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“Come in.” Brenda slowly climbed onto her bed and let her legs dangle over the side.
Rebecca sat on the edge of the bed, looked at Brenda sadly, and folded her hands in her lap. “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’m wondering if maybe you should consider discontinuing your therapy here.”
Brenda’s eyebrows shot up as she looked at Rebecca. “What?”
“I can’t get through to you, Brenda. You don’t care if you get well or not. If you were my only patient, I might give you another chance. But you aren’t, and I can’t let you bring Rose down with you.”
“Rose?” Brenda scrunched her forehead. “What are you talking about? I haven’t said one word to her.”
“That’s just it. Your problems, Brenda, are big to you and only you. Rose, she’s just a kid and has so much on her plate right now. I’m amazed she can still smile at people. You both have similar injuries and, instead of taking the lead like the adult you should be, you’re playing the pity card. And I can’t let you influence Rose in a negative way. She’s still young and has the capability of making a great recovery, just like you. But I need her to focus on the positive, not the negative.” Rebecca hopped off the bed and stood in front of Brenda.
“Brenda, if you want to give up, do it. But I can’t have your attitude rubbing off. Not on someone like Rose, who has the potential to live a nearly normal life.”
Brenda’s eyes flooded with tears. “You can’t be serious.” She managed to choke the words past the lump in her throat.
“I am. I’ll talk to your mother when she comes to pick you up.”
As Rebecca turned to walk out, Brenda grabbed her hand. “You can’t do this. I’ve had enough bad luck to last a lifetime. You can’t just abandon me like some second-hand dress. I mean, I didn’t intend to fall on the ice. I expected to nail that jump, and instead I woke up with my head feeling like it had been split open by a pipe, and I had no feeling in my legs. How can you be so cruel?” Tears streaked her cheeks. Brenda clung to Rebecca’s hand as if it were the only thing saving her from slipping off a thousand-foot cliff.
Rebecca squatted beside Brenda’s bed and stared up into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Brenda. I’m sorry this happened to you. Before your accident, I know your doctor had told you to stay off your ankle for a couple of months. But that would have meant you would have missed the Olympic qualifiers, right?”
Brenda swallowed hard as the tears continued to flow. Her face flushed with heat, and all she could think about was storming out of the room. Maybe leaving was the right thing to do. Maybe another therapist would be better.
“I’m not judging you, honey. That was a decision you chose to make. You can’t change it. However, my question to you is, what decisions are you going to make to help yourself right now?” She tried to put her hand on Brenda’s shoulder, but the girl stiffened and pulled away. “Well, I’ll give you thirty seconds to decide what you’d like to do. You can stick with me and give this therapy the kind of effort you gave skating, or you can quit because you think I’m being too hard on you and because this is all so unfair and someone else is to blame for your injury. You can go find somebody who’ll baby you and agree with how unfair it is as you sit and waste away in that chair. Either way, you need to decide now, because if you aren’t willing to try, I’ve got a long list of people who would drag themselves over broken glass to have me help them.”
Rebecca stood up and folded her arms over her chest. “Let me assure you that if you don’t overcome this wall in your head, you’ll be trapped behind it forever, no matter how many therapists you go through. And that will be the sad example you set for that poor girl across the hallway who doesn’t have even half the support you’ve got.”
Her words were sharp as a dagger, piercing Brenda’s heart. As much as she wanted to scream out in her defense, she held back.
“Rose needs to see a champion, Brenda. Don’t you realize you can be an inspiration to someone without being on the ice?”
Brenda was still crying.
“I’ll give you one more chance. Just one. But I can’t risk losing two girls to despair. I just won’t do it.”
As the purple sky faded to black outside her window, Brenda became restless. As much as she tried, she couldn’t fall asleep. The more she tried, the more uncomfortable she became. Her legs felt hot, and her mind raced in endless circles, obsessing over what Rebecca had said to her.
“What’s wrong with me?” she said out loud to the darkness. “Rebecca’s right. Something in my head keeps holding me back, and I’m stuck. I don’t know what it is, but it’s consuming my thoughts, and I can’t seem to shake it. God, I just don’t know what to do.”
It wasn’t a traditional prayer, but, given the circumstance, her bitterness almost seemed justified. Since her recovery seemed to be taking so long, God must have had better things to worry about. When there are wars and famines and a cornucopia of other disasters, why should He worry about her?
