CHAPTER 18
Grandparents Can Leave a Legacy of Love with Word Pictures
WHILE CINDY AND I (JOHN) have yet to become grandparents, I meet with people every day who are enjoying the amazing gift of being a grandparent.
Grandparents have incredible earned wisdom that can only come from years of experience and making mistakes. They also realize that time is important. They want their time to count, and they want to leave a legacy.
One powerful way to do that is to give a word picture blessing to their kids and grandkids.
In our book The Blessing, we tell the powerful story of two brothers, Jacob and Esau, from Genesis 27. One son, Jacob, receives the blessing from their father, and the other, Esau, does not. While the book goes on to describe the critical difference the blessing made in Jacob’s life, and in our lives today, I want to tell here another story about Jacob because it’s the perfect story for grandparents.
Many years had passed since Jacob received his father’s blessing. In fact, by Genesis 49 —where our story takes place —Jacob is an old man, with 12 grown sons. Each of his sons has started a family of his own, and these families have become the 12 tribes of Israel.
Jacob knows he’s about to die, and he wants to do something that will leave a lasting impact on his family. So, in verse 1, Jacob calls all his sons together. One by one, he calls them by name, tells them about their special future, and gives each of his 12 sons the life-giving words of his blessing —words for them to remember long after he has gone to be with the Lord.
While his words were powerful for his sons, they didn’t stop there. His words were also for his grandchildren, and their children as well.
But how can we do that in a way that our grandkids will understand? The story of Dillon, Richard, and Ellen is a great example.
LEGO Blocks and Words as Big as the Galaxy
For many years, I (John) had the honor of working with Gary Smalley. Now, as the Gary D. Chapman Chair of Marriage and Family Ministry and Therapy at Moody Theological Seminary, I get the privilege of working with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the best-selling book The 5 Love Languages.
Dr. Chapman is one of the most brilliant, humble, and talented men I’ve ever met. Several months ago, we were both asked to speak at the first National Grandparenting Conference at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, Texas.
Dr. Chapman expertly presented lessons from his experience as a grandparent and loving grandchildren well. It was incredible to watch, and he brought down the house.
Afterward, I was walking through the church and feeling a little discouraged. My talk was later that evening, and I still wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I felt that God kept reminding me of Jacob in Genesis 27 and 49, but I wasn’t sure how to show the audience the real impact of those words.
Just then, a spirited eight-year-old boy clutching a LEGO car ran past me. He was followed closely by his parents, who were trailed by his grandparents.
As the boy reached the door, he turned to check on the rest of his family. His mom told him to wait until they could all leave the building together.
That’s when it hit me, an example! I needed a real-life example!
I walked up to the family, introduced myself, and explained my plan to them. I asked if the grandparents, Richard and Ellen, would be willing to give their grandson, Dillon, a blessing on stage that evening. They would have all afternoon to write their blessing, but they would need to read it to Dillon in front of everyone that night.
Thankfully, instead of thinking I was crazy, they loved the idea, as did Dillon and his parents.
I walked them through how to write their blessing (which you can learn as well by visiting www.StrongFamilies.com/the-blessing).
Once they were clear on what to do, I needed to do my part. Remember how we’ve talked about doing research on those you love before you share a word picture? Learning what they love, what their hobbies are, what they’re passionate about? Well, that rule is just as important whether the person is 8 or 88.
So, while Dillon was out of earshot and running around with his LEGO car, I quietly asked his parents what toys their son really loved.
They both smiled and enthusiastically said, in unison, “LEGO toys!”
We all laughed, and I headed straight to the nearest LEGO store.
When I walked in, I looked around for a few moments —not at the toys, but at the employees. Finally, I found the guy I wanted. I didn’t want just any LEGO employee, I wanted help from the one who was the biggest fan of LEGO bricks. And that guy was Charles.
Charles had a big smile and an even bigger heart. He was also passionate and knowledgeable about LEGO products.
I told him I was looking for a special LEGO set. I didn’t want just any set; I wanted the set that, if he had gotten it at eight years old, would have made him feel like the most important and loved kid in the world.
