~~~ Chapter 21 ~~~
The girl’s eyes were the exact blue of her own. Her long, straight hair shone deep mahogany. Even her nose seemed familiar.
"I--I’m sorry," Josie whispered. "I didn’t mean to startle you."
The child kneaded her fingers in the skirt of her dress. "I was jus’ peekin’ at the candy. Momma doesn’t know."
Josie looked over at the girl’s mother. The woman was slim, on the tall side, and had a knot of flaming red hair kinked with tight curl.
The little girl’s attention had centered on the jar of licorice drops. "How old are you?" Josie asked.
"Five," she answered. "But I’ll be six just before Christmas," she said, looking up again with eyes that made Josie think she was looking in a mirror.
"Your birthday is at Christmas time?" Josie’s heart hammered in her chest. She could barely breathe. "How lucky you are."
"Yeah, I guess. I don’ get to have picnics like my friend Sarah, but that’s okay. My momma and daddy have a party for me. When’s your birthday?"
Josie forced herself to breathe. Her pulse hammered in her ears. "It’s, ah, it’s in October."
The girl looked at Josie like she’d sprouted two heads. "You don’ know when your birthday is?"
"Well, it’s been a long time since anyone asked." Or cared.
"My momma says my birthday is special because an angel brought me here to be their little girl."
Josie swallowed back the tide of emotion that threatened to choke her. "That’s a very sweet thing to say. Your momma sounds very nice." She forced a smile.
The girl ducked her head and smiled. "My momma is the bestest momma ever. She don’ ever want any other babies ‘cause she says I’m all she an’ Daddy need."
Josie’s heart squeezed in her chest. It took every ounce of her strength to hold back the hot tears that pricked the corners of her eyes.
"Now, Amy, don’t be bothering this lady." The child’s mother walked over and smoothed her silky, dark hair lovingly.
"I’m not, Momma. She’s a nice lady. I was telling her about my birthday." Amy flashed the other woman a beautiful smile that nearly took Josie’s breath away. "Can I have some licorice, Momma?" She looked up with hopeful eyes.
"Maybe next time, Sweetheart. We’re ready to go now."
The woman turned to Josie. She blinked, frozen for a moment, before giving Josie a tentative smile. "Thank you for keeping her company. We live a ways outside of town, so she likes to talk to people."
Josie forced a smile in return. "It was no problem."
"I’ll take Mrs. Larson’s things out to her wagon." Cord handed her the list of items she’d purchased. "Just put this on the Larson account."
Josie watched them move to the door, shock spreading through her like ice water. She stared at the child’s dark head.
"Bye!" Amy called to her, turning to wave.
As the door closed behind them, a crushing weight landed on Josie’s chest.
She’d just met her daughter.
Just like that. Josie had searched the pews at church every Sunday, had watched and waited, and now her daughter had appeared out of nowhere.
And she hadn’t the faintest idea what to do now.
She hadn’t thought much past finding the child. Oh, she had a kind of life in mind, but the actual way to go about it hadn’t been formulated. And Josie couldn’t think right now.
The bell rang out and quick footsteps hurried toward her.
"Excuse me, Miss." It was Mrs. Larson. "Could you add a handful of those licorice drops to my account as well?" She took a quick look out the front window and gave Josie a conspiratorial smile. "I think I’ll surprise her with them after supper."
Josie stood on wooden legs and forced her numb limbs to work, scooping out a few of the drops into a paper cone. "Is this enough?"
"Oh, that’s just fine. She’ll be so pleased." Mrs. Larson took the candy and stashed in it her bag. She turned back to Josie with scrutinizing eyes. "Have we met before? You’re very familiar."
Josie swallowed back a lump. "I--I haven’t been here very long."
"Oh? Well, thank you for the candy. See you next trip." She turned and quickly left.
Josie’s hand shook as she turned to the page in Cord’s account book labeled Larson. Amy Larson was her daughter, had to be. Looking at the child, Josie may have well been looking in the mirror. She had suspected her daughter would look like her some, but it shocked her how easily she recognized the child.
Josie’s mind tumbled with thoughts. She had come here with clear answers to the questions filling her head. But now the answers didn’t seem all that clear, and a whole new set of questions reared up.
She glanced down at the page in front of her. The Larsons lived far out of town, in the hills where cattle dotted hay fields that were once stands of old growth timber.
The door closed and Cord’s slow, even bootfalls came toward her.
"I need tomorrow off," she told him, and rushed out the back, headed for her room.
At least it wasn’t raining, Josie thought, as she trudged farther up the dirt road, her feet burning. It was a long way out to the Larson farm, she knew, but something compelled her to go. She had to see her daughter, see the people who had been her parents for the last five years.
All night, Josie had tossed and turned trying to figure out why it no longer seemed so simple. She’d found her daughter, after all these years, but her plan seemed to stall. She couldn’t just steal the child away from them, not after she’d met the woman who had cared for her all this time, seen how she loved the girl.
Whenever she’d thought about finding her daughter, she’d skipped over the part where she had to get the child from the people who had her. Maybe she’d known it would be this hard, and her mind had somehow shielded her from it, like it did everything else that tore her up inside.
