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C H A P T E R
DONNA ATTENDS a monthly meeting that includes all of the vice presidents who report to the head of her division. During one meeting, their boss, Roy, mentions a new initiative that the executive committee is very interested in moving forward. As he discusses the initiative, it’s clear that it’s going to be an exciting, high-profile project with maximum exposure and promotion possibilities. Donna starts thinking fast about her experience and skills, how they compare with those of her peers, and whether they fit with the project. As Roy continues talking, she’s mentally ticking off the pluses and minuses she can offer this major initiative. She has a track record for some parts of the project, but for others she’s not so sure. Maybe she can handle it, though she would need support in a couple of areas that she’s not totally familiar with. Maybe she should think about it a little more . . . maybe . . .
Just at that moment, her colleague Jim clears his throat and addresses the boss. “Roy, this project is right up my alley. I’ve successfully handled the Widener project and we practically doubled our productivity in my most recent assignment. I can do a great job on this one for you—give it to me and I can start right away.” Everyone in the meeting views Jim as a hero and he is awarded the project while Donna has just let this opportunity slip away. While she was deciding whether she was qualified to head up the project, Jim jumped in and grabbed it.
This, unfortunately, is an all too common illustration of the contrasting styles of men and women in promoting themselves in the workplace.
Men are more comfortable in promoting their strengths and accomplishments than women, and are greater risk-takers. They understand the importance of self-promotion and use it effectively to gain money and power, while the women executives we interviewed consistently identified it as something that does not come naturally. Instead, many women have the misguided belief that they can rely on fairness and recognition, believing that, “If I work hard and do my job well, people will notice.” So, while men are out promoting themselves by talking about their talents and abilities, many women simply reject the concept as bragging. They don’t see it as something that is directly related to their success. As one savvy senior vice president in investment banking advised, “Females need to toot their own horns more. Don’t wait to be asked about what you’re doing. Instead, let people in the organization know about your accomplishments. The chairman of our company said of all the e-mails and voice mail messages he gets from employees about deals they closed, problems they solved—99 percent of them are from men!”
In fact, more than 60 percent of the women surveyed by The Leader’s Edge said that men are better at promoting themselves. This may be a result of the fact that more than half of those same women felt that women are less confident in their professional abilities than men are—even when their skills are equal to or better than their male colleagues. We’ve all heard stories about men who have stepped up for jobs and been promoted with half the skills and experience that their women peers have. They see the promotion as an opportunity to jump forward and figure that they’ll be able to handle whatever the position entails—or get the resources to do so. The head of a women’s professional group spells it out this way: “Men would tend to apply for jobs if they had 30 percent of the job requirements. Women would not apply unless they had 100 percent.” Men just are not as self-critical as women, who analyze and worry about whether their qualifications fit the job precisely. The study reinforces that most women are not socialized to have the “killer instinct” to take risks and compete with everything they have for top positions and the power that goes with them.
The earlier story of Jim and Donna, and their boss Roy, could have had a different ending entirely:
Timing. If Donna had stepped into the conversation earlier to express her interest in the initiative, things might have turned out differently. While she was mulling it over, she could have bought some time by saying, “That sounds like something I’d be interested in.” Even when she was usurped by Jim, she still had a chance to say, “Roy, I also feel very qualified and would like to lead the project with Jim.”
Positioning. If Donna had routinely let her boss know about her accomplishments, she might have been the one he thought of for the project without opening it up to the group. Remember, it’s your individual responsibility to keep the boss informed about your successes on an ongoing basis.
Voice and Language. If Donna had expressed her interest in the project during the meeting, she should have been assertive and positive as she did so. Enthusiasm, too, can take you a long way—people can relate to your excitement and, even if a little boasting surfaces, it can be forgiven.
Presence. If Donna had firmly established her presence and leadership qualities with the group, Jim’s play for position might have been viewed negatively by those in the meeting. In fact, they would have expected her to step up and assert her own qualifications and would have supported her, if not recommended her in the first place.
