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Brenda dragged a chair next to Rose’s wheelchair. Rose had yet to gain full control of her legs, but her neck and back were much more aligned, and her arms were sculpted with muscles.
“The sad part, Rose, is that pretty much everyone in town knows the scandal.”
“Thank heavens. I never have been able to keep a secret. Go on. I’m listening.”
Brenda took a deep breath and began the tale of when she met Scott. It hadn’t really gotten any easier to tell, even after all this time. Especially the part about waiting at the back of the church all dressed up in a gown she thought was the most beautiful thing she’d ever laid eyes on. It was a simple style, with tiny pearls around the collar, and had a modest train that spread out just a little behind her when she took a step.
“It was so pretty, Rose. And the only people who got to see it were my mother and father and two bridesmaids. I felt like such a fool. Like I was the butt of some horrible joke, and I was convinced that Scott was hanging around somewhere, out of sight, just laughing his ass off at me. Pardon my French.”
“My virgin ears. Please do continue,” Rose said, leaning closer.
“I remember a friend of mine got stood up at her high school prom. Her name was Marielle. When she called me on the phone to tell me what this rotten, no-good skunk had done, with her voice cracking and her breath hitching in her throat before she broke into full-blown sobs, I thought, ‘what a jerk.’” Brenda looked at the floor, shaking her head over this memory, which had just popped up after all these years. “I remember thinking that was the worst thing ever to happen to a girl. Well, I think I trumped her.”
“So, what was the excuse your ex-fiancé gave you for his untimely absence?”
“He said a friend needed him.”
Rose sat back slightly in her chair and tilted her head to the side. “Say what?”
Brenda shrugged her shoulders. That was the response she got from most people. They didn’t know how to react any more than she did when it happened to her. It was funny how certain actions brought out a universal response in people. However, this time when Brenda told the story, she felt tired of it.
“Well, who was this friend in need?” said Rose. “I dare say he or she had best be near death and related by blood before I’d settle on an appropriate form of punishment for the man.”
“Right,” Brenda said nodding. “He never told me who it was. He said he couldn’t. He said he was sorry and that he had no choice.”
Brenda squinted as she stared into space.
“Obviously, there’s more to his tale. If I may ask a prying question ...”
Brenda pushed out her lower lip and nodded, waving her hands toward herself to encourage Rose to ask away.
“Do you think he had a severe case of cold feet or do you suspect something more devious, maybe horrific?”
“Horrific?”
“Please forgive me if I overstep my bounds, but could there have been another filly in the race?”
Brenda looked quizzically at Rose until the suggestion sank in. “Another woman? No. I feel in my heart it wasn’t that. Scott wasn’t that kind of guy.”
“What kind of man was ... is ... he?” Rose asked.
It had been a long time since Brenda thought about Scott with anything other than hostility. What kind of man was he? He was a perfect man. Up until that horrible day of the wedding that never took place, Scott had been wonderful.
“He was my best friend, Rose. To so many people, I was just a skater. And I was expected to be a good one, which I was, if I don’t say so myself.”
“But, of course.”
“It’s just that with Scott, I felt different. It’s hard to describe. Have you ever woken up in the morning and, for no particular reason, you know it’s going to be a good day? Your clothes for the day look prettier than usual. You catch the train to work with plenty of extra time. Your work for the day gives your mind and body a little exercise, and there are no emergencies, no complaints, no problems. And that night, when you get home, you feel that YES, today was a good day because it just was. That was how I felt with Scott, every day. My days just seemed to always be good.”
“And now?”
Brenda swallowed hard and wiped away a tear that had formed in her right eye. “Now I feel like, every day, I have to have a little setback, a little pain, a little strike against me to make up for all the good days I didn’t take advantage of.”
Rose looked at Brenda as she spoke. She didn’t smile or cry. She studied her face and finally opened her mouth to speak. “Miss Brenda, are you talking about skating or are you talking about Scott? Because from where I’m sitting, I can see you have that happiness within reach and you insist on pushing it away.”
“What do you mean?” Brenda asked.
“The heaven-on-earth you just described was your response to my question about what kind of man Mr. Scott was. He made every day better for you by just being himself. Yes?”
Brenda nodded.
“And he showed up here with a bouquet in one hand and his heart in the other, and you accepted neither. Are you or are you not punishing yourself, too?”
Brenda looked at Rose with knitted brows. This girl wasn’t mad. Brenda was wondering how a seventeen-year-old girl with a busted up spine and a dysfunctional family, to put it lightly, could have so much insight.
“It’s never been my intention to put on airs around people, Brenda. I do hope you can see that.”
Brenda nodded.
“But, sadly, I understand your dilemma better than you might think. I, too, had a boyfriend. To say he took my breath away would be putting it rather tamely. His name was Todd.” Rose gazed at something behind Brenda, behind the walls of the lobby, and out into the world she remembered with this boy. “He’d fallen in love with me, and I with him, our freshman year in high school. But we never dated. I kept turning him down.”
