CHAPTER 15
ARIA WAS ACTING IRRATIONAL AND SHE KNEW IT.
Jake had saved her life.
Again.
But this time . . . this time, watching his panic, seeing him nearly run out of air, nearly drown because he didn’t know how to quit—
It turned her bones weak, stopped her heart, and frankly, she didn’t know how to feel.
So angry—no, furious—seemed the only emotion she could get her hands around. Fury, so she didn’t have to think about the other choices.
Grief.
Life without Jake.
Fear.
Life with Jake.
The fact that, no matter what she thought, she hadn’t a hope of a happy ending when every time he answered a call, he might not walk back in the door.
She hit the stairwell, pulled herself up, and nearly cried out as she put weight on her stupid ankle. It slowed her down, but not enough to stop her, and she limped up the stairs and down to the staff room, not sure, really, where she was going.
She leaned against an upright chair, breathing hard.
She had to get away from him, because every cell in her body pulsed with the terrible urge to throw herself into his arms. Here she was, right back in Alaska, losing her common sense.
“Calm down, Aria.”
Kia, in her head. Smiling. Swinging Dad’s Harley key around her finger. “I know what I’m doing.”
No—you don’t!
“Aria, what’s going on?”
Jake, behind her, still breathing hard after rescuing her and running up the stairs after her, and the poor man probably thought she was losing her mind.
Maybe.
At the very least, she was the most ungrateful—
“I know you’re freaking out—”
“Thank you, Jake.” She didn’t look at him, just stared out the open window at the rain sheeting down, into the room, the wind lashing the palm trees. Oh goody, they’d circled back around to more drama.
Or maybe, with Jake, she’d never leave it.
“I know you saved me, again, and . . . well, I don’t know what to say.”
She glanced over her shoulder and the man stood there, soaking wet, his clothing plastered to him, shivering slightly, staring at her with so much worry in his eyes it could unravel her.
Don’t. Don’t end up in his arms.
“What’s going on, Hot Lips?”
She wanted to smile at his nickname. Wow, she loved him, the way he found humor in the darkest places. But he deserved an explanation.
A real one.
“Of the storm? Aw, that’s nothin’, babe.” He took a step toward her.
She held up her hand. “No, not of the storm. Of . . . of this.” She gestured between them. “I know what I said back there—and I meant it. And then you . . . you . . . you would have died trying to free me.”
He said nothing, his shoulders rising and falling.
And the fact he didn’t deny it only settled the truth in her bones. “I think I told myself that you were different than Kia. That yes, you put yourself in perilous places, but you weren’t reckless with your life.”
“I’m not reckless with my life, Aria. I know exactly what I’m doing.” He took another step toward her, but this time she didn’t stop him. “I would have died trying to save you, and counted it worth it.”
Her breath trembled, and her eyes filled.
“Because that’s what love does. It doesn’t stop to consider the cost. It just . . . acts. Puts itself out there.”
She let her breath leak out. “I so want to make you promise me that you’ll never do anything like that again, but . . . you can’t make me that promise, can you?”
His mouth tightened into a grim line. He shook his head.
“And I know that. I thought maybe I could handle that, that I could even, I don’t know, control you. But . . . I can’t. And that . . . that’s what scares me.” She wanted to step away from him, but her ankle kept her planted. “Being out of control. Knowing that storms just show up, randomly, and even though I do everything I can to prepare for them—even stop them—I still end up—”
“Caught in the middle. Having to make choices that hurt people.” He swallowed and looked past her. “You’re doing things you never thought you’d do, because you have to, and then looking in the mirror and not recognizing yourself.”
She wanted to touch him, then, to soothe the words that felt ripped from the secret places inside him.
“So, what do you do, Aria? Because there will always be storms. I suppose you can weather them with me or without me.” He took a final step toward her, so close he could bend down to kiss her.
The wind howled behind her, casting into the room.
“I guess I hold on,” she said and reached for him.
