“YOU LIKE SLOAN, don’t you?” Cat Holt asked Dev as they worked in the kitchen two weeks later, for another Sunday dinner at the Bar H.
Dev was making a huge salad for the family, who were chatting and visiting with one another in the living room. Sloan had offered to help, but they’d both shooed him out of the kitchen. Dev wiped her hands on her green apron. “I do.”
“But it’s complicated?” Cat asked, giving her a wry sideways glance as she stirred a pot on the stove, making the gravy for a huge pot roast that was still baking in the oven.
Dev’s mouth quirked. “Is it that obvious?” She moved to the counter and washed the Roma tomatoes off beneath the faucet and then set them beside the wooden cutting board.
Shrugging, Cat continued to stir the gravy, dipping the spoon into it and blowing on it to cool it enough to taste it. She added a bit more salt. “Just a feeling, is all. You kind of remind me of me and Talon. The first time I saw him in that blizzard, I felt like someone had put an electric charge on my heart. I was so drawn to him that it scared the hell out of me.”
“Sloan said you had an abusive ex-boyfriend you were trying to get rid of?” Dev ventured, picking up the knife to begin slicing the first tomato.
“Yes.” Cat sighed, shaking her head. “Beau Magee. He stalked me. I hated it.” She gave Dev a sympathetic look. “And you’ve been stalked, too. You know the terror. The uncertainty. I never knew when Beau might silently reappear and scare the hell out of me.”
Dev became grim. “Only Bart Gordon isn’t here, thank God.”
“But you’re dealing with the aftermath of his attacks?”
“All the time.” Dev lowered her voice, making sure only Cat could hear her. “I’m so drawn to Sloan. It’s scary sometimes because I’ve never felt that way about any man, Cat. Not that I’ve had tons of men in my life, but the ones I have had relationships with were not like this.”
Cat picked up a bottle of dried basil and shook some into the thickening dark brown gravy. “And you’re scared?”
“To say the least. I’m on unknown ground with him. There are days when I’m happy to have him around, but there are others when my past, the assault by Gordon, leaves me scared.”
“You’re questioning your ability to see a person accurately. Right?” Cat pushed some hair away from her brow.
“In a nutshell, yes.”
“I’ve known Sloan for two years, Dev. What you see is what you get with that guy. He’s been shoeing Gus’s horses for all that time and you know, she’s a very good judge of character.”
Dev nodded. Gus was in the living room with everyone else and Dev loved the warmth, the laughter drifting into the kitchen, which was always part of the Sunday gathering. Even little Daisy, the puppy, was in there with them, licking every human hand she could find. “Yes, she sure is. I wish I had her clarity, but I don’t.”
“Two weeks ago,” Cat began, a little hesitant, “you and Sloan were holding hands when you came back from your walk to the lake.” She studied Dev for a moment. “Was that something new between you?”
“Yes,” Dev admitted, blowing out a breath of air. She cut up six tomatoes and then sprinkled them into the salad. “We kissed...” Cat’s face lit up, a smile forming across her lips. “Now,” Dev said quickly, “it was one kiss.”
“But?”
“Nothing,” Dev muttered. “I just need time, Cat.”
“I think Sloan knows that. Don’t you?”
Nodding, she went to the refrigerator and pulled out six carrots. “He’s been patient with me, Cat.”
“Does he know what happened to you? What Gordon did?”
Dev brought the carrots over to the counter and used a peeler to take the skin off each one. “Yes. I told him. I didn’t mean to, but when I’m around Sloan, I just start blurting stuff out.”
“He’s a good listener,” Cat assured her, testing the gravy again. “Like Talon.”
“Maybe it’s a black-ops thing?” Dev wondered aloud, cutting off the greens from the carrots’ tops. “Sloan worked with a combat-assault dog like Talon did. Though I guess he wasn’t black ops. He worked with an Army company.”
Cat set the gravy aside. Wiping her hands on her red apron, she went to a cabinet and pulled down a huge porcelain gravy bowl. “I just think Sloan is built that way. I’ve watched him around our horses and they all settle down and relax in his company. He never makes quick movements around them, like some people do. Sloan is real quiet and gentle with them.”
