I watched Craig continue to growl and storm through the halls as the days wore on.
Whatever he said to Kate, he didn’t tell me.
She refused to come out of her room still, and with each passing day, the worry in Lucy’s eyes turned worse.
Several times, I found myself outside her door, my hand raised to knock, but I wasn’t sure yet if I could stop myself from going off on her for what happened. Part of me knew she wasn’t really to blame, but that did little to stop the rampaging emotions in my mind. And it wasn’t just mine I was dealing with.
Though I could feel everyone else’s emotions around me, they were nothing compared to what Craig and Kate bombarded me with day in and day out. Anger and fear came off him in continual waves, while I winced as the guilt Kate felt spilled into me repeatedly. Every time I neared her door, I had to suck in a deep breath to stop myself from falling over. I didn’t have to say anything to her. She felt bad enough for what happened.
But I didn’t want her to, not forever.
Guilt would only weigh her down and make things worse for her, not better.
And yet, I couldn’t get myself to say that to her face, to tell her I forgave her for what happened. Instead, I worked with Greyson and the other sorcerers at trying to figure out what to do with the shards.
“I don’t understand,” I muttered as another day gave way to another stressful night. “Why isn’t anything working?”
For hours, Greyson and Lucy worked to try and figure out what power was left in the shards.
I told them earlier I felt them come alive in my hand, as if they called out to Kate, but since we brought her back, nothing. No hint that there was any power left in them. I feared when she destroyed the other shield, she somehow damaged her connection to the real one.
“Has she said anything else that might help?” I asked quietly.
A growl issued from the corner where Craig sat, brooding, but I ignored him.
“Nothing, no. She hardly speaks of what happened. She hardly speaks at all,” Lucy replied sadly, sinking into another chair. “I’m worried her mind is slipping away.”
Another growl sounded, and I glared at Craig. “What did you say to her?”
“Nothing that wasn’t true,” he grunted.
I cringed as his anger mingled with worry struck me like a punch to the gut. “Damn it! Will you get ahold of your anger! You’re going to drive me insane! Both of you are!”
“I can’t help it,” he raged.
“Well figure it out! I’m about ready to tear my hair out right now. You’re pissed and worried, and she’s overwhelmed with guilt. What did you say, Craig?”
“It’s not what I said that should worry you,” he spat. “It’s what she told me.”
“Care to share?” I asked, marching over to stand in front of him.
“She said she was not the Vindicar and that everything that happened is an accident,” he snapped. “That she… she isn’t meant to be a part of this. Of us.”
His words pelted me, and I staggered backward as they resounded in my head. “She… she said that? How could she think that?”
“She wouldn’t say,” he growled and shook his head. “I tried, alright? I tried, and she wouldn’t let me in. I don’t know what to do for her, but Kate… I’m not sure she’ll ever be the same again, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”
The pain in his voice tore at me, but then he was out of the chair and leaving the room in a hurry before I could think to say anything helpful.
None of us had slept much since coming here, and exhaustion tugged at me as I stared absently at Craig’s vacated seat.
“We aren’t making any headway tonight,” Lucy assured me. “Get some sleep.”
“I’m not sure I can sleep.”
“Try. At least shut your eyes for a while. I have a feeling this peace and quiet of ours won’t last long.”
“And Kate?” I asked as I faced her.
Lucy smiled sadly. “There’s nothing any of us can do. She has to figure this out on her own.”
I didn’t ask what I wanted to, knew Lucy was thinking the same thing: was Kate even strong enough to pull herself out of his depression?
I glanced one more time at the shards and asked if I could take them with me. It probably wouldn’t do any good, but it had been too long since I’d at least seen Kate’s face, let alone try to talk to her. With the shards in hand, I moved through the quiet castle as torches were lit for the night and found myself outside Kate’s room.
I knocked lightly after sucking in a deep breath. “Kate? You awake?”
I heard movement through the door and expected her to yell at me to go away, but the door opened, just enough for me to see her.
My jaw dropped, and I choked on whatever I’d been about to say next.
She looked terrible, worse than I expected, and I clutched my hand so tightly around the shards, they cut my skin.
She frowned at me then down at my hand. “Forrest, you’re bleeding,” she whispered and reached for my hand.
Her skin was cold, and I suddenly wanted to hug her, just to try and warm her up.
I let her open my palm, mumbling about getting my hand wrapped up, when she froze.
“Kate?”
“What… what are you doing with these?”
I glanced down confused, having completely forgotten I had the shards with me. “I brought them for you to hold onto.” I wiped the bit of blood from my hand off them with my shirt and took her hand. “They’re yours after all.”
She tried to pull her hand back, but I was already dropping the shards into her palm. “I don’t deserve these,” she whispered.
“Yes, you do. You are a Darrah, and you are the Vindicar, Kate.”
She shook her head, but I kept her hand closed around the pieces, softly. “Why are you doing this? Why are you both not listening to me?”
“Because you’re wrong,” I said simply, and gently cupped her cheek. “And I needed you to know I forgive you for what happened. We all do.”
She shut her eyes, and a single tear slipped down her cheek, but then she was backing away and closed her door.
I stayed where I was for a few more moments before I slowly walked to my room and fell onto my bed. I didn’t expect to sleep, but the second my eyes closed, I drifted off and was lost in a storm of faces.
Craig was there, fighting beside me as plagued surrounded us. Kate, I saw her, too, but she was staring at us darkly, the dark shield in her hand. She was saying something, but I couldn’t hear the words. Then unexpectedly, there were two Kates, and they were fighting each other fiercely. Craig was suddenly gone, and before I got to see what happened to Kate, the nightmare shifted, and I saw my father in the courtyard again.
I didn’t want to be here, but I couldn’t get myself to wake up. I watched it happen all over again, and then I was on another battlefield, watching more people die. But this time, I wasn’t me. And it wasn’t Craig and Kate beside me, but Broden and Celandine. We were fighting the plagued, but this was different than what I’d seen before. Then suddenly, the entire battle stopped, and a hand fell on my arm.
Celandine. She was looking at me, and her lips moved, but I couldn’t hear what she said.
“What?” I asked, but my voice sounded muffled to me even.
She was still talking, but time was starting to speed up again.
Screams filled my ears and then there was a blinding light that consumed everything in front of me—
I yelled as I shot up in bed, sending Craig flying backward.
“Damn, man, what were you dreaming about?” Craig muttered, picking himself up off the floor.
I shut my eyes, then opened them wide, staring around my room. The sun was up, and my room was freezing. I’d forgotten to start a fire last night. Morning. I’d slept all night long but was far from rested.
“Shit,” I grunted and swung my legs over the side of the bed.
“You look about as good as I feel,” Craig muttered. “Nightmares?”
“Yeah, but there was something else happening…” I strained to remember, but everything was fuzzy. “Did you wake me up on purpose or what?”
He clenched his jaw. “Tristan and his scouts spotted a few… suspicious figures moving at the outskirts of the river lands,” he told me. “Figured you and I could use some time away. Go with him on patrol and check it out.”
I saw the hope in his eyes that we might get to kill something and decided that sounded like a great idea. I could use a few plagued to take my pent-up emotions out on, too. “Right, let’s go then.”
Once I was dressed and armed, I met Craig in the corridor, and we hurried to catch up to Tristan at the stables.
I glanced one final time at the castle before mounting up and riding out of the main gate.