She began to feel her eyelids getting heavier and then slipped into a light sleep. The dream began in chaos as she was rushing to get to the skating rink for her competition. In reality, she would have had everything ready for her big day the night before if not sooner, but, in this dream, she seemed to keep forgetting things, one after another. She was continually stopping to do something. First, she was challenged with preparing her costume and picking out a ribbon for her hair, and then she went on a mission to find her skates. Each endeavor only made her substantially later. No matter how many times she looked at the clock, she just couldn’t seem to stop herself from procrastinating and delaying her departure.
When she awoke, the sun had just begun to creep over the horizon. It was going to be another gloomy day. Brenda let out a sigh of relief when she realized her dream was just a dream, and she hadn’t really missed any competition. While the dream still hung fresh in her mind, she began to think about what it could have meant.
It hit her like a bus. She jerked into a sitting position as it all came into perspective. “Oh, God. What have I been doing? What’s wrong with me? I’m not like this, and I’m definitely not this person.” She flung the covers off her legs and lowered herself swiftly into her wheelchair. It wasn’t too late, she thought, gritting her teeth to make the wheels roll faster. Easing through her doorway, she sped quickly across the hallway to find Rose still asleep in bed.
“Oh, ahem. Um.” Brenda coughed loudly twice and squinted when she saw Rose’s eyes flutter open. “Oh, hey Rose. You awake?”
“Well, this is an unexpected way to wake up.” Rose lifted her head, wide-eyed. “Is the building on fire?”
“Oh, ha ha. No, Rose, it’s not. Look, I just wanted to apologize.”
“For waking me up? You’re forgiven. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d still like to get another solid hour or two.”
“You can do that later. Right now, you’ve got to get up and get ready for therapy. We’ve got a session together with Rebecca.”
Rose tilted her head to look at the clock. It was only 6:15 a.m. “I don’t believe Miss Rebecca is up yet. The roosters aren’t even up yet. I’m sorry, Miss Brenda, but are you having an episode? Do you want me to ring for the nurse?”
Brenda rolled her wheelchair closer to Rose’s bed. “I’ve been a real jerk, to you and Rebecca both, and I realize that. Since you and I have our sessions together, I thought I better get things square. Because, frankly, I think you and I can help each other out.”
Rose eyed Brenda suspiciously. “I think your medication may have been altered somehow, Miss Brenda. I’d check the night staff’s notes.”
“You really are funny.” Brenda tugged at the sleeve of Rose’s nightgown and smiled nervously. “That day you said I took a tumble, and I got all huffy-puffy with you over it. That was stupid. I did take a bad spill, but the truth is, it was my own fault.”
Rose blinked her eyes, suddenly much more awake and apparently interested in what Brenda had to say.
It was a painful story for her to recite. The doctor telling Brenda to stay off her ankle, the pain when she jumped into the air, the headache waking up, and the devastating news of paralysis or possible brain damage. All of it seemed to lessen a little as Brenda talked to Rose, who kindly listened without interruption. The story finally ended with Rebecca’s threat and her dream.
“So, you see. I have to change. And the truth is, I was mad at you for coming around and taking the spotlight off me. If that isn’t the sickest thing you ever heard in your life, well, I don’t know what is.” Brenda tried to chuckle, but Rose regarded her seriously.
“If I may, can I ask you a very personal question, Miss Brenda?”
“Of course. I’ve got nothing to hide now.”
“How badly did you hit your head? Because anyone who would turn down such a fine specimen of the male species as that Scott fellow must have suffered more than your average trauma.”
Brenda looked at Rose, who smiled her goofy grin, and both girls began to laugh.
“Well, that’s another story for another time. I’m talking about you and me getting our acts together and giving Miss Rebecca a real run for her money. What do you say? Can you forgive me?”
“There isn’t anything to forgive, Miss Brenda.”
Clapping her hands and reaching out to touch Rose’s hand, Brenda giggled with excitement.
“Well then, let’s get you out of that bed and ready for our session. I can hardly wait to get started.”
“I hate to rain on your otherwise festive parade, but I don’t think you’re going to be able to get me out of this bed. A nurse of substantial strength is needed for the job, or, preferably that Jacob guy. I really do admire him, and he’s pretty easy on the eyes.”