Anna, a top sales executive at a major television station, told me that she was very uncomfortable promoting herself to her boss’s boss and the station manager, both men. She was careful with what she said and how she said it. She was concerned about appearing to “jump the gun” if she talked about a deal that wasn’t definite. She was worried that she would be considered “too emotional” if she appeared excited about a new account. So, she kept her self-promotion on a formal level, unable to develop a comfortable style of publicizing her day-to-day successes to the executives higher up in her office. It was a totally different story with her immediate boss, a woman with whom she had a great relationship. Anna made a point of regularly stopping into her boss’s office to share interim successes with new sales prospects, and when she landed a big account, she and her boss frequently shared the excitement with a hug. One of the major downsides of Anna’s situation is that if her immediate boss doesn’t promote her, or leaves for another job, no one else will know about her accomplishments and she will be, at least temporarily, stranded.
How good are you at promoting yourself? Take the quiz and see.
| How well do you promote yourself? | Yes | No |
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1. Do you meet with your boss at least every six months to review accomplishments and assure alignment with his/her goals? |
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2. Do you have a list of your major accomplishments, and the skills you used to achieve them, in your desk drawer? |
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3. Have you identified the gaps in your experience and sought opportunities to gain missing skills? |
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4. Do you plan your participation in each high-level meeting you attend by analyzing issues to be discussed in advance and determining where you can add value? |
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5. Have you determined what your superiors’ interests are and sent them relevant articles or e-mails periodically? |
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6. Do you copy your boss on communications to your team so that he or she will know your achievements and be able to observe your leadership style? |
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7. Do you actively try to weave your accomplishments into stories as appropriate? |
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8. Are you prepared to promote your accomplishments and take on new opportunities when they arise? |
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9. Have you established good relationships with your superiors so they feel comfortable with you and your style? |
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If you answered yes to six or more questions, you are making strides in promoting yourself. Congratulations! Fewer than six means you may not be doing enough to be a visible candidate for a promotion or career opportunity that comes up. Think about the strategies you can use to better position yourself with peers and superiors and help them feel more comfortable with you.
Sometimes, the woman you least expect to lack confidence surprises you. Nan, who is head of a sales division for a major pharmaceutical company, has a strong voice, commanding presence, and successful track record. At least, that’s what people see on the outside. In a coaching session, when she started to analyze her career, it became clear that her exterior persona hid her insecurity. When she was asked to give a two-minute description of her strengths and accomplishments, she froze. She wasn’t comfortable touting her experience. It became evident that self-confidence issues were the reason she was reluctant—she was uncertain about her talents and whether she deserved to be promoted. Nan, looked up to by most of her colleagues, secretly feared she would be uncovered as a fraud or inadequate if she talked in depth about her career accomplishments.
After spending time reviewing her peak accomplishments and analyzing all the skills she’d used to make them happen, she began to feel more confident about herself. She realized that she had already proven herself as competent and successful. Nan came to understand that she really was the person others admired, and began to turn her focus onto being an effective leader and promoting herself more broadly within the company.
Do you find that your lack of self-confidence interferes with your ability to talk up your work? Are you uncomfortable discussing your successes? Believe it or not, the more you promote yourself, the easier it gets. Self-promotion is not only an important quality for you as an individual, but it’s vital in your role as the leader of a team. The more you promote yourself and your initiatives, the better it is for the individuals who work with you. They’ll benefit, too, through your efforts, and become recognized in the organization as part of a winning team.
Promoting yourself and praising your team leads to better recognition for all. A true leader routinely assists talented people who work with her to attain bigger jobs, sometimes even surpassing her. It takes a secure and confident person to do this and is, in fact, another form of self-promotion. By broadening your sponsorship of people, you are promoting yourself as a leader to work for—to your staff, to colleagues, and to the people who are higher up in the organization.
You can demonstrate your expertise in an effective, subtle way—and still get the point across.
Kimberly was interviewing for a senior position in a consulting firm. Though she had similar job experience in another industry, her qualifications were not a perfect match. In spite of this, she was self-confident and comfortable with her accomplishments, convinced that she would be able to smoothly transfer her skills to the new organization. She sold herself, explaining why this was the right position for her—and when it was suggested that she start at a lower level in order to prove herself, she held firm. She repeated her qualifications, elaborating on the value she brought to the firm and why she was ready for a more senior position. She emphasized the revenues she could bring in. She held her confidence all the way through the interviewing process, and eventually was awarded the position. The lesson? Kimberly believed in herself, kept her cool, and stuck to her guns. She did an excellent job in linking her skills to the position available, and she stayed on message, even when her experience was questioned.
