The Most Important Decision You Will Make

Most business school students devote their greatest efforts to shaping their work lives and socializing with their friends. However, the most important decision you’ll make is not where you work or who you party with, but who you choose to partner with for the rest of your life. Having a spouse, or life partner, whom you not only care for and want to have sex with, but who’s also a good teammate, softens the rough edges, and magnifies the shine of life. I have several friends with impressive careers, wonderful friends, and a spouse they love. But they aren’t happy, because their spouse isn’t their partner. Their goals and approaches to life are out of sync. Misalignment on what’s important and a lack of appreciation for the other person makes everything … harder. My friends with less economic success who spend less time with friends but who have a real partner to share their struggles and successes with are tangibly happier.

Passion, Values, Money

The best romantic partnerships I know of are synced up on three things. They are physically attracted to each other. Sex and affection establish your relationship as singular and say “I choose you” nonverbally. Good sex is 10 percent of a relationship, but bad sex is 90 percent of a relationship. However, this is where most young people end their due diligence. You also need to ensure that you align on values like religion, how many kids you want, your approaches to raising kids, your proximity to your parents, sacrifices you’re willing to make for economic success, and who handles which responsibilities. Money is an especially important value for alignment, as the number one source of marital acrimony is financial stress.4 Does your partner’s contribution to, approach to, and expectations about money—and how it flows in and out of the household—fit with yours?