‘Oh Sharon,’ Penny said, as she nursed a coffee in the low winter sun, hoping to be brought back to life with vitamin D and caffeine. Her head hurt. Her shoulders ached. Her ego was – well. Not quite bruised, but definitely feeling feelings. Why on earth had she carried on that way with the wine merchant? A drunken bathroom encounter was one thing, but with a man she technically worked with was far beyond the limits she’d ever placed on sex and dating for herself. One doesn’t shit where one eats, as the old proverb goes. ‘Sharon, I totally shat where I eat!’ she cringed down the phone via voice note. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking! Can you call me after drop-off? I need to talk this one out.’
Sharon FaceTimed at 9:01 exactly, from the nursery gates.
‘So who’s this wine supplier, then? You’ve got your knickers in a right twist.’
‘Seriously,’ said Penny. ‘It was so stupid of me.’
‘Hey – that’s my friend you’re beating up over there!’ Sharon said. ‘Go easy on her.’
‘I’m an adult woman who runs two businesses and I had a quickie in a bathroom with a man I should have known better than—’
‘Oh come off it,’ Sharon interrupted. ‘That’s the prerogative of an adult woman. You can do whatever you want! Bloody own it, Pen.’
‘I feel ashamed.’
‘Well you should feel ashamed that you feel ashamed. Come on, it’s a new decade, not the turn of the last century. Send the man a thank you note and move on. Jeez.’
‘A thank you note,’ laughed Penny. ‘Sure. Dear Priyesh,’ she said, putting on a funny voice. ‘It was incredibly kind of you to join me in the men’s bathroom at the staff Christmas party, and I found you incredibly obliging as I tossed you off. What larks!’
‘Well, I mean, you’re joking but it’s not far off, is it? It’s precisely because you’re a grown-up you need to acknowledge it happened, but doing so doesn’t mean it has to happen again. And I promise you – what you don’t want to do is pray it all goes away and then be caught off guard when he’s at the pub for your next order, or sat at the table next to you when you go out for dinner somewhere with that Thomas bloke. Oh, hold on.’
Penny felt woozy as she watched the camera on Sharon’s phone move from her face to the sky, which, in several jiggly movements then became a ceiling. Penny could hear voices and then the camera moved again and Sharon stood at the counter of Bridges with Stuart beside her.
‘I’m just getting a coffee and look what beautiful specimen is behind the counter,’ Sharon said.
‘Hi, gorgeous!’ Stuart waved down the line. ‘We miss you!’
On screen Sharon turned to Stuart and said, ‘Penny gave her wine merchant a hand job at the staff Christmas party last night, and is now having an existential crisis about it.’
‘I don’t miss those,’ he said, and he and Sharon laughed.
‘Hello, this is my life that you’re ripping to shreds and making me feel awful about!’ Penny shrilled. ‘I wanted actual advice, not teasing.’
‘Hangover?’ said Stuart.
‘Twenty men playing trumpets behind my eyes,’ Penny replied.
‘Look,’ said Sharon. ‘Re the wine merchant, if you’re as embarrassed as you say you are, the cleverest thing to do is take control of the situation. Then you can mark it off as “resolved” in your imagination and move on to inventing another problem because you’re bored.’
‘I’m not bored.’
Stuart started to steam milk and Sharon told him off for the noise, stepping away so she could be heard. ‘You are, Penny. It’s okay. You’re a long way from home and being wined and dined is a good way to distract yourself. There are worse things you could do. I approve of it, in fact.’
‘Okay Freud, that’s enough,’ said Penny. ‘Thanks for the analysis.’
‘I love you,’ Sharon said. ‘I really will come up and visit in the new year. It’s just been a nightmare with the kids, and work, and Luke’s mum not being well. But I am coming. Promise.’
‘It’s okay,’ replied Penny. ‘I’ve spent all this time getting settled. In the new year is perfect. It will give me something to look forward to.’
‘Excellent,’ said Sharon. ‘Okay. Go post a note through that man’s door!’
‘Enjoy your day,’ Penny giggled, rolling her eyes.
‘Bye, Penny!’ Stuart waved, and as soon as she hung up, a voice came from behind her, ‘She’s right you know.’
Penny spun around to see Charlie leaning in the doorway. ‘Jesus!’ she said. ‘How long have you been stood there?’
‘Ages,’ said Charlie. ‘I kept waiting for you to notice, and then when you didn’t it seemed weird to skulk off so I stayed.’
