The aroma of freshly brewed coffee and fried bacon woke Miriam Munch. She continued to lie with her head on the pillow, still half asleep, before she opened her eyes and realized that she was at home.
What day was it? Friday? Shit, what time was it? Marion needed taking to school – but then she remembered: Marion was with Grannie. Grannie would be taking her. Miriam had been out. Out with Ziggy. It had grown late. She had had too many beers. She could not quite remember how many, and the end of the evening was a bit of a blur, but at least she was home. She had made it home.
Phew.
She had not given in to temptation. It had been strong, the urge to throw caution to the wind, go back to his flat, slip under his duvet and stay there for ever, but she had held it together, thank God. Controlled herself. She remembered thinking at the bottom of one of her beers: I have to talk to Johannes first, before I do anything else, before this goes too far. We have to talk. I have to tell him, I owe him that. She stretched out her arms and glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table. Quarter past eleven. She had been asleep a long time. She raised her head from the pillow but had to lie back down again. Way too many beers. Her temples were pounding. Had they finished off with a couple of tequilas? Probably.
A lovely evening. A fantastic evening, in truth. Miriam Munch had not felt this great for ages. Had she ever felt like this? So happy. So light, somehow? She could not remember. Quarter past eleven? And could she smell breakfast being cooked in the kitchen?
She crawled out of bed, went to shower and enjoyed the hot water cascading over her face and her body. Her hangovers tended to pass quickly, no matter how much she drank. Not like some of her friends, who would be bedridden for a whole day. A hot shower and something to eat and she would be right as rain. Miriam bowed her head and turned up the temperature. The shower spray massaged her neck and she felt better already. How they had envied her resilience back then, her friends. When they used to party four days out of seven, when they practically lived in bars and restaurants. A long time ago. Old Miriam. Not new Miriam. Now she was yummy-mummy Miriam with underfloor heating in the bathroom, an upmarket-gym membership and downlighters in the hallway. Miriam found a towel; right now, she was grateful for the underfloor heating. It was only October, but it felt as if it were winter already. She was cold all the time, almost to the bone; she had already started yearning for spring. She towel-dried her hair in front of the mirror, and despaired at herself, but she could see that she was smiling. She had done that a great deal recently, caught herself smiling.
Freshly brewed coffee? At quarter past eleven?
Miriam wrapped the towel around her hair, put on a bathrobe and left the bathroom. She jumped when she discovered a smiling Johannes in the kitchen, busy making breakfast. But who else had she been expecting? He had set the table. Juice, fresh bread, cheeses – he had even found the white tablecloth.
‘Hello, darling,’ he said, giving her a peck on the cheek before returning to the cooker. ‘Would you like your eggs boiled or fried?’
Miriam continued to stand in her bathrobe in the middle of the floor, not knowing what to say. Why was he not at work?
‘Fried, I think?’ Miriam said, sensing it had come out as a question.
‘You sit down, and I’ll bring you some coffee. Would you like some coffee?’
‘Er, yes.’ Miriam nodded, still mystified, but she sat down.
Had she missed something? Forgotten something? Was it her birthday? Their anniversary? Why was he not at the hospital?
‘Would you like milk?’
‘Milk?’
‘In your coffee?’
‘Er, no,’ Miriam said, still clueless as to what was going on.
Johannes smiled as he crossed the floor and put a cup of coffee in front of her on the table, gave her another kiss on the cheek and went back to the cooker.
‘Late night, was it?’
‘Fairly,’ Miriam said cautiously, raising the cup to her lips. ‘Why?’
‘No reason. I was just wondering,’ Johannes said, bending over the frying pan. ‘I spoke to Marianne yesterday, and she said Marion was with her, that you had gone out with a girlfriend. Did you have a good time?’
‘Julie.’ Miriam nodded slowly, feeling a pang of guilt.
‘Oh, yes, Julie from the old days? How is she?’
‘All right,’ Miriam said over the rim of the cup. ‘You know what she’s like. Boy trouble. Needed cheering up.’
‘She’s lucky to have you.’ Johannes smiled, carried the frying pan across to the table and slid the eggs on to her plate.
‘Yes,’ Miriam said, totally confused.
She could not remember the last time they had had breakfast together.
‘Is your mobile working?’ Johannes said, sitting down.
‘It’s playing up,’ Miriam mumbled. ‘I get some messages, but not all, and I’ve got some missed calls as well; no idea why. Why do you ask?’
‘Because I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up.’
‘I didn’t know,’ Miriam said, feeling really guilty now.
Her headache, which the shower had managed to soothe away, started to come back.
‘Perhaps there’s a problem with your contract.’ Johannes smiled again, pouring juice into her glass. ‘Or you need an upgrade or something. I’m sure it’s easily fixed.’
He sliced some cheese and put it on a bread roll in front of him.
