Tip 7: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

An apology is the superglue of life.
It can repair just about anything.
Lynn Johnston

Why are the words ‘I’m sorry’ so hard to say? Is it because we’re admitting that we’ve failed or done something ‘wrong’? Is it because it shines a light on our weakness and vulnerability? Does it just feel a whole lot easier to shift the blame onto someone or something else instead?

Some years ago I delivered a workshop with a colleague at a London hotel. At the end of the day we went to Reception to pay and were presented with a considerably larger bill than we had expected. This was not what we wanted to hear.

The Manager was summoned and he quickly summed up the situation. His reaction was swift. He acknowledged that there had been an error, apologised for the mistake and asked if we would like to sit in the bar and enjoy a bottle of champagne on the house while he sorted out the problem. Naturally, we were pleasantly surprised, accepted the offer, and spent the next ten minutes extolling the virtues of the hotel. Not only that, but in the following weeks we both sold the hotel to others as a training venue. The manager had succeeded in turning a potentially disastrous situation into a positive one, turning us from complaining customers to complimentary clients.

For those of us who run our own businesses, we don’t have to panic if we make a mistake — in fact it can be a gift if we act in the right way. Just follow the same steps as the Hotel Manager: 1) Acknowledge the mistake 2) Apologise 3) Go out of your way to put it right. If you really pull the stops out to right the wrong, people will tell others not about the mistake but about the superb and imaginative way in which you handled it.

Exactly the same principle applies in our personal lives. If we’ve done something to upset someone else (or vice versa) and we refuse to acknowledge it or apologise, the issue hangs around and never seems to get resolved. But if we take full responsibility for our mistake, apologise and go out of our way to repair the wrong, everyone benefits. The upset is forgotten, resentment evaporates and happiness is restored.

So in this Valentine’s week my challenge to you is this: if you’ve made a mistake of any kind, admit it, apologise and make amends for it. Those around you — particularly your nearest and dearest — will love you more for doing so.

It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors
and mistakes and make amends for them.
To make a mistake is only an error in judgment,
but to adhere to it when it is discovered
shows infirmity of character.
Dale E. Turner

People spend too much time finding other people to blame,
too much energy finding excuses for not being
what they are capable of being, and not enough
energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of
the past and getting on with their lives.
J. Michael Straczynski