The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.
—BLAISE PASCAL
At this point you may be wondering, “But Hannah, how do I even know if I am in a good relationship? We don’t seem to share any common interests!” Fear not.
I’ve always gone after tortured creative types. I figured that if I was going to lie awake at night, or drink too much, or slowly self-destruct . . . well, I might as well date someone who does the same. Misery loves company and whatnot.
But one time I dated an emotionally stable, relatively happy and ambitious WASP, whose parents are still together and who was more concerned with business than art, and I was shocked by how . . . compatible we ended up being. Seriously. Who knew that someone who watched Real Housewives could be such a real deal?
So! Sometimes a good pairing is about bringing two opposing forces to the table. The reason for this is that the experience of the one will serve to enhance and heighten the sensation of the other. This is true for all things except political debate with aging family members. However, the marriage of salty and sweet is an excellent example of such an occurrence.
Cocktail
Red wine. Because you’re doing something divine.
Ingredients
* a thick-cut, ridged potato chip (not pictured)
* chocolate for melting
Instructions
DO NOT DOUBLE-BOIL CHOCOLATE. This is time consuming and confusing. Instead just put the chocolate into a microwave-safe bowl in the microwave and stir every . . . um . . . thirty seconds or something? Wait. That’s way too long. Start out every ten? Okay, just get a new bowl and figure it out.
Then dip your potato chips in the chocolate! Let them cool. Be careful of your mouth. Also be careful of your fingers. Or as my friend Grace likes to call them, your “Jesus combs.”
When you know, you know.
WHAT TO COOK ON YOUR FIRST DATE
A recipe that you’ve perfected. Something complicated-ish. Classy-ish. And not too filling, because you’re definitely gonna get a kiss-kiss after.
My recommendation?
Salmon filet sautéed in garlic butter with brown rice and broccoli.
Dessert?
Mochi green tea ice cream. Blammo. You’ve got a theme.
WHAT TO COOK SIX MONTHS IN
A recipe that you can make together. Something lighthearted, fun, but semi-indulgent. Because isn’t it so great that you’re in love? Love in its youngest and most sincere form? It’s not that they are perfect, but maybe they are perfect for you.
My recommendation?
Shake ’N Bake chicken with veggies and mashed potatoes.
Dessert?
Two spoons, one pint of ice cream. Best eaten while standing in the kitchen. Bites best taken between bursts of shared laughter.
WHAT TO COOK TWO YEARS IN
A recipe that is familiar and safe, but leaves you questioning whether or not this is the best choice you could have made.
My recommendation?
Spaghetti and meatballs. But hey, maybe you could make the meatballs from scratch? Yeah, you’re pretty tired too . . . sure . . . maybe it is best just to order pizza.
Dessert?
Might skip it. Feeling like it might be good to cut back.
WHAT TO COOK TO SPICE UP YOUR MARRIAGE AND HOPEFULLY GET YOUR WIFE TO SLEEP WITH YOU
A recipe that shows that you’re on the same page. It’s substantial and satisfying. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t use a little flare from time to time. A new spin on an old favorite.
My recommendation?
Dessert?
Crème brûlée. Remember that cooking blowtorch you bought after all those episodes of Top Chef? You never tried that. You know what else you’ve never tried? Bondage.