“You look beautiful.” Theo stared ahead, the compliment coming out cool, but I could hear the slight tightness in his voice, though he tried to disguise it.
“Thank you.” I clutched his arm as we went up the steps to the house. Cameras at the end of the street clicked, flashing the street like a dance club.
“Theo! Theo!”
“Spencer! Turn around! Spencer, how does it feel to be engaged?”
The papzz continued to yell, the onslaught prickling my spine with anxiety. How did anyone get used to this?
“Spencer! Spencer! I heard you were spotted driving away from the hospital today. A source said you were coming out of the prenatal unit. Are you pregnant? Is there a royal baby already on the way?”
Bloody frickin’ hell.
Of course, they would take a sliver of truth and twist it beyond belief. Take some fibbing source and run with it for a headline. And little did they know the truth was ever juicier than whatever they had conjured up.
Theo’s normal cadence with the media had flipped, his stony expression completely contrasted with the open, good-natured guy they were used to.
He rushed us into the private residence of the Prime Minister, exhaling roughly the moment the doors closed, but he didn’t relax. Anger and sadness locked his face as the servants took our coats.
“You know I’m not, right? That was total bollocks,” I whispered hoarsely to him when the attendants stepped away.
“I have no idea what is true and what is not with you anymore. For all I know, you could be. But would you even know whose baby it was?”
I stood still, sucking air through my nose. “Fuck you, Theo.”
“Actually, you’re right. It wouldn’t be mine. We used every means of protection when we did do it.”
“Your Highness? My lady?” An attendant motioned for us to progress to the main drawing room. I didn’t move, staring at Theo, my teeth grinding together. His attention darted around, not wanting to look at me. Finally, he took a deep exhale, his hand rubbing his forehead.
“I’m sorry. That was cruel,” Theo muttered, sounding so much like the guy I used to know. “I’m really struggling here, Spence. This is not easy for me.”
“You think this is easy for me?”
“You put us here.” He flinched the moment he said it, wagging his head, taking a breath. “Let’s try to get through the night, possibly have fun.” He held out his hand. Hesitantly, I took it, knowing we were being watched. All eyes were on the newly engaged pair out at their first event after the proposal; we should be floating in happiness and excitement.
Joseph and Paul stood right inside the doors wearing similar three-piece impeccable black suits, with red silk ties, white pocket handkerchiefs, and shiny, black shoes.
The pair was handsome, and even with Great Victoria’s stiff upper lip society, you could see the undying connection and love between them. The small touches, the looks to each other across the room. They didn’t flaunt it in people’s faces but didn’t hide it either. They were a unit. They had each other’s backs, their love and support for the other stringing through the room like the holiday decorations. I heard a rumor they were thinking about adopting soon. They would make incredible parents.
“Spencer!” Paul greeted me while the Prime Minister, Joseph, shook hands and chatted with Theo. “It’s so lovely to see you again.” He took my hand, squeezing it, his fingers running over the huge family heirloom on my hand. “Gorgeous. I’ll bet you are so excited and overwhelmed. I’m sure RH is already in a whirlwind of planning. Just some advice, don’t let them take so much away from you that it is no longer about you and Theo. The wedding day is a single day out of the thousands you will have building a life together.” He patted my hand again. “You’re going to fight, some days wondering what you got yourself into. But at the end of the day when you know he is the only one you want to spend your life with, it’s all worth it. Someone who makes you laugh, and who you cry with. Someone you are willing to fight any battles you face with. Finding the right person, your person, is key. All the other stuff you can figure out as you go.”
The air struggling in my lungs lodged in my throat. My head subtly turned, my eyes searching the room. I could feel him. The power of his gaze spanned the room, humming over my skin.
Blue-hazel eyes caught mine, hitching my lungs. Dressed in a dark suit, he stood with his arms crossed in front like a statue, trying to blend into the far wall, with Dalton down at the other end.
Neither man disappeared as much as they hoped they did, especially compared to Eloise’s guard, Peter. He was placed on another wall by the windows, and you could easily have missed him.