“Why on earth would you do that?” Brenda asked. Now it was her turn to lean in closer to the storyteller.
“Because I knew where I was from. I’ve always had the heavy burden of knowing who I am and who brought me into this world. Those people would have destroyed the beauty and kindness that was Todd. He didn’t stand a chance.”
Rose continued talking about the dances he wanted to take her to, the movies he invited her to, the times he just showed up at her house to take a quick walk, and the secret phone calls he made to her house late at night. It was the kind of story that Hollywood made movies about. But it wasn’t just a script dreamed up by some writer who’d squirreled themselves away for a couple weeks and banged it out on a computer. It was a real story. Each word Rose spoke was filled with a heaviness that told Brenda she bitterly regretted her decision.
“He was one year my senior. One night when I was alone with him after attending his graduation, Todd proposed to me.”
Brenda hadn’t even realized she was holding her breath. “And you said no?”
“I had no choice in the matter. Even if I’d weighed him down with the burden of my life, we’d only have been able to spend a few years of happiness together before my family’s unsavory ways crept into our lives. And that was guaranteed to happen. I have no doubt about that.”
“Couldn’t you have moved away? Started over someplace where your family couldn’t have any influence?” Brenda searched Rose’s eyes for tears but saw none. There was pain there, and regret, but she wasn’t letting the emotion emerge beyond a shadow, a flicker, before it disappeared, leaving no trace.
“Most definitely, Miss Brenda. But that would require that he leave his family, and they weren’t of the same caliber as mine. I have the sense they’d have hoped for better for their son than a scrawny girl with a crooked smile.”
That couldn’t be it, Brenda thought. Just rolling over? Just giving up? Just saying goodbye and not even peeking over your shoulder to see him one last time?
“May I ask you a personal question now, Rose?”
“You may.”
“Do you think you made the right decision?”
“Absolutely not. I should have fought. But I thought that turning my back on him was the kinder thing to do instead of filling his life with dramas fit only for television.”
“Do you know where he is now? Can you contact him?”
“Like you, Miss Brenda, even if I could, I wouldn’t want him to see me this way. Moving on, vowing to trust no woman, and keeping his heart under secure lock and key is probably the most likely outcome for Todd. I haven’t spoken to him since that day, and that was almost a year ago.” Her eyes became serious, but she had a smirk on her lips. “However, you, Miss Brenda, have Mr. Scott waiting for your heart to melt and perhaps give him another go. Don’t do what I did. Live. Don’t be so afraid of heartache that you freeze up like the ice you’ll soon be gliding on.”
Stretching her neck a little to the left and then the right, Brenda looked at Rose, feeling a little embarrassed. “That’s easier said than done.”
“Of course. But most things worth having take a bit of effort, wouldn’t you agree? We can stand outside and see the sun set without feeling much of anything. But when we scale the roof, risk a little more to experience a little more, well, that’s when that sunset transforms into a sunset we never forget.”
“I know you’re trying to help. The truth is, when I see Scott, it just hurts too much.”
“Because you’re still in love with him?”
Inside, Brenda screamed Yes! Yes! I am still in love with him! I love his eyes and the sound of his voice and the way he walks and how he acts with the little kids he coaches! Yes! I still love him! Yes! But outside, she shrugged her shoulders. As much as she liked Rose and knew she was trying to help, Brenda just couldn’t share that information. Maybe it was apparent from her answers that she still loved Scott, and Rose had already picked up on it. That didn’t matter. She couldn’t say the words out loud. Not at all. Not yet, if ever.
“Well, to whatever course of action your heart decides to lead you, I can confidently say you deserve to be happy.”
“So do you, Rose.”
Spring had turned to summer, and Brenda found herself walking without the help of a walker or cane. Her therapy had been scaled back to two visits a week for two hours a session. On those days, she’d arrive at the rehabilitation center early to visit with patients she’d made an effort to get to know. They were recuperating from accidents or surgeries or even had diseases that would permanently rob them of some of their faculties. She especially spent time with Rose, who was still in a wheelchair but looking healthier and happier than ever before.
“What’s got you so smiley, girl?” Brenda asked, stepping into Rose’s room. When she and Brenda had begun working together on getting better, Rose started cataloging their adventures. There were crayon drawing of the girls in therapy as well as photos the staff had taken of the two of them. Rose was smiling in several pictures of her with Jacob, her favorite aide.
“I was just saw by my grandma from Kansas. She’s been a steady rock in my upbringing. But because the government can’t seem to keep their nose out of my business, I was returned to my mother after having been with Grandma for the first fourteen years of my life. But now that God decided to intervene, it seems my situation will improve.”
