1963, four years old
Three days after the barbecue where I fought with One-Tooth Boy, someone pounded on Dodge’s front door. I sat up on the couch and let the thin blanket fall off me. They knocked on the door harder. I flinched.
Mama and Dad said never to open the door to strangers, but Mama and Dad weren’t here, and Dodge was in his room with some woman. They had made weird noises earlier and I had to plug my ears with my fingers and whisper to myself all the things I wished I still had—Mama, Dad, a bed, my dolls, friends—until it stopped. Dodge and the woman had been quiet for a while now.
“Dodge!” A man with a deep voice yelled through the door. He pounded again and the door shook.
“Wake up, man!” said a different voice.
I wasn’t sure what to do. If they kept knocking, Dodge would wake up and he’d be mad, and he might get angry with me. He told me earlier to be quiet and go to sleep, and not to bother him.
My bottom lip trembled, but I couldn’t cry. I had to be brave, like Dad said when the storms rattled the windows and made the trees hit the side of the house, and I thought a tornado would blow us all away. I stood up and bit my lip hard. Tangy copper blood coated my tongue, but the pain kept the tears back.
I padded barefoot to the door, which bulged inward from the pounding. Reaching up, I turned the knob. The light blinded me for a second, and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, there stood two tall men. One had a bald head and a brown beard and the other was even taller with black hair and a mustache that had a little bit of white mixed in. They wore clothes like Dodge did—jeans and T-shirts with leather vests. Even though their eyes were hidden by sunglasses, I could tell they were surprised I had opened the door.
We stood there, all three of us, not moving or speaking. Finally, the bald one smiled and knelt. I stepped back.
“Hey,” he said softly. “You must be . . . ?” He took off his sunglasses. He had green eyes and a goggle tan line that contrasted with his sunburnt nose and cheeks. He looked like a raccoon.
“Raqi,” I whispered.
“Raqi,” he repeated. “I like that name. My name’s Eddie. And this is Billy.” I looked up at the taller man. His nose wrinkled. He didn’t like me, but not the way Dodge didn’t like me. This was different.
“Where’s Dodge?” Billy’s voice was rough and reminded me of a bad guy in a cartoon.
I pointed toward the hallway, then walked into the living room. The men followed, their boots making the floorboards under the carpet shake. I headed to the couch and stood next to it, one hand in my shorts pocket and the other on the armrest.
Billy closed the door and looked around the living room. Beer cans, my cup of water, and a plate of stale chips covered the table. Mama never let me eat in the living room, but Dodge didn’t care since he didn’t have a dining room table. The cigarette butts crawled around the table, moving out of the heart shape I’d guided them into earlier that day. They were my only friends now.
Eddie shook his head when he saw my pillow and blanket on the couch.
“Raqi, is this where you sleep?”
I nodded.
“Every night?”
I nodded again, took my hand out of my pocket, and twirled my hair. It felt sticky and didn’t pull apart like it did after Mama washed it in the bath. He sighed and looked over his shoulder at Billy, who’d taken off his sunglasses and placed them on top of his head. His eyes were as black as his vest and if I looked at them too long, I knew my eyes would blacken and die, too.
“Where’s Dodge?” Billy asked.
I pointed down the hallway.
“Stay with her,” Billy said before walking to Dodge’s door. The skull on the back of his vest smiled wide and winked at me.
I stepped forward and Eddie held out his hand to stop me.
“He shouldn’t go in there,” I said to Eddie. “Dodge will be real mad. He doesn’t want to be bothered.”
Eddie smiled. His teeth weren’t white like Dad’s, but he smelled like trees, and he was nice, so I didn’t think it mattered.
“Don’t worry. Dodge won’t get mad at Billy or you.”
Billy opened Dodge’s door and walked in. “Dodge!” Billy barked. “Get the fuck up, now!”
I flinched. Eddie picked me up and set me on the couch. “It’s okay, don’t be scared.” He grabbed the plate of chips and beer cans from the coffee table and took them to the kitchen.
Muffled voices from Dodge’s room reached my ears, but I couldn’t hear exactly what they said. I tried to peer down the hallway. The woman walked out. She wore jean shorts and was putting on her red shirt over her white bra when she rushed out the door.
Eddie kept cleaning, barely taking notice of the woman.
“You dumb piece of shit!” Billy yelled again. “You’re fucking around while she’s out there with dirt all on her shirt and a busted lip.”
A crash echoed right after.
“You hit that little girl?”
“I didn’t touch her!” Dodge’s voice sounded funny, strained.
Another crash.
“You chose to bring her here,” Billy said. “If you aren’t going to take care of her, send her to foster care.”
“No!” A thud, like the sound of a fist against wood, rang out. “I can’t do that to my sister.”
“Then get your ass—”
Eddie came up to me and held out his hand. I looked up. He smiled and I put my hand in his and let him guide me to kitchen.
“Help me dry the dishes?”
I nodded. He pulled a chair to the sink. I climbed up and he handed me a towel. Mama and I used to do this sometimes.