Lennox was the bodyguard who needed his own bodyguard. He could have dressed in the same color as the wall, and he’d still stand out like a beacon. And by some of the women’s gawking stares as they walked by him, I wasn’t the only one who thought so.
A playful smile took hold of my lips before I could stop it, and my eyebrow curved up as Duchess Caroline, a woman of eighty-one who was still as flirty and randy as a twenty-year-old, approached Lennox. Because of her age and station, she was allowed to be her crazy, eccentric self. She did not hide her interest in Lennox, as she openly ogled him, fanning herself.
A ghost of a grin hinted the side of his mouth, his gaze driving into mine with heat, his shoulder lifting in, “Hey, what can I say? All women want me. I’m an open age opportunist.”
I slightly shook my head, trying to contain the smile and laugh wanting to explode from me.
“Spencer?” My name jerked me back to the person across from me.
“Yes. Sorry.” I tried to play it off.
Paul’s gaze slid from me to Lennox and back, his gaze settling heavier on me, seeing something I didn’t want him to.
“Spencer,” Joseph broke in, his hand reaching for mine in a quick clasp, breaking the awkward moment with Paul. “You look as lovely as ever.” He said it like it was a script he was learning. Paul was definitely the more open and warmer of the two. Joseph was the example of the stiff Victorian, proper and stoic.
“Wonderful to see you too, Prime Minister.”
“Please, call me Joseph,” he said.
“Just not Joey or Joe.” Theo clapped him on the shoulder. Joseph stiffened at the friendly touch, forcing a grim smile to the Prince. “He hates that.”
“He really does.” Paul joined in, winking at his lover. “But that’s probably why I do.”
“You are the only one,” Joseph said under his breath, “I allow.”
The door opened, Catherine and Alexander stepping into the foyer, all attention turning to them.
“Please, go get some drinks. Enjoy the party. Dinner will start in an hour.” Paul motioned for us to move fully into the vast drawing room.
Theo’s hand skated down my back, his palm pressing into my spine, leading me forward. His touch was an odd sensation to me. Familiar, easy, but no longer desired or relaxing.
Eyes burned into me from across the room as Theo moved me around the space, stopping and greeting nobles and important figureheads with endless chatter and small talk I didn’t give a shite about. I stood there, a false smiled plastered on my face, his hand moving from the base of my neck to just above my arse, his thumb absently rubbing the exposed skin my dress left in the back.
Trying to ignore the scorching sensation of Lennox’s gaze, I still found my own stare sliding to his. Before, I would have thought he felt nothing, his features schooled perfectly into detached aloofness. But now I could feel him under the façade, vibrating and pulsing with fury. His jaw twitched, the intensity of his focus on Theo’s wandering hand.
I hated this. All of us were miserable, and it was my fault. All this hurt, pain, and anger was because I didn’t have the strength to stand up and realize what I wanted earlier. I hadn’t trusted the warning in my gut.
Voices yammered into a thread of buzzing around me, my body flushing with hot and cold.
Taking another sip of champagne, the sensation of the unspoken pull between the two guys felt as real as if they were really tugging me like a rope in the middle of the room. The instrumental Christmas music crashed against my spine. Horns, violins, and drums hitting certain pitches that sounded like screams and metal twisting.
My fingers went to my forehead, patting at cold sweat beading along my hairline.
“Spencer?” Theo’s palm curved briefly over my arse, lifting my gaze. His eyes flicked to whoever was across from us. “Dame Patricia was just congratulating us on our engagement.”
“Oh. Yes. Thank you,” I said absently. By the confused expressions, I knew I responded wrong.
“She asked if we were going to get married this spring? Spend our honeymoon in the Seychelles?” Theo dropped the question on me, looking as interested in my answer as she did.
Everything felt like it was closing in on me. Music, voices, and bodies, packing in heat, enveloped me.
“Uh.” My lungs struggled to breathe, spinning my head. “Pardon me for a moment.” I dipped my head at the Dame and took off before Theo could even respond, heading out the nearest doorway, hoping it was the right one.
