Jason
I’m having a hard damn time focusing on my buddies and coworkers at happy hour. Mostly because Sam and some other woman are sitting across the bar in a side booth.
I can’t stop watching her. Wondering if they’re talking about me and what Sam and I did in the elevator. I shift in my seat. Now is not the fucking time to get an erection when I’m at the bar with all of my co-workers.
“Who’s that with Sam?” Gabe asks.
I glare at him.
“It’s a friend of hers from England,” Cade answers.
“Well, she’s cute, whoever she is,” Gabe says.
“Cute?” Noah scoffs. “Son, you’re blind. Both of those women are hot as fuck. Did you see Sam’s pretty yellow shirt today?”
I think I might have just growled at my friend. But the fucker knows how I feel about Sam.
“I’ve always thought Sam was hot, but I thought she was off limits,” Gabe says.
“She is,” I bark.
Cade chuckles. “Jason and Sam are together.”
“No, they’re not,” Noah says with a smirk.
“I just assumed.” Cade shrugs and downs his beer. “I’m not staying too much longer, fellas, I gotta get home to my woman.”
“If she’s not off limits, I’m going to ask her out,” Gabe muses.
“Do it and I’ll fucking rip out your throat.” I realize I’ve grabbed onto the man’s shirt. I loosen my grip and shove him backwards.
Gabe holds his hands up and grins widely at me.
Noah leans over to me like he’s going to share a secret with me, but doesn’t bother whispering. “You do know you just threatened a former Green Beret.”
I don’t stop glaring at Gabe.
“Well, I’m going to go talk to them.” Noah stands and leaves the table.
I watch him walk over to Sam’s table and she stands and gives him a hug. I nearly break the glass in my hand.
Cade stands to leave and bends down to say just to me. “Word of advice, don’t wait too long before you tell her how you feel. She won’t wait around forever.” He pats me on the shoulder, then turns to go.
I follow after him. “Cade.”
He stops to face me. “Need something?”
“It’s just that don’t you think she deserves someone better than me. Someone without my past transgressions?”
“You’ll have to ask her that. But don’t you think she should get to make that decision? Not you making it for her?”
“Yeah, but then I’ll have to tell her the truth about who I am. What I’ve done.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Jason, she already knows. She’s read your personnel file. She’s read all of them. She’s office manager, that’s part of her job.”
“She knows?”
He nods, squeezes my shoulder, then walks off.
Why didn’t she ever say anything? Because I never gave her a chance to.
I storm across the room and make my way to Sam’s booth. “We need to talk,” I say directly to her.
“Well, hello Jason, this is my friend, Poppy. In case it has escaped your attention that I’m not alone.”
I glance at the woman across from Sam. Noah is sitting next to her looking pretty damn cozy. “Nice to meet you,” I say. Then I shove my way onto the bench seat next to Sam. I put my hand on her thigh and squeeze. “We need to talk,” I say again.
“I can’t tonight. You’ll have to wait. I’m having a girl’s night out.”
“With Noah? I don’t fucking think so.”
Sam’s phone rings and she digs into her purse until she pulls it out. A glance at the screen shows it’s her sister calling. “I’ve got to take this.” She answers with a swipe. “Rachel?” She frowns. “Wait, I can’t hear you. Let me go outside.”
I stand to let her out and I’m about to follow her because she shouldn’t stand outside of a bar alone at night.
“Jason, stay please. I’d like to chat,” Poppy says. “I’m sure Noah will go outside and keep an eye on Sam to ensure her safety.”
Noah nods and stands and I’m reluctant, but I let him go. Because if Sam’s best friend wants to talk to me, something tells me I should listen. I sit back in the booth and meet the woman’s gaze.
“I’m assuming you want to tell me what an asshole I am,” I say.
She gives me a slight nod. “I don’t think I can tell you anything you haven’t considered yourself where that’s concerned. What I want to know is how you feel about my girl Sam.”
I know she means it in a friendship way, but hearing someone else call Sam their girl irritates the fuck out of me.
“How I feel about her is irrelevant.”