He reached for her and pulled her to himself, off her hurt leg, and her arms slid up behind his neck, over his shoulders.
And then, she was kissing him. Because she had no other choice. Because he was here, right now, and she could.
And because God was good. And sovereign, and like Mimi said, she didn’t have to be afraid when her heart was in his hands.
Jake’s whiskers roughened her skin, his arms hard as they pulled her tight. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, but one of resolution, of power . . .
Of the impulsive, all-out love that embodied Jake Silver.
“Whoa—and here we thought you guys were in trouble!”
At the voice, Jake broke away from her, his eyes wide, and put her down, still holding on to her.
“Am I interrupting? I could come back at another time . . .”
Aria looked past Jake as he turned.
Ham?
The big man stood in the doorway of the hospital, soaking wet, wearing a rain slicker, holding a flashlight and a two-way. Now, he toggled the radio. “I found him, guys.”
He walked into the room.
Jake glanced at her, but she’d balanced herself on the chair, so Jake walked over to him, bypassed Ham’s hand, and wrapped him in a hug. “Dude! What are you doing here?”
Ham gave him a quick one-armed wrap, then looked at Aria. “You okay?”
She didn’t even know where to begin, her words stripped from her.
“She has a bum ankle,” Jake said.
Well, that was an oversimplification, but yes.
“How’d you find us?” she asked.
“Orion was worried about you when Lucy hit, and when he didn’t hear from either of you, he called me. We met in Miami and were trying to locate you.”
“You and Orion?” Jake asked.
“And me.” North walked into the room, his pant legs wet. “What, you think you get all the fun?” He grinned at Jake, and Aria could see why he was his swim partner. They had the same weird sense of humor. He grabbed Jake in a hug. “Orion’s down with the Zodiac, in the lobby. He’s with someone else—a skinny guy—”
“Parker,” Aria said.
“You took a Zodiac from Miami?” Jake asked.
“Of course not. We called in a favor from one of Isaac White’s supporters, a guy from Texas named Dex. He nabbed us a yacht from one of his friends in Miami. We were already on our way down when the coast guard relayed your call. We were going to turn around, but when the chopper said you were left behind, we fired up the Zodiac. But we gotta get moving. That storm is starting to rock and roll.”
Aria just stared at them. “You came all the way down here for Jake?”
“Hey, not just Jake. You too,” Ham said. “One of those employee perks, Ari. Think about it.”
“He’s always recruiting,” Jake said, shaking his head.
“Anything to keep you from reactivating,” Ham said. “I can’t lose you to the teams, Silver.”
Outside, lightning flashed, and behind it, the low roll of thunder.
What? Jake was reactivating? The words blew her over, swept out any response.
Ham glanced past her, out the window. “Sounds more like a tropical storm than a hurricane, but let’s get going before we’re all stranded.”
At the tail end of his words, however, a dog howled, maybe out of fear, but something sharp and high, and Jake looked at Aria. “Ringo.”
“I got him,” North said, disappearing down the hall. He returned a moment later with the wet puppy. “He’s cute.” Ringo was slathering his face. “He was in the supply closet, behind the mop bucket. Looked like he was scared and got himself wedged in.”
Yeah, she knew what that felt like.
But not anymore. No more trying to justify her life. Time to live in freedom.
“Let’s go,” Jake said. And then, because he was Jake, he simply walked over, bent down, and picked her up, holding her in his arms. She curled hers around his neck.
“Back to that again, huh?” Ham said, glancing over his shoulder as he led them down the hallway.
Yes, it seemed she always ended up in his arms. Right where she belonged.
“Take me home, Hawkeye.”
“Aye, aye, Hot Lips.”
Apparently, Jake couldn’t escape hospitals.
He stood at the window of Mimi’s room, looking over the deep, calming blue of Biscayne Bay in Miami. Massive cruise ships sat at dock, tethered front to back, and just down the shoreline, sailboats, yachts, and whalers listed in the harbor of a local hotel, sun gleaming off their white hulls.
