19

 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. —Hebrews 11:1-2

 

Conversation rose and fell at the Todd’s post-New Year’s party. The noise level climbed in such measurable decibels that Sage searched the room to spy the culprit responsible. Moselle had turned up the volume by something she said, making others laugh louder. Geneva and Rainn stood in the circle, arms around the other.

Sage had brought his family. They’d made it as far as the diningroom table heaped with food. He had yet to spy Lanae.

When Eric first invited Sage to a party, it was for his Bible study fellowship. Sage had declined. He viewed his renewed fellowship with the Lord as a precious chapter in his life, and he stayed home a few days to spend a lot of time on his knees.

He surveyed the room. Uncle Ted roared with laughter over something Mia Harris must have said. Sage’s heart hurt with pride over the way Jaxson had taken to the young girl. The teen had mumbled all the way to Platteville about being bored out of his skull. Just look at him now.

A collective “Ahhh” surrounded him, and he wondered out loud, “What—”

On a sharp indrawn breath, Sage shut off his wandering thoughts when he saw the answer. Everyone else was moaning over the appearance of a gigantic cheesecake smothered in dark red cherries and chocolate curls surrounded by mounds of whipped cream.

His vision filled with the woman holding the platter.

Sage had never seen Lanae in a dress. She wore a dusky rose that draped into a flirty skirt he guessed she made herself. Her knees played peekaboo with a lacy crocheted hem as she took careful steps. She wore wild cowboy boots in turquoise and dusty pink. Stunning. He guessed where she bought them.

Once she set the treasure on the serving table, he stepped to her side.

Leaning in close, he said, “I’m sure this is a cliché, but you take my breath away.”

“Ahhh. You’re a poet.”

Her eyes spoke volumes. But when the doorbell rang, they turned to watch an expected drama unfold.

Moselle greeted Kate but only had time to remove her coat before Ted threw his shoulders back and weaved his way across the room, oblivious of his audience.

Eric joined his wife Moselle near the door. Rainn pulled Geneva in closer to his side. Lezlie moved to stand near Jaxson and Mia.

Most adult eyes were glistening with moisture at the reunion taking place within their sight. God would help them recover, and overcome any obstacles to their remaining years on earth. Sage hoped to see many of them.

He swallowed a lump the size of a cow’s cud at the sight of Ted opening his muscular arms for Katherine to walk into.

“All these years I thought I was the reason you had disappeared,” Kate moaned with her voice muffled against Ted’s chest. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

Ted said, “I am. what there is of me. If it meets your approval, I’d like to spend the rest of our lives talking about important things. Like how’d you stay so pretty all this time?”

Kate blushed and giggled like a girl. Her eyes sparkled with tears and the light of love. Her cheeks turned pink enough to match the soft color of her lipstick.

Sage grinned, wondering if his uncle had the urge to kiss off that lip color.

Jaxson rolled his eyes and turned to Mia. “This is too mushy for me. I hear you’re learning to crochet. How about you tell me what you’ve been working on?”

“I would like that, Jaxson.” Mia looked up at her crochet teacher as if she needed reassurance. At Lanae’s nod, Mia told Jax all about the yarn stitches, the counting, the hook, and the scarf she was working on.

Jaxson made Sage proud, the way he listened to the little girl as if he was enthralled.

Moselle asked Kate and Ted if they’d like to go downstairs for privacy. Kate accepted spiced cider and Ted refilled his hot tea. They left the living room with their drinks and little space between them.

“Just because there’s snow on the mountain doesn’t mean the furnace went out,” Rainn said.

The men enjoyed the impact of the statement more, and laughed longer, than the women.

Sage surveyed the room to make sure Jax hadn’t overheard. He and Mia were now at the table eyeing Lanae’s cheesecake.

They weren’t the only ones with eyes glued to the table. Eric’s huge yellow dog, Dear, had been allowed inside for the occasion. Her golden brown eyes matched her owner’s, but were now drooping in a comical, begging pout. The St. Bernard/German shepherd drew Mia’s delightful laughter.

Sage figured it was a wise move, having the Pluto-look-alike inside to occupy the younger guests.

Eric ambled to the buffet table, stuffed a mini crab cake into his mouth, and filled a plate with finger foods. “Behave yourself,” he said as he scratched Dear behind the ears, “or you’ll find yourself back outdoors.”

Mia and Jaxson groaned their protests.

Lanae went back to the kitchen for a serving utensil, and he wondered if she was avoiding him. Except for the youngest in the group, the men and women were now segregated.

“So, Rainn, you need help with the drywall yet in your building?” Eric wanted to know.

“Eric’s referring to the three-story, hundred-year-old building on Main Street I’m transforming into an art studio as well as gallery,” Rainn explained for Sage. “I’ll showcase the work of other Nebraska artists as well as my own stained glass art.”