Miriam had a sudden flashback to last night. Ziggy. His handsome eyes across the table. She had made up her mind. She wanted to live an honest life. She had to tell Johannes. But her courage was failing her now, seeing his trusting face across the table. Was it their anniversary after all, an anniversary she did not remember? But they had met in the summer. They had agreed that they were an item, posted it on Facebook like two teenagers, in a relationship, on 8 August – that was their anniversary, wasn’t it? It had to be something else.
‘Oh, I almost forgot,’ Johannes got up.
He stood with his hands behind his back, like he used to do in the old days when he had bought her a present. Would you like the left or the right hand?
‘Is it my birthday?’ Miriam smiled.
‘No, but I can still buy you a present, can’t I?’
‘You got me a present?’
‘Yes.’ Johannes nodded. ‘Would you like the left or the right hand?’
‘Left,’ Miriam said.
‘Here you go,’ Johannes said, putting a box on the table in front of her.
‘Why aren’t you at work?’
‘Aren’t you going to open it?’
‘Yes, of course, I was just wondering. Why aren’t you at the hospital?’
‘I have good news,’ Johannes said, sitting down again.
‘Go on then, tell me.’
‘Open your present first.’ Johannes laughed.
Miriam slowly unwrapped the gift, desperately trying not to give in to her guilty conscience. She opened the box inside the wrapping paper.
‘Wow,’ she smiled, still somewhat confused. ‘Thank you.’
‘A fitness watch. It tells you how far you have run. Your pulse rate. For when you work out.’
‘Great. That’s … brilliant.’
‘It’s something you wanted, isn’t it?’
‘Absolutely. Thank you, Johannes, that’s really nice of you.’
It sounded strange, the voice coming from her mouth. As if it were not hers but someone else’s. When did their relationship turn into this? Johannes and her? Had it always been like this? Had she never been herself?
That voice was so different to the one that had spoken last night.
So you’re in?
Of course I’m in.
Are you sure?
God, what do you think? I want to rescue innocent animals from the lab.
That’s wonderful. We’re meeting tomorrow night. Will you be there?
Of course I’ll be there.
‘So why aren’t you at work?’ Miriam cleared her throat, trying to hide behind the rim of her coffee cup.
‘Like I said, I have good news.’
‘That’s great.’
‘I’ve been chosen to go to Sydney. The medical conference, you know?’ Johannes beamed with pride. His eyes were practically shining.
‘Wow, that’s … amazing.’
‘Yes, isn’t it? Sunde’s name had been put forward, but, well, I don’t wish to speak ill of a colleague, but they picked me instead. You know what this means, don’t you?’ Johannes’s eyes were still shining.
‘Of course.’
‘That I’m likely to make consultant in a few years. You didn’t see that coming, did you?’
‘No,’ Miriam said. ‘Or I mean, yes … Congratulations, Johannes.’
She was at a total loss for words.
‘Thank you. But I had to ask you first – I can’t just disappear like that! Leave you to look after Marion and everything, that wouldn’t be fair.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The plane leaves this Monday. The seminar lasts two weeks and – I’m really sorry to give you so little notice, but how about it? The conference? Do you mind if I go? Is it all right with you?’
And then it dawned on her. What all this was really about. The tablecloth. The unexpected present. It wasn’t her birthday or their anniversary. He was about to go abroad on short notice, and he felt bad about it.
‘Will you manage? Will you be OK?’
‘You’re going to Australia on Monday, and you plan to be away for two weeks?’
‘Sydney.’ Johannes grinned.
‘Yes, of course it’s OK,’ Miriam said.
‘Will you really be able to manage? With Marion, I mean?’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, of course I will. I can always call Mum. It’s not a problem.’
‘Thank you, Miriam,’ Johannes said, taking her hand.
For the first time in their relationship, Miriam found him being so close to her a little uncomfortable.
‘Aren’t you going to try it on?’
‘What?’
‘The watch?’
‘Er, yes, of course.’ Miriam strapped the blue fitness watch around her wrist.
‘It suits you.’
‘Do you think so?’
‘Definitely.’
He squeezed her hand, and Miriam tentatively squeezed his back.
‘I think we ought to celebrate, don’t you? The hospital has given me the weekend off. Perhaps Marion could stay with your mum and Rolf one more night? We could go out for dinner or something?’
‘Tonight?’
Will you be there?
Of course, I’ll be there.
‘That would have been wonderful.’ Miriam coughed, reclaiming her hand and picking up her coffee cup. ‘But I promised Julie.’
‘Again? Tonight?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘It was stupid, but she’s not feeling too good. The truth is, she’s quite upset.’
‘OK.’
‘But how about tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow would be just as good,’ Johannes said, getting up. ‘I’m going to call Dad.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be delighted.’ Miriam smiled, hiding behind her coffee again while Johannes took out his mobile.