A glorious day.
Not a hint of trouble in the sky.
But that’s how it was when storms hit—one moment, blue skies, the next, he was running for cover.
Picking up the pieces.
Figuring out how to survive in the sunshine.
Behind him, Angel sat in the recliner, her feet up. Aria stood at Mimi’s bedside, having recapped her symptoms to the pulmonologist at Mount Sinai. “I’m just a phone call away,” Aria said, her hand in Mimi’s. “Once I get a phone.” She gave a small, feeble laugh.
Jake turned, leaned on the window frame. Aria had been acting strange since they left Key West, first on the Zodiac, then on the fancy yacht Ham had scrounged up. She’d sat in the bow, staring into the wind, something stoic on her face he couldn’t read.
He’d gotten the lowdown on Ham’s trip to Italy, a short but tight-lipped recap of his mission as well as his luck finding Royal—no joy there.
Then Ham had just about broken Jake’s heart when he’d stared out the window and said, quietly, “The Italian coast guard found Signe’s body.”
Only then had Jake realized how much Ham had been hoping that somehow, someway, Signe might still be alive.
Then again, it wasn’t exactly a far-fetched hope, what with her turning up, alive, after ten years.
Jake had been there, had seen the explosion of the bunker. Had seen Ham unravel.
And the look on his face now reminded Jake too closely of his own breakdown at the hospital.
Completely losing himself, like some kind of pansy.
The memory made him want to stalk out of the room, even as Mimi looked over at him and reached out her hand. “C’mere, Jake.”
And what was he going to do? So he took her hand, his fingers coarse and roughened against her fragile softness. She tugged him over.
The bed nearly swallowed her, and frankly, it seemed she’d aged a decade in the few hours since Yola’s death. But her eyes glowed as she patted Jake’s hand. “Thank you, kiddo.”
He swallowed, his throat thick. Shook his head. “I should have—”
“No, now you listen to me. You did everything right. Yola had her own mind. And her own heart. And she followed both of them.” Her eyes glistened, a tear forming in the corner. “She was always so much like her grandfather. Impulsive, yes, but so brave. She knew exactly what she was doing when she saved your life.”
Jake looked away.
“Except, you think it was a reckless, impulsive, meaningless act.”
He looked at her, stricken. But, yes.
And Mimi could very possibly read his mind because she met his eyes, boring in. “And what about Jesus? Was he reckless when he gave his life for us?”
“Of course not. It’s just . . . No one should give their life for me.”
“Says the man who is so willing to give his for others.”
He lifted a shoulder.
“Because if you do, then you deserve grace, right? Deserve forgiveness for losing your sister and every other terrible thing you’ve done.”
He looked at her. Swallowed. Angel looked up at him, as if needing his answer.
“I am forgiven. I am clean. I am loved. Say it with me, Jake.”
He closed his eyes.
“I know grace is difficult to accept, Jake. It’s in our nature to want to bargain for our redemption, as if we have a stake in it. But it’s an all-or-nothing proposal. You can do nothing but receive it. All or nothing. I am forgiven. I am clean. I am loved.”
“I don’t deserve grace.”
“Of course you don’t. That’s the point of grace. So stop acting like it’s a negotiation.” Her hand tightened in his. “Receive the gift, or don’t. That’s all that’s required to be set free, Jake. To live in peace.”
He nodded, aware of eyes on him. “Take care of yourself, Mimi.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.
She pressed her hand to his whiskered face and smiled at him.
He walked around to Angel and knelt before her. “You okay?”
“I’m going to help Mimi rebuild the Bahama Mama.” She ran her hands over her belly. “Me and Hannah here.”
He looked at her, frowned. “What did you say?”
Angel looked at him. “I’m having a girl—didn’t I tell you? And I’m naming her Hannah.”
He swallowed. “Really? Why Hannah?” Maybe she’d overheard him talking to Aria . . .
“I’ve always loved that name.” She smiled. “I had a friend growing up who was named Hannah, and, I don’t know . . . I just like the name.”
