What’s the ideal outcome?Some people see things as they are and say ‘why’?
I dream things that never were and say ‘why not’?
George Bernard Shaw
Why did that happen to me?
Why did he say that to me?
Why can’t I do things better?
Why do I always fail?
Why me?
Asking ‘why?’ is our way of trying to make sense of things. In its way it can be useful, but ‘why’ questions can also mire us down, keep us stuck in the past and prevent us from taking action and moving forward.
If you’re not careful they can spiral downwards into negative, self-recriminatory thinking which doesn’t benefit anyone.
You’ll find it’s generally much more helpful to ask ‘what’ questions instead. ‘What’ questions are assertive and proactive. They’re solution-focused; they release energy and move you from feeling stuck into the realm of what’s possible. For example …
Why aren’t I better at this? (becomes)
What can I do to improve?
Why is this happening to me? (becomes)
What do I want to do about it?
Why didn’t I handle that better? (becomes)
What can I learn from this?
Why me? (becomes)
What do I need to take responsibility for?
Can you see how much more powerful ‘what’ questions can be? Here are some useful ones:
What’s the ideal outcome?
What do I really want?
What’s the first step?
What are the options?
What’s stopping me?
What’s the worst that could happen?
For the next few days, notice what happens when you use the word ‘why’ and how it makes you feel. Then try asking a different question, this time starting with the word ‘what…’ My guess is that you’ll notice quite a difference.
Using “what” questions provides the opportunity to start
you along the road to accessing your own wisdom.
Laura Berman Fortgang
We will discover the nature of our particular genius
when we stop trying to conform to our own or to
other peoples’ models, learn to be ourselves, and allow
our natural channel to open.
Shakti Gawain