Sage said, “I hope it’s as successful as the women’s store.”

“Thanks. I’m calling it The Other One. Eric, ole pal, it just so happens, the twelve-foot sheets of drywall were delivered this morning. So, first chance we’re all free, you bet we can nail those babies up.” Rainn turned back to Sage. “Speaking of the building, I’ve been thinking about the rear entrance and plan to do something similar to what I did behind Frivolities. I hear you’ve made yourself a landscaped rock garden, according to Lanae. Mind if I take a look some time?”

“Give me a call, and I’ll show it to you. May and June are the best months for the flowers, but you come out and visit any time. I’ll see if neighboring farmers have rocks to spare. Speaking of your art, the first time I pulled up to the gals’ place off the alley, your stained-glass windmill caught my eye. You do fine work.”

“Appreciate it. I try to put a cross in my pieces, big or small. To me, the cross reaches out like the arms of Jesus, welcoming the whole world with His unconditional love. Since the cross tip extends up, I like to look to the sky so I don’t see the troubles of life around me.”

“Hmm. You guys spread your belief. Eric uses his gifts by teaching Bible study and you through your art. I’m going to have to figure out how Jesus fits into the way I work with horses.” His gaze landed on Mia and he wondered about children with special needs meeting his horses for therapy.

“You’ll find it.” Eric slapped him on the back.

“Speaking of finding,” Rainn said with a lift of his brows, “there’s someone in the kitchen I need to connect with.”

As Sage sauntered through the door after Rainn, Lezlie said, “Looks like Dad is after the other sister in the kitchen.”

Moselle joined Lezlie on the last three words. Their eyes met, and they said, “Jinx,” simultaneously. The women bumped hips as though they’d practiced the movement for years.

Until they laughed, Lanae and Geneva’s voices couldn’t be distinguished. Only those who knew them well could identify the speaker from another room. There were subtle nuances. Lanae now laughed as lightheartedly as Kate Rawlins had earlier, reminding Sage of her uninhibited happiness the day of their horseback ride.

Ripples of the sisters’ laughter rose and fell, warming the cold corners of his heart. Geneva’s laugh was more full bodied and came deeper from the throat. Lanae’s girlish sound reached the cold places he had buried deep inside, melting them like marshmallows in the cocoa Jax and Mia were now drinking.

Sage scanned the turquoise and off-white kitchen, noted the door that undoubtedly led to the attached garage. He stepped toward Lanae’s space next to the counter, and almost got stabbed with the knife and pie server she held in one hand. Before they could comment, Lezlie swooped behind Lanae and untied her apron. Moselle took the utensils from Lanae’s hand, and said, “I’ll serve the cheesecake.”

Free of her apron, Lanae ignored Rainn’s attempt at getting Geneva’s attention. The sisters carried on, something about how much their mother had loved Esther Williams swimming through movies of an older generation.

Lanae finally turned her attention to Sage.

“Is there somewhere we can have some privacy?” Sage bent low to ask Lanae once they were close enough they didn’t have to holler.

“The garage is heated. Eric does some woodworking, and Moselle’s workbench is there. Follow me.” Lanae reached for his hand and led him through the kitchen to the back door. “It just so happens, he’s fixing a couple broken slats on Geneva’s porch swing.”

She switched on the light before raising the dial on a portable electric heater. The glider was balanced on a couple buckets. They shared a nervous laugh. “Looks like the sawhorses are under the door.”

Eric’s wood-working was obvious. Birdhouses, mostly made of barn wood, marched in a row on the workbench. Brushes and wood stains and various tools were arranged in rows and shelves above.

Sage drew a deep breath. A stainless steel table saw held court off to one side. The man’s place kind of reminded him of his barn.

“The messy side is where Moselle works. The doors used to be in Frivolities when she lived in the loft. You get the idea.”

He nodded, but he’d heard enough talk about arts and crafts. “I’m going to jump right in. A lot happened in Florida. You could say I came to my senses. I even wrote you a letter. Thanks for the ones you wrote to me.”

Lanae relaxed before his eyes, softened as though she lost her starch. “So you found them. I struggled. Doubted whether I should leave them for you. I didn’t know if you’d want to hear what’s in my heart.”

Sage rested his hands on her shoulders. She looked up and sighed when their gazes met. “Thanks. I’ll always savor your words to me. My letter for you is out in my truck, I’ll give it to you later. Uncle Ted claims lovers always write letters, even if they’re nothing more than ‘remember the dry cleaning.’”

“Or, ‘feed the horses for me?’” Lanae slid her hands around his waist and hugged Sage as though she never wanted to let him go. “I can hardly wait to read the words you wrote to me. I imagine it was scary opening up your heart like that.”