“Well, I hardly think that’s true. I can tell you that as a fellow romance author, Sam and I are all about feelings and emotion. We’re in the business of feelings and emotions. Romance readers read for that very reason. They want to feel. They want to fall in love again and again.”
“Doesn’t that imply that their own love-lives aren’t fulfilling enough?”
“Of course not. It’s a statistical fact that women who read romance have more sex and more sexually satisfying sex with their partners and the majority of them are married.”
“Then why the need to fall in love repeatedly?”
“It’s the rush of it. The way your skin feels tight when you see Sam walk into a room. Or the way your heart pounds with a mere glimpse of her smile. Searching lotions and shampoos at the store to try to pinpoint the exact scent she wears.” Poppy smiles widely. “Sweaty palms, pervasive thoughts that interrupt everyday activities…”
“Wait,” I hold up a hand because I’m beginning to panic that this little British woman is actually a spy with MI6. “How do you know all of that?” I know that every time I’ve sniffed shampoo bottles at the drugstore I checked to make sure I was alone.
She reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “Jason, it is so obvious how much you love her.”
“But how did you know all of those things?”
She chuckles, clearly amused, but not maliciously. “Because I know love. What I don’t know is if you are going to do anything about it.”
I shake my head. “She deserves better than me.”
“Of course she does. All men are idiots when it comes to expressing their feelings. Don’t be a stereotype, Jason. What she truly deserves is a man who lets her make her own damn decisions and doesn’t tell her what she does and doesn’t need.”
“You don’t understand.” I blow out a breath. “There are things about me that you don’t know.”
It’s her turn to hold up her hand. “And I don’t need to. That’s between you and Sam.”
Her words are like a kick to my gut. Especially in light of what Cade told me—that Sam already knew about my history. But, even if that were true, even if she doesn’t care that I’m a criminal, Sam still deserves someone better than me. Someone who hasn’t already hurt her.
I scrub a hand on the back of my neck. “I’ve been such an ass to her. In my efforts to stay away to keep her away from me, I was a dick to her. She didn’t even think I liked her.”
“Will you treat her well?”
“Of course,” I say automatically. Jesus, if I had a chance with Sam, in a real relationship, I’d do everything I could to make her happy. “What I did already … I never imagined that that would hurt her. I was trying to protect her from me.”
“You were being the big strong man and deciding what was best for her.” Poppy gives an exaggerated eye roll. “Stop doing that. She’s a strong woman. She’s smart and accomplished and so talented. She doesn’t need you to make choices for her. And I feel certain when I say that if you don’t treat her right or you act like an arse, she will be the first to tell you that.”
“So how am I supposed to convince her now that I love her? That I want to be with her even recognizing that she deserves better?”
“Make a grand gesture.”
“What?”
“You know at the end of every romantic comedy and romance novel there is a grand gesture. The big sweeping gesture from one character—the one who has fucked up—that tells the other character how much they love them, how they want to be with them, how they’re sorry for being said fuckup and it won’t happen again.”
Poppy grins at me, she’s got one of those pleasing faces, just round and happy with a gap between her two front teeth. “Now buck up, Casanova, because she’s heading back to the table.”
Sam’s all smiles when she sits back down, this time on the other side of me. “I’m gonna be an aunt. Rachel’s pregnant.”
“Well that’s brilliant, congratulations Auntie Sam,” Poppy says. Then she glances at me and winks, then gives an exaggerated yawn. “I’m actually quite tired, love. The jet lag you know. I think I’ll just pop on back to the hotel and get a good night’s sleep. Think you can finish this celebration without me?”
Sam frowns at her friend. “Are you sure? Because there’s no reason to let this asshole scare you off.”
Poppy chuckles. “I’m positive. And Jason and I are good friends now, aren’t we?”
I nod quickly. “Yes.”
Poppy looks at Noah. “Do you think you could give me a ride to The Montgomery?”
“Sure darlin’, I’d love to,” he says. He stands and holds his arm out to her.
Sam points a finger at Noah. “Make sure she’s safe. Poppy, please text me when you get to your room.”
“Of course I will. Jason, it was nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Sam stands and I grab her hand, then stand next to her. “Where are you going?”