The walls Brenda had put up over weeks and weeks of sulking had nearly disintegrated within minutes of speaking with Rose. She felt new inside. And, as she and Rose rolled their wheelchairs side by side down the hallway, she hoped Rose felt that way too.
Rebecca listened to them giggling and teasing one another as they made their way to the therapy room for their morning session. It truly was a brand new day.
The progress Brenda and Rose made within the next couple of weeks was astonishing, not only to the staff but the girls. Rose started to develop muscle definition, and Brenda felt her legs, back, and arms getting stronger every day. Still, she wasn’t taking that extra step she needed to.
The sight of the parallel bars made her nervous. They were the enemy, and, so far, they’d won every battle. Whenever Brenda stood between them at one end of the gauntlet, she’d focus on moving one leg to take a step. She’d close her eyes and picture exactly the way her leg needed to move. She could feel her muscles—heavy, but there. But somewhere along the way from her brain to her leg, the instruction got lost. Where did it go? To her arms? Or maybe it just hung around her jaw, which clenched and unclenched as she struggled.
“Brenda,” Rebecca called. “You’re doing fine. Let’s keep it up.”
“I can’t do it.”
“Oh, yes, you can,” Rose said matter-of-factly. “I bet Jacob my chocolate pudding that you’d take a step today, and you know I won’t hand over my chocolate pudding easily. For Jacob’s sake, you better take that step.”
Rose would always say bizarre things that made Brenda laugh when she needed to concentrate the most. It helped relieve the tension that would sometimes lock up her body, and it always lightened her heart. It made her give one hundred percent to every stretch, game, and task that Rebecca put in front of her. If nothing else, it made her smile, something she hadn’t been doing much of recently. However, it didn’t help her take a step. She tried to imagine being on the ice again. That was a mistake.
Brenda, inhaling a deep breath, grabbed hold of the two wooden bars and hoisted herself up. Again the burning sensation began in her arms and shoulders, but she continued to breathe. Slowing her mind and concentrating, she focused everything she had on her legs.
“Very good, Brenda, but we’ve been here before. What next? You’ve been able to stand for weeks. What do you want to do now?”
As much as Brenda hated to admit it, she knew exactly what Rebecca was talking about. It was the wall inside her head that she’d been avoiding. If she didn’t face it now and push her way through it, she might as well make it the reason for never being able to skate again. What if she did walk? What if she could skate, but wasn’t good anymore? Then where would she be? That thought was even worse than never walking again.
“Focus. I haven’t got all day, Brenda.”
What was it about looking down at her feet that Brenda couldn’t get past? Again, her mind drifted back to the ice. The muscles in her arms were shaking madly. She forced the image of the ice out of her mind. It was just her, the bars, and the floor beneath her feet. With a deep guttural grunt, Brenda strained, clenched her teeth together, and, with one, brilliant effort, made her right leg step forward.
“What? Was that what I think it was?” said Rebecca.
“Brenda!” Rose shouted and clapped as she let out a high-pitched squeal of joy.
Brenda let out a triumphant groan as she forced her left leg to follow her right. Her heart leapt. A smile lit up her face as a few tears fell from her eyes.
Her muscles were buzzing with electricity. The bars were slick beneath her grip. Not only was her forehead covered in sweat, but her damp T-shirt was stuck to her body. Brenda didn’t care. One more step. All she wanted to do was one more. Breathing in, she looked at her feet and managed to take a small, clumsy step ahead before her arms gave out.
She waited, expecting to fall smack onto the mat, but was surprised to feel the familiar set of strong arms grabbing her.
“Gotcha!” Rebecca said, smiling.
“We did it!” Brenda panted.
“Oh no. You did it. I just nearly lost my voice cheering you on. It was all you,” Rebecca said, lowering Brenda into her wheelchair.
“Cheering? Is that ... what you ... call it?” Brenda panted, giving Rose a wink and wiping the sweat from her forehead.
“Sure. And did you know that most people with your kind of injury usually don’t take a full step like that until they’ve been at it for at least six months?”
Brenda was gulping down air when she stopped and stared at Rebecca through narrowed eyes. “You ... tricked me,” she said, pointing at her therapist.
“No. I just had a long conversation with your mother and your coach and decided you weren’t like most people.”
Smiling, Brenda looked down at her hands, clenching and unclenching them to get the circulation flowing better. They were hurting from holding the bars.
