CHAPTER 22
Legacy Theme 10
My Legacy Letter

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” —SHANNON L. ALDER

Each life is significant, and we all want to be remembered for something. One way for you to do this is to write down your values, your hopes, and the life lessons you hope to impart to your family and others you care about. In doing so, you will be looking into your past and reviewing the gifts and lessons you learned from your ancestors as well as those you gleaned from your own life. A legacy letter is your chance to express your gratitude, to offer nonlegally binding instructions, and to hand down some life observations, personal values, and lessons learned. In this way, you will discover what you value the most and pass this on to future generations. The process provides you with deep personal satisfaction and recognition of the value of your life.

Probing Questions

Take time to review the following questions. Each serves as a clarifying point that dips into your mind’s recesses and helps you access long-forgotten memories. Some questions will resonate more than others. Allow one or two of them to serve as the basis for your thematic story or lead you to other observations that can power the narrative. Keep in mind that they are just guidelines.

1. Who will be the recipients of your legacy letter? Family? Friends? Future generations? Picture a great-great-grandchild you will never know. What do you want him or her to know about you and your life?
2. What will be the central theme of your legacy? Expressions of love? Your life values? Your spiritual values? Lessons learned? Wishes for the future? All of these?
3. We are all governed and guided by our life values and philosophy. What values have you lived by? How did you acquire those values and beliefs? Did they come from your parents, teachers, or community?
4. Each generation is formed by the culture and period of time when they lived. What wisdom will your generation leave behind as a legacy?
5. What concerns do you have for the next generation? What advice can you give them?
6. Our passions and sustaining joys are what make life tolerable even in the darkest of times. What gives you great joy in this life?
7. What accomplishments are you most proud of that you wish to share with others?
8. Some of our most valuable lessons come from our mistakes. What mistakes have you made and what lessons did you learn?
9. What strengths and values do you wish to pass on to your children?
10. When would you like your Legacy Letter to be read? On what occasion?

Student Excerpt: My Legacy Letter

Being remembered is a universal human need. One way you can do this is to write a letter to your children and grandchildren, specifying your beliefs, values, and hopes for the future. Vickie Stam has written one such letter, meant to be read at her funeral.

Dear family and friends,

I would like you to travel with me for a moment along the roads that marked my journey. My voyage left me with several profound thoughts. Many of you witnessed my trials and triumphs throughout the years.

I felt blessed. Still, something was missing in my life. My divorce left a black cloud hanging over me. I felt lost as I grieved for the one thing that could restore my heart. I wanted my son in my life where I knew he belonged. The young man that I gave birth to and raised was within my reach and yet so far away. Jarod paid a high price for his parents’ divorce.

I hope that anyone sitting here today will realize how wrong it is to inflict such horrendous pain on another human being when they could simply choose not to. If you are hearing this letter than you must know that I have finally been relieved of that pain. My advice to anyone who is divorced is that you never use your children to hurt one another. I would advise you to choose a road that is destined for healing.

Now that you are a father, Mason, I hope that you love your child unconditionally. There was nothing more that I wanted in life than to be a mother. I am grateful for the wonderful memories of raising my children. I am proud of you, Mason, for your integrity to work and provide for your family. You once said to me, “Money can’t buy happiness, but neither does poverty, so I am content to live somewhere in the middle.”

I thank God for bringing my husband, John, into my life. In the midst of all the chaos in our lives we found each other. John blessed me with his faith and strong values, and I loved him deeply. I want to quote a friend of mine who once said to me, “He must be a breath of fresh air for you,” when she spoke of John. I can’t imagine my life without him.

I am happy that God chose all of you to touch my life. It’s alright to remember me with laughter and with tears.

Last but not least, I hope you will celebrate my life by sharing my favorite dessert. For those of you who know me well, know that rich chocolate cake with thick chocolate frosting is simply too good to pass up.

—Vickie Stam

Exercises: My Legacy Letter

1. PONDERING YOUR LEGACY: When you write your legacy letter, you are expressing the values and life lessons you wish to pass on to your progeny. You are not writing a will and leaving your valuables or possessions but rather the intangibles of who you are and the lessons you have learned. This is a priceless gift for posterity. Consider the following questions as you prepare to write your legacy letter.

• Leaving your legacy to another is an act of love. Who would be the recipients of such a letter?
• If you could have received a legacy letter from someone, who might that be and what would you have liked to know?
• What is a difficult experience that you might mention in your letter, and how would you explain it?
• If your loved ones could remember only two facts about the life you lived, what would they be?

2. DRAWING YOUR LEGACY TREE: Imagine your life as a tree and you as its trunk. The roots represent your ancestors, and the branches and leaves your descendants. On a sheet of paper, draw a large tree with roots and branches on it. Next, list the gifts, talents, and challenges you have received from your ancestors on the root system of your tree. On the trunk, list the strengths and qualities that make up your personality. Finally, on the branches and leaves, list all the talents, values, and gifts you are passing on to your descendants. Enjoy the freedom of creative expression as you draw and color your tree to replicate your life. You will have a visual image of both your past and your future.

You can use this illustration to enhance your legacy letter writing.