‘Right. So you heard—’
‘Yup.’
‘And so you know—’
‘Yup.’
‘Right.’ Penny stood. ‘Ouch,’ she said, the sudden movement causing a nausea to run over her. ‘My head.’
‘Never mind your head – how’s your wrist?’ Charlie quipped, and Penny laughed in spite of herself.
‘Oh bugger off,’ she said.
‘Sharon is right, you know. You can’t just ignore it and hope you never see him again. You can regret it, but you can’t be a dick about it.’
Penny nodded. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Urgh. I hate having to have manners!’
Penny went through to the office and pulled out some headed notecards Clementine had gifted her two birthdays ago. With a patterned border of pink and red swirls, at the top it simply said, from the desk of Penny Bridge. She’d sent three of these since she got them, not really ever having occasion to send anything ‘from her desk’, but she realized that the cards were almost explicitly designed for this exact purpose – to politely recognize an event without dragging it out any further, and to a man exactly like Priyesh who most likely had his own embossed stationery that he used daily or weekly, not bi-annually.
Penny sat with the cap of the pen in her mouth, thinking about what to say. Charlie appeared at the door again.
‘For crying out loud,’ said Penny. ‘Are you just going to follow me around from doorframe to doorframe? What are you even doing here – we’re closed today.’
‘Well,’ said Charlie, ‘I left my phone here last night. But then as a bonus I didn’t expect to find you all discombobulated and so I’m staying because this is quite entertaining.’
‘What should I put in the note?’ Penny said. ‘If you’re going to make fun of me, at least be helpful as you do it.’
Charlie rested their head against the frame and thought about it. ‘Say,’ they considered, ‘that you were so pleased he could make it, and you look forward to continuing to work together in the new year.’
‘I can’t put a reference to a continued relationship,’ said Penny. ‘That makes it sound like I’m inviting him to pursue something.’
‘Just say, I’m so pleased you could come at my party. I mean, to my party.’
‘Ha, ha. Thank you.’ Penny rolled her eyes. She thought about it some more and wrote:
Dear Priyesh,
It was wonderful to see you at the Christmas party this week. Forgive my over-familiarity – call it the festive spirits, aka gin, vermouth and a tequila shot. I trust our working relationship will overcome any unduly forward interactions.
Happy holidays,
Penny.
Penny slipped it into an envelope, wrote his name across the front and said to Charlie, ‘Can you drop this by his house on the way home? Me and my hangover can’t quite face it.’
‘Sure,’ they replied. ‘Fix me a coffee first, though.’
Penny’s phone vibrated. Morning sunshine, a text from Thomas said. Just wanted to say you’re on my mind. Hope that’s okay. Have a good day!
Penny texted back, Hey! I hope tour is fun! I think about you too. Xxx
Her phone buzzed again. Do you need anything bringing up from the big city to the country hills? it said. I can get you anything you might be missing. Francesco.
There suddenly seemed to be more men than she could willingly handle.
‘This is not a drill. Your man Priyesh is in the bar,’ Charlie said over the food pass in the kitchen a few days later. ‘And he comes bearing flowers.’
‘What?’ said Penny, using a cloth to wipe up sauce from the rim of one of the plates she was dishing up.
Charlie gestured through the door to the bar. ‘He’s right there.’
Penny followed their finger to see him smoothing down his hair nervously.
‘Get him a drink,’ she said. ‘And tell him I won’t be long.’ Who the hell shows up halfway through service? she thought, not realizing that it was 2 p.m. and service was now officially over. No more new orders would come through.
Penny took her time sending out the last plates and clearing down her section. She tried to tell herself that she didn’t know why he was there, but of course she did really: her note. And why had she sent the note? Oh god, if she was truly honest with herself she’d done it for the attention, mostly. Thomas was gone and there was a part of her that worried she’d actually have to focus on herself and her life and her wants and needs, and how she really felt about being at the pub, if she had to go to bed alone. Not to mention stemming any feelings for Francesco, who was a total no-go zone. Priyesh was smart and confident and she’d gotten a thrill from it. She’d gotten a thrill from making a man who was outwardly so sure of himself, putty in her hands. She wasn’t proud of it, but that was about the lay of the land. She’d assumed Thomas was a playboy and he’d revealed himself to have hidden depths and true character, but Penny had swindled Priyesh by play-acting as a woman with hidden depth and true character when in actual fact what they’d done together in the bathroom at the party was nothing short of playboy behaviour on her part. Could she blame the booze? Maybe she could have if she hadn’t sent the note. She was going to kill Sharon and Charlie for making that seem like a good idea when she was in the compromised state of morning-after-the-night-before. It was cruel, what she’d done, and now he was here, at the pub, and she’d have to face up to her cruelty by telling him he’d misread the situation because she had deliberately distorted it.