“Maybe ... we should do ... a little more ... I’m not ... too tired.” Brenda’s breathing was slowly calming down.
“Nope. Time is up for today. We always end on a high note. You need to get cleaned up, eat something, and then rest. But, if you feel ambitious, I suggest you try those toe wiggles I know you haven’t been doing.”
Blushing, Brenda laughed a little. It was true. She’d been so angry for all this time, she preferred just to wallow in her own sadness and forget about her legs altogether. But not now. Not after today.
“Oh, and there’s one more thing I want you to do before our next session.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you to make a list of goals. Rose, you need to do this, too. Since you two girls are in cahoots, I think it would help you both. The goals should include when you want to take five steps, ten steps, and when you want to walk with a walker and then with a cane. Okay?”
Rebecca accompanied Brenda and Rose as they wheeled themselves down the hallway to their rooms. “You won’t make all of them,” she continued. “There will be setbacks, of course because we all have bad days, but it’s important to keep your eyes on the prize.”
It was like they’d been assigned a school project they could work on together. Before heading to their rooms, Rose and Brenda agreed they’d work on their lists after they’d had their mandatory rest.
Brenda’s room at the rehab center was a small square of mostly white furnishings. However, she did have pictures of her family on the walls and a few of her favorite stuffed animals that had always kept her company in bed, regardless of her age. She also had a closet and dresser full of her own clothes, but still needed help getting dressed.
Rose’s room was different. There were no stuffed animals, no wardrobe full of clothes. The nurses and aides had brought her a couple bouquets of colorful flowers in vases, and she’d been given colored pencils, which she used to sketch scenic pictures of the ocean with bright blue skies and curving sandy beaches. These were randomly taped up on the walls. There were no pictures of her family.
“Tell me, Jacob. Do you think I’ll be a famous artist someday?” Rose said, slowly rolling her chair down the hallway, struggling to keep up with her favorite aide.
Jacob smiled and nodded. “Of course, you will, Miss Rose. With your talents, I wouldn’t be surprised to see your drawings on display at the local art museum.” He strolled slowly down the corridor, apparently enjoying the conversation. “Rose, I think God has really blessed you with a talent for drawing. I’m not an artist, but, to me, your work looks like something I’d see in a museum.
“It’s very sweet of you to say that, Jacob.”
“I really believe that, Miss Rose. I think you should show your work to some of the local studios. Who knows, maybe the President will ask you to draw a portrait of him someday.” Jacob gave her a wink as she stopped, and they looked at one another. “Then my favorite girl will abandon me and leave me here all alone.”
Rose gave Jacob a skeptical look. Her face wrinkled up into her trademark smile and giggles poured out. They parted ways at the end of the hall as the nurse’s aide who helped her bathe and get dressed took over.
“Don’t fall in love with me, Jacob! I’ll only break your heart!” Rose threw her arm dramatically over her eyes as she was wheeled out of view.
“For someone who’s been given such a bad hand in life, Rose is one amazing girl,” Rebecca said, walking alongside Brenda, who was wheeling herself to her room across the hallway.
“What really happened to Rose? She told me her stepfather pushed her down the stairs. Is that true?”
Rebecca frowned and then nodded.
“He beat her up pretty badly. She almost didn’t make it. When it happened, her mother called a neighbor because Rose couldn’t get up. It was the neighbor who called the police, not her mother. Rose told the police what happened. She left her mother out of it, saying she wouldn’t have been able to stop him, and he would have done the same if not worse to her had she tried to help.” Rebecca shook her head. “If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t have let her mother off the hook. But a good-hearted child like Rose won’t stop believing in her mother.”
Brenda shook her head. “What kind of parent does that?” Visions of her own mother and all the sacrifices she’d made popped into her mind. “We all have baggage from our past, don’t we?” Brenda said in a hushed voice.
“Unfortunately, that’s what sin has done to our world.” A sigh escaped Rebecca’s lips.
“Do you think Rose will walk again?”
“That’s up to her. Judging from what I’ve seen, I’d say her chances are pretty good. In fact, the odds are about as good as your chances of skating again.”
A thin smile formed on Brenda’s lips as she wondered if Rebecca really meant it or she was just being nice.
“I mean it,” said the therapist as if reading Brenda’s mind.