She wished her mind could do something about the blisters on her feet right now.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What would she say to them when she got there? Did she expect them to just hand Amy over and wave goodbye? How could she cause them the same pain she had felt when the child had been taken away from her just moments after she’d been born?
Josie shook her head. She didn’t want to think about that. All she knew is that she had to go see these people.
The jingle of harnesses rang out behind her, and Josie moved off to the side of the road, stopping to catch her breath.
The wagon stopped next to her. "Need a ride, Ma’am?"
Josie looked up at the man and he took off his hat. He had a friendly face, with a few lines here and there, and a bit of graying at his temples. She sensed this man was the decent sort.
"All the way out here, you’re either going out to Landstrom’s place or mine. I’m Patrick Larson. I’ll give you a ride if you like."
Josie stood rooted to the ground. She had no idea what to say to this man.
"Let me give you a boost up," he said, jumping down from the wagon seat and offering his hand. "How long have you been out in the sun?"
Josie blinked. He thought she was sunstroked. "I--I’m fine. Th--thank you for the ride. It’s a long way out here."
He boosted her up into the seat and Josie slid to the edge. He climbed up after her and chucked the reins. The wagon eased forward, full of grain sacks in the back.
"Where’re you headed then?" he asked, watching the road ahead of them.
Josie fingered the paper packet of licorice drops in her pocket. "I brought some licorice for your daughter from Williams’s Mercantile. I--I work there. I met your wife and daughter yesterday."
"Mmmm," was his only reply.
Of course it sounded stupid. What kind of excuse was that? To come all the way out here, on foot, to deliver some candy. Josie shut her eyes for a moment. This was a bad idea.
"Mighty nice of you," he said after a time.
"I guess I didn’t realize how far it was," Josie said.
"Well, it’s not all that far anymore. See? You can just see the house up on that hill over there. We’ll be there in a few minutes. I’m sure Melody will be happy you’ve come to visit. She doesn’t see many folks out here."
The silence thickened between them the closer the horses brought the wagon to the house. Josie couldn’t shake the feeling that she was making a big mistake. She shouldn’t have come.
"You’re her, aren’t you?" Larson said, shattering the silence.
Josie turned to him abruptly. "What do you mean?" she breathed.
He stared ahead at the road, his face impassive. "You’re the woman who had our little Amy. I’d know you anywhere."
She didn’t know what to say. How could he know? Her fingers tightened on the edge of the seat. Dear God, she wanted to disappear.
Larson seemed to mull over what he wanted to say next. "You should know that we are a very happy family, with Amy. She’s been a blessing to us since the day we first saw her."
Josie nodded, a lump of emotion stuck in her throat.
"I know where you came from," he said.
Josie sucked in a breath. This was a nightmare.
"But it doesn’t matter," he continued. "Melody doesn’t know. The agency only told me because I asked. You see, I’ve been curious about you as well." He glanced at her and half-smiled. "That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To see what we’re like, before you make a decision."
Josie stared at him in shock. How could he know so much? "I--I don’t really know why I’m here," she said, barely able to get the words out.
He turned the horses onto a narrow, deeply rutted road. The harnesses jingled louder, clanging in her head.
"How did you find us?" he asked.
Josie watched the trees go by as the wagon curved around a bend. "One of the other girls was there when they took the baby," she answered. Her voice sounded hollow. "She overheard the lady from the agency say they had a couple waiting near Houlton."
He steered the horses, his face inscrutable. "I gather you didn’t exactly have a choice when Amy went to the agency. I had wondered at the time," he said, keeping his attention on the road. "Musta been hard."
Her heart squeezed in her chest, remembering the day her baby had been pulled from her arms, just moments old. Josie swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yes."
"I can imagine. Melody had a stillborn baby before Amy came to us. I had to bury the boy myself," he said quietly.
They rode the rest of the way to the small, two-story white farm house in silence. Larson stopped the wagon in front of the barn and pointed to a long line of wash stirring in the breeze.
"You’ll find the two of them over there." He offered her a hand down, then tipped his hat. "If you’ll excuse me, Ma’am, I have to get this feed unloaded."
At the sight of the wagon, Mrs. Larson stopped hanging the laundry and hurried toward the barn. She hesitated when she saw Josie.
"Hello," she called out, concern clearly written on her face as she stepped closer. "What brings you out here?"
Josie stood frozen. She had no idea what to do now. Her feeble excuse of bringing out candy seemed so ridiculous.
"I’m sorry," she said, "I--I don’t know why I came." She turned and rushed back toward the road.
"Wait!" Mrs. Larson called out behind her. "Miss, wait! Please!"
Josie stopped because she didn’t know what else to do.
The woman caught up, stopping a few feet from her, as if she wasn’t sure whether Josie would run if she came closer.
"I remember you from the mercantile," she said, slipping a handful of clothespins into her apron pocket. "You take care of Mr. Williams’s children, don’t you?"
Josie nodded. Her gaze strayed to the little girl who ran into the yard, chasing a chicken. The child’s dark hair swung about her head as she laughed and flapped her arms, imitating the hen.
