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CJ WALKED THE PERIMETER of the back yard, his hands squeezing and stretching in an attempt to control the anger wrapped around his chest and eradicate the red flares in his line of sight. He knew Tom came out after him and was waiting patiently in one of the lounge chairs, but he couldn’t talk to him, not right now.
Not with this raging beast eating him from the inside out.
He stopped at the intersection of the wall and the path and glanced back at the house for a moment.
“Fuck it,” he muttered and darted down the zigzagging trail, stepping by memory in the dusk. Instead of climbing the stairs down to the dock, he jumped the ten feet, landing square. The lowering tide had pulled most of the water out of the pool, leaving only a layer of cold muck behind. Beyond the boulders, the waves lapped at rock; he relished the chill, considering whether the frigid water would cool him off quicker.
You’ll get hypothermia if you go in that water. Tom’s voice reasoned in his head and he looked up at the ledge above and Tom’s silhouette against the darkening sky.
“So what.”
Then I’d get hypothermia jumping in to save your ass.
“Fine, I won’t go in. Can you just give me some space for a while?”
Tom raised his hands and backed away from the edge, disappearing from view.
CJ stared out at the black water, calming his emotions. Anger was the easiest to identify and soothe. But the one that clenched his insides like a panther on the back of its prey was harder to define, more elusive and twice as crippling.
When the revelation came, he closed his eyes.
Fear.
Fear tasted like a sickly-sweet dose of medicine that made him want to vomit.
Knowing it was fear that clawed his stomach to shreds didn’t help either, and he wondered how many times his father felt this crippling dread.
“Too many times.”
CJ glanced up at the timber of Steve’s voice.
“Your father was on the run for most of his life, and once he had you and Tom, every day was a battle for him,” Steve said as he climbed down the ladder and took a seat next to CJ. “He loved you boys and he was so afraid of losing you.”
CJ glanced at Steve and then back at the water, not acknowledging that he spoke.
“Every day he thought twice about staying in your lives, wondering if he would be the one to poison the inherent goodness you got from your mother.”
“We shouldn’t even exist,” CJ whispered.
“I think you’re wrong. Everything happens for a reason.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit!” CJ moved to stand, and an invisible hand shoved him back down.
“Sit down,” Steve barked the command, glaring at CJ.
The abrupt change in manner shocked CJ into complying and not rebelling like he normally would.
“Your father had pure intent in him at one time. Did you know he used to put himself between his brother and his stepfather, knowing he might end up in the hospital because of it?”
CJ blinked and shook his head. “I, I didn’t know that.”
“And even the repeated beatings and broken bones didn’t break his spirit. When his stepfather carved his face up, that came close, but he still had both his brother and sister. It was when his sister was murdered that he lost it. When she died, everything honorable inside him did, too. The only thing that remained was his militant sense of protection over his little brother. That never left.” Steve took a breath and scanned the ocean. “I know that doesn’t come close to making up for everything he did. He crossed moral and legal lines neither of us would ever dream of crossing. But that feeling of being his brother’s protector, well, that wasn’t a bad thing and it seems he passed that down to you.”
CJ narrowed his eyes, something in Steve’s narration bothered him and when Steve met his gaze, he got it. “You want me to protect Tom.”
“Yes. He’s going to need it until they catch the real killer.”
“You know you don’t even have to ask. It’s a given,” CJ said.
“We’ve split time on this one ever since we got back from Georgia, so you’ve been afforded a break, but when I’m in Washington, you won’t get any relief. It’s a twenty-four by seven job to keep him out of harm’s way. I won’t be here to fix him if the shit hits the fan.”
“So, my mission, should I choose to accept it...” He grinned and gave Steve a sideways glance.
“Smart ass.” Steve smiled back. “Come on, Jen should be back by now.”
Steve climbed the steps first and CJ paused halfway up, tilting his head and listening. He scurried up and caught up to Steve, grabbing his arm and stopping him.
“Did you know?” he snapped.
Steve glanced at CJ, leveling a gaze that told him enough, but he opened his mouth, confirming CJ’s suspicions. “I knew they wouldn’t wait. Not with the case they’re building. In their minds, I’m too much of a flight risk.”
“Won’t they throw Tom back in jail if you’re not here?”
Steve stopped and turned, taking CJ by the shoulders. “Jennifer is here, and she has the same responsibilities I do where Tom’s house arrest is concerned, so no, he won’t go back to jail unless he screws up.”
“What if she has one of her auditions?”
“Then you take him to and from school.”
CJ shoved his hands in his pocket and nodded. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, the fear of losing another loved one ate at his insides, creating an icy hot pain in the pit of his stomach.
“You’re not losing me.”
CJ met his sincere stare. “Why don’t I believe that?” he asked and broke away, walking the path back to the house, knowing an ambush lay in wait for Steve inside the house.