It is vital for a woman to fully understand her top interests, skills, talents, strengths, and experiences and to know how and when to use the information. Let’s create some promotional stories by thinking about some of your accomplishments—something you have enjoyed doing, did well, and found satisfying.
Spend some time thinking about your career accomplishments, then list three of them on the next page. Don’t be modest! This is not the time to be shy about what you accomplished. First, take a look at this example.
My team and I introduced a major product that we had been testing for about six months because we felt it could boost company revenues. I obtained agreement on the strategic and tactical plan, presented it to management, and won approval for the budget necessary to launch the product.
Now you try it. Remember, this is a work accomplishment you enjoyed doing, did well, and found satisfying.
Accomplishment #1:
Accomplishment #2:
Accomplishment #3:
Ask yourself: “What did I do to make this accomplishment happen?” List the strengths it took to achieve your accomplishments. Moving back to the accomplishment example, the strengths you would list are:
Other examples of strengths include: analyzed, identified, marketed, motivated, negotiated, persuaded, planned, resolved, sold, trained, communicated, and wrote.
Now, make your list based upon the three accomplishments. What have you learned about your skills and strengths? How many showed up in all three accomplishments? Use this exercise to catalogue and better understand your personal portfolio of skills and strengths and the role they played in your accomplishments. You’ll find that these skills, which you used in the work you enjoyed, did well, and found satisfying, will surface again and again in most of your accomplishments.
Accomplishment #1
What did I do to make this happen?
1.
2.
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4.
5.
Accomplishment #2
What did I do to make this happen?
1.
2.
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4.
5.
Accomplishment #3
What did I do to make this happen?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
In addition, think about your core technical skills. These are skills you have learned on the job and do well, such as cost accounting, development, finance, mergers, public relations, sales training, and strategic planning.
My Core Technical Skills
1.
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3.
4.
5.
Now, using the previous exercises, create one or two sentences that you can use to promote yourself when the opportunity arises. Here’s an example from a lawyer in a corporate setting: “I am head of the litigation department for my company and have negotiated hundreds of lawsuits, which saved my company millions of dollars in legal fees. I frequently represent the company by speaking at legal conferences about our experience with these issues, giving us a reputation as one of the leaders in our industry.”
These two sentences demonstrate experience and skills in law, negotiations, speaking and public relations, and leadership. It is a jam-packed, powerful illustration of how to link your skills with your experiences.
Now it’s your turn to create a sentence or two about yourself. Remember to note an accomplishment and link it with your skills as well as your technical knowledge.
I am . . .
How did you do? Having your strengths and skills catalogued in your mind and at the tip of your tongue prepares you to be ready even at the most unexpected times—and places. Dora was in the produce section of the supermarket when an important business associate appeared next to her. After exchanging greetings, he said, “How’s it going at work?” She could have just said, “Fine,” and left it at that, but, because her strengths and skills were clear in her mind, Dora was able to take the opportunity to talk about her role at work, telling him a little about her successes with a high-profile project she was leading. You never know when you need to be “on call.”
Use your promotional script and prepare anecdotes about your latest project or biggest deal so you can bring them up in conversation and make a powerful impression. Drop stories about your successes into the next conversation you have with your peers. This will help you develop a new mind-set and get used to impressing colleagues, your boss, and even an audience if you are making a presentation.
Women should develop their own unique brand of self-promotion—one that enhances their style. Emma, a very senior well-known leader in the health-care industry, is a popular speaker at regional and national conferences because of her authority and knowledge. In her role as a speaker, she always takes the opportunity to promote her health-care company and position as a senior executive by saying, “In my position as head of the mid-Atlantic division of my company, I find I have both the opportunity and resources to address some of the critical issues affecting our regional and national health care.” When in meetings at her company, she invariably promotes her speaking accomplishments by saying something like, “While in Chicago as keynote speaker for the Universal Health Forum, we discussed the same topic that’s on the table today.” There is no mistaking who she is and the power she holds, but she promotes herself, and her company, in a way that is comfortable for her and appropriate to her position and the occasion. She speaks anecdotally, underscoring her skills and accomplishments, and linking them to whatever she wants to promote at the time, such as her job position or recognition as a speaker. This technique of self-promotion works well for many women.
