CHAPTER 11

Search for Things You Love to Do

WE’VE SEARCHED for word pictures in nature. Seen how everyday objects can transform lifeless facts into life-giving truth. Learned how stories we create have the power to connect us with people we care about. And observed how searching out shared experiences can draw on the deep emotional history we have with someone to make our relationship even better.

Now it’s time for the fifth and final search field —and it might just be the most powerful of all.

Everyone loves to do something. It may or may not be your particular job, or yard work, or exercise. It might be something you rarely have a chance to do. Or maybe it’s something you’ve never done but would love to do if given the chance.

Maybe it’s gardening, skydiving, board games, playing an instrument, building a house, or scuba diving. Maybe you like model planes, trains, or automobiles; that ’57 Chevy, concerts, a good book by a warm fire; camping, hunting, fishing, four-wheeling, word games, a nap, museums, bungee jumping, wood working . . . you name it! Maybe everyone else has jumped off the Beanie Baby craze, but you’re still all in, all the time!

We’re talking about something you don’t have to work at trying to love when you’re doing it. It’s a natural “sweet spot.” It’s the way God made you when you were “made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth” (Psalm 139:15; how’s that for a word picture, by the way?).

Meaning, It was part of His plan that you’d have an interest in or move toward certain things and not others. Not just baseball over football, but travel over relaxing at home. Rescuing dogs over taking wildlife photos from a distance. So why not use how He’s created you to help craft a powerful word picture that connects some of those things you love to do? Or look for that connection with another person by understanding his or her area of passion!

This can be so helpful in connecting with others because a passion is natural. Intuitive. And already right next to your heart.

For example, years ago I (John) was in the throes of writing a book, and —call it crazy, call it a needed diversion from the pressure of publishing deadlines and all-night writing sessions —I became obsessed with buying a Mustang. And not just any Mustang. A ’67. Vintage. A classic. The kind of car I would have loved to have in high school . . . except my brothers and I shared a beat-up, green, 1964 Volkswagen —the kind of car that made all the girls turn . . . away.

But that was all going to change.

I was a maniac. I read everything I could about that particular car. (Who knew there were three national magazines just on Mustangs?) I scoured newspaper classified ads. (Remember those?) I used lunch hours to haul friends around so they could help me find “the one.” It became my mission in life.

And I found it.

Cherry red. The small engine was only a 289, but it sounded like a Mustang when you cranked it up. Yeah, it needed some work. But it came at a great price. And did I mention it was red? I just knew it had to be the Lord speaking to me. I just hoped He was speaking to Cindy, too.

If you’d asked me in those days to come up with a word picture describing just about any emotion, I could have instantly connected what I was feeling to that car.

For example, if I needed a word picture that expressed anger, I would have said something like this: “What if you bought a red Mustang and didn’t have anyone who knew about cars look at it before you bought it? So, when they lifted it up on the rack, they found it was so rusted on the bottom that you had to replace huge sections of steel everywhere? And then, because you never had the engine checked out, the mechanic told you it was a piece of junk and you needed an entire new engine block? And etc., etc., etc.? Do you think that would make you frustrated and angry?”

Or to praise your spouse? “Cindy, remember the one person who wouldn’t look and point and laugh at you in grade school? That one girl with a huge heart who never said, ‘I told you so’ or belittled you when you did something dumb? Cindy, that’s you. You have never once said, ‘What a stupid mistake you made in buying a rusted-out, ruined-engine, originally blue and not red, ’67 Mustang with only one taillight working.’ You make me feel like even if it’s going to take me 10 years to restore this thing, you are cheering for me to just make it right and not telling me how wrong I was.”

Or sadness at a sudden loss? “I feel as if I went to Walmart to pick up a few things, and when I came out and walked to the car . . . it was gone! Three years of restoring that car. All that money. All that work. That’s how I’m feeling as I look at . . .”

You get the picture.

You’re already passionate about something. So sometimes, going with that energy can be a positive way to tap into an already existing treasure trove of word pictures that will help you share what you need to say or connect with the other person’s passion.