Laughing a little, Dev said, “He’s that way with me.”
“But you frighten easily, too. I was the same way with Talon. I didn’t want to tell him about my ex. I was ashamed of myself. I couldn’t control the situation. I felt helpless. Not to mention embarrassed.”
“But Talon is black ops,” Dev pointed out, cutting up the carrots into thin cylindrical slices. “I’ll bet he found out sooner than later.”
“He did,” Cat agreed wryly.
“And he liked you, Cat. Talon could probably tell you were worried about something.”
“Yes. I was good at hiding it up until the point Beau attacked me out in a parking lot outside Mo’s Ice Cream Parlor. If it hadn’t been for Talon coming out there after paying our lunch bill, I think Beau would have done a lot more damage to me than he did.”
Shivering, Dev whispered, “I know exactly how you feel. You’re lucky he’s still in prison.”
Cat frowned. “I worry about when he gets out in two years.”
Dev looked over at Cat as she poured the steaming dark brown gravy into the bowl. “I don’t know where Gordon is. I’m jumpy. My imagination runs wild. Sometimes I feel like he’s here, in Jackson Hole.”
“Have you spotted him?”
“No.” Dev gave her a frustrated look, dropping the carrots into the salad. “It’s me, Cat. My imagination goes wild.”
“Well, mine does, too,” Cat said, taking the empty pot to the sink and running cold water into it. “Even now. At least I can talk to Talon about it.” Cat motioned to the opening to the kitchen, where Bella and Zeke sat on the same doggy cushion. Daisy came bounding up to them with her puppy energy, jumping all over the two patient dogs. They weren’t allowed in the kitchen, but they could sit just outside it and watch them. “Talon is reassuring, but I still, to this day, have horrible nightmares about Beau finding and hurting me. It’s stupid, but there it is.”
“I don’t think anyone who’s been assaulted or attacked ever completely gets over it,” Dev admitted softly. She brought out the red peppers from the fridge next. “And I get horrible nightmares a couple of times a month, replaying what Gordon did to me, and how I escaped.” Shaking her head, Dev muttered, “I wish... God, I wish they’d stop.”
“It’s shock,” Cat said, patting her shoulder gently. “The good news is I’m having fewer nightmares now. A lot of it is because of Talon, his loving me, making me feel safe. I never felt safe with a man before that. But I do with him.”
Dev’s heart warmed and she saw the love shining in Cat’s green eyes for her husband. “That’s funny you should say that. When I’m with Sloan, my anxiety goes away. And I’m no longer jumpy. He makes me feel safe, too. That’s amazing.”
Cat’s eyes sparkled as she took the huge gravy bowl and walked it over to the trestle table, which was already set. “Hmmmm. Well, that sure sounds like you love one another.”
Jolted by her comment, Dev frowned as Cat came back and washed her hands at the sink. “No... I don’t think so. I mean—” Dev stumbled over her words. “It’s too soon. I’ve only known him two and a half months, Cat.”
Snorting, Cat grinned and lathered up her hands with the herbaria soap she loved so much. “Heck, the first time I saw Talon, I fell in love with him. I just didn’t realize it is all. Over time, I did. We both fought the attraction to one another for different reasons.” She grabbed the towel on a hook near the sink. “Love has a way of making the impossible possible.”
Dev shook her head, dicing up red pepper on the wooden cutting board. “I don’t know what to call what’s between Sloan and me. It’s different than anything I’ve ever experienced before, Cat.”
Cat dried her hands and rested her hips against the counter near where Dev was working, a thoughtful look on her face. “There’s different kinds of love, you know? Because of my childhood, I couldn’t tell real love from fake love. I had two relationships before meeting Talon and I thought I was in love with each one of those guys. But it wasn’t love. I was so ignorant.”
Dev glanced over at her. “You’re a very intelligent woman, Cat. I came out of an ugly family situation. Sloan has been trying to get me to talk more about it and he’s helping me see the patterns in my family and how they affected the way I see things, even now.” Dev’s lips compressed. “My father is an alcoholic to this day. I’ve pretty much disconnected from him. My mother still flies. She’s a pilot with a regional airline.”