God knew Charles was the right man for the job, because as soon as the words had left my mouth, Charles’s smile got even bigger, and he motioned for me to follow him to the checkout counter.
Charles reached behind the counter and pulled out a brand-new Star Wars Figure kit from the new Star Wars movie. “We only have one left, and I don’t know why I put it back here . . . but if you want that kid to feel special —this is the set you should give him,” Charles explained.
Talk about a God thing!
I thanked him profusely, purchased the set, and rushed back to the hotel to finish preparing my talk.
Several hours later, Dillon, Richard, and Ellen joined me on stage in front of 500 ministry leaders from all over the country.
“Well, Dillon, thank you for being so brave and getting up here tonight!” I said into the microphone as they got situated on stage.
“I’m excited!” Dillon replied, his words followed by a huge laugh from the audience.
“We are too!” Richard and Ellen chimed in.
Thankful they were still on board, I explained to the audience and Dillon what was going to happen.
“Dillon, what if I told you that tonight, you’re going to get two incredible gifts?” I asked.
“Wow! Really?” Dillon exclaimed, his eight-year-old excitement barely able to be contained.
“That’s right!” I said, matching his excitement.
“And here’s the first gift,” I said as I held out the brand-new LEGO set.
It looked as if Dillon’s eyes were going to pop right out of his head. Just like in the movie The Christmas Story, where Ralphie finally gets his “official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle,”[82] Dillon listed the facts, components, and amazing features of the LEGO set he was now looking at —a set he had dreamed about but never thought he’d actually get.
“But there’s more,” I said, trying to get Dillon’s attention over the excitement of his new toy. “You’re also going to receive a blessing from your grandparents.
“I’ve asked them to write it out and keep it for you,” I continued, “but they are going to read it to you tonight, right here on stage.”
Dillon clearly looked less excited about this gift than he had about the first, but I didn’t give up on my plan.
“Right now, this LEGO set is going to seem really cool. But let me tell you, 20 years from now, when you look back at the blessing they’re going to read, you’re going to think it’s 50 times better than even the coolest LEGO set.”
Dillon looked at me with wide eyes, then turned to look at his smiling grandparents.
Taking the microphone from me, Ellen and Richard each read the words of blessing they had written for their grandson. They had done their research as well. Realizing that normal words of affirmation weren’t going to hold the attention of an energetic eight-year-old boy, they used Dillon’s other favorite thing, cars, as a word picture for their grandson.
“Dillon,” Ellen began, pausing to take her grandson’s hand. “You know the big box of cars you have at home?”
The mention of some of his favorite toys instantly got Dillon’s attention, and his big head nods showed his agreement.
Ellen smiled and read on. “Well, Dillon, the way you take care of each car, make sure each one gets ‘driven,’ count them before you close the box to make sure none are missing, and carefully fix the ones that break is amazing. Your grandfather and I believe that your love for others and attention to detail are going to help everyone God puts in your life.”
Then she handed the microphone to Richard, who read, “Dillon, we think you are a million times more valuable than your entire box of cars. And we know God has big plans for you as well. We want you to know that as long as we’re here, you will always have our blessing, and even after we’re gone, you have your parents’ and the Lord’s as well.” He concluded his blessing by reading Jeremiah 29:11 and giving his grandson a big hug.
While their blessing was amazing, something even more incredible happened that night: Dillon had completely forgotten about the LEGO set I was holding.
He was staring at his grandparents —really staring at them —eyes wide and full of joy. As they spoke, his eyes filled with happy tears, and so did Richard and Ellen’s.
I must have had 50 people tell me after the event that while the blessing was great, what they couldn’t get over was the look on Dillon’s face and the fact that his grandparents’ words had meant more to him than the LEGO set he’d been wanting for months.
Our words are powerful. And all kids, in every home, deserve to know that someone is crazy about them. It matters when they’re eight, and it matters when they’re 58. They need to hear it, and we need to tell them.
If you’re looking for a way to do that, visit our website at www.StrongFamilies.com/the-blessing and take The Blessing Challenge. We will walk you through, step-by-step, how to give your blessing —just as Richard and Ellen did for Dillon.