Jake looked at her belly. “May I?”
She nodded and took his hand, pressed it on the baby. It moved beneath his hand, tiny limbs, a tiny body. Alive. “Thank you, Jake,” she whispered. “Thank you for saving us.”
He drew in a breath, his throat tight again, and nodded.
“I’m going to check on Wade,” Aria said and Jake got up.
“If you ever need anything—ever—you call me,” he said to Angel, then Mimi.
“C’mon, superhero,” Aria said and tugged on his arm.
But when he turned to take her hand, she walked away, down the hallway.
In doctor mode, clearly.
Wade was sleeping, but Bailey slid off his mother’s lap as Jake and Aria came in. “Jake!” He threw his arms around Jake’s waist.
The woman by Wade’s bedside—a pretty woman with short, dark hair—got up and walked over to Jake. She’d clearly been crying, her voice torn when it emerged. “Thank you. I can’t believe that Bailey weathered that storm alone—I thought he was evacuating with Wade. I even went home to see if he was gone. That’s probably how Ringo got in the car. I didn’t see him and thought . . .” Her hand went to her mouth, trembling. “I don’t know why I didn’t get his voice mail, but by the time I got Wade’s message, I was in Miami.”
“He made it,” Jake said. “That’s what matters.”
Then, for some reason, he reached out to the woman and drew her into a hug. Clearly all this emotion was infecting him. But she gave him a hard hug, and he drew Bailey in before she let go.
“Hey, where’s Ringo?”
“They set up a kennel at the hospital for evacuated pets,” Bailey’s mom said.
“Give the little guy a rub for me, okay, champ?” He knocked fists with Bailey.
Aria was out in the hallway, chatting with a doctor as he came out of the room. Good looking, redheaded, short and lean, he wore a pressed oxford shirt and a pair of clean chinos, his arms crossed over his chest, his brow furrowed. Jake caught a “And you were stranded there for three days? Aria, I’m so sorry—I told the chopper to go back for you—”
“You’re Drey?” Jake said, walking up to the man. “Let’s talk about that chopper—”
“Jake.”
Aria’s voice stopped him from the rest. Although the rest might have included Jake pushing the guy against the wall, getting into his face about broken promises.
He drew in a breath and heard his own voice, to Bailey’s mother. “He made it. That’s what matters.”
Right. They’d made it through the storm.
He tightened his jaw and turned away, spotted Ham leaning against the far wall, along with Orion and North. Ham was on his phone.
“Are you sure you want to go to Texas Children’s?” Drey asked Aria. “Cincinnati is one of the top hospitals in the country for pediatrics. You could teach, run your own department . . .”
Aria laughed, but Jake’s heart had turned into a hard ball in the middle of his chest.
What?
“Thanks, but I’ve already written my acceptance letter, so . . .” She laughed.
And he couldn’t breathe.
“Hey, Jake, our Uber is here. We gotta fly.” Ham cut into their conversation.
Aria was hugging Drey.
As if she hadn’t just . . . wow, his chest actually hurt, right in the center.
“I can’t wait to get home and get a shower,” Aria said, looking at him with a smile.
But it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
And frankly, he probably gave her the same half smile back.
Texas?
He followed her down the hallway, behind the rest of the crew, desperately wanting to grab her arm, pull her back, and—well, what?
Pull out his heart for her to finish the job?
He knew that Aria wasn’t herself under stress. She did and said impulsive things she didn’t mean under sunny skies.
They both did.
Like hand over their hearts.
Wow, he was a fool.
He climbed into the Uber van and sat with his hands tucked between his knees all the way to the airport.
Aria’s rebooked ticket landed her in first class. He ended up in coach, squished into a middle seat between Ham and Orion.
North got an aisle seat.
“You okay?” Ham asked as they buckled in. He glanced at a kid seated across the aisle and made a face.
Jake folded his arms, leaned his head back, and closed his eyes. “Never better.”