“But you’re in touch with her?”
“Oh, yes,” Dev said. She scooped up the rest of the diced red pepper and sprinkled it across the salad. “I just don’t go home. I don’t want to deal with my father.”
“That’s sad,” Cat said, reaching out and patting her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dev. It sounds like real love, the good kind, didn’t exist in your family. It didn’t in mine, either. I had this skewed idea of what love was and I was all wrong.”
Dev told her about Bill Savona. By the time she was done with the salad and had taken it over to the table, Cat knew her whole story.
“Does Sloan know about Bill?” Cat asked, pulling down the salad bowls and placing them on the table.
“Yes.” Dev’s gaze moved across the table. It was set with beautiful blue-and-white plates that were, according to Miss Gus, nearly a hundred years old. They had been in the Holt family all that time. Some of them had chips on them here and there, but like Gus said, it was just a sign of age and wear and she wasn’t going to throw out a perfectly good plate just because of a few nicks. She made the argument that all humans got nicked up pretty good by the time they hit old age, too. No one argued with her and those plates were used for every Sunday dinner.
Cat smiled a little. “Well, I think Sloan is really sweet on you, but I also think he’s a lot like Talon. He’s being patient with you, Dev. Speed isn’t always the answer. Besides, I think you’re a little like me. I can’t be crowded or rushed. I have to build trust with a man. And that’s how it happened between Talon and me. He had the patience of Job.”
Glancing toward the entrance to the kitchen, Dev heard a roar of laughter drift down the hall toward them. She felt such warmth and love in this household. “Sloan knows I’m unsure.”
“He’s more sure of you than you are of him,” Cat murmured, holding her gaze.
Taking off the apron and folding it up, Dev whispered, “Yes.”
“Well, let’s get Talon in here to cut up the roast. We’re about ready to call everyone in to eat.”
Rousing herself from her glum thoughts, Dev nodded. “I’ll pull the roast out of the oven. It should be ready.”
* * *
“YOU’RE THINKING A LOT,” Sloan said to Dev as they walked down the road toward Long Lake after Sunday dinner. She’d been in some kind of inner turmoil since they’d kissed two weeks ago on that swing at the lake. He made no attempt to hold her hand, although they ambled along the dirt road close to one another. Dev had been called out the very next day after their kiss, a Monday, to track a lost child near Jenny Lake. Sloan had gone with her and after three hours they’d located the adventurous red-haired boy of five who had taken off to go explore outside the camping area.
Her schedule and his were nearly opposites of one another, thanks to the July shift changes. Sloan hadn’t seen much of Dev and had been wanting to sit down and talk with her, to find out what was going on inside her head. And her heart. He knew how he felt. Since that kiss, all he could do was want more of her. The shadows that lurked in the recesses of her green eyes waved him off, a warning. He knew they didn’t have as much to do with him as they did her past. And most likely, he guessed, Gordon.
The sun was just above the Tetons in the west and there were fluffy clouds hanging around most of the peaks, which were still covered with snow. Sloan knew he couldn’t press Dev. As much as he’d like to pick up her hand, pull her into his arms, he had to wait. Wait and let her make the first move. It was a different kind of relationship than the others he’d had.
“I think we’re going to get a beautiful sunset tonight,” Dev told him, gesturing toward the clouds on the peaks. She lifted up her pocket camera. “I’ve decided I’m going to start a photo book of the sunsets. When they happen around the Tetons, they are spectacular.”
Smiling a little, Sloan nodded. “They don’t happen every day, but you’re right, when the sun sets and everything’s just right, the colors are mind-blowing.” He drank in her profile. Something was bothering Dev. He’d seen it when he’d walked into the kitchen to sit down with the Holt and McPherson families for dinner. For whatever reason, Dev hadn’t been as outgoing and connected with everyone as usual. Was it their kiss that was bothering her? His gut clenched because Sloan was afraid that Dev would run. He knew she wasn’t that confident in herself when it came to men in general. And he kept questioning himself. Maybe he’d pushed her too hard, too fast, taking that kiss she’d offered him. Second-guessing was a special hell all its own, he grimly decided.
