Chapter 20

After a little side trip to a big field of potatoes, I found the herb fields and the greenhouse. Essence was still there, looking rather spaced-out. This time I knew why. I sat down beside her where she was staring off into the distance, apparently having watered all the seedlings that needed daily attention.

The floor of the greenhouse was packed earth, and I was glad for my jeans. Essence herself was wearing some wide-legged culottes made from the same brown material many of the men and women used for pants—the same cloth I’d seen in bolts in the meeting room. These were badly sewn, as though hurriedly, or perhaps the first in a homemade pattern. Her T-shirt was white with the familiar blue lettering, a copy of the one I wore.

I pulled a few mint leaves from a plant and popped them into my mouth, savoring the flavor. Essence glanced at me, actually focusing on my face for a second, but didn’t comment on my breaking the fast.

“Do they know?” I asked into the silence. “About the marijuana?”

She didn’t look at me but stared at the ground, like a little child caught in a wrongdoing.

“Come on. I just want to know.”

She shrugged. “Maybe they know.”

“What do you mean?”

Coming to her feet in a single graceful movement that said a lot about her physical condition, she beckoned me to the corner. “Sometimes when I come in here, some of the leaves have been cut.” She pointed to a section. “I don’t know who does it.”

“Could it be that boy who was in here?”

“Fox?”

“Yeah.”

“He might have, but I don’t know why he would. I give him all he wants.”

I moved closer to her. “Why do you use it, Essence? Is it so bad here?”

“Two years ago I wanted to go home. Now I don’t.”

I studied her pointed features, her dark hair making her face appear pale and sickly. “Who gave you these plants?” I said the words slowly, deliberately, so she would be sure to understand.

She looked at me again, a sharp, piercing stare that shot a sliver of terror into my heart. Her eyes weren’t green, as I’d thought they might be, but a light brown and frighteningly empty. “No one.” She turned away.

I followed her. “Someone gave them to you. Who was it? Why won’t they let people leave?”

No reply.

“What if you didn’t have to stay? What if you could leave now?”

She shook her head. “This is my home. I have a purpose. I love my work. And I love Fox. We’re getting married when the new house is finished.”

“Will Fox protect you from what’s going on here? Not that I know what’s going on because none of you will tell me anything.”

She whirled on me. “Go away! Go away now! I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to see you again.”

I glared at her. “What are you so afraid of?”

At my words, she crumpled into a heap on the ground, knees to her chest, head tucked, arms curled up to cover her head. Sobs broke through. “I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go back.”

I knelt beside her and patted her back. “Shhh. It’s okay.” She cringed at my touch but gradually relaxed, her sobs subsiding. “Essence, where don’t you want to go back to?”

“To the dark.”

I’d suspected she hadn’t been talking about civilization, but the words confirmed this. “The dark place,” I said. “Where is it?”

She curled tighter and said nothing. Maybe she didn’t know. I put my arms around her, but she seemed to have gone into some sort of trance and didn’t appear to notice me. Her breathing was shallow and irregular. “Essence, are you okay?”

No reply.

I’d never felt so helpless in all my life, except at the bank of the river watching the divers search for Winter’s body. Fear grew into a tight knot in my chest. If I managed to carry her back to the houses, would they take her to a doctor? I doubted it.

I prayed. I prayed long and silently, and eventually I felt her muscles unclench. Her breathing deepened and evened out. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I won’t ask you any more questions. But I will tell you that I’m here to help you. That’s why I’ve come. You are not alone.”

So many promises I was making—to Victoria, Spring, and now Essence. Women I didn’t even know, not really.

Essence didn’t reply, but I hadn’t expected her to. I squeezed her one last time before moving away. Whatever I was searching for, Essence wasn’t ready to trust me with what she might know.

She had, however, confirmed the existence of a dark place. Where could that be?

I had reached the door when she spoke in a faint whisper. “We grow all our own food, you know. We bottle a lot in the fall. The pantry—have you seen it? It’s always full. Of course, it’s not big enough for all the bottles and vegetables. They can last all winter if stored right. And not just onions and apples and potatoes. You can store almost anything if you wrap it right.”

She’d finally gone over the edge. But at least she was talking again, and that was an improvement. “That’s great,” I said.

“You never go hungry here. Never. Except on fast days.”