Come on now, she coached herself. Put your big girl pants on. She wiped her hands on a towel and threw it into the laundry basket, taking a breath as she pushed through the door to the bar.
‘Hello there,’ she said, fixing her face into a bright smile. ‘What’s a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?’
Priyesh smiled. ‘Penny,’ he said, taking her in. ‘Am I inconveniencing you? About this time was often when David said to stop by.’
‘Service has just finished. I don’t have long but no, of course it’s fine. Sorry to have kept you waiting.’
It was like a competition to see who could be the most polite. Penny tried not to notice his suit, his shoes, that bloody face, and in trying not to notice the details of him she had a vivid, pornographic flash back to the way he sounded in her ear when she’d had her hand in his trousers.
Oh god, she thought. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
‘These are for you,’ Priyesh said, after what felt like an eternity. He handed over the bouquet of fern, eucalyptus, and a towering head of something exquisite and purple. ‘I described you to the florist, and this is what she made.’
Penny took the flowers and made a show of her admiration, a small private performance to demonstrate her gratitude. They really were beautiful. It made her wonder what words he’d used to describe her, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. She put them on the bar. ‘They’re gorgeous,’ she said. ‘You really didn’t have to.’
‘I wanted to,’ Priyesh said. ‘I learned from my marriage ending that it never hurts to be demonstrable about one’s feelings whilst one can. I’m a proud man, but I’m learning not to be so proud as to withhold telling people when I haven’t stopped thinking about them.’ He took a breath and smiled. ‘And, well, my point is, I’ve not stopped thinking about you.’
Penny was genuinely touched by his admission. ‘I didn’t know you’d been married …’ she said. ‘Or that you weren’t anymore. That sounds very painful.’
He smiled. ‘It was,’ he said. ‘Although neither of us classes it as a failure, I must say. We were very successful at being married until we weren’t. Twenty-one years together is nothing to sniff at.’
‘Absolutely,’ Penny agreed. ‘It’s really nice to hear a man speak so kindly about his ex-wife.’
‘Although I fear,’ Priyesh smiled, ‘that perhaps I shouldn’t pay too much lip service to the past when I am here to place a bet on my future. I merely mean to underline that I am here in earnest.’
Penny could tell by how rigid Charlie was near the glasswasher that they were listening to every word of the exchange. Their back was straight as a board, as if even breathing might impinge on their eavesdropping capabilities.
‘Oh,’ said Penny, surprised. ‘What a disarming thing to say,’ she blurted. ‘I’m … touched.’
Priyesh smiled and said, his voice low, ‘There’s a joke in there somewhere.’
‘Charlie, I’m just stepping outside. Won’t be a minute,’ Penny said quickly, before saying to Priyesh, ‘Come with me.’
She led him to the back porch of the pub, which led out to the steps and the car park.
‘Charlie was listening,’ she said, as way of explanation.
‘I’d imagine so,’ Priyesh said. ‘I long ago tried to side-step the prying eyes and ears of the village. Sometimes I throw them a bone. A bit of gossip to get their teeth into. I wonder how long it will take for everyone down at The Boot to know I’m here,’ he added, referencing the other pub in the village. ‘I have to confess I tend to head in there myself when I’m hungry for a bit of village chatter.’
‘Listen,’ Penny started, not sure what she was going to say next. Maybe: sorry about that hand-job I gave you, I can see how you might have the wrong impression. Or, I hope the stain came out of your suit. Or, I am not emotionally mature enough for this conversation, please just cease to exist. She wasn’t, of course, proud of herself.
‘The party,’ Priyesh said, instead. ‘It took me by surprise.’
Penny nodded. ‘Me too.’
‘And I’m not sure what the etiquette is for that situation—’
‘Me neither.’
‘But, your note was …’
‘Yeah.’
‘So the flowers are to say thank you for your thank you. And as a gateway to ask if, perhaps, should your schedule permit, you’d consider letting me take you out for dinner. I’d very much enjoy getting to know you.’
‘Expensive way to get tossed off again,’ Penny kidded.
