‘I can’t believe you’ve convinced me to do this,’ Penny panted, halfway up a small hill just off the A6 outside of Bakewell.
‘Yes you can,’ Thomas bellowed from up ahead. ‘Of course you can! I’m the man who can!’
Penny stopped walking. ‘I’m the chick who can’t.’
‘No!’ pleaded Thomas. ‘Don’t stop! Just get at least two thirds of the way up, then I have a surprise for you.’
The pair of them were fifteen minutes into a four-hour hike through the Peak District, Thomas’s ‘Favourite Ever Walk.’ He’d told her the day before, as they’d arranged it, ‘It’s the walk I do every time I come back off tour. It tells my brain: okay, work over, relax time now. It’s my reset button.’
‘How many women have you roped into helping you press your reset button?’ Penny had asked provocatively.
‘Down girl,’ he’d replied, grinning. They’d been like that every time they’d spoken. They both knew what it was all a prelude to.
Penny squinted in the low autumn light. ‘Urggghhh,’ she said, beginning to walk, very slowly, towards where he stood. He was wearing head-to-toe North Face in an orange camouflage print and his breath made clouds in front of him as he exhaled. ‘Urgh, urgh, urgh! I’ve been tricked! You said this would be fun.’
‘Yes! You’re doing it! Good girl! Come on!’
‘Oh wow,’ said Penny. ‘Okay, dude, let me just fill you in: one, I’m not a girl, I am a woman. I wouldn’t call you boy, because you’re not nine. Well, physically, anyway. Mentally, the jury is out.’
‘Toilet humour is still humour,’ said Thomas, mock-defensively.
‘And two,’ she was closer to him now. ‘I am also not a dog. Do not cheer me on like I am a Labrador that just brought you the paper.’
As she reached him he put out a hand and patted her head. ‘Good girl,’ he said in a silly voice, and Penny rolled her eyes. ‘Now turn around.’
Penny turned around from the way she’d come, and across the small valley she could see a huge manor house, surrounded by manicured gardens and pathways.
‘Oh gosh,’ she said, genuinely impressed. ‘That’s beautiful.’
‘It’s Haddon Hall,’ Thomas said. ‘It’s a Tudor hall, but the gardens are Elizabethan. Stunning, huh?’
‘I wonder who lives there now,’ Penny admired.
‘Oh, actually. I know that.’
‘Of course you do,’ Penny said. ‘Of course. By the way, what’s my surprise?’
Thomas rolled his eyes. ‘This view isn’t surprise enough?’ he asked.
Penny blinked at him, her face unimpressed.
‘Well, not that you are a Labrador bringing me the paper but I have treats, too.’
He rummaged in his backpack and handed her a bottle of water and opened a cereal bar, taking half and passing her the rest. Penny plopped down onto the cold, dry grass, thankful for the break.
‘So who lives there?’ she said, relishing the sweetness of the snack and feeling revived almost instantly.
‘The brother of the Duke of Rutland,’ he said, ‘whose daughter I met on a boat in the Greek islands and with whom I may have had a small liaison, resulting in an invitation to spend the weekend there a few years ago. Very cold. Impossible to heat such a big place.’
‘I can imagine,’ Penny said. ‘It didn’t work out with the daughter?’
‘Well,’ admitted Thomas. ‘I was a bit of a cad. I shagged a producer for some BBC series shooting there. I mean, not the weekend I was a guest – obviously, I’m not a complete arsehole, only a partial arsehole – but yes, she didn’t quite understand that when I said I don’t do monogamy that what I meant was with anybody. Ever. Not even with her. I suppose on some level I thought I’d explained my situation enough, but I knew I hadn’t really.’
Penny screwed the lid to her water bottle back on and handed it to him. She stood and brushed off her bum. ‘And where do you stand on monogamy now?’ she asked.
‘Are you ready to carry on?’ he said, ignoring her question. ‘Because this is nothing compared to the views we’ll get further along.’
‘And there’s a pub? With chips and mayonnaise?’
‘You don’t eat like a chef, you know.’
‘I bloody do. I hardly think cod roe and whipped foam of watercress is going to cut it after a walk like this though, is it? All chefs love pie, and sandwiches, and cake. We muck about enough for our customers.’
‘Fair point,’ said Thomas. ‘Well made. Yes, there are chips.’
‘Then I am ready,’ Penny declared. ‘Onwards!’