“I doubt you can imagine what it was like when I started to feel. I’d become used to wallowing in a dark place, avoiding emotions. It was scary because I wondered what you would expect compared to what I thought Becca expected of me. I wanted to make Becca happy. I couldn’t.”

Lanae shook her head. “A person has to make his or her own happiness.”

“That’s what she told me. She claimed it wasn’t my job to make her happy.”

“Joy is found in the Lord, Sage. He supplies us with all our essential needs. He gives us His creation and other people for our pleasure, and I believe to please Himself.”

“I used to think He provided people to fulfill each other.”

“To a certain extent, I suppose that’s true. I wasn’t quite prepared when I met you and was hit with the way you made me yearn. I was more determined to go after what I wanted than I was scared of the way I felt about you.”

“Glad you wanted me. We’ve got a lot to iron out here. Please have a seat, and if it gets too uncomfortable, you can sit on my lap,” he said with a smile.

She looked like her heart was in her hazel eyes. Lanae took his hand in both of hers and sat sideways on the glider swing so she could face him.

Sage made sure they could sit without falling, then tried to do the same. He settled for angling his back in the corner. “The first time I saw you, you sparkled. I didn’t know it then, but you were about to draw me out of my dark corner of the world into your spark for life.”

“When I first saw you, your calm cowboy way took my breath. You are in your element out there in the country.”

“I wanted to be left alone in the country. Didn’t know what to think when Lezlie told me she’d invited you to come out riding. I was interested in you from the get-go, but I fought it. Then when you told me about having been sick...” He cocked his head to the left. “...that threw me and I stepped way back from being attracted to you.”

“When I found the letters, I couldn’t let the past alone. I don’t know why exactly, but I felt for Kate. I couldn’t understand why you weren’t more excited, ready to dig into the mystery with me.”

“I thought I needed to keep buried the secret of Uncle Ted and Granddad.”

“I can see that now. When I started falling for you, I got so frustrated because you wouldn’t move on with your own life. When you said you still loved Becca, I pictured my heart splintering. I realized what I had been missing by not having someone to share my life with. When I saw you weeping over Becca, my heart was tattered and torn.”

He hadn’t meant to hurt her. “You misunderstood. I was saying good-bye.”

He leaned in and brushed her cheek with his lips. So soft.

“When we first met, I missed my wife as much as I had when she first died. You made me feel again. I didn’t like facing those emotions. You made me wonder about sharing life with a woman again. You are so full of life, Lanae, but I fought those feelings. I kind of got locked into loving my horses again. Loving horses is safe.”

“Unless you get bucked off.”

They shared laughter. Sage drew her close, making the swing tip. He balanced it again by planting his foot.

He smoothed his hand over her soft, short hair. “I’ll never forget the way you fell in that mud and then wallowed in it like a kid. Your zest made it next to impossible for me to walk away.”

“And being in the country again, feeling your connection with the land, I wanted the whole enchilada. But you mixed me all up, pulling me close and pushing me away at the same time.”

“You wanted to get answers. I needed to keep Uncle Ted’s identity hidden. I thought I could distract you, but it didn’t work. My life was distracted, filled with you.”

“I’m sorry. I got so obsessed over the letters. I got sidetracked from the rest of life because of the mystery—”

“I couldn’t make sense of the way you insisted on invading someone else’s privacy. Especially when it became Tippin family privacy and Uncle Ted’s secret.”

“I was wrong, Sage. My motivation was right in that I wanted to show you how to enjoy what you have. I wanted you to know you could live each day as though it’s your last instead of focusing on the loss of Becca.”

“There came a point when you replaced my thoughts of Becca.” He wanted to be done with words, to go on with the notion of living a full life, together.

Lanae looked like she was busting with more to say.

“I was projecting my own discontent in pointing out where I thought you were going wrong. I had no business butting in on God’s job of changing your outlook. It’s so not up to any individual to point out the wrong in another’s attitude.”

“But I needed that.”

She went on as though he hadn’t agreed. “So wrapped up in the past, I forgot to focus on living for today myself. I admit while pointing a finger at you, I was as bad as you were, Sage, living in the past. I kept thinking about the ranch and decided I wasn’t happy with my life. I wanted to live in the country again.”

“God used it all anyway, and we can give Him the glory for any changes for the good. I feel like a man with a new lease on life.”

“Isn’t it something, the way we can get so caught up that we forget to live to bring God glory?” Sage wrapped his arms around Lanae, braced his foot on the floor so the seat was secure with his movement, and breathed her in. He thanked God for bringing her into his life.

“The truth, rather than secrets and lies. Truth comes from God and the devil denies truth.” Lanae spoke the words he was thinking.

Sage loosened his hold.

Lanae took advantage and lifted her hand to his face. She ran her fingertips over his cheekbone and, followed the ridge of his crooked nose with one fingertip. Finally, she kissed him so lightly he wondered if he imagined the brush of her lips.

