Instantly the mood was changed, and Penny was relieved. She didn’t want to think about the bad men in her life when such a good one was beside her in bed.
‘How can you be ready to go again?’ Penny exclaimed. ‘It’s a physical impossibility. You’ve got the libido of a teenager!’
‘There’s just something about you, Penny Bridge, that really turns me on.’
‘Who was your last girlfriend? You haven’t told me about her.’
‘Well …’ said Francesco. ‘She took my heart out of my chest, and held it in her hand, and clenched her fist until it was pulp. She cheated on me. If there is one thing I don’t get it is cheating – it’s the most disrespectful thing anyone can do. Let the record show that she regrets it, though. It was a year ago and she still sometimes calls. I’m glad she feels bad. So, when you talk about what a happy guy I am, know that there is a woman out there who I hope never forgives herself.’
‘Oh, Francesco. I’m so sorry.’
‘People hurt other people, don’t they?’
‘I promise never to hurt you, okay? Not if I can help it.’
‘I promise never to hurt you either,’ Francesco said. ‘Not if I can help it.’
‘And I know it’s not polite to brag,’ Penny said in a Personal Podcast to Clementine, ‘but Jesus. It’s a wonder I haven’t got a water infection we’ve been doing it that much. He’s stayed at mine every night for a week now, and to be honest we don’t even use the toys most of the time. It’s like – well, sorry, I know you’re my sister and everything, and this is probably too much information but … now we know we don’t have to be so bloody well-mannered with each other we can just let it rip, you know? Which is amazing, and also interesting because now I’m thinking that if before there was a reason he wasn’t Mr Perfect, but now it’s great sex … does that mean there’s nothing wrong with him? Surely there is. I just can’t figure it out. I’ll bet he forgets my birthday. Or loses all of his hair. Or … oh I don’t know. Somebody comes out of the woodwork and says he’s her Me Too man. I know you’re going to tell me to stop looking for faults, because that’s exactly what I’d say to you, but if only I could find one I would! I promise I would! Anyway. Shall we do dinner tomorrow? All four of us? I want you to meet him.’
Clementine and Rima loved him.
‘He’s wonderful,’ Clementine said as Penny deposited their dirty dessert plates into the sink. ‘The way he looks at you makes me very happy. He worships you.’
Penny looked over her shoulder to where Francesco was sitting with Rima, talking about something that made Rima cry, ‘No! That can’t be true! I don’t believe you!’ but she was laughing, signalling that whatever he was saying, she absolutely did.
‘I don’t need to be worshipped …’ Penny started, but her sister patted her arm and said: ‘Yes Penny, you do. And you deserve to be.’
Penny might not have needed it, but she certainly did love it.
‘I liked being there tonight,’ Francesco said later, as they lay in bed, sweaty and happy.
‘I liked you being there too,’ said Penny. ‘Isn’t Rima wonderful? I can’t believe the good fortune of being raised with one sister and now having two.’
‘That’s a beautiful thing to say,’ Francesco said, kissing the top of her head. ‘And I’m excited to see the whole family in action tomorrow.’
‘Me too. Clementine, Rima, Uncle David and Eric – we all hold each other close,’ Penny said. ‘There’s a weird bond when you decide to choose to love your family. Everyone knows they should love their family, but when you make a decision to love them, I mean to like them, as people, and to keep showing up even when things are hard and uncomfortable and everyone knows exactly how to push your buttons … I feel really lucky. I mean, my sister and her wife, my uncle and his husband, me and everything I went through, all banding together to be this unit, even though we’re all over the country – well, with Clem travelling like she does, all over the world! – it’s special. And now you’re here.’
‘I am,’ Francesco said. ‘So I passed the test?’
‘The practical element,’ said Penny. ‘Tomorrow morning you have the written portion of the exam.’
‘What happens after that?’
‘You finally get to meet Uncle David, I suppose.’
‘Crikey.’
‘I know. The honour will be all yours.’
‘We should go to sleep so we’re ready for it.’
‘We should,’ said Penny.
‘But you’re so warm,’ said Francesco, ‘and so naked …’
He disappeared under the duvet to kiss Penny’s collarbone, her chest, her breasts. He kept kissing, lower and lower, and Penny closed her eyes and sighed contentedly.
‘Francesco?’ Penny said, when they finally tried to go to sleep.
‘Mmmmm?’ he said, drowsy.
‘Don’t freak out, but – do you want kids?’
She could feel Francesco open his eyes in the dark, even though she couldn’t see him.
‘Now?’ he said, immediately wider awake and cheeky with it.
‘One day. In theory. You know.’
He thought about it. ‘I do,’ he said. ‘When the time is right, and the woman is right, yeah. It’s what life is all about, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, I think so.’ She paused, thinking of how to phrase the next part of her question. ‘What do you think about adoption?’
‘Adoption?’
‘You know, like, having children that aren’t biologically yours but still being their dad.’
He took a moment before he answered. ‘Do you want to adopt?’
‘I’m just asking in theory, really. Do you think you could do it?’
Francesco stroked her arm and nuzzled into her neck. ‘I think there’s a million ways to make a family, and I’m open to them all,’ he said.
Penny closed her eyes, smiling. ‘I think the same,’ she replied. ‘Night.’