Spotting the elegantly designed powder room at the end of the hallway, I darted in, closing the door behind me. Leaning on the sink, I took in controlled breaths, trying to calm the panic attack thumping my heart. The doctor warned me that at unpredictable times, noises and extra stress could cause the trauma of the bombing to hit me. You never believe it until it actually happens. And you can’t stop it.
The sound of the door opening drew my gaze up to the mirror, watching Lennox step in behind me.
“Following me into a loo again?” Annoyance tensed my shoulders. “Jesus, Lennox. Really? The last thing any of us need is someone to catch us in here together. Just go.”
Instead of leaving, he traveled to me. Silently, he grabbed a folded hand towel from the basket, turning on the faucet to dampen it. He pressed the cool cloth to the back of my neck, which felt utterly delicious against my hot skin.
“Breathe,” he ordered quietly.
“I am breathing.”
“Spencer.” Warning filled his tone.
Sighing, I dropped my shoulders, taking in a slow, deep breath.
“Again.” He kept the towel on my neck, demanding more breaths from me. “I can spot a panic attack in an instant. So many soldiers, including myself, deal with them. I’ve seen many fight it, pretend it’s not happening, thinking it makes them weak, only to make it worse. Going through a trauma, showing it, is not a weakness. It actually shows strength. You lived. Survived when so many didn’t.”
My defenses dissolved, and I allowed myself to lean into his build. His nearness, slowing my heart, evened out the temperature frying and freezing my insides.
“Thank you.” I leaned my head into him. “But you really should go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m not having sex with you here.”
A laugh burst from his mouth. “I didn’t follow you to get laid, Spencer.”
“Then why? You don’t think people would notice?”
“I’m your bodyguard.” He put his hands on my hips, turning me into his frame, his gaze moving over me. His grip moved to my face, cupping my cheeks. “Where you go, I follow.”
“Now you’re just asking to be shagged in the loo again.” I went on my toes, kissing him.
He grinned against my lips, kissing me again before he leaned back. “As much as I’d love that, I don’t think it would be appropriate.”
“And last time was?”
“Fair enough.” His head bobbed, laughing again. The sound was like biting into the creamiest butter and sipping the best whiskey. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I am now.” I nodded. “Thank you.”
“What did Paul say to you earlier? You had a funny look on your face.”
“He said something that made it very clear to me.”
“What?”
“Be with someone who you are willing to fight any battles you face with.” I peered up at him, my arms wrapped around his torso. “And I just knew it was not the guy next to me, but the one across the room.”
His nose twitched, trying to control the emotion I could see coming over him. “Do you know how hard it is to stand there and watch Theo blatantly touch you, shoving it down my throat?”
“We have to act like a happy couple.”
“He’s doing it on purpose, and you know it. The smug glances he’s sending me as his hand wanders over your arse. Seriously, I didn’t think I had this much restraint. And I’ve sat in trenches for fifteen hours waiting on a target.”
“Well, thank you for not kicking the Prince of Great Victoria’s arse at the Prime Minister’s holiday party.” I winked. “Might put a damper on the festivities.”
“Not even Dalton could get me out of that one. You’d have to visit me in the tower.” He tipped up his eyebrow, leaning over to capture my mouth. “Conjugal visits.”
“Whips and chains take on a whole new meaning.” I grinned, deepening the kiss. With Lennox and me, we escalated from passion to lust in a blink. He was the first to break off, keeping his head against mine. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight? I had to cup my hands in front of me, so the whole room didn’t see my erection.”
“And here I thought it was for Duchess Caroline.”
“The eighty-year-old lady out there?” He nodded toward the door. “She’s got grabby hands, that one.”
“Hey, she’s still got some spunk in her trunk. She could rock your world.”
“Think I’ll have to go say hello to her, then.”
I yanked on his belt, pulling him into me, causing a cheeky smile to pull at his mouth.
“And have me in the tower because I kicked some old duchess’s arse?”
“I’ll visit you.” His mouth brushed mine. “I’m even open to conjugal visits if you ask nicely.”
“Thanks.”
He gripped me tighter to him. “You really do look stunning…but it’s not my favorite look.”
“Careful.” My lids narrowed, playfully.