Ideally, discussing one’s skills and experience should come comfortably and naturally. So, try to develop a style that is comfortable for you. Imagine you’re at a fund-raising event for community youth programs and are in a conversation with a couple of people who are talking about the organization.
The first thing to do is get into the conversation by saying: “Yes, I’ve heard about the work you’re doing in this organization and think it’s great. Can you tell me more about it?”
You have related to those around you, who go on talking about some specific points, after which you can say: “That’s an interesting point. When I sat on a committee of the board for Another Worthwhile Youth organization, I noticed that . . .”
You’ve made the point that you are knowledgeable and are on a board committee of another important organization. The conversation about youth programs proceeds and you say: “I remember exactly when I got interested in this. As head of human resources for ABC Company, I am responsible for hiring the summer interns . . . ”
Now, you’ve shown that you are an executive of a well-known company. You continue talking with your group, and perhaps end by saying: “I’d love to talk with you further about this sometime.”
Think of the conversation as providing a number of openings to connect with others, establish your credibility, and offer value. This technique allows you to use various opportunities to “layer in” more information in an appropriate and comfortable way. Try it at your next networking event and adapt it to your individual circumstances. If you don’t have board experience, for example, you might mention that you’ve read up on the organization.
Have you ever been in a conversation at an event with someone who appears to be distracted, and continuously scans the room as if they’re looking to find someone more important to talk to? It’s terribly insulting, and a definite no-no. Always focus on the people you’re with until you leave the conversation by making a tactful exit. For example, you can say, “Please excuse me. A client of mine just came in” or “I’ll see you a little later—I’m going to get something to eat.” Always make the person you’re with feel that you consider them important—and then go on to circulate with others.
Since most women have not been trained to “toot their own horn,” promoting yourself may feel like boasting or bragging. There are, however, real differences between bragging and bringing up your skills in conversation. Most of the time, when you perceive someone is “bragging,” it is because whatever they’re saying seems like it’s out of context. They’ve brought it up for the sole purpose of making themselves seem important, smart, wealthy, or powerful. They often talk loudly, looking around for a reaction from others, and there is usually an air of self-absorption and presumption in what they are conveying.
This is not an effective way of demonstrating your expertise. Here are some phrases that, though they say virtually the same thing, come across to the listener very differently.
| Bragging . . . | Self-promoting . . . |
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I made this deal happen . . . |
While leading the team, I was able to bring this deal together . . . |
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I’ve got the best way to . . . |
One way that’s worked for me . . . |
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You must try this . . . |
I was so happy with the results, you should give it a try . . . |
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I’m a shoo-in for this promotion . . . |
I believe I have all the skills for this new position . . . |
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They couldn’t have done it without me . . . |
I enjoyed having a pivotal role on that . . . |
See—you can promote yourself without bragging!
It’s important to know, and be conscious of, how the decision makers in your company view self-promotion. Be sure your conduct is in sync with their unstated rules. Lilly, vice president of a local marketing company, should have understood the unwritten corporate message: only the CEO of her firm was to be in the spotlight. She got into trouble when she got a call from a reporter who was doing a story about a high-profile project she was involved in. She talked with him, thinking it was good promotion for the company and for herself. But, she neglected to mention it to the CEO and when the article ran in a widely distributed newsletter along with her photo, he was steaming. Even though it was not something Lilly initiated or planned, guess who didn’t speak to her for the next three months? It made for an uncomfortable situation with her boss, to say the least. If she’d truly been in tune with her CEO (and his ego), she could have handled it differently. She would have put the reporter in touch with the CEO after she filled in the background and details, so they both would get the publicity. That way, she would have promoted herself and earned some credits with the boss.
At a recent professional meeting, the members decided that each would take ten minutes to update everyone on their progress, goals, and business. They started at one point in the room and went person by person to get updates from everyone. They hadn’t gotten around to Nancy, who was at the far end of the room and had to leave early for another meeting. Nancy gathered her papers together and, just before another person’s report was about to start, she spoke up and said, “Unfortunately I have another commitment and will have to leave shortly. Would it be okay for me to give my update now?” Everyone agreed, and Nancy stood, knowing that after her report she would exit the room. It was a perfect opportunity for her to speak with a commanding presence because she was on her feet. As she was finishing, another member added some positive comments about a project Nancy had done that she had heard good things about, and Nancy thanked her for the support. Nancy made the most of the meeting. By asking to speak to the group before she left, she got the benefit of their attention to her report, as well as “endorsement” from another member.