Eddie handed me the cups and plates and I dried them, then put them on the counter. He asked me things, too, like the last time I ate, if I’d had a shower, my favorite color and movie. Eddie was nice. I liked him, though I couldn’t figure out why he was friends with Dodge. The yelling had stopped, and I wondered what Billy and Dodge were talking about.
Eddie was rinsing the last dish when I heard boots behind me. I turned around, expecting to see Dodge, but it was only Billy.
“Here, Raq.” Eddie handed me the last wet plate. “Dry that for me while I talk to Billy.”
I nodded and took the plate from him. As I dried the plate, I tried to listen.
“Said he didn’t hit her—”
“But her lip is bleeding,” Eddie said.
Billy grunted.
“Even if he’s telling the truth, he hasn’t done shit else. She’s barely eaten, hasn’t had a bath in a week, and all her clothes look dirty.”
“I talked to him about it,” Billy said.
“Will he actually step up?”
“He chose this. He has to.” Billy huffed. “Don’t need Social Services or anybody else sniffing around here.”
I peeked over my shoulder as I twirled the plate in my towel-covered hands. They were looking at me. Eddie seemed sad, but I couldn’t figure out why. Hadn’t we been having a good time? He seemed so happy before. Billy looked grumpy with his arms folded across his chest.
“Let’s eat,” Billy said.
Eddie nodded and walked over to me. I set the plate on the counter.
“Good job, Raqi,” he said as he lifted me off the chair. He leaned over and placed his hands on his knees. “Want to get something to eat?”
I smiled. “Yeah.”
He reached out and touched a strand of my hair. “Let’s get you cleaned up first. Just a little at least.”
Getting cleaned up involved Eddie putting my head under the kitchen sink and rinsing it with dish soap. He had wanted me to take a bath, but when he looked inside the tub he grimaced and mumbled something about it being dirty. He was right. Green stuff crawled up the side of the tub and yellow stains covered the bottom.
Billy waited on the couch while Eddie wrapped my head in a towel, like Mama used to do. He went down the hallway and returned later with a large black shirt that read, “Veteran” on the front.
“Put this on,” he said before turning around. Billy looked away and stared at the front door.
I took the towel off my head before taking off my shirt and shorts. I left my panties on, even though I’d worn them for two days. I didn’t have any clean ones left.
“Done!”
Eddie turned around and laughed. “A little big for you, huh?”
I giggled and nodded. The bottom of the shirt hung to the floor and the sleeves went past my elbows. I pulled my hair out of my face. It was already starting to dry. My fingers caught on a knot, but I pushed them through and pulled out a few brown strands. I let them drop to the floor, which swallowed my hair in thanks.
“Put your shoes on and let’s go get a burger.”
We left Dodge at the house and when I asked Eddie why, he said Dodge would meet us there.
Billy led us outside to two large, black motorcycles bathing in the warmth of the sun. They turned their dark heads toward me and sniffed the air, trying to figure out if I was foe or friend. I stopped and pulled on Eddie’s hand.
“It’s okay, Raqi. You’ll ride with me.”
“But I’m scared.” The motorcycles stretched their front tires and then their backs, loosening out their gears and sockets for the ride. Eddie squatted down, and as he did, Billy’s motorcycle howled to life. I gasped and stepped back. The roar was loud at first, but it calmed to a growl that sounded like the low hum of my dad’s lawnmower when it sat in one place. Billy looked at me, then away. His bike ached to run but didn’t move, having been trained by its master to go only when commanded.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise,” Eddie said, before picking me up and carrying me to his bike. He set me on the leather seat and pointed at the handlebars. “Hold on here.” I couldn’t hold them at the top because my arms weren’t long enough. I had to hold the bottom part, a spot that was warm and soft. Eddie straddled the bike behind me and jumped. I yelped when the bike awakened, its metal muscles shaking beneath my legs with carnal power. Billy’s bike howled and Eddie’s bike dipped its head in respect to its leader.
Eddie sat down behind me and put his left arm around my waist, holding me close to his body.
“Tighten your legs around the bike, Raqi,” he yelled over the noise. “When we get moving, mirror my body. If I lean right, you lean right. If i lean left, you lean left. Don’t let go of those handlebars, okay?”
I nodded, my heart beating fast. I was so scared, but Eddie kept his grip firmly around me when we moved forward.
We followed Billy out of the driveway. I gripped the handlebars tighter and closed my eyes for a second before opening them again. Once we left Dodge’s gravel driveway and rolled onto the main street, the bike didn’t shake as much. The bikes stretched their legs and increased their speed, Billy leading the way. I whimpered. My eyes began to water.
“It’s okay! I got you!” Eddie yelled.
My eyes watered more, so I risked one hand letting go of the handlebars to wipe them. I leaned my head down so the wind wouldn’t hit my face. The road blurred below us. I felt the bike turn to the right, but Eddie sat up straight, then shifted slightly to the left. I remembered what he said and followed his movements just as he did them.
“Good job, Raqi!”
I smiled, happy that Eddie thought I was doing something good. Even though I was scared, I felt for the first time in a while that I might be okay.