“I prefer you in my shirt… and nothing else.” His deep voice raked across my skin, firing down my nerves. He nipped at my bottom lip before stepping away with a smile. “Come on, my lady, your fiancé awaits.”
“You really are an insufferable bastard.” I huffed dramatically, glaring at him as I stomped to the door. My body on was fire, wanting to be naked and alone with his.
“You’re welcome.” He bowed, opening the door for me to exit.
A chuckle bubbled from my throat as I touched his cheek, then stepped out.
“What the bloody hell?” A voice stalled me in my place, my gaze snapping to the figure in the hallway.
Horror and disbelief etched her face, taking us both in, realization sharpening her eyes.
“What. Is. Going. On?” My friend crossed her arms, rage and shock warring on her beautiful face.
The blood drained from my face.
“Eloise…”
“Please tell me this is not what I think it is?” She peered at me like she was begging me to refute the unspoken claim laid at our feet. There was no point, and I couldn’t lie to her.
I took a step toward her as she stepped away from me, her head shaking. “Eloise, please. It’s not—”
“Have you completely lost the plot? Spencer, how could you? Behind my brother’s back?” Her hands rolled into fists. Her chest filled, her head rising, becoming the poised princess everyone knew, not the girl I did. “I thought you were different. I liked you. I was excited to have you for a sister-in-law…but cheating on my brother? The Princess of Great Victoria with the bodyguard? How common.” She carted the last word through the mud, her nose wrinkling with disgust.
Emotion choked me, everything she said punching me in the chest. Eloise was my olive branch here. The reason I probably stayed as long as I did. Her friendship kept my feet on the ground when it all became too much.
“You don’t understand.” The statement came out quieter than I wanted, sounding unsure and timid.
“You’re right; I don’t.” She pounced on my hesitation, stomping up to me, using her sky-high heels to loom over, peering down her nose at me. She looked exactly like her mother and grandmother. I think I forgot at the end of the day they were royals through and through—bred and raised in a world completely separate from others. “Whatever I once felt about our friendship, my brother comes first. Because at the end of the day, you’re just an outsider…and I protect my family.”
My mouth parted to speak, but she spoke again. “I will not sit back and let you degrade this family, your role here, and especially him. He is in love with you. He wants to marry you, make you part of this family, a future queen! And this is how you repay him?” she hissed, getting more into my face. Lennox inched closer, but I shook my head. This was my battle to fight. “So, you tell him, Spencer…or I will.”
“He already knows.” Theo’s voice came from behind his sister, causing her to spin around, her mouth dropping.
“Wha-what?” She blinked at him in puzzlement.
Theo’s tucked his hands into his trousers, strolling up to us, his face impassive. “I already know,” he repeated to her.
“I—I don’t understand.” Her wide eyes turned to each one of us, searching for the answer, probably hoping to find this was some horrible misunderstanding on her part.
“It means I already know my fiancée is shagging the help.”
Lennox shifted on his feet, his chin rising.
“Oh, sorry, mate, was that a bit boorish?” Theo glowered at him. “I mean, how terribly rude of me.” He dug in, the insinuation clear.
“Theo.” My lids lowered on him. I understood he was hurt, but I also wasn’t going to let him walk all over us. I had been honest. He simply didn’t want to hear it. “Stop.”
“Stop?” He chuckled derisively. “Yes, because I’m the one who went too far.”
“Bloody hell!” I moved up to Theo. “I told you. I have been honest. I ended it, but you were the one to push it, to ignore me like I was of little consequence. I am sorry you are hurt, but stop making us the absolute villains here.”
“Sorry, did I cheat on you with a maid?”
“Bugger off,” I seethed.
“Wait, wait!” Eloise held up her hand. “You guys broke up? When?”
“We didn’t exactly break up.”
“Yes. We. Did.” I growled in frustration.
“When?” Eloise asked.
“Officially? The morning he proposed to me.” I gritted through my teeth. “Surprising me in front of everyone, leaving me with no choice.”
“It was already planned! I couldn’t stop it.” He flung back at me.
“Stop what?” Another woman’s voice came down the hall, making me groan.
“Oh, you’re going to have a laugh right now.” I tipped my head back.