Brenda’s vision blurred; a wave of tears flooded her eyes as she began to cry. “Rebecca, if only you’d been at my last competition. I was so close. I know it might seem selfish. I’m not trying to be. But it’s the truth. I was just minutes away from clinching that gold medal and making it to the Olympics.”
Brenda’s body trembled as her mind filled with anxious thoughts of the future. It was like cancer, consuming her from the inside, and she’d made a point of not showing her weakness to anyone. “If I hear one more person tell me everything will be okay, I’m going to scream because everything isn’t going to be okay. Things will never be the same, and I’ll never get that chance again.” Brenda’s chest heaved in and out as she tried to control the sobs. “I know what’s going through your head,” Brenda whispered. “That I should be thankful things weren’t worse. That I should look at the people around here who’ve lost limbs from serving in a war or from some tragic accident.” Brenda stole a glance down the hall. “Look at Rose, who got beat up for no good reason by someone in her own family. I don’t know what makes me feel worse, Rebecca. That Rose had to suffer like that or that I’ll never have to suffer that way.”
She looked up at Rebecca from her wheelchair. “It makes me an even bigger monster, I know. I don’t have the right to complain.” Her tears slowed to a steady trickle.
Rebecca handed her a tissue. Her therapist smiled, leaned over, and wiped the tears from her eyes. “You aren’t a monster, Brenda. You’re human. And it’s natural to feel hopeless and depressed, at least in the beginning. But don’t let it consume you and stop you from believing you can overcome this tragedy. God can bring you out of this valley of despair. You just need to keep your eyes focused on the Almighty instead of the limitations of your body. God will use your faith to help your body recover. I can’t promise a miracle, but He will never let you down.”
Brenda’s sobs eased into a muffled sniffle as Rebecca’s words sank in. She recalled the countless days and weeks she’d spent sulking, whining, and cursing everyone who tried to help her while trying to hold in her grief. Her lip was sore from biting it so much as she struggled to keep from breaking into tears and screaming. It dawned on her that she’d never uttered a prayer without making some kind of demand on God.
Why me?
Why now?
What did I do to deserve this?
Embarrassment washed over Brenda as she wondered how was she going to make things right.
“You have to dig deep, Brenda,” Rebecca said, seeming to read her thoughts again. “You have to lay everything before God. The frustration. The pain. The guilt. The regret. Those things fog our judgment and cloud our thinking. You have to lay them at the foot of the cross before God. Then you need to patiently wait.”
“What will I see, Rebecca?”
“You’ll start seeing God working in your life. It may not be at the pace you’d like, but you’ll start noticing subtle changes in your body over time—if that’s what God has in store for you. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your healing will take some time. But trust me, I see miracles break through every day, one step at a time.”
After baring her soul to Rebecca, Brenda gained additional strength and courage. It wasn’t long before she became Rebecca’s star pupil, progressing faster than any of the other patients.
And Rose was constantly in her shadow and also making dramatic progress. Despite their age difference, they became close friends. Brenda stuck religiously to her routine and did everything Rebecca asked without question. During her time at home on weekends, Brenda would demand her parents not go easy on her. She had them keep her accountable to the exercise regimen Rebecca had designed especially for her, hoping it would make her body stronger. Brenda even went as far as making Rose promise to work extra hard while she was gone. The girls developed a friendly competition that even had them betting chocolate puddings for the one who progressed the most. As their bodies continued to gain strength, it wasn’t long before Brenda could support herself with a walker, and she knew that soon she’d only need to rely on a cane to walk.
“Don’t get your hopes up too much, Miss Brenda,” Rose teased, looking at her from the corner of her eye. “I’ll be up and running soon enough, and when I am, I’m going to chase down that beau you dismissed.”
Brenda’s forehead wrinkled as she stared into Rose’s eyes. The girl looked so innocent, like a newborn lamb. But Brenda could see there was a sneaky side to her personality. Brenda didn’t say a word.
“That is unless you have plans for him.”
“I’ve got plans for him, all right. But they require a shovel and a six-foot-deep hole.” Brenda pursed her lips tightly together.
“Really? You hate him that much?” Rose said, pulling her hand up to her chest. “It sounds like a story worth listening to. Would you mind sharing it?” She stole a glance over her shoulder. “I won’t say a word, I promise.” She held her right hand up as if she were taking an oath.
