A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.
—ELBERT HUBBARD
Alternatively, have you ever met that person who has everything going for them, but they can’t seem to get their act together? They have the resources, the talent, the opportunities, but none seem to pique enough interest to create a catalyst for change. One of my best friends is like this. Deeply talented and grossly unmotivated. Oscillating between a cyclone of despair and an oddly optimistic persistence in terms of dealing with anyone or anything outside of her own life. It baffled me for so long that she could have so much faith in humanity but none reserved for herself.
Then suddenly her behavior and routine radically changed and she told me she got diagnosed and started taking medicine to help her brain out. It turned out the negativity engulfing her internal workings wasn’t related to anything around her, but rather came from the hyperfocus on negativity that would consume her mind. I was shocked! It came out of nowhere!
Just like this dish. It’s the SHARKNADO of drunk cooking. An apocalypse of delight.
Cocktail
Beer! Cold beer.
Ingredients
* tortillas
* marinara sauce
* cheese
* tissues for everyone who starts to cry tears of joy when you bring this out to serve
Instructions
Preheat the oven and sit on the kitchen floor staring at the oven. This is so you don’t forget that you’ve preheated the oven. If you’ve decided to do some drunk cooking using the oven, then it’s really important that you basically not ever leave that room where the oven is.
Great! It’s preheated, so now it’s time to put the pizzas in. WAIT! You need to make a pizza first because you have none in the freezer and that is very sad for you and maybe you should just sit back down on the floor NO DO NOT SIT BACK DOWN. You can do this. Just make the pizza from scratch. And you want to do this in a hurry because you’re very hungry and you spent most of your time staring into space while the oven preheated so now you feel a little groggy. What is a pizza anyway? Circle thing with cheese and tomato goo? Done. We can do this.
Put a tortilla on a skillet and slap on some pasta sauce. Add cheese. Now again, but oops, that’s too much and just scrape it off with a fork. Now place another tortilla on top. Add another layer of sauce and cheese. Repeat as necessary until you’ve got a satisfying stack of snack.
Stick those “pizzas” in the oven and cook. Once they level up and achieve “edible” status, take them out of the oven. Oh, be careful of your hand-parts because yeah that’s hot. And they are likely oozing molten-cheese-goo. And you’ve learned your lesson after burning your tongue on all those Hot Pockets earlier today.
After they have sufficiently cooled, grab a butter knife and slice! Remember you’re far too drunk to be handling sharp cutlery. Now you effectively have a quesadilla of pizzas and a whole lot of happy, drunkish people.
Friends are great. Make sure to let them know how much you appreciate them.
I like to do this with various offerings of food. They usually decline, but the gesture is there.