Mrs. Larson watched her daughter, a smile on her face. "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
The little girl turned to run after a cat with a kitten dangling from its jaws. "Look Momma! Kittens!" she cried, her face alive with excitement.
"Yes, she’s lovely," Josie said. "And very sweet."
"We’re lucky. We don’t have any other children. We were just blessed with our Amy. She’s such a joy." Mrs. Larson waved back at her daughter and sighed. "I can’t imagine life without her."
Josie swallowed back a tide of emotion. She tried to smile. "Mr. Williams’s little girl is the same age."
The other woman turned back to her. Her eyes grew serious. "I know who you are," she said softly.
Josie felt as if the air was being sucked from her.
"I always thought someday that I’d meet you." Mrs. Larson swiped back a strand of red curls. "She looks just like you. You’re her mother, aren’t you?"
Josie looked into the woman’s worried eyes, saw the fear and apprehension in them. All at once she knew why she was there. "No. You are."
The tension drained from Mrs. Larson. "Thank you," she whispered. Moisture glistened at the corners of her eyes. "I always wanted to thank you for letting us raise her. She really is our whole world. I couldn’t bear to lose her." She swiped at her cheek with her hand. "I’m sorry," she said, turning her face away.
The crushing weight that had rested on Josie lifted, leaving only a sadness that somehow didn’t hurt the way it used to. Amy had a home, was happy, and had parents who loved her dearly. This time it was Josie’s choice.
"I brought some more licorice drops." She fished the packet from her pocket and held it out. "I thought you could give them to her sometime."
Mrs. Larson smiled. "You can give them to her yourself. Come with me."
The woman led Josie around the side of the house to a covered porch, where Amy sat watching a mewling pile of kittens whose eyes were still closed.
"Momma, look! Buttons had six kittens! Aren’t they pretty?" Amy held up a striped orange kitten as it loudly protested being separated from its mother. "Oh, hello," she said to Josie, grinning. "Did you come to see my kitties?"
Josie managed a smile as she sat in the chair Mrs. Larson indicated. "Why, yes I did. I heard they were just beautiful."
"Yep. And they’re all orange, ‘cept for that one." Amy pointed to a gray tabby. "She must be special, ‘cause she’s different. You can have one if you want."
"That’s very nice of you."
"But you can’t take it from its momma yet, ‘cause they’re too little. You can come back."
Josie glanced at the child’s mother. The woman’s eyes were warm and she smiled. "Amy, the nice lady brought you a present."
Amy replaced the orange kitten in the pile of fur. "But my birthday isn’t ‘till December, remember?"
Josie held out the packet of candy. "It’s for just because. I saw you looking at these yesterday, and I thought you might like some."
Amy’s face lit up when she opened the paper and spied the licorice drops. "Oh, boy! My favorite!"
"Are you forgetting something, Amy?" Mrs. Larson prompted.
Amy ducked her head and bit her lip. "Thank you."
"Would you like something to drink?" Mrs. Larson asked Josie.
"Oh, no. I--I should go back now." Josie stood and wiped her damp palms on her skirt. "But thank you."
"Well, then let me have my husband take you back home. It’s too far on foot." The woman rose and stepped around Amy and her kittens. She motioned for Josie to follow her down the steps.
"Thank you for the licorice!" Amy called from the porch.
Mrs. Larson headed toward the wagon in front of the barn. "You are welcome to visit. Amy doesn’t know about you, though. I guess I’d like to keep it that way for a while. She knows she came to us in a special way, but she’s too young yet to understand all of it."
"What are you going to tell her about me?" Josie said, glancing at the other woman.
Mrs. Larson stopped, a smile turning up the corners of her mouth. "That you’re an angel. I can never thank you enough for her." She wiped her eye. "Oh, here I go again."
Josie frowned. "I’m no angel."
"You are to me, and that’s all that matters." Mrs. Larson stopped and laid her hand on Josie’s arm. "I’m glad you came out. I’ve worried all these years about you, and now I see I worried for nothing."
Josie looked at the dirt. What could she say? All these years, she had only thought of finding Amy and taking her back. "Do you know the real reason I came here?"
"Yes, I think I do," the woman said quietly. "And I would have done the same in your place. But I’m not so sure I could be as strong as you." She turned to the open barn door. "Pat! Pat, could you take Miss--Oh dear," she said, turning back to Josie. I’m afraid I never got your name."
"Josie. Josie Emerson."
Pat Larson came from the barn, wariness written across his features.
"Pat, could you take Miss Emerson here back home? It’s too far to walk."
He nodded and slapped the dust off his clothes.
"You come back for a kitten, will you?" Mrs. Larson called to her as Josie settled once again in the wagon seat. "Amy would love for you to have one."
Josie nodded. "Thank you."
"No, thank you, Miss Emerson." She turned and wiped at her eyes again as she headed back up to the house.
Larson flicked the reins and the wagon lurched forward. "My wife likes you, it looks like. Must mean you two got things squared away," he said without looking at her.
Josie couldn’t quite manage a polite smile. "Yes, I decided I’ll accept the offer of one of Amy’s kittens."