Introduction

I’ll briefly explain the similarities and the differences between a midwife and a doula. A midwife is a medical professional who has gone through extensive training, education, and supervised clinical experience before being licensed. Midwives can perform gynecological exams, orders tests, and prescribe some medications. Depending on state requirements, they can deliver babies in homes, birthing centers, and hospitals, with or without a physician’s participation. They practice under the particular state’s protocols for low-risk births.

Doula, pronounced DOO-la, originated from the Ancient Greek word meaning “servant to women,” a non-medical person who assists a woman, her partner and/or family before, during, and after childbirth, providing information and physical and emotional support. A doula is not considered a medical professional, though we hope we’re seen as a part of the birthing team.

As I see it, my job as a doula is primarily to listen to the moms-to-be, and to be their personal advocate for their wishes for their births. I can help them decide what they want and do not want during their pregnancies and deliveries. I can help them write a birth plan, though I cannot and will not make any decisions for them but I will support them should they have to change course.

I need to listen and understand who this woman before me is and ask myself, What is she thinking? How far does her understanding go? What does she want to try? What is she saying just to please me and what does she really want? What are her fears?

I am called upon to be perceptive, discerning, compassionate, intuitive, maternal, and empathetic. A doula is truly a teacher, guide, coach, sister, mother, and friend all at once. My bag of tools means nothing if I haven’t made her feel respected and trusted. I don’t need to earn her respect or trust here. I need to make her feel safe so that she can access her own wisdom and inner power to the best of her ability.

I need to make her feel that she was a smashing success after she gives birth, that she did her very best and succeeded. I want her to say “We did it!” and not, “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

And then I must find the right words to help her connect with her new baby if she doesn’t automatically fall in love with him. Not everyone does. It can take time.

All of this takes experience. Doulas learn from each and every birth they attend. Our moms teach us. I believe we become more humble in the face of such power and grace, not more knowledgeable or self-assured as time moves on. I feel like I know less now about the vast mysteries of birth and how nature and creation works than when I began this journey.

I always want to know more. I was blessed with a gigantic curiosity. Throughout my life that curiosity has enticed me to travel the world and learn as much as I can about the humans that inhabit our planet. When we moved back to Minnesota, I starting working with many different immigrant communities who have chosen the Twin Cities, Minneapolis and St. Paul, to be their home after escaping devastation of many kinds in their home countries. I’ve worked with students from all over the world who have come to our universities to study. I also work with teenagers who have no support from partners or families and married yuppies who are followed to the hospital by entourages of anticipatory grandparents-to-be, aunts and uncles, and best friends. I work with non-profit organizations and with private clients.

In the following birth stories you will read about several of them. Though they may differ in education, customs, cultures, religions, ­beliefs, ideologies, sophistication, and maturity, they all had one thing in common: a desire for a healthy baby.

I hope this book encourages those of you who are on the path to becoming doulas to continue down that path. I hope others of you will think about becoming doulas, even if you never entertained the thought before. We need you. We need compassionate, giving hearts. In the end it isn’t about knowing about massage or herbs or a bag of tools. It is about love.

To those of you who are becoming parents, I hope this book gives you courage and confidence, knowing there are women who are ready to accompany you on your journey to the land of birth.

At the front of this book is a medical disclaimer. Since almost no one will read it, I want to make a one thing clear in non-legal language. This is not a how-to book and should not be read as such. Though there is information, it is not meant to be comprehensive or complete.

The names of people, places, and other identifying facts have been changed throughout the book to honor each family’s privacy unless specific permission to use their names has been given.

Rules, regulations, laws, and protocols differ between birthing centers and hospitals, from one hospital and another, city to city, county to county, and state to state. It’s important to know what your options are, whether you’re a mom-to-be or someone thinking about becoming a doula.

As my friend and colleague Liz Abbene of Enlightened Mama says, “It is important to ask questions because if a woman doesn’t know what her choices are, she simply doesn’t have any.”

 

 

 

“The whole point of woman-centered birth is the knowledge that a woman is the birth power source. She may need, and deserve, help, but in essence, she always had, currently had, and will always have the power.”

~Heather McCue