‘What?’ said Priyesh.
‘I was being silly. Sorry. I’m embarrassed, I think.’
‘Embarrassed,’ repeated Priyesh, colour rising to his cheeks.
‘Oh!’ said Penny. ‘Not because – not because of you. Embarrassed by me. That I … you know. Did that. And—’
‘Right,’ said Priyesh. ‘I’ve misread this, then.’ He said it as a statement.
‘No!’ Penny exclaimed. ‘None of this is your fault. I’m just worried, is all, that work and play shouldn’t overlap, and that we have a professional relationship. I overstepped a boundary. I think I behaved improperly.’
‘That was the thrill,’ Priyesh said.
Penny didn’t know what to say to that. Before the party she’d thought he was uptight and boring, but now, after getting better acquainted, he was playful and provocative. She felt nervous around him, actually – his grown-up-ness and his manicured beard and the respect he obviously had for himself. And his directness, too – a man who said what he wanted and knew the diplomatic way to go about getting it was very attractive.
‘Yes,’ she settled on, grinning, now. ‘I suppose it was.’
‘I know every place worth eating at in a fifty-mile radius, and exactly what wine to order when we’re there. Plus, maybe there’s something in it for me, too …’
‘And what’s that?’ Penny asked.
‘I love learning about food. If we went out to dinner, maybe you could broaden my culinary horizons somewhat.’
‘You’re only in this for your taste buds?’ Penny said, eyebrows raised.
‘Penny, I find you incredibly interesting and largely elusive. I’m in it for you. I’ve been trying to pin you down for months.’
Penny’s jaw fell slack in disbelief at what she’d just heard.
‘Really?’ she said, incredulous. And then before she could probe him any more she was distracted by a car pulling into the car park whose driver looked very familiar.
‘What the hell!’ said Francesco, walking towards Penny and Priyesh. ‘Look at this place!’
‘Francesco!’ said Penny. ‘You’re here!’
‘I’m here!’ said Francesco, grinning. ‘Are you happy to see me?’
Penny went in for a hug, not knowing what else to do. ‘Of course I am!’ she said. ‘Francesco! My old friend! My buddy! My chum-diddly-chum-chum!’ She may as well set the boundary early on, she figured.
The pair pulled apart and it seemed to be only then that Francesco noticed Penny had been stood with another guy.
‘Sorry, man,’ he said to Priyesh. ‘Hi. I’m Francesco, an old friend of Penny’s.’ It wasn’t lost on her that he’d used ‘friend’ to describe himself. That was good. He knew where he stood, then.
‘Priyesh,’ said Priyesh. ‘The wine supplier for The Red Panda. And I was just in the middle of asking your friend out to dinner …’
‘Oh,’ said Francesco, taken aback. Penny grimaced guiltily.
‘I’ll leave you two to catch up,’ Priyesh said. ‘Francesco, what a lovely surprise for a friend. Penny?’
‘Huh?’ said Penny, discombobulated by Francesco’s arrival and somewhat turned on by Priyesh’s charm, and class, and apparent unflappability. Had he really said he’s been trying to ask her out for months?
‘Perhaps you’ll call me. You have my number.’
‘Oh, she doesn’t call people,’ Francesco said. ‘It took me a long time to persuade her to get on the phone. She’s a texter.’
‘Very well,’ Priyesh said. ‘Either way, Penny, I have a favour to return.’ He winked after he said that, and Penny knew exactly what he meant and it made red blotches flare up her cheeks. Such a polite man, suggesting such dirty things!
‘Thank you again for the flowers,’ she said. ‘I’ll call,’ she promised.
‘Nice to meet you,’ Priyesh said to Francesco, heading down the steps and towards his car. Francesco looked from Penny to the back of Priyesh’s head.
‘Is that the guy you’ve been seeing?’ he asked. ‘Why are you only going to dinner with him now?’
‘None of your business!’ Penny replied. ‘But also, no. It’s not. Priyesh is a … different man to the one I told you about. Back off.’
Francesco held his hands up in surrender. ‘Backing off, your honour,’ he said. ‘Boundaries firmly established.’
‘Sorry,’ Penny said. ‘I didn’t mean to snap. I’m flustered you caught me flirting. That was mean of me.’
‘It was,’ Francesco said. ‘And you’re already forgiven.’
‘Thank you. So, you really quit your job?’
