Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones,
you’ll start having positive results.
Willie Nelson
Everyone has their ups and downs. No matter how confident we may seem on the outside, I don’t know anyone who’s 100% confident all the time. While many of us sail along most of the time feeling pretty much OK, every now and again things can conspire to shake our confidence and our sense of self.
The word confidence comes from the Latin confidere, which means to have full trust. Confidence is about having faith in yourself — in your qualities and your abilities — and trusting that whatever life throws at you, you’ll be able to handle it. So when our confidence falters, how do we recalibrate? What can we do to restore our equilibrium? Here are some ideas:
First and foremost be really good to yourself. This may sound trite, but when our confidence is shaky we can be unreasonably hard on ourselves and give ourselves a tough time for ‘not doing better’. So a good way to start building your confidence is to practice some extreme self-care. Put yourself at the top of the list, nurture and be kind to yourself.
The New Oxford Dictionary defines confidence as: A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities. With this in mind, write a list of 10 things you like about yourself and think you do well.
Create a ‘Feel Good’ Box and fill it with positive, encouraging notes, emails, letters, certificates, pictures — anything that makes you feel good and reminds you how brilliant you are. Reach for this box whenever you feel your confidence is waning.
Spend as little time as possible with those who criticise you or undermine your confidence. The messages we receive from those around us can affect how we feel about ourselves, so choosing not to be around those who erode our confidence is really important. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and encourage you to succeed.
Give yourself a quick confidence boost by getting a new hair-cut, throwing out a piece of clothing that’s old and baggy and doesn’t suit you and buying something new — or upgrading your immediate environment in some way. These external factors can affect how we feel internally.
Watch your language. If you’re feeling a bit low you might be tempted to put yourself down in front of other people — resist at all costs! If this is the message you’re giving out to the world, it will be having a negative impact on you, too.
Confidence comes from taking action and the very best way to boost your confidence is to challenge yourself and step out of your comfort zone. So set yourself a couple of ‘stretch’ goals: it may feel uncomfortable, but your confidence will soar when you achieve them.
When the grass looks greener on the other side of the
fence, it may be that they take better care of it there.
Cecil Selig
When there is no enemy within,
the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
African Proverb
Shyness has a strange element of narcissism,
a belief that how we look, how we perform,
is truly important to other people.
André Dubus