“I want to go home.”
“I’ll take you. I know your car is still in the shop.”
“I’m angry with you,” she hisses.
“I can see that. It’s fucking hot.”
She spins around and pokes a finger into my chest. “No, we’re not playing that game. I told you I don’t want to be your secret.”
“I know that.” Staring down into her beautiful face, I almost can’t breathe. Sam is everything I’ll ever want. Everything it feels like I can’t have. And despite what her friend said, there’s a good chance I’ve already fucked this up too much and that she won’t forgive me.
All I know is that if there’s any chance—any chance at all—that I haven’t fucked this up beyond repair, then I have to go for it. I have to try.
Now that I’ve had Sam, there’s no way I could go back to living without her. Not willingly, not without fighting for her.
“Come’er,” I tell her. “I need to show you something.” I drag her to the long wooden bar across the room. I nod to the owner, Luke. “You can charge me later if I break anything,” I tell him. His brows rise, but he doesn’t say anything. “Please just stay right here,” I tell Sam.
Then I climb up onto the barstool and step onto the bar. I have to position myself so I’m between some of the hanging glass racks so I don’t actually break anything.
“Can I have everyone’s attention?” I yell.
Someone taps a spoon against a glass. Ding, ding. Ding. I glance up and realize it’s Gabe still sitting with the rest of our coworkers.
The bar finally quiets enough. “Yeah, um, I’m Jason and I have an announcement to make.”
“What are you doing?” Sam hisses at me. She grabs onto the bottom of my pants and tugs on me.
I just smile at her.
“I have been nothing but a complete ass to this beautiful woman standing in front of me. Samantha, wave at all the people. And I did it for stupid reasons, trying to protect her. Someone dropped some wisdom on me tonight, told me that it’s not my job to make decisions for Sam, that she’s a capable enough woman to do that herself.”
I look down at Sam, at her lovely face, glowing with residual happiness from her sister’s call. I want her to glow like that because of me. “The truth is,” I take a deep breath. “The truth is I love you. I’m wildly in love with you. I’ve sniffed shampoo bottles for you. And I know I don’t deserve you, but I still want a chance with you. I want to be with you. I want the opportunity to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You’re already the last thought I have before I fall asleep at night and the first one when I wake up. Now I want to have those thoughts in the same room with you. The same bed.”
Wolf whistles sound throughout the bar.
“I guess that’s all. Thanks for listening.” I jump down and the room is still mostly quiet.
Once I’m face-to-face with her I can see unshed tears shining in her pretty eyes. “I’m not fucking ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of me. But you knew all along, didn’t you? Knew that I had a criminal record.”
She swallows visibly. “Of course, I knew. I know about all of y’all’s secrets. And the special skills. I couldn’t do my job effectively if I didn’t know.”
I take a deep breath and blurt, “I’m a felon.” I have to say it out loud, just in case she didn’t really know. I need her to really understand.
She gives me a side-eye. “Yeah. You’re felon. Because the judge who sentenced you was a total dick and your lawyer was shit. If you ask me, hacking into the phones of rapists and sharing the videos of them raping a girl who was passed out so that she has proof to go to the police … that makes you a hero. Not a felon.”
“Maybe. But I’m still a felon. I won’t ever be able to run for office or—”
Samantha busts out laughing. “Why would you want to run for office? You have terrible social skills and a mean death glare. You’re not really suitable for political life.”
I shrug. “I don’t. I just want you to know what you’re getting in to.”
“Okay, so I’ll never be the First Lady. That was never going to happen anyway.” She tilts her head to look at the table of our friends and she gives them a little finger wave and a smile. “So you’re not embarrassed by me?”
“No, Samantha, there’s nothing about you that would embarrass me. You’re perfect. I’m the fuck up.” I cup her cheeks and kiss her, not bothering to hide any of my emotions in my kiss. I want her to know what I’m feeling. Our co-workers hoot and holler from their table since we’re standing in the middle of the bar. But I don’t care because she forgave me and she’s giving me a second chance and I’m going to make sure she never regrets it.