Francesco grimaced. ‘Not my finest hour. But yes. I took my knives and got out of there before I could piss him off any more,’ he said. ‘Can I interest you in my pastry skills? I heard a rumour you might be going for the Bib Gourmand and little old Chef Cipolla might be able to help.’
‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ Penny said. ‘Just like that.’ She loved that he was. She loved that a part of her old life was in her new life, and that Priyesh had just asked her out, and that sometimes, when she least expected it, everything could feel do-able and light and fun. Francesco had once told her she over-complicated things, and in that moment she resolved to herself not to do that anymore. Francesco was here, and he was her friend. That was that.
‘I should have called on the way here,’ he said. ‘For a minute it almost looked like you had forgotten I was coming.’
‘No!’ said Penny. ‘I didn’t forget! I just, well, Priyesh …’
‘Handsome man,’ said Francesco.
‘Is it weird if you know I’m dating somebody else?’
Francesco looked in the direction Priyesh had left in. ‘Nah,’ he said. ‘I’m just happy we’re talking again.’
‘Well,’ Penny said. ‘Good.’
‘I’m excited to meet everyone properly,’ Francesco declared. ‘Everyone you’ve talked about, everyone you’ve done impressions of down the phone,’ he said.
‘Don’t think I’m getting soft or anything,’ Penny said. ‘But it might be nice to share it all with somebody, actually – to show somebody who understands how hard all this is, what we’ve achieved.’
‘Excellent!’
‘So what’s next? Did you really just ask me for a job?’
‘Maybe after service we can make a coffee and sit on the back step as you have your fag and talk about it all,’ Francesco laughed. ‘Because to be honest, I’ve got no clue myself.’
‘Who amongst us does?’ Penny laughed. ‘That’s supposed to be the fun of it, apparently.’
Penny left Francesco in the bar chatting with Charlie, who commented as Penny passed back through to the kitchen, ‘You left here with one and came back with another!’ Penny rolled her eyes. Charlie made it sound as though she was collecting men. She wasn’t, obviously.
‘Francesco is my friend,’ Penny said, as way of explanation. ‘F-R-I-E-N-D.’
‘The friend you talk to every morning when you’re prepping?’
‘Yes,’ said Penny. ‘Exactly that.’
‘Uh-huh,’ said Charlie, and Penny didn’t know what that noise was exactly supposed to mean. Hadn’t Charlie been all for Francesco’s friendly visit?
After she’d given instructions to the pot-wash, Ollie, on what needed doing to close down the kitchen until evening service, Penny kept Francesco waiting for a minute longer to slip into the kitchen office and look in the supplier’s book for Priyesh’s number. She flicked through the heavy binder of business cards and price lists, finding his details handwritten in her uncle’s cursive at the back. It had a landline number and a mobile, so Penny dialled his mobile. She needed to focus on the idea of somebody other than Francesco. If he understood that she was seeing somebody else, she knew he’d be respectful of that. Not that she was going to use Priyesh. She’d been a bit silly with him at the party, but the way he looked at her afterwards, how he came to the pub and brought flowers and didn’t get frustrated when Francesco turned up and interrupted them – that was very attractive. He was a proper man, and Penny knew in her heart she deserved to spend time with a proper man like that. What they’d done together had certainly been spontaneous, but she wasn’t going to over-think – that’s what she’d pledged to herself.
Penny also wasn’t going to fall back into Francesco’s arms because he was here, either – he’d kissed somebody else, when she’d not even been gone thirty seconds. She didn’t even care why, now. Yes, they’d had chemistry, but hadn’t she proved she could have chemistry with other men, too? In London it was as if she would never be fancied again until Francesco came along. Maybe she’d talked herself into liking him more because she was afraid she’d be left on the shelf forever. But here, in Derbyshire, it was different. Here, she magically had choices – Thomas had shown her the area and been open-hearted and kind. Priyesh was straight-laced and serious but playful and sexy too. And he wanted to take her out! So out she would go.
Priyesh picked up the phone. ‘Hello, Ms Bridge,’ he said, his voice brooding.
‘Hey,’ she replied. ‘I’m sorry we got interrupted. It’s a yes to dinner. Of course it’s a yes. Just let me know where to be and when, and I’ll be there.’
‘I’m thrilled to hear it,’ he said. ‘Sunday night. I’ll pick you up at 7 p.m. Dress code is smart.’
Penny went back through to Francesco and Charlie in the bar.
‘Right then,’ she said, clapping her hands together. ‘Shall I give you the grand tour?’