They climbed over a gate that wouldn’t open properly, walking through several fields where the only sound was of the wind whipping through the trees and their own conversation.
‘I just,’ Thomas said, finally addressing the question. ‘I don’t think monogamy is truly very realistic. I mean, for some people, maybe it is. And I respect that. If two people want to commit their lives to each other exclusively, and it makes both of them happy, it’s not my place to judge that. But also, it’s nobody’s place to judge if that isn’t for me.’
‘Uh-huh, okay. I get that. Love is an individual choice.’
‘Or maybe not even a choice. Maybe I am built to love more than one person.’
They descended a hill towards a gravel path that wound down into a picturesque village.
‘Civilization? Pub?’ Penny said, hopefully.
Thomas shook his head. ‘We’ve got about the same distance to go again,’ he said. ‘Do you want another snack break?’
‘Maybe just some more water?’
They found part of a dry stone wall to lean against and Thomas rummaged through his backpack again.
‘So, lay it all out for me then,’ Penny said. ‘A woman who dates you – what can she expect?’ In another life she would have felt bold asking that, but there was something about the dynamic with Thomas that meant she didn’t feel as shy as normal. It was expiration-dating: it came with an end-point already established, so the rules felt different. She didn’t have to play games when the match was so short.
Thomas took a long gulp of water and then used the back of his hand to wipe his mouth.
‘Charming banter,’ he settled on. ‘Long walks in the country. Snacks. Gig tickets. My sexual prowess. Compliments on how good their arse looks in yoga pants.’ He shifted his gaze to her rear and Penny smirked.
‘Sounds very tempting,’ she sniggered.
‘Does it, now?’
‘And the non-monogamy?’
‘Look, I tour for months at a time. I wouldn’t expect anybody I was with to live their life waiting for the moment I walk through the door again because I don’t “come home” as such. I love being out on the road. In so many ways that’s how I feel most at home. The tour bus, the planes, the people. I love the buzz of it all. I love fixing problems and clearing paths and everyone thinks the person on stage is the star but anyone I’ve ever worked with has known they can’t do what they do in front of an audience night after night without what happens behind the scenes. And I am so, so hooked on managing all that. It sounds silly but it makes me feel like a rock star, too, a bit. I just don’t do it in front of stadiums of people.’
‘Work is the real love of your life?’
‘No. I don’t mean it like that. That would feel like a sad thing to say because work can’t wipe your arse for you when you’re old, or suck your dick when you’re young.’
‘Ah yes, the two hallmarks of everlasting companionship,’ observed Penny. ‘Bodily fluid management.’
‘I’m just being realistic. Isn’t that what people want from each other?’
‘What, to know they won’t die alone and that there will always be somebody to hump?’
‘Basically.’
Penny considered it. ‘Oh, I don’t know about that. Isn’t it about a witness to your life? Somebody who is on your team, who is there for the big moments, yeah. But a lot of people will be there for those. Holidays and birthdays and babies and illnesses. We’re normally surrounded by people for those things. But I think a partnership is about a witness to everything that happens in between. It’s the smaller moments, isn’t it?’
Thomas drank from the water bottle as they continued to hike. ‘You’re proving my point,’ he said. ‘I travel so much. Most of the year, in fact. So my person – they deserve other people in their lives to be that witness. And out on the road, so do I.’
‘Do you have a woman in every port?’
‘Hardly. But I meet new people all the time, and the team is so big, and there’s a freedom in possibility. I think that’s the thing for me – non-monogamy means there’s always possibility around the corner. I like that.’
‘And everyone you date knows this?’
‘I learned my lesson from the duke’s niece, yes. I don’t think I’ve ever even kissed somebody in the past decade who didn’t know I am ethically non-monogamous.’
‘Ethically?’
‘Yup. I totally respect anyone I get involved with, even if it’s just for one night. I always wear a condom, the other person knows my situation, and I expect to know theirs, too. Everyone has feelings, right?’
Penny nodded.
‘So it’s not about mindless sex or whatever. I love connection. Connection is key.’ He made deliberate eye contact when he said that, and it made her stomach flip excitedly. His eyes were bright blue, like Frank Sinatra’s. ‘I just think it’s possible to have a connection to more than one person.’
‘I see.’
‘Am I making sense?’
‘I think so. I’ve never really met anyone who … does it. Non-monogamy. I suppose I always thought it was just called cheating.’
‘That’s the ethical part.’
Penny stood to catch her breath. ‘How much further?’
