“How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All of My Life” by Alan Lerner and Burton Lane. Copyright © 1950, 1951 (Renewed 1978, 1979) Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, Inc. All rights controlled by Leo Feist, Inc. All rights of Leo Feist, Inc. assigned to EMI Catalogue Partnership. All rights controlled and administered by EMI Feist Catalogue, Inc. International copyright secured through International Music Publications.

“What Is This Thing Called Love?” by Cole Porter. Copyright © 1939 Warner Bros., Inc. (Renewed). All rights reserved. Used by permission.

“If This Isn’t Love” by E. Y. Harburg and Burton Lane. Copyright © 1946 Chappell & Co. (Renewed). All rights reserved. Used by permission.

“True Love” by Cole Porter. Copyright © 1955 (Unpub.) & 1956 by Chappell & Co. (Renewed). All rights reserved. Used by permission.

Photographs of babies courtesy H. Armstrong Roberts Inc. Stock Photography.

“The Birdwatchers” by George Tooker, 1948. Tempera on panel, 26 1/2″ × 22″. Private collection.

Copyright © 1992 by Donald L. Nathanson

All rights reserved

First published as a Norton paperback 1994

The text of this book is composed in Palatino with the display set in Gill Sans.

Book design by Ruth Mandel

The Library of Congress has cataloged the printed edition as follows:

Nathanson, Donald L.

Shame and pride : affect, sex, and the birth of the self / Donald L. Nathanson.

p.   cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

1. Shame. 2. Pride and vanity. 3. Affect (Psychology) 4. Self psychology. I. Title.

[DNLM: 1. Ego. 2. Psychoanalytic Theory. 3. Self Concept.

4. Shame. BF 575.S45 N275S]

BF575.S45N375 1992

152.4—dc20

DNLM/DLC

for Library of Congress

91-29112

ISBN 0-393-31109-0

ISBN 978-0-393-31109-9

ISBN 978-0-393-35212-2 (e-book)

W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.

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