“No!” came the familiar voice of Jacob, who’d stepped into the room in time to hear the last few words that Rose had said. “Please don’t torment my ears by speaking of such wickedness like leaving me!” He threw his arm over his eyes in typical Rose fashion and hurried on his tiptoes to the window in her room. Rose laughed out loud.
“You’ve got him acting like you, Rose. What have you done to poor Jacob?”
“Whatever do you mean?” said Rose innocently.
“Oh, it’s the end! Without you, I have no reason to live! Goodbye, cruel world!” Jacob placed one foot on the window ledge, huffing and puffing as if he were out of shape and tired. “Oh, forget it,” he said, planting both feet firmly on the ground. Both girls laughed, but Rose really ate it up. Brenda didn’t know if Rose had been the object of anyone’s affection since she last saw Todd. Her odd features and eccentric vocabulary could be intimidating to a boy her own age. It was nice that Jacob, who was at least in his thirties, knew how to make her smile.
“I’ll be back,” said Brenda, standing to leave. I have a few folks to say hello to before you tell me all about your grandma and what’s going to happen next in the ongoing drama that is The Life of Rose.”
As she exited the room, she heard Jacob say, “Ah, alone at last. Be still my palpitating heart.” To which Rose giggled.
No matter their affliction, Brenda knew the other patients in the rehabilitation facility were all going through a similar struggle. As she thanked God for Rose, Rebecca, and her family, she knew she wouldn’t have been able to scale the wall she’d built in her head without them. Everyone needs a cheering section. Everyone needs someone waving the flags with their name on them, yelling, “Go, go, go!” at least once. Soon, little notes and boxes of candy were left at the reception desk for Brenda, which she collected when she visited. They were gifts from the other patients and their families, saying thanks.
It wasn’t long before she no longer felt like she was suspended alone over a big, gaping maw waiting to swallow her up. Instead, it seemed as though the hands of the other patients were joined with hers. They made a chain that reached from one end of that wide, ominous chasm to the other, and they held on tight. No one was going to fall into that pit of despair, not while Brenda had any say in it. She reciprocated by spending much of her time writing get-well-soon cards and adding big, blocky letters that read, YOU CAN DO IT or DON’T GIVE UP. She’d slip these under the doors of her friends’ rooms or pin them on the wall across from their beds so they could see them every day. It was the least Brenda could do.
Nearly a year after her accident, Brenda finished her therapy. She felt she was being released into the wild like a baby bird that had fallen from its nest and nursed back to health.
“Be sure to come back and visit,” Rebecca said as the two women stood in the therapy room together one last time. “And be sure to let me know when you’re in the Sectional Skating Competition,” she whispered into her ear. “You can bet we’ll all come watch you knock it out of the park.”
Rose wheeled up and handed Brenda a picture she’d drawn of the two of them in their therapy sessions together. Their faces were contorted into painful, comical grimaces. Big blue drops of sweat sprouted from their foreheads, and wavy lines were radiating from both their arms and legs.
“Oh my gosh! That looks just like us!” Brenda squealed, laughing as tears came to her eyes.
“I knew I captured your true essence, especially around the eyes,” Rose said, smiling proudly with tears spilling down her cheeks.
“You’ll be going back to Kansas to live with your grandma when you’re all better, right?”
Rose nodded, smiling.
“And you’re going to come and see me when I get back on the ice, right?”
Wiping her nose with the palm of her hand, Rose nodded again and sniffed back tears. Getting down on her knees, Brenda took Rose’s hand in both of hers.
“You have no idea what you’ve done for me, Rose. I mean that.” She looked up at her. “Girls like us need to stick together. If there’s ever anything—and I mean anything—I can do for you, all you have to do is give me a shout. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll be there.”
“Miss Brenda, I’d be much obliged if you’d skate again. I’d like to be witness to you completing that jump and conquering it.”
“I’ll get you a front-row seat, I promise. You and your grandma.”
Hugging Rose, Brenda could feel the strength in the young girl’s arms. It was the closest she’d ever come to having a little sister. She liked the feeling. Passing Rose a small piece of paper that had her address and phone number on it, Brenda turned and wrapped her arms around the therapist’s neck, hugging her with all her strength. She was so choked up, none of the words she wanted to say would come out. So she said nothing, crying a little as she walked out the door.
Brenda’s parents were in the parking lot, waiting for her. She saw their car idling, white mist from the exhaust pipe floating on this particularly brisk November morning. The cold air felt good in her lungs and against her cheeks. The tears quickly stopped and were dried by the time she got comfortable in the car. She gave an enthusiastic wave goodbye to the people at the front door.
“Can you take me to the Red Tricycle Skating Rink, please,” she said quietly to her father, sitting in the driver’s seat. Her mother turned around and regarded her daughter with a concerned look.
“Sure thing, champ,” said her dad. And off they flew, back to Colorado Springs.
