Severus, seeing that his sons were changing their way of life, and that the legions were losing their vigour through idleness, decided to campaign against Britain, although he knew he would not return. He knew this mainly from the stars he had been born under, for he had them painted on the ceilings of the rooms in his palace where he held court so that they were visible to all, except for that portion of the sky which, as astrologers put it, “observed the hour,” when he first saw the light – for this portion was not painted in the same way in both rooms. He also knew his fate because he had heard from the seers that a thunderbolt had struck a statue of his which stood near the gates through which he intended to march, and which looked out on the road leading to his destination, and the lightning had erased three letters from his name. For this reason, he did not return, but died in the third year of his expedition. He took with him an immense amount of money.
There are two main races of Britons, the Caledonians and the Maeatae, and the names of other tribes have been merged with these two. The Maeatae live next to the wall which cuts the island in half, and the Caledonians beyond them. Both tribes inhabit wild, arid mountains and desolate, swampy plains. They have no walls or cities and no tilled fields, but live off their flocks, wild game, and certain fruits, for they do not touch fish even though it is found in immense and inexhaustible supplies. They live in tents, naked with no shoes, and their women are shared, and they rear all their offspring together. Generally their rule is democratic, and as they are very fond of plundering they choose their boldest men as rulers. They ride into battle in chariots, and their horses are small and swift. They also have infantry, who can run fast, and stand their ground firmly. They arm themselves with a shield and a short spear, and have a bronze apple attached to the end of the shaft of the spear, so that when shaken it makes a clashing noise to terrify the enemy. They also have daggers. They can endure hunger, cold and any form of hardship. They plunge into swamps and live there for days with only their heads above water. In the forests they live on bark and roots, and in emergencies can prepare a kind of food which eating even a bean-sized portion will prevent hunger or thirst.
The general character of the island of Britain however, is such that the inhabitants are the least hostile part. For it is an island, and this fact, as I have already stated, was proven beyond doubt at the time. It is 951 miles long and 308 miles wide at its greatest width, 40 miles at its least width. Out of all this territory, we hold slightly less than a half.
Severus therefore wished to subjugate the entire island and invaded Caledonia. But as he advanced through the country, he experienced countless hardships such as cutting down the forests, levelling the heights, filling up the swamps and bridging rivers. But he did not fight a battle and did not come across the enemy equipped for battle. The enemy put sheep and cattle in front of the soldiers for them to seize, so that they would be lured on further until they were exhausted, as the water caused great suffering to the Romans, and when they became scattered, they were attacked. Unable to walk, they were killed by their own men to avoid capture, and fifty thousand died. But Severus did not stop until he reached the furthest extremity of the island. From here he accurately observed the variation of the sun’s movement and the length of days and nights in the summer and winter. Having thus been carried through practically all of this hostile country (as he was actually carried in a covered litter most of the way due to his illness), he returned to friendly territory after he had forced the Britons to come to terms on the condition that they should abandon a large part of their territory.
Caracalla was causing Severus alarm and anxiety by his intemperate life, and by his apparent intention to murder his brother at the first chance, and even by plotting against the Emperor himself. Once he charged out of his quarters, yelling that he was being wronged by Castor. Castor was the best of the freedmen who attended Severus, and he held the offices of both secretary and chamberlain. Some soldiers that had been got ready before this, got together and joined in the shouting, but they were quickly stopped when Severus appeared among them and punished the worst offenders. On another occasion, when Severus and Caracalla were riding forward to meet the Caledonians in order to receive their arms and discuss the details of the truce, Caracalla attempted to kill his father with his own hand. They were riding forward, Severus also being mounted despite injury to his feet from his illness, and the rest of the army were following behind. The enemy’s force was also so far behind as to be mere spectators. While all were proceeding in silence in good order, Caracalla suddenly reined in his horse and drew his sword as if he were going to strike his father in the back. But the others who were riding with them saw this and cried out, so Caracalla in fright abandoned the attempt. Severus turned at the shouting and saw his son with his sword drawn. Despite this he didn’t say a word, but ascended the tribunal, finished his business and returned to headquarters. Once there he summoned Caracalla, together with Papinianus and Castor, and ordered that a sword was placed within easy reach. He then rebuked his son for having dared to do such a thing, especially in plain sight of both allies and enemy. Then he said, “Now if you really want to kill me, do it now, for you are strong, and I am an old man and prostrate. And if you wish me dead but don’t want to kill me with your own hands, there is Papinianus, the prefect, standing beside you, whom you can order to slay me, for he will do anything you command as you are virtually Emperor.” Despite speaking like this, he did Caracalla no harm, even though he often blamed Marcus (Aurelius) for not quietly doing away with Commodus and had often himself threatened to do this to his own son. He only ever uttered these threats when he was angry though, whereas on this occasion he allowed his love for his son to outweigh his love for his country, and in doing so betrayed his other son, as he well knew what would happen.
