Invention, it must be humbly admitted, does not consist in creating out of void but out of chaos.
—MARY SHELLEY
You know how you set a goal for yourself but sometimes you feel that you don’t have the resources to achieve it? Well, if you don’t think you can get there with what you’ve got . . . fear not! You can still aim to do your best and that will be one step closer, don’t you think?
For instance, let’s say you want nachos, but you don’t have any tortilla chips . . . well, that’s okay! Sometimes the nachos you want for your life won’t be made of tortilla chips. You can try saltines instead. Don’t give up, just make do.
Cocktail
Martini. Because that sounds capable and shit.
Ingredients
* a bag of saltine crackers (if stale, that’s okay too, no judging)
* salsa
* cheese
* martini olives? Because that’s what you’re drinking? I think the red things are pimentos.
Instructions
No judging. Just progress. That’s the theme of this meal. You want nachos, and dammit you might not have the traditional ingredients, but you’ve got the first steps: drive, determination, an appetite for success, a thirst for conquest. Maybe you don’t have salsa? No problem. Just use pasta sauce. If anybody turns their nose up at your creation, just turn away from them and keep your eye on the prize.
Seriously. Because if you put it in the oven it might be burning.
In adulthood, you will still have to overcome difficulty, but you will have increased your ability to problem-solve.
5 WAYS TO ARRIVE AT WORK HUNGOVER AND MAYBE GET AWAY WITH IT
1. Plan ahead. Before a night of partying, make sure you don’t have a 9 a.m. staff meeting scheduled for the following day.
2. No shirt, no shoes, no paycheck. Make sure to keep a change of shirt and an extra pair of shoes in your car. Just in case you lose one (or both). Also, make sure not to lose your car.
3. Blame the client. Pretend you were out closing a deal with somebody somehow and be like, “Oysters and martinis! Who knew they would lead to trouble?” (Note: This does not work if your boss watches Mad Men.)
4. Take a long lunch. And sleep in your car as much as possible. (Again, only works if you didn’t lose your car when you lost your shoes and shirt.)
5. Booze the boss. Try to get your boss drunk too. Though this one can be hard to execute . . . especially if you were in different places the night before.
