Only by giving are you able to receive more than you already have.
~Jim Rohn
Steve passed away in September, and I wondered how I would survive the holidays without him. The Christmas décor that showed up in the stores after Halloween was a harsh reminder that Christmas would be very different this year.
Steve and I had always practiced year-round philanthropy, and even more so around the holidays. Donating to charity, “adopting” those in need, and participating in various fundraisers was a longtime family tradition, but that year, I didn’t feel like celebrating, much less shopping. I was lost without my soul mate and repeatedly asked our two adult sons, “What are we going to do?”
Soon the charitable solicitations began to arrive and I dreaded what would follow — the announcements of the fundraisers in which we had always taken part. Writing a check would be easy, but contributing anything that required my involvement seemed impossible.
Friends and family offered their support and kindness as the holidays approached, and I was able to focus a little more on my own blessings. We had always been the givers, not the receivers, at Christmastime.
And then I finally realized something. The best way I could get through the holidays was to continue Steve’s legacy and do what he would have done if he were still here.
The first thing I did was continue our tradition of “adopting” someone from our local senior services organization. It only took a brief call to get the wish list of a local senior citizen who had no family or financial resources. Shopping anonymously for someone I didn’t know brought a bit of joy back into my life. It was fun to anticipate how surprised my adoptee would be when she received all the items on her wish list instead of just one. I felt a little like my old self — I was shopping again and enjoying it!
The second opportunity to participate in helping others was more difficult. For years, Steve and I had made gingerbread creations for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters annual fundraiser. This was an important tradition to us, and as soon as we entered the competition each year we would lay out the plans for the next year. Steve had decided that we would make Noah’s Ark this year. My eyes moistened as I held the invitation to the fundraiser, thinking that the Ark would never be made now.
I was about to toss the invitation in the trash, but then I changed my mind. Our older son liked to make his own gingerbread creations for the event, so I saved it for him.
Later, when I handed Chris the invitation, he immediately said, “Mom, we need to do Dad’s idea for the whimsical Noah’s Ark.” And thus began our collaboration. It was so much fun creating the animal characters Steve had envisioned. I laughed at Chris’s suggestion to “put the skunks at the very back of the ark away from all the rest.” It was just what Steve would have done!
In the end, I was so grateful to my son for insisting that we make Steve’s Ark a reality, especially when it won third place and sold for the highest bid of the night to help the organization. And, we were also both surprised and humbled when the gingerbread festival that year was dedicated to Steve.
There was then another unexpected, wonderful and generous surprise for us. Steve’s company created an annual “Steve Julian Award” for employees who demonstrated his same outstanding service to their clients and coworkers. My family was invited to the annual luncheon at which this coveted award is now presented each year. How grateful we were that others wanted to honor Steve’s memory too!
I learned much that year, especially that generosity is always reciprocated, whether by another person’s kindness or by the simple feeling it creates for the giver. But my most important lesson was that being grateful for one’s blessings, and sharing them with others is sometimes the best way to regain a little happiness.
~Vicki L. Julian