For example, sometimes when you really look at someone, you see an obvious connection to their passion. For me, it’s Texas Christian University gear. Anything with a purple-and-white horned frog on it is probably already on my car (license plate holder, magnet, key chain, stick shift cover, etc.).

Maybe your husband doesn’t go for frogs but he loves a particular band. He’s followed them since he was a teenager. He’s got a drawer in the bedroom full of T-shirts and a trunk in the garage full of concert memorabilia. He can tell you everyone who’s ever played with the band. The stories behind the lyrics. He has no video game experience but still plays Air Guitar Hero to all that groups’ hits better than their lead guitarist.

But you’ve let him down. You promised to do something that was important to him, but you got busy and didn’t follow through. He’s hurt, discouraged, and a little angry, too.

It’s time to apologize. But you want him to know that “I’m sorry” isn’t just a throwaway line. You want him to really know you get how hurt he is over what you did.

So, you use a word picture that connects with that passion area for him. “Honey, I was wrong. I’m sorry. I want you to know something. Let’s say I had bought you front row seats for . . . wait for it . . . the Casting Cows Pink Universe tour. And not only that, but I cashed in more than a few favors with my friend at the coliseum and got us backstage passes. And I went online and got you a new Casting Cows T-shirt so you could wear ‘Casting Cows Forever’ during the show. But then, 20 minutes before we’re supposed to walk out the door, I just didn’t feel like going. I wasn’t sick. I just was busy with my own stuff. And we missed the concert. Is that anything like how you feel with me messing up and forgetting to do what you asked me to do?”

Of course, after you’ve had that talk that touched his emotions, you might want to hand him real Casting Cows tickets. But this is a communication book, so we’ll leave it with the word picture.

And don’t miss how incredibly important your child’s passions are . . . even if it’s a teddy bear named Mr. Gump.

Let’s say your five-year-old daughter loves ballerinas —and Mr. Gump. She dresses up like a dancer, spinning in front of her bedroom mirror. And then she dances her way down the hallway into your office. Where you’re working on important stuff. Too important to stop and watch Mr. Gump twirling her around in her costume.

And so you’re gruff with her. Dismissive. Maybe you give her a quick smile at first, but then you end up rolling your eyes and purposefully ignoring her because of the important email in front of you —on a Saturday —when in actuality, the email could wait till Monday and no one would care.

But someone who does care gets tears in her eyes. And she drops Mr. Gump down to her side. And then she whispers out loud as she leaves the room, “Come on, Mr. Gump. He never has time to watch us dance.”

And a 30-pound little girl’s eight words bore a hole in your heart.

So, you —finally —put the dumb computer to sleep on that Saturday. And you go down the hall and knock on your daughter’s door. A sweet little voice says quietly and still full of hurt, “Come in.”

And you sit with her. And take her hand. And take Mr. Gump’s hand. And you share with her a word picture.

“Honey, I’m so sorry I said what I did. Remember when we went to the Nutcracker ballet a few months ago? Remember our incredible seats and that humongous curtain that opened and closed? What I just did was like closing the curtain when you were in the middle of your dance. And I’m really sorry. There may be some times when Dad has to keep working on something and can’t watch you and Mr. Gump dance. But this is not that day. And I work hard for it to be very few days. I love you and” —at this point you hand her your quickly drawn ticket to her and Mr. Gump’s dance recital —“here’s my ticket to watch you and Mr. Gump dance now. Or you pick a time and I’ll be there when the curtain opens.”

We hope you now realize, after several chapters of example after example and search field after search field, that coming up with a word picture isn’t rocket science. So, whether you are or aren’t a rocket scientist or creative genius, word pictures are for you.

Just click on that mental computer God gave you. Type a few words on a computer screen in one of these five fields —or any other search screen you come up with. And get ready to touch hearts, deepen understanding, and enrich your relationships.

The fact is, as we’ll see in the next chapter, seven times are coming in your most important relationships when you will need a word picture.