* * * *
STEVE LOOKED AT THE sky, counting the visible stars. “You need to stay and watch over them,” he said to the heavenly lights.
Silence met his order and he glanced up at the sky again.
“I’m serious. Tom is your priority. You have to promise me you’ll stay here until they catch the bastard.”
That’s not how it works. Ty’s voice echoed in his mind.
“I don’t care. It’s the only way I’ll know he’s safe.”
Fine, I’ll stay.
“Thanks.”
Don’t forget to call Lynn. She’s got papers that can help.
Steve nodded and collected his nerves. Taking a deep breath, he stepped from the heavy brush onto the lawn. A flurry of activity hit from all sides, and at least a dozen firearms pointed in his direction. He raised his hands, so they were in clear view and looked beyond the agents into the family room, meeting Jennifer’s panicked gaze.
Cleary held her in place in a bear hug and she fought like a tiger to get loose. He could hear the curses flowing from her mouth even through the closed glass door.
“Hands on your head,” one of the team ordered.
Steve knew the drill and he put his hands on his head and dropped to his knees before that command followed. He kept eye contact with Jennifer. Calm down, babe. You’ll be fine.
Jennifer stopped struggling and the tears glistened on her cheeks, driving a stab of pain in his heart. The thought that this could be the last time he saw her for a very long time brought a mist to his eyes and he blinked it back. Tom and CJ stood next to Cleary, just staring out at the chaos.
Cold metal clamped around his wrists and Steve tightened his jaw trying to hang onto the iota of pride he had left.
“Do you have to do that?” he asked the agent behind him, meeting his sharp glare.
The disgust was clear in both his facial features and his thoughts and Steve turned his gaze back to the house giving Jennifer a nod as they helped him to his feet.
“You have the right to remain silent,” the agent began and Steve tuned him out.
Call Lynn Trueman and let her know what’s happening. Ty said she has papers that may help my situation.
Jennifer’s eyebrow rose.
He planned for this.
Her mouth dropped and then popped closed, anger replacing the shock and despair of his arrest. His gaze flicked to the boys and back, and the beginning of her silent rant shut off.
Steve glanced at the officer. “Yes, I understand my rights,” he answered when they finished reading him the Miranda rights.
“You’re a disgrace to the Bureau.”
Steve glanced at his badge. “You don’t know shit, Scully,” he said and tilted his head. “Funny, you don’t look like a hot redhead,” he said, pushing the agent’s buttons and keeping his own temper in check with the slant.
Scully’s face turned red and his glare got downright dangerous.
“Oh, come on, don’t tell me you’ve never been razzed about your name,” Steve said and received a yank in the direction of the house as a response. He refrained from any more comment because Scully was a push away from clocking him.
The slider opened, and Jennifer broke from Cleary’s grip, running to Steve and wrapping her arms around his neck.
Scully didn’t pause, he dragged Steve and Jennifer toward the front door until Steve yanked his arm from his grasp.
“Let me say goodbye to my wife,” Steve growled sending a glare in his direction.
“Give him a minute,” Cleary said.
Jennifer pressed her lips to his and he closed his eyes, relishing the salty taste of her tears along with the sweetness of her cherry lip-gloss. She pulled away and held on like his life depended on it.
Steve kissed the crook of her neck. “I love you, babe,” he whispered in her ear. “You have to let go.”
She shook her head, pressing her face into his chest, muffling the first sob.
“Look at me,” he said and after a tight squeeze, she lifted her head, meeting his gaze. “We will be okay. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
He offered her a weak smile and kissed her forehead. Steve glanced over his shoulder at the boys. “Take care of her while I’m gone.”
* * * *
TOM NODDED AND CROSSED, pulling Jennifer off Steve. She immediately covered her face and burrowed in his chest, her sobs as heartbreaking as seeing Steve led out the front door and into the media frenzy on their front lawn.
The feds filed out, escorting Steve through the sea of vultures hurling question after question at him. The door slammed closed, leaving Jennifer and the boys alone with Cleary. Jennifer wiped her face and glanced at CJ.
“Can you make sure everyone is off the property?”
“Yes.” CJ moved to the window, staring outside as the procession departed. Some of the news crews started to set up their cameras on the lawn instead of outside the fence and anger surfaced at their audacity.
Camera bulbs began to pop like a series of firecrackers and at first the newshounds didn’t understand what was happening. When all the glass in the equipment started to crack and shatter into fine glass mist, they retreated in a confused and unnerved mass.
The moment they were through the gates, the iron bars swung closed and he glanced at Cleary shoving the irritation and anger aside and studying Steve’s boss.
“Why didn’t you stop them?” The accusation hung on the air leaving a tension that prickled everyone in the room.