It is especially important and necessary for women to support and promote other women in their efforts to succeed. The prominent editor of a women’s magazine, who was the speaker at a meeting of four hundred senior businesswomen, stated firmly, “If you are sitting alone at the top of your organization with no other woman at your level or right behind you, nip-ping at your heels to get ahead—make no mistake, you’re a token.” At that time, most of the women in the room were alone at their senior levels and had few women directly below them. In their race to climb the ladder in their companies, many of them had eliminated other women as competitors. This has to change. In order for the cultures of our companies to change, women have to help other women so the numbers change at the top. By supporting fellow women, you can affect progress for all of us. One way to do this within your organization is to get a group of women together and have them join forces to help each other advance instead of being in competition with one another. They can advise each other, promote agendas, even protest injustices together—and everyone benefits.
Another way to have others promote you is to enlist the support of a boss or mentor with whom you have a good relationship. Be confident enough to tell him or her what you’re looking for in your next career step and ask for help and advice. In the best case scenario, they will become invested in your success and be on the lookout for opportunities for you. Imagine meetings where you are not present. If your boss or mentor is aware of what you’ve done and what you want, he or she can speak up on your behalf. If he or she doesn’t know your ambitions, you’ve lost out.
There are a number of ways to be promoted by others. Remember, though, you need to be sure that the people who are promoting and supporting you know enough about your skills and accomplishments. If they are familiar with these, there are many different occasions when they can jump in and be your supporter.
Think about those around you who can help support and promote you. You’ll find that developing a strategy around these key individuals will keep you focused. The worksheet below is for just that purpose. Keep in mind that opportunities often come forth when you’re not around.
Name of Key Supporter: My boss, Jim
Title: Vice President
Strengths: He seems to appreciate my work.
Weaknesses: He never drops in my office or asks me to join him for lunch.
What I have working for me: In-depth knowledge of my work and our department through prior experience with a competitor.
Long-range: To be on his executive team and a key member of the group.
Short-range: To demonstrate my knowledge through my work and participation in an upcoming project.
He seems a little uncomfortable with women and I rarely see him with women colleagues. All of his other direct reports are men he goes to lunch with. I intend to make him feel at ease with me.
Set up a meeting to review my progress.
Name of Key Supporter:
Title:
Assessment of how it is now:
Strengths:
Weaknesses:
What I have working for me:
Long-range:
Short-range:
You’re ready now to follow through on the plan above.
Take the initiative to ask for a performance review. Although your stated meeting purpose is to be sure your work is on point, you can also use the meeting to communicate your strengths and accomplishments. Be ready and able to talk about your projects and achievements and ask how things are going from your manager’s point of view. The result? You’ll get good feedback and suggestions, and make a memorable impression.
In order to get others to help you promote yourself, it’s important to get the word out on anything significant that’s happened to you—achievements, awards, and accomplishments. So, if something good happens, don’t be shy, tell people. Especially people you consider well-placed and who would be interested. Why? They’ll pass it along to others and soon you’ll be receiving calls about your achievement instead of initiating them.
Let’s say you receive a promotion at work. After you call your significant other, parents, and best friend, think about key people in your network to whom this would be interesting, pertinent information. Then call to tell them. Perhaps they’ve given you advice in the past, or been supportive of your career. You could say, “I wanted to tell you about this because you’ve been so helpful to me.”
Now, they feel a part of your success and are even more apt to pass on the story. An additional benefit of telling key players is that you are able to give the true story so the information “on the street” will be accurate. In essence, you’re being your own public relations person.
Your ability to get noticed and get ahead by selling your strengths rests in large part on understanding your own strengths and telling your story. As you go about “marketing” yourself, think about what you want others to know about you. What do you want them to think of when your name comes up? What personal and professional attributes do you want them to associate you with? What should they be updated about?
Keep your message fresh and current as you:
When you begin to think of self-promotion as a positive force, and develop a style that is comfortable for you, it will make a big difference in your career. As you and your accomplishments are known by more influential people, you will gain a stronger foothold in your organization, become better known in your community, and the door will open to many more career possibilities.