But he had the very distinct feeling that Aria was on the run.
Again.
The pit in Ham’s gut had grown into a ball of fire since the plane had landed in Minneapolis. He wanted to blame it on Jake, and the fact that his number one man seemed even more despondent than when he’d left him a week ago.
What if Jake really was thinking of reactivating? Ham had meant it as a joke when he said it in Key West, but . . .
Please. Jake had just been through a hurricane and its aftermath. He needed a shower, a nap, and his feet on dry, stable land.
They both did. Because as Ham emerged out into the concourse, his backpack over one shoulder, then led the way out to the parking ramp where his jeep sat in long-term parking, he just wanted to get home, climb into bed, and wake up to a new day.
A new reality, maybe. One where the ache of missing Signe didn’t feel like a fresh wound, infected and raw in his chest.
Which, frankly, was the source of the burn inside.
How was he supposed to help his daughter adjust to a life without her mother when even he couldn’t bear it?
“Jenny is picking me up,” said Aria as they reached baggage claim and passenger pickup. She turned to North and Ham, then glanced at Jake. “Thank you again for all you did.”
“Aria, I—”
“I’ll call you, Jake,” she said, wearing an enigmatic expression, and that shut Jake down like a hand in the face.
He nodded, his mouth tight.
Then, to confuse the poor man completely—because even Ham was stymied—she came up and kissed Jake on the cheek.
Then practically ran for the sliding doors.
Jake sighed. “She’s at it again.”
“What?” Ham said, but Jake just shook his head.
“Let’s go.”
They dumped their bags into the back of the jeep and climbed in, the night thick and muggy around them as Ham pulled out of the ramp. Overhead the sky spilled watchlights, the moon partial and dove gray as Ham headed toward North’s apartment on the west side of the city.
“See you at the birthday party tomorrow?” North said to Jake as he got out.
“Dinah’s twins. At the Mall of America. Selah invited me—I hope that’s okay.”
“Right. See you tomorrow.”
North shut the door and Ham noticed how Jake’s gaze followed him into his building.
“So North and Selah are a thing now?” Ham said.
“News to me,” Jake said. He’d slept most of the way home on the plane, and his voice betrayed it, a little sleep worn. He tapped his fingers on his pant leg, as if agitated.
“Jake, I gotta know—are you reactivating?”
Jake looked at him. Frowned. “No. I mean . . . I don’t . . .” He lifted a shoulder. “I guess it’s an option, but . . .”
“What’s going on?”
They turned off Hwy 7 and wove through the side roads of Greenwood, towering oaks and elms scattering the starlight.
“Aria is taking a job in Texas.”
Ham glanced at him. “Really?”
“Yeah. But of course, she didn’t tell me—I had to overhear her talking to another doctor at the hospital in Miami.”
“When is she leaving?”
“I don’t know. But . . . shoot.” He ran a hand around the back of his neck. “I really thought that . . . yeah, well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s not like my life is trauma free. She has enough stress with her patients. I don’t need to add to it.”
“From what I saw, Aria isn’t afraid of a little trauma.”
“I think what she’s been through counts as a lot of trauma.”
Ham let his mouth curve up. “Yeah. But that’s hardly on you.”
“No, but she’s right—I’m impulsive, and I run into danger. And it scares her.”
“You are impulsive, Silver. But that’s how God made you. Some would call it reacting quickly.”
Jake’s mouth gave a quick, wry tug.
“And running into danger is what you were trained to do. Regardless of what circumstances you find yourself in, whether you stay with Jones, Inc. Or reactivate. You see danger, you react.”
Jake nodded. “Someone has to, right?”
“Do they? Because to a lot of people, the answer would be no. But that’s the difference, Jake. You say yes. But do you do it because you have to—or because you can?”
Jake stared at him, as if nonplussed by the question. Then, “Is there a difference?”
“Have to means that if you don’t, you’ve let someone down, probably yourself, maybe your team. Can means you are being the man God designed you to be, for his purposes.”