“I need to make a call,” Jennifer said and headed for the stairs. She paused and faced the boys. “Thank you,” she said to Tom and gave a nod to CJ before she disappeared upstairs.
“Were either of you at the house when Steve first met your parents?”
“I was,” CJ said and traded a glance with Tom. “I actually let him in the house.”
Tom shrugged. “I remember being told about Eric and the rest is kind of hazy, like a dream. Why?” he signed.
Cleary stared at Tom’s hands with a line of concentration between his eyes.
“You don’t know sign language, do you?” CJ asked.
“No, I’m not proficient in sign language,” Cleary admitted.
“Tom said he doesn’t remember much after being told about Eric,” he said, paraphrasing.
“Mind if I go upstairs,” Tom signed. “I have some studying to do.”
“Do you mind if he goes upstairs to study?”
“No, that’s fine,” Cleary answered.
As soon as Tom was out of earshot, CJ turned to Cleary and narrowed his eyes. “Why all the questions?” he asked and crossed his arms.
“I’m trying to find something that will get Steve out of the mess he’s in,” Cleary said and glanced at the stairwell.
CJ didn’t buy it, not with Cleary’s lack of eye contact. He studied the man for a few moments and static filled his psychic airways. Steve certainly taught him how to safeguard his thoughts, but was Cleary on their side or on the FBI’s side. CJ didn’t know and decided to test where Cleary’s loyalty lay.
“What do you want to know?”
“I need to know if you overheard anything that will help Steve.”
CJ looked at the floor, playing back the memory as if it happened yesterday. Only one thing stuck out, but if he was right about Cleary, it would never see the light of day, so he shook his head. “No. Everything I heard would hurt his case.”
“What exactly did you hear?”
“After he told them about Eric, he said he knew who my father was and what he did.”
Cleary sat down and leaned his elbows on his knees. “Did Steve find out about your father when your brother died?” His tone held the quality of defeat and he met CJ’s gaze.
“I don’t know,” CJ said and took a seat facing the television. He glanced at the stairwell, listening for either Jennifer or Tom, because if they overheard the conversation, his bluff would be called.
“Did Steve say anything else?”
“Not before he and my dad got into a fight,” CJ turned his gaze on Cleary. “Steve actually took him down. Shocked the shit out of my dad, too.” CJ paused and glanced out the sliders at the moonrise. “That’s when he asked for help in return for my father’s freedom.” CJ shrugged and glanced away, unwilling to divulge more.
“Help?”
CJ met Cleary’s inquisitive stare and shrugged. He didn’t know how much of the story the man really knew and he wasn’t about to share any of the Ryan family secrets unless he had to.
“What happened next?”
CJ sighed. “That’s when his boss called to tell him about his parents and Steve lost it. He had nothing—his daughter, his partner and his parents, all slaughtered by the same psycho, and Jennifer was stuck in a coma. The guy was a loose cannon with very little to live for except revenge.”
“So, he used your parents for personal gain,” Cleary said.
“No. He was actually going to walk away, but my father offered to help.”
Cleary’s eyebrow rose.
“And Steve isn’t an idiot. He knew what my father brought to the table.”
Cleary scoffed and folded his hands together.
“Would you have turned down a genius with unlimited resources with the same propensity for vengeance?”
“Yes. I would have arrested him,” Cleary said and stood.
“He helped Steve catch Winslow,” CJ said.
“And look what that cost him,” Cleary didn’t wait for CJ to reply. “I’ll be in touch,” he said and headed out of the house.
CJ leaned back on the couch, and made sure the front door latched closed before he spoke under his breath, “Asshole.” He reached forward and turned on the television, despite the internal warnings not to bother. The local channels were filled with pictures of Steve being escorted away in handcuffs.
“Turn that crap off.”
CJ met Jennifer’s bloodshot gaze. “How are you holding up?” he asked and turned the television off.
Jennifer bit her lip and tried to smile, but it came across as forced, and the sudden sheen in her eyes gave away her desperation as much as her thoughts. CJ crossed to her and pulled her into a hug.
“I promise everything will be okay. Steve will be home before we know it and the charges against Tom will be dropped and everything will go back to the way it used to be.”
She nodded and when he pulled away, a tear escaped, and she wiped it away. “Our lawyer is on the way to Washington with a sealed envelope that your father had, but she isn’t sure they will allow it into evidence for his defense.” Her chin quivered. “He promised he wouldn’t leave me here alone,” she said and dropped her face into her hands.
CJ rubbed her back hearing the fears loop though her head.
“If the Windwalker is stupid enough to attack us, I’ll be here,” he said. He relished the thought of wasting the bastard.
“What if he shows up when you’re at work?”
CJ sighed. “Then you call Steve and he’ll be here like that,” he said and snapped his fingers.