I nodded. Her thin face was pinched and desperate, denying her claim. If there was so much food here, why didn’t she eat it? That made me wonder again about the drugs, but Essence didn’t seem to be avoiding food because of what was in it. Maybe her habit made it so she didn’t care to eat.

Her eyes were wild, not really seeing me. Her head drooped. “So much food,” she whispered. “Cold.”

She wasn’t talking about the greenhouse. It was almost stifling in here, and if not for the open doors at either end, it would have been a lot hotter. I took two steps toward her. “Can I do anything for you?”

“Please go,” came the muffled request.

I left. What else could I do?

I wasn’t above snacking in the fields as I made my way back to the houses. A little of this and a little of that. I didn’t worry about washing the produce because I figured that any fertilizer or pesticides they used here were probably natural and wouldn’t stay on the leaves long enough to hurt me. The rows of herbs and vegetables, washed by the rain and nestled in these cleared fields, were a complete opposite to the terror I’d felt with Essence. Part of me wanted to sit in these fields and stay forever, and the other part wanted to run away as fast and as far as I could. Back to my comforting antiques and my sister.

Yet how could I leave Spring and Victoria and Essence? And what about Marcie?

I’d almost made it back to the houses when a thought hit me with the force of a truck. I actually sat down by a row of cabbages to think it through.

Essence hadn’t been wandering in her thoughts. She’d been giving me a clue. If the pantry in the kitchen wasn’t big enough to store all these vegetables for the winter, where did they store them? Another barn? No, it would have to be somewhere cool, but deep enough not to freeze. A root cellar, maybe. A dark, musty root cellar.

If there was one, maybe it didn’t hold just vegetables, especially now when the harvest was months away. With so many people to feed during the winter, there could even be more than one cellar. Maybe we weren’t looking for a building at all but a hole in the ground.

* * *

The police didn’t come.

I was beginning to worry about Ethan. Had the police refused to believe him? Was he waiting outside the gate worrying about me? Wondering about Marcie?

Jake was also missing, but I knew he was scouting the area. I only wished I could tell him about the root cellar so he would look for that, too. But what did an entrance to a root cellar look like? A few of Winter’s friends who lived in houses instead of apartments had them in their backyards, and they ranged from little hut-like structures that descended immediately into the earth to a flat door that could be hidden by a couple of bales of hay.

We’d have to search the barns more carefully.

Back at the houses, Scarlet trapped me and began grilling me about what I would need for the herb salves and remedies. Then she put me to work on the quilts with the other women. Spring was there, looking decidedly worse with her allergies. I tried to convince her to go lie down, but she would hear none of it. The quilts, I learned as we worked, were sold online from the factory in Rome or sometimes sent to craft fairs. They would each bring in hundreds of dollars.

Where did the money go? Some of it went to supplies, like needles, special threads and the finer materials, but since so much was made here, there would be substantial profit, especially added to the proceeds from the other crafts. The money was likely buying materials for the new house and upgrades for the old, but I doubted that took everything. If I could find out where the money went, I might be a long way toward deciding who was behind the dark room.

Harmony left the women after the first quilt was finished, carrying it in her arms. On the pretense of making more tea, I followed her. I waited until she had opened the door to her room before calling out to her.

“Can I speak to you for a moment?” I walked toward her quickly as I spoke, hoping she wouldn’t shut her door and come to meet me in the hall.

She turned, her face smiling. In this dim light, she was even more beautiful, and I wondered at what I had seen imprinted on the flashlight and about her relationship with her husband. He loved her deeply, I knew that, and yet last night she had been almost servile toward him, frightened.

Of him? Or something else? I wished I knew what she felt for him because that would help me know if I could trust her. I knew I didn’t trust Gabe.

“What is it?” The shadows under Harmony’s eyes were more noticeable here than outside, making her look not frail but human. Needy.

“It’s about Spring.” I glanced around as though afraid of being heard.

She gestured me into her room. I couldn’t have planned it better. During our tour, she’d only indicated the door to her room, but now I’d get to see inside. It was about half again the size of the one I shared with Essence and Victoria, holding a queen-sized bed and dresser and closet. The worn cherry furniture was better quality than the wooden bunks and had obviously come from a store, though none of it was sumptuous by any standard. I suspected it was the set she’d brought with her when they’d come originally. A door opened to a smaller room, and there I saw part of a wooden bunk bed. Their daughter’s room, I assumed, and that of other children, if any more came.

Harmony watched me, a question in her eyes. “Looks just like the married quarters,” I said.

She laughed. “Pretty much. Except we made the bed frames there. In fact, we made all our frames except the few metal ones we have in the singles’ rooms.”

“Not the mattresses?”

“No.”

Somehow I was relieved to hear that Harmony Farm wasn’t completely independent of the world.

“Is something wrong with Spring?” Harmony gently reminded me of my purpose.

“I think she’s having a problem with allergies or something. She’s about had it, but I can’t get her to rest, and fasting for three days . . .” I shook my head. “She won’t even take tea.”

Harmony set the folded quilt on her bed. “Why don’t you make her some tea, and I’ll talk to her?”

“What about medication? I know some herbal remedies for allergies, but it’s going to take a while to find something that works for her.”

“Dar will have some over-the-counter medicines. He keeps that sort of thing in his office. A lot of people come here addicted to different things and usually cutting that off cold turkey is best.”

“But allergies are different, aren’t they?”

Harmony shrugged, the movement graceful. “We do have several people who suffer a bit for a month or so out of the year, but nothing too severe. She will adjust.”

“I hope so. But what if she doesn’t? What then?”

“That will be up to her.”

The implication, of course, was that she could leave, and Harmony seemed to be sincere, but I felt a dread in my stomach that didn’t bode well for Spring.

“I’ll go make the tea,” I said, keeping the doubt from my voice.

“Put plenty of honey in it. That will help.”

So Spring received the best tea I could make, and if it was slightly on the too-sweet side, she didn’t complain but drank it all down with some pills Harmony had given her. Then Harmony sent her to lie down with Silverstar, and I went back to quilting, thinking it would be better to buy a machine for all this hand-stitching than to waste so much time on the needlework. But machines cost money, and this labor was nearly free.

A few minutes before what would have been dinnertime, if we hadn’t been fasting, a bell rang. Soon both men and women began setting up chairs in the square for the meeting I’d heard people talking about all day. Though Harmony Farm wasn’t a religion, many of the people joined together on Sundays to discuss ideas. Shortly, Dar began a riveting discourse on the joys of service and the evils of riches.

“He’s missed his calling,” Jake said in my ear.

I was standing on the square, leaning back against one of the vertical porch railings of the singles’ quarters. After sitting in front of the quilt for hours, I wasn’t about to sit again. My feet felt warm on the cement of the square. “You mean as a televangelist?”

“He seems sincere.”

“Mesmerizing, you mean. Look at them stare.”

Jake chuckled. “If I were Gabe, I’d be worried.”

Gabe was nowhere in sight. Nor was Harmony. I wondered if their disappearance involved a root cellar.

“Did you go to the gate?” I asked.

“Nothing was there.”

I didn’t like that. Ethan had been searching for Marcie for over a year now, and he wouldn’t give up easily. I gave a frustrated sigh.

“What?” Jake asked.

“I heard Gabe and Dar talking about someone today. I thought they were talking about Inclar, that maybe Dar had found his body, but what if they were talking about Ethan? What if they found him?” It was the only explanation I could find.

“We should try to get back your radio. That way we could contact him.”

I looked at Jake with new admiration. “It’s probably in his office. The farthest door past the kitchen. Harmony pointed it out, remember?”

“I’ll go.”

“What makes you think you’re going?”

“He may be bigger than me, but I bet I could flatten him.”

I scowled. “This has nothing to do with your hormones, though if it comes to that, Harmony seems to think he has a thing for me.”

“Oh, so now who’s talking hormones?”

I rolled my eyes. Big brother Jake playing his protective role again. “I’ve been thinking we should talk to him anyway. Tell him about Inclar. After all, he gave his brother money. That has to show he cares about him. He could help us nail Gabe.”

“What if he’s involved?”

I sighed. “I don’t know. But we’re still no closer to finding Marcie, and with Ethan missing, the police might not be on their way.”

We were whispering, but a few of the others were looking at us pointedly, so we edged away from the meeting, walking around the singles’ quarters to the front of the main house.

“I should go in now while Dar is speaking,” I said.

“I still think I should go.”

I shook my head. “I’m the one who saw the body. And in case he catches me, I have to be the one who goes in.”

“I’ll keep watch outside the door.”

“Not so close. If I do get caught, someone needs to stay back and wait for a chance to either get me free or go for the police.”

Jake’s lower jaw jutted out, and I was sure he’d refuse. “Please,” I said.

That was when I did something I hadn’t planned on. Something absolutely stupid and irresponsible.

I kissed him.

I couldn’t help myself. He looked so worried and so attractive, and I cared about him so much. This might be the last time I saw him before our cover was blown.

He didn’t respond for a moment, but then he was kissing me. And what a kiss! Again the steep plunge of emotion, thrilling excitement, and an oddly comforting reassurance. When we drew away, we were both out of breath. “What was that for?” he growled, and I suppose that was his right since I’d started it.

Because I love you! I wanted to shout, which I didn’t know for sure was true, though my heart believed it. “Thanks for everything. You know, just in case things don’t go right.”

He frowned. “That’s how you say thanks? Man, Autumn, we may only be friends, but I’m still human. You can’t kiss a guy like that unless you mean it.”

I’d meant it, but his pointing out that we were only friends made me feel about two inches high. “Forget it,” I muttered. I turned away from him, not wanting to see his face again. Ever again. Not until I was good and dead from the embarrassment I felt.

His hand shot out and turned me around. “Autumn.”

“What,” I barked, still not looking at him.

“Be careful.”

That was it? But then, what did I expect? I sighed, and all the fight went out of me. “I will.”

He held me to him for a long moment, and I rested my head on his shoulder. You shouldn’t hug a girl like this unless you mean it, I told him silently, but how many times had he held me just like this since Winter died? I’d needed him so much.

His hand stroked my short hair. For some stupid reason, that gesture reminded me of Essence and how I’d tried to comfort her. Friends. I sighed again. “There’s something else I forgot to tell you,” I said softly. “I think I might know where we should look.”

As I told him about the possibility of a root cellar, he nodded. “That makes perfect sense. Why didn’t we think of it before?”

“Because neither of us lives on a farm.”

He smiled. I smiled. We were back to being ourselves again. Friends.

“I’m going now,” I said.

“I’ll wait in the kitchen. That should be far enough away but close enough to hear you if you call out.”

The front entrance to the house led into the large meeting room where we’d been working on the quilts. Those were finished now, the frames put away for another day, the room dark and empty of people.

I walked through it and out into the hall, turning right. I passed the larger, back entrance on my left and Gabe’s office nearly opposite, wending my way down the hall to the kitchen and beyond. I could still hear Dar outside talking. What if his office was locked?

I needn’t have worried. Like every other room in the place, there was no lock. I waved to Jake and went inside. The room was equipped with a large oak desk that took up as much space as a bed. There was a computer and shelves that held many books and two opaque plastic containers. A safe stood in the corner, and that was locked. Interesting. I wondered if Gabe had one in his office, too. Two of the desk drawers were also locked, but none had keyholes big enough to fit the key I still had wrapped up in my bra.

I left the light off because it wasn’t dark outside yet, and though the light in the room was dim, it was sufficient. The obvious place to begin were the plastic boxes, as I could see electronics poking out of one. On closer inspection, I saw phones, music players of all sorts, car keys, and even a garage door opener. There. My radio. It felt cool in my hand, and I itched more than anything to get out of there and find a place to turn it on.

Ethan at least wasn’t just a friend. So there, I said to the absent Jake.

The glint of a cell phone on Dar’s desk kept me from leaving. Why was it there instead of in the boxes with the others? Stuffing the radio in my front pocket—only possible because these old jeans were so loose—I walked over and picked it up. I expected something, an imprint, some slice of information, but there was nothing. Apparently, this phone didn’t mean much to the user. Or it was new. I opened it, pressed the red button, and punched in Tawnia’s number.

It started ringing.

Harmony had said there was no phone service here. What was going on? Apparently Dar had found a plan that did have service. Or Harmony had lied.

“Hello?” Tawnia said.

“Hi. It’s me.”

“Autumn! I’ve been so worried. Ethan said he’d call.”

“He hasn’t?”

“Not once. Is something wrong? I drew that man with the weird eye, the one who attacked you in your apartment. He looked dead! And you were fighting with some big guy. Tell me I’m imagining things. I’m going crazy here.”

“Stop talking and listen. I don’t know how much time I have.”

“What do you mean? What’s going on?”

I was about to tell her when the door opened. Dar stood there, his husky body framed by the light coming from the hallway. It had grown darker in the room, whether caused by a cloud in the sky or because I’d spent too long studying the electronics, I didn’t know. He flipped on the light switch. There I stood, behind his desk with his phone to my ear.

Caught.