“What?” Hazel stepped up in her creamy white sequined dress, looking every bit the runway model. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, just that Spencer here has been shagging the man you did while engaged to my brother, behind all our backs.” Eloise stared at me boldly, letting the truth fall with a splat to the ground.
“What?” Hazel’s body jerked, her head snapping to me then Lennox, a slice of hurt and disbelief ghosting her features.
“Blimey, El, that was a bit rough.” Theo gaped at his sister.
Eloise shrugged one shoulder. “Is anything I said not true?”
“Wait.” Theo shook his head, spinning back to his friend. “You slept with him too?” He held out his arms, glancing at Lennox briefly. “What the hell? Seriously, Haz? What is it about him? Is he that bloody good?”
Fuck yes.
Hazel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her blush screaming out her answer, but she disregarded Theo’s queries. She stared at Lennox, her jaw locking, ire filling her eyes.
“I knew it.” She squared her shoulders, glowering at him. “I saw it happening. I tried to warn you, but you couldn’t help yourself, could you?” Her nose twitched like she was trying not to cry, her head turning to the side. “And I really liked you. I thought you liked me too.”
“Hazel.” Lennox’s voice was strained. “I’m sorry. You are a great girl—”
“Don’t.” She swiped at him. “Obviously, I wasn’t that great of a girl, or you’d be with me. Was I just a distraction before you got what you really wanted?”
“You were the one who said we could use each other,” he exclaimed. “I never lied to you. You knew what you were walking into.”
She blinked rapidly, glancing away again. She may have said it, but I don’t think she meant it.
“You never lied? So you told them all before you screwed them that you were married?” Theo tilted his head smugly.
“WHAT?” both Hazel and Eloise bellowed, all attention on Lennox.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I palmed my face.
“You are married?” Hazel’s hand dug into her hipbones, her cry echoing off the walls. “You lying, cheating—”
“There you all are.” A pretentious accent cut through us like a sword, freezing everyone in place. “How incredibly rude you all are being. Unacceptable. You were brought up better.”
Bleeding hell…
This night just continued to get worse.
Eloise and Theo reacted instantly, trained from birth to respond to her like some Pavlov experiment, rushing to her side, fussing and clucking.
“Grannie.” Theo swallowed nervously, taking the dowager queen’s arm. “We apologize. We got caught up in a conversation. We’ll return straightaway.”
“Yes.” Anne frowned, her gaze parting the group, landing on me. “You do that. However, I am curious as to what was so enthralling that encouraged this rudeness and disregard of your duties?”
Not once did her gaze leave me. I had no doubt who she blamed for this.
“Nothing, Grandmother.” Eloise took her other arm. “It’s not important.”
“Clearly, it is.” The old bat didn’t move a muscle as her grandchildren tried to steer her away.
“Let me get you a drink. Dinner should be starting soon.” Theo forced a smile onto his face, patting her arm, but she wasn’t paying him a bit of attention. That was all on me. She gave nothing away, but in my gut, I felt she knew…something. Maybe not the exact story, but this woman was far too sharp and clever to not pick up on a bit of it.
“Dinner is now being served in the dining room,” a smooth deep voice announced from the other room.
Theo’s shoulders sagged in relief, thankful for the diversion. “Come, Grannie, let me escort you.”
She allowed him to guide her around, my breath slipping from my chest the moment her gaze left mine. My moment of reprieve was short-lived.
“Spencer.” She paused, her long swan neck swiveling to me. “I would like you to sit next to me. Allow me to get to know my future granddaughter-in-law better.”
Kill me now.
“Be my pleasure.” I dipped in a curtsy, forcing the false words up my throat, my gaze slipping to Theo. I wanted to end the facade now and walk out. I wouldn’t, though. I couldn’t do that to him, although Theo did not look a bit sorry for my predicament.
Anne regarded me for another moment before dismissing me, letting Theo lead her to the dining room.
Hazel and Eloise stared at me; their silence filled with the one thing worse than their anger—fear and pity.
My lips pinching painfully together, I took a deep breath through my nose, pushing my legs forward.
Anne was a viper, and I was the furry, little mouse about to be swallowed whole.