He ran his hands down her arms, making her elbows bend so he could clasp her hands. He punctuated each word with a kiss somewhere on her face. “I. Did. Not. Want. To. Feel. I couldn’t bring myself to even think about risking hurt again.”

Following the delicate touches of lips to soft face, he gave her a playful, teasing kiss. “When we’re alone I only want to hold you. That would get in the way of getting to know you better.”

“Wow. I respect your strength for restraint. Think we can pull that off?” She pecked him on the nose.

He wanted her to come alongside and go with him anywhere. “I’ve sensed this fire between us since we first met.”

“You had me when I saw you in your cowboy hat. I thought at times you were more than a little attracted. And, all I wanted was for you to kiss me. And now, I never want you to stop!”

“Sounds like a good idea.” He caught her chin and tilted her face up so he could look into her ever-changing hazel eyes.

Her invitation drew him in, tossed out some of his restraint. He leaned down, watched her pupils dilate, the darker blue rim joining the green. She smelled like the sweetest freshness imaginable. Like vanilla and sugar and spring grass. Lanae.

His Lanae.

His thumb started an adventure of discovery as it traced her fine-boned features. He let his eyes drift shut, inhaling her scent.

All woman, his Lanae.

His eyes shot open. He reared back.

His throat thickened and he gruffly cleared it. “You are mine, sweet Lanae.”

He moved close and sealed that pact with a kiss that seared. They belonged to no one but each other.

With effort, he released their connection. “The first time I touched you I wanted to jump right in and cling for all it’s worth. Then I was afraid to take advantage of a willing woman.”

“I’ve been willing since we met, Sage.” Lanae’s voice was a hoarse whisper. She choked out a laugh. “Talk about willpower.”

“I don’t know what there is about you that I find so irresistible, but you’re so fresh and female. Quite a treat after life spent mostly in the company of animals.”

“Sage, you’re killing me,” she moaned.

Lost in the moment, he continued to journey over Lanae’s cheek, so much smoother than Snorty’s muzzle.

And he had kissed Snorty’s muzzle.

Before he could think about laughing or saying anything, she placed a hand on each side of his head and grabbed him close, targeting his mouth.

Their kiss deepened. Her body sighed closer to his in surrender.

His tension seeped out of the way, to be replaced by a sense of belonging no other human contact had brought.

After some intensity, when he felt her slump even more, Sage ended the kiss by pulling back. He refused to admit he was as shaken by what had happened as she appeared to be. But he loosened his arms so she couldn’t feel him quavering.

He wanted a lifetime of this woman shaking him up.

But what if she got sick again?

As if reading his mind, Lanae spoke. “I am not a candidate for cirrhosis, liver failure, or even cancer like Becca. However, the hepatitis stays in tissues so I can’t give blood, for example, but, Sage,” she emphasized each word with a tap to his chest. “I. Am. Alive.”

“You keep telling me. I know about doctor visits. And I know all about hospice nurses. And that dreaded question, ‘What level is your pain today?’ My own pain over the inability to help her, to fix things for Becca, drove me crazy. I felt like the thawed-out, bleeding horse probably does just before it’s put down. The pain of helplessness hovered just under being unbearable.”

“Believe me, I’ve been down that painful road of uncertainty, and I don’t want to revisit that place.”

Sage rose to his feet. “Yeah, well, it’s kinda hard to trust and love when I remember the hurt. Life isn’t safe.”

“Sage, love and trust and faith are intertwined. I know whatever I face, the Lord goes with me, right through it.”

“I believed God let me down, when all along I’m the one who had let Him down.”

“I don’t believe in coincidence, Sage. Things happen, life happens, for a reason. And I believe in God’s timing. You were meant to advertise your mother’s vanity. I was meant to find the letters.” She stood.

“We were meant to fall in love,” they said at the same time.

Sage pulled her in close, kissed the top of her head. After a moment, she broke the embrace to look up at him. “I don’t have to admit to you I’ve had an aversion to holidays—”

“No kidding?” Lanae said with a wide smile. “Sorry, I’ll try not to interrupt again.”

“It’s OK. About Valentine’s Day—if the roads are clear, I’d like to take my turn at giving a party. It’s early to the rest of the world, and we could keep the reason for the party to ourselves, but would you consider it an engagement party?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you!” Lanae squealed like a five-year-old receiving a tickle. She jumped up and down and twirled the way she had on the acreage.

No doubt about it. Life was grand when you were alive in love.

And choosing peace with Jesus overrides a dark soul.

Sage stilled her with a touch and drew her hand to his lips. He kissed her palm. “That fire you mentioned. We mustn’t get burned. Let’s throw water on it and rejoin this party, shall we?”