‘Okay, so at the end of this path there’s a very steep hill, and then another incredible view – more incredible than Haddon Hall – and then the Latkill Hotel.’
‘That I can do,’ Penny said. ‘There’s a pint of cider with my name on it.’
‘Oh, how kind of you to offer to get in the first round,’ Thomas winked, cheekily, jogging up ahead of her to show off his stamina.
After walking along the road and across a small bridge over the river, Penny paused and pulled out her phone. She captured a picture of some ducks paddling upstream, and then said to Thomas, ‘Come here, let’s get a photo.’ She turned on the selfie camera and caught them, heads tilted towards each other, the Peak District framing them in the background.
‘Let me see it,’ he said, lingering close to her.
Penny fiddled with her phone and pulled the picture up, aware of his lips close to her ear and the way he put his arm around her to take the phone, holding her in a sort of hug from behind and looking over her shoulder.
‘I think we look very good together,’ he said, his voice low.
‘We do, don’t we?’ Penny agreed, speaking just as softly. She could feel his breath on her neck, the heat of his skin.
‘How do you feel about what I’ve told you today?’ Thomas asked, not shifting. It was a power move: he was holding her in place so she couldn’t dodge the question.
She thought about it. ‘I don’t … feel anything about it. I always knew you’d be here, and then you wouldn’t.’
‘Uh-huh,’ he said.
‘I appreciate the information.’
‘My pleasure.’ He was still close. The phone screen faded to black and automatically locked itself. They lingered. Penny knew if she looked to her right his mouth would be level with hers and that they would kiss.
It took her half a second to decide.
She looked to her right.
Her mouth was level with his.
They kissed.
‘Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?’ he said to her, as they pulled apart. ‘I wanted this even before I met you. Do you think that’s possible? Your food, it made me feel things.’
‘I think a table leg could make you feel things.’
‘Hey!’ said Thomas. ‘Come on.’
Penny took a step back. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘That came out wrong. I should have just said thank you. I’m trying to be more gracious. I can be … prickly.’
‘I’d noticed.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Can I kiss you again?’
‘Yes, please.’
Penny followed him up the road and over two more gates, culminating in the steepest part of their walk so far. She didn’t complain out loud, but she was very tired, now, and ready for a rest. It was almost too much. They must have done almost six miles.
‘Okay, make it as far as that post there, and then look out over the valley,’ Thomas instructed.
Penny plodded on. ‘Gotcha,’ she said, breathlessly.
Penny put one foot in front of the other through the sheep-poo-dotted field. She thought about Francesco – Thomas was the first man she’d kissed since him. She didn’t need it to be ‘everything’ – if she thought about it, she was just glad to be moving on. She wasn’t holding her breath for Francesco to text her back, but she was half-aware that it had been twenty-four hours and he hadn’t. But, Thomas was here, and he felt exciting, and needed. She deserved a little light-heartedness, a little romance. Thomas was amusing, and carefree, and she enjoyed spending time with him. She’d heard the phrase ‘monoga-normative’ before, about how it was wrong to assume the right way to be in love was with just one person. She hoped she wasn’t being monoga-normative about Thomas and his choices. Anyway, he went back out on the road at the beginning of December, which was only two more weeks. For two more weeks he could continue to make her laugh, and show her the area, and that was enjoyable for both of them. As long as they were both having a good time, who cared?
‘Now look,’ Thomas instructed, and Penny stood alongside him and looked out to where he was pointing.
‘Holy shit,’ she said, genuinely marvelling at the sprawling valley below them. To one side the river wound over several small drops, covered by trees in every colour of copper and gold and bronze either side. Further down was hill after hill and tree after tree, stretching as far as she could see until the earth hit the sky. ‘This is remarkable. I’ve never seen anything like this,’ she said in awe.
‘Feel reset?’ Thomas said.
She smiled up at him. ‘I get it now,’ she said. She pulled out her phone again to snap a photo. She sent it to the family WhatsApp with the note I can give your views a run for their money! and then sent it to Sharon, too, with the message, I may have just snogged a guy I went to school with, with this as the backdrop …
‘And that white building there,’ Thomas said, pointing towards the village up ahead. ‘That’s where the chips are.’
‘Chips!’ Penny exclaimed, high on endorphins and the view and the promise of proper fuel. She threw her arms up as she said it and, as she brought them back down, she aimed them for Thomas’s shoulders. ‘But before that,’ she said, melting into him again. ‘Another incentive, please, if you don’t mind …’