When the inhabitants of the island revolted again, he summoned the army and ordered them to invade the rebels’ country, killing everyone they met, and he quoted these words:
“Let no one escape sheer destruction,
No one our hands, not even the babe in the womb of the mother,
If it be male, let it nevertheless not escape sheer destruction.”
After this, the Caledonians joined the revolt of the Maeatae, and he began to prepare to make war upon them in person. While doing this, he died from his illness on the fourth of February, some say with help from Caracalla. Whatever the case, before Severus died, he is said to have told his sons (I give his exact words without embellishment): “Be harmonious, enrich the soldiers and scorn all other men.” His body, dressed in military apparel, was then placed upon a pyre, and the soldiers and his sons ran around it as a mark of honour. The soldiers who had items they could offer as gifts to hand threw them onto the pyre and the sons applied the flame. After the cremation, the bones were placed into an urn of purple stone, taken to Rome and placed in the tomb of the Antonines. It is said that Severus asked for the urn shortly before his death, and after feeling it, said, “You shall hold a man that the world could not.”
Severus was small in height, but powerful, though he was eventually weakened by gout. He was keen and vigorous of mind. For education, he was eager for more than he obtained, and for this reason he was a man of few words, but many ideas. He was not forgetful to his friends, but to his enemies he was oppressive. He took great care over everything he desired to achieve, but was careless of what was said about him. He therefore raised money from every possible source, with the exception of killing to receive it, and he met all necessary expenditures with good grace. He restored a large number of ancient buildings and inscribed his own name upon them as if it was he that had erected them in the first place from his private funds. He spent a great deal uselessly repairing other buildings or constructing new ones. For instance, he built a huge temple to Bacchus and Hercules. But though his expenditures were enormous, he nevertheless left behind him many tens of thousands. He rebuked unchaste persons, and enacted some laws on adultery. As a consequence, there were many indictments for that offence (for example, when I was consul, I found three thousand entered on the docket!), but since very few people prosecuted these cases, he stopped troubling himself about them. Regarding this, a witty remark is reported to have been made by the wife of Argentocoxus, a Caledonian, to Julia Augusta. When the empress was jesting with her, after the treaty, about the free sexual relations women in Britain had with men, she replied, “We fulfil the demands of nature in a much better way than do you Roman women; for we consort openly with the best men, whereas you let yourselves be debauched in secret by the vilest.” This was the answer of the British woman.
The following is the routine that Severus followed in peacetime. He was sure to be doing something before dawn, and afterwards he would take a walk while telling and hearing of things of importance to the empire. He would then hold court, unless there was a great festival. He used to do this very well, for he allowed the litigants plenty of time and he gave us, his advisors, full liberty to speak. He would hear cases until noon, then he would rise, as far as his strength permitted, and then perform some gymnastic exercise and take a bath. After this he ate a big lunch, either by himself or with his sons. Then he would take a nap, and after this attend to his remaining duties. He would then walk about, while engaging in discussion in Greek and Latin. Towards evening he would bathe again and dine with his associates, for he rarely invited guests to dinner. He only indulged in expensive banquets when it was unavoidable. He lived sixty-five years, nine months and twenty-five days, as he was born on the eleventh of April. He ruled for seventeen years, eight months and three days. He showed himself so active, then even when he was expiring, he gasped, “Come, give it here, if we have anything to do.”