“Either way, Aria gets hurt.” Jake looked away again, into the darkness. “Probably, I should just call this thing quits.”
“So, you two did have a thing.”
Jake made a face. “I’m in love with her.”
“Well, that’s easy, then. You run after the woman.”
“Even if she’s running away?”
Ham turned into Jake’s driveway. A motion light turned on, illuminating the cobblestone drive of the beautiful old house. “You really think she’s running away? Maybe . . .” He swallowed, his words crawling out of his heart. “Maybe she just desperately needs to know that you’ll run after her. That you won’t give up on her. That you’ll keep your promises.”
Jake turned quiet as Ham pulled up to his door. “And what promises are we talking about, Boss?”
Ham put the car in park. Sighed. “The ones that said you’ll keep her safe. Give her the happy ending she always wanted.”
And for a moment he was back there, standing in her grandfather’s barn, his arms around Signe as she wept, her back to him, her hands over her face. “Shh, Signe. It’ll be okay.”
Except, he hadn’t a clue how to fix this, the death of her grandfather. The sense that her entire world had collapsed. So he’d opened his mouth and made promises he couldn’t keep. The ones that included that he would always show up for her. Always love her. And that she’d never have to be afraid, because he would keep her safe.
She’d turned in his arms and looked at him with so much belief, it latched right into his bones.
And then he’d gone and joined the navy and shattered her heart.
Silence fell between them. Finally, Jake said softly, “Yeah, those promises.”
The house was quiet as they entered, but a light shone in the back of the house. Ham followed Jake into the kitchen and found Ellie, Jake’s mother, Georgia, and his father sitting at the center island.
“Hey, you two,” Chuck said. “We were just watching the tropical storm hit Miami.”
Ham glanced over and spotted the Weather Channel playing.
“High fun,” Ellie said and walked over to Jake, putting her arms around his neck. “I was worried, bro.”
Jake hugged her, then his mother. “I’m starved, what do you have in the fridge?”
“Some leftover meat loaf.” Georgia let Jake go and turned to the fridge.
“Thank you for watching Aggie,” Ham said.
“She’s a doll,” Georgia said, pulling out a glass container. “She’s sleeping upstairs in Dinah’s room.” She set the container on the counter. “Would you like some meat loaf?”
Ham shook his head. “Thanks, but I’ll just go get her.”
“She can stay,” Georgia said. “She’s going with Dinah’s girls to the birthday party tomorrow at the Mall of America. Darcy and Lola are here too.”
Oh. Well. And maybe that wasn’t a terrible idea. Probably she didn’t love sleeping in his storage room, like she might be baggage.
Yeah, he could do better. Much better.
In fact, “Can I tag along tomorrow? I could use some help fixing up a little girl’s room.” He glanced at Ellie.
“I’m your girl,” Ellie said, winking.
“I’m just going to go up and check on her, then I’ll see you at the Mall tomorrow.”
“Ten o’clock, at the amusement park. I think Dinah has reserved space near the pineapple bounce house.”
Ham clamped Jake on the shoulder. “Get some rest.”
Then he headed upstairs.
Aggie was asleep in a tiny ball in the bedroom at the end of the hall. He eased the door open, and the hall light fell across her face.
Such a cute face, pixie nose, her blonde hair in a tangle on her pillow. He knelt beside her bed, aware suddenly of her small hands, the way they gripped that grimy, ragged unicorn, holding it to herself.
He had the terrible urge to ease her grip open, to weave his own hand into it.
His throat burned, and he closed his eyes. Lord, I’m in over my head here, but I want to do right by her, and by Signe. I should have been a husband—a real husband. But help me be a good father to Aggie.
She stirred, and he opened his eyes. A smile tugged at her mouth, in her sleep, and he leaned up and whispered a kiss on her forehead. “Daddy loves you, Aggie.”
Signe, I’m going to keep those promises. I will keep her safe, no matter what.
Then he got up, turned off the light, and headed downstairs—back to his darkened home.