“Miss Gus outdid herself with that coconut cream cake, didn’t she?” Dev asked, touching her stomach.
“That lady is one fine cook,” Sloan agreed, grinning over at her. “I see you ate every last crumb off your plate, too.”
“Yeah.” She laughed. “I didn’t take any prisoners, did I?” Dev glanced up into his eyes.
Sloan felt yearning in Dev whenever their gazes connected. He swore he could see that she wanted to kiss him again, but something was holding her back. “Well,” he said, amused, “no one left anything on their plate.”
“I’m hoping Miss Gus will let us take a slice home for each of us.”
“Did you ask her?”
Dev chuckled. “Not yet. I’m working up to it.”
Laughing, Sloan said, “Only the brave and foolhardy are willing to go ask, but Miss Gus, I’m sure, will parcel out what’s left of that three-tiered cake and split it among all of us. At least, that’s what she’s done before.” They turned and ambled down the sloping dirt path that led to the lake. Sloan halted at the bottom of it. “Where would you like to go?” Because he wasn’t assuming anything with Dev. She might not want to go back to the swing, thinking he would automatically want to kiss here there again.
“Just walk this way,” Dev said, motioning to the path that led around the end of the lake. “I really need to walk off everything I ate. If I keep this up, I’m going to gain weight.”
Sloan nodded and allowed her to take the inside of the path so she could be nearest to the lake. Behind them, he could hear kids shrieking and laughing. The small beach in front of the six rental cabins was a perfect place for children to dip in and out of the cold water. “Well,” he said wryly, “I don’t always cook great dinners at night in my apartment, so I always look forward to Sunday when I know I’m going to get a good meal.”
“I wished I could have gone with you last week.”
“You were feeling under the weather,” Sloan murmured. He watched Dev’s black hair move in the languid breeze off the lake. He remembered the silkiness of it through his fingers, her reaction to his massaging her scalp. Sloan had seen the pleasure in her eyes. Dev liked being touched. And God knew, he wanted to touch her everywhere.
“Pretty embarrassing to get summer flu,” Dev muttered. “I was really looking forward to going out and having dinner with you at Iris’s ranch.”
“Well, she said you always have a return invite.”
They rounded the lake and the swing came into view. Dev pointed to it. “Can we sit a moment?”
“Sure,” Sloan said. He could almost feel Dev getting up the courage to talk. The more he was around her, the more he was getting to see the subtle signs she gave off, and he was getting better at interpreting them accurately. She hid a lot, but he wondered if it was because of her childhood. Sloan had no way of understanding what it was like to live in an alcoholic family, so he was willing to be taught by Dev so that he could understand her on a deeper, more intimate level. She sat down at one end of the swing so he took the other end, stretching his arm across the back of it. His fingers were about a foot away from where she sat.
Dev tucked one of her legs beneath her and wrapped her arms around her drawn-up knee. She tipped her head against the swing and closed her eyes as Sloan gently rocked it back and forth with the toe of his boot. “I just love this place,” she murmured. “I love being around water. Listening to the ducks quack. The birds singing in the trees.”
Sloan relaxed, waiting. He knew Dev was building up to saying something important. He just hoped like hell it wasn’t to tell him that whatever had been between them was gone. He didn’t feel that between them, but he knew Dev was chewing on something big. “Water always has a calming effect on me, too.”
Dev opened her eyes and moved her head to the right, engaging Sloan’s gaze. “I was talking to Cat earlier, in the kitchen. She has a past somewhat like mine. We were telling each other about our skewed choices in men along the way. The only man I ever loved was Bill. And I think it was love. When Cat told me about her horrible childhood, being beaten by her father, I felt lucky in comparison.”
“But it still changed you,” Sloan told her quietly, holding her unsure gaze. He could see the nervousness in Dev, the way she kept opening and closing her fingers around her drawn-up knee. Anytime she started to flutter her hands, he knew that it was about nervousness and perhaps confusion.
“Yes,” she whispered, “I’m seeing that now more than ever.”
“Cat had a really bad childhood,” Sloan agreed. “And she’s remarkable. She’s come so far despite it.”
“Cat has talked to you about it?”
He smiled a little and shrugged. “She’d sometimes come out to the barn when I was shoeing their horses and we’d just start jawing with one another.”
“You’re easy to talk to,” Dev said. “You hold a confidence. You don’t gossip about it.”
“No, I’d never do that,” Sloan agreed. “So what did the conversation with Cat today bring up for you, Dev?” He saw her eyes darken and she looked away, her lips pursing for a moment. A niggle of fear went through him because Sloan didn’t want it to be about them. He was afraid Dev would tell him it was over before it had even begun. Sloan knew it was the past driving her. She was the one who had kissed him first. Maybe that’s what had scared her, her sudden boldness toward him? He really had no sure answers so he waited while she cobbled her thoughts together.
“Being able to talk to another survivor,” Dev said, holding his gaze once more, “is helping me to see things I haven’t seen before.”
“Like?”
She opened her hand and gestured toward the lake that now had a glass-smooth surface. “Like how much of my past runs me to this day.” Her voice dropped into a tone of disgust. “Cat said because her father beat her, she distrusted all men.”
“That would be a natural reaction,” Sloan said. Pain came into Dev’s eyes and then she frowned. “Do you think because of your father, you ended up the same way? Not trusting men?”
“Yes,” she forced out. “I do. I was just starting to get my feet under me, Sloan, when I met Bill. He was nothing like my father. He was so different and I was so drawn to him.” And then she slanted him a glance. “Like I’m drawn to you.”
“Because I’m nothing like your father?” he guessed.
“Exactly.” She rubbed her brow. “But dammit, Sloan, how could I not see Gordon coming at me? What kind of huge blind spot do I have that I didn’t know? If I’d just seen him. Recognized the stripe of animal he was...” Her voice grew hoarse.
Sloan heard the anguish, the questioning of herself, and it made him flinch inwardly with pain for Dev. She was haunted. “I’m not a therapist, Dev. And I’ve never been around an alcoholic, so I don’t know their behavior. Is it possible your father was like Gordon in some ways?” He opened his hands and added, “Not that your father laid a hand on you like Gordon did. But what’s got you tied up in knots is the fact when you met Gordon you didn’t recognize how dangerous he was to you. Am I right?” He held her wavering green gaze. Even her lush mouth was tightened into a line, as if to try to protect herself.
“That’s it,” Dev admitted, releasing a breath of air. “My father wasn’t who I thought he was. He had this...this...mask on. The mask is just another word for manipulation of me and everyone else around him. Part of the alcoholic’s personality.” She ran her fingers distractedly through her hair and shook her head.
“Well,” he said gently, leaning forward and resting his elbows near his knees, “as a child, how could you know that? I don’t think you could. You just accepted him at face value.”
“Yes,” she said bitterly, “I did. I was too young...”
“You were innocent, Dev. All children are. They can’t be expected to have an adult’s mind. They don’t have the experiences behind them to see when something like that is wrong. You can’t be hard on yourself like this.”
“Gordon manipulated others, Sloan. Just like my father did. Only he wasn’t an alcoholic, he was a sexual predator in disguise.”
“Gordon is a stalker, too. He uses camouflage to hide what he really wants from someone, Dev.”
“Why couldn’t I see it coming?”
“Why would you?”
“Because I grew up with it,” she muttered, disgust in her tone.
“Gordon was different from your father in some respects,” Sloan suggested. “He was after you. Your father wanted to manipulate everyone in the family so as to continue his drinking. There’s a huge difference there, Dev. Do you see that?”
Glumly, she released her hands from around her knee and stretched her legs out in front of herself. “I didn’t...but I do now that you mention it. They both manipulated for different reasons and outcomes.”
“Yes, they did.” He saw her chewing on the realizations, absorbing them, and Sloan felt good that he could help her parse some of these issues.
Sloan took a huge risk. “Dev? Do you think I’m hiding from you in some way?”
She stared blankly up at him, her lips parting.
He felt her stunned reaction and clearly saw it in her expression. Maybe it was the wrong thing to ask, but Sloan had to know where he stood with Dev. Without knowing that, he had no way of knowing how to work with her, how to gain her